I've always wanted a big teddy bear bigger than me to hug wi..
🕑 Added 2021-02-16 23:56:58 +0000 UTC
I've always wanted a big teddy bear bigger than me to hug with whenever I'm upset. When I was a kid I had one but much smaller than what I wanted. Later I never got the chance again.
Finally I have one now. But I'm not happy. It's not because that it is different from what I expected. But it's because it's just what I expected: When I hug it tightly with my eyes closed, it feels just like a person, I feel very consoled, I feel hugged finally, but when I open my eyes I can only see that it's just a smiling fluffy toy that doesn't move. So everytime when I hug him I get the consolation that I have always been expecting but what follows is disappointment, over and over again.
My depression has been reduced a lot lately. A year ago I'd cry once every other day but now I can't even remember when was the last time that I'd had tears in my eyes. But today I cried. The very first time in maybe months' time, in the embrace of the teddy bear that I've been expecting for since I was a kid.
