*Sunday musings: feeling a little bit anxious for a few reas..
🕑 Added 2023-08-27 21:13:08 +0000 UTC
*Sunday musings: feeling a little bit anxious for a few reasons.*
Tomorrow I'm seeing a friend I served with in prison. I'm moving her from the streets to a place of residence. I deeply care for this individual but seeing her always reminds me how corrupt and neglectful the system is. It also takes me back to the time we were incarcerated together. She always needs money from me too, which is understandable, but it's difficult supporting someone so heavily. I'm hoping tomorrow is the beginning of a new chapter for her.
My ex made a reappearance this week which makes me nervous. Thinking about him makes me consider all the harsh things he said to me and it leaves me feeling downtrodden. It's interesting that I consider myself to be a strong woman but there are some individuals who can make me feel small and weak. It's hard work reclaiming power but it's necessary.
I've been partying a lot this month. As a former addict I always worry that "things are getting bad again" which totally undermines the steps I've taken to be in the stable position I am in now. I know a lot of my subscribers relate to the trials and tribulations of addiction. I see you. Recovery isn't linear and in moments of panic we forget to see the immense growth we have made.
I saw family members I'd not seen for a long time and as much as I adore their success it remains impossible not to compare against them. They all travel so much, give back to their communities and their knowledge including foreign languages puts me to shame.
My reflections on the above are not self pitying. I'm identifying areas in my life that need work and enrichment. In this anxiety I see a desire for more and that can only be a good thing. I need to evaluate where I'm putting my energy and make steps to evolve and become happier.
