itsgraceagain
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BG Content PSA/Rant if you care I know a lot of people here..
🕑 Added 2021-05-02 08:19:22 +0000 UTC BG Content PSA/Rant if you careI know a lot of people here want boy/girl stuff and I would've loved to have given you that but the universe seems to hate the idea. Things were looking promising with this guy I have been with for the last year and a bit but I guess he now finds me a lot less sexy than he used to and than you guys do. He started seeing me less, talking to me less.. one thing led to another and despite the fact that he began to make me feel really terrible, somehow HE was still the one to tell ME to never speak to him again... so... yeah. Guess this is just my life of being the one who always gets fucked over lol. Worst thing is, it seems like I am actually getting used to it. I honestly thought I would be a blubbering mess and begging for him back, but something about seeing him actually say that and now truly knowing that he doesn't even want to talk to me just made me realise like.. why would I beg for someone who LITERALLY SAID they don't want you? I somehow haven't even shed a single tear. Is there anything more insulting that someone you love could say than the simple fact that you are now totally unwelcome in their life? There wasn't any mincing of words there.. just the cold, hard truth. Worst part is, there isn't a single thing he could've done to make me say that to him.. but I don't even know what I did and he can do that so easily to me. Crazy how little the people I value seem to value me when push comes to shove. Maybe I will feel sad later but right now I just feel kind of confused!
ANYWAYS, I know this seems like the perfect time for me to go out and fuck guys and film it but I've decided to have AT LEAST 6 months of no boys at all and I am really committed to making that happen. I went like 15 ye ars without sex, I'm sure I can manage this. I had one last night out yesterday and now I am done! All over red rover. This has been the push I needed to get my life back in order and not rely on anyone else for comfort/reassurance/support etc. Adding other guys into my life is not going to make that process any smoother. Honestly, at this point I'm not sure that I ever want to be with someone else.. which is weird for me to even think because usually I would be looking for someone straight away. The risk to my beautiful life just seems too great compared to the reward, everyone leaves eventually. Although I don't look/feel 'conventionally sad' right now, I still have this horrible sense that something important is missing from my life and I don't know how long that will take to change. Losing your best friend is really tricky. You spend so much time being with or thinking about these people.. when they're gone it can be difficult to fill that gap. I am going to work on filling it with productive things rather than sitting around sooking and looking for someone else to come and add to my trauma lol. Sucks that he was so sexy though HAHA..
Anyways, if you made it that far you're the best and I have a lot of love for you ❤️ Goodnight xoxo
