🕑 Added 2020-11-04 05:29:29 +0000 UTC
*edit omg I can't believe I'm posting this*
Hi! You’re probably wondering why I’m deleting my IG and where all the content on this page went, well I deleted it all and here is kinda why. This year has been really hard on us all. I wish that I could give everyone a huge hug and just make this year disappear sadly I can’t. If you follow me on twitter you most likely know a great deal more than someone from instagram, but I don’t wanna recap all my bad moments of this year so I’m gonna skip over that part and just start a new. For my own mental health and well being as a human, I’m deleting instagram and doing something that makes me nervous and really excited at the same time. I don’t really have a plan at all. I just have wants, I wanna be happy, I want my followers to feel like they really know me, I wanna blog/vlog about my travels and things I find exciting, and I just wanna space where my followers can always have updates and never have to fear losing me cuz of a sites stupid terms of service.
I wanna stop feeling like I’m not good enough and being scared to do my own thing and go off the beaten path. I don’t know what I’m searching for/craving but I know what’s leaving a bad taste in my stomach and I’m tired of being nauseous. Instagram and following fellow creators has never gone well for me, it always causes me to spiral into an unhealthy mindset cuz they are so much better at always appearing okay, IG in general is like that. Creators never share their struggles or bad days they just share their highlights, and for someone like me its so bad cuz I start saying why can’t I do that? Why can’t I just put my best face on and conquer? I just really need another mental reset. I took a very very long break from instagram and felt the best I have ever been then I returned and it took me a couple of months to get back to where I was but here I am, feeling worthless, like my content is trash, like ill never measure up and be where I want, I’m at the point where I can’t even take a selfie cuz I feel so fucking ugggglyyy (not the creators fault get your bags beauties) this is purely an issue I’m having (an other creators like me), its a me problem not a them problem. Most IG users truly enjoy the aesthetics and the polished feeling of instagram, some people can handle that and remind themselves that it’s just a highlight reel but some of us can’t. I just really need to work on myself, stay in my lane, and learn to truly love myself. I truly want to continue to grow like I have been doing so much this year.
I wanna rediscover myself cuz honestly I have been so depressed I don’t even know what I like or who I am. I was listening to everyone else’s voice but my own and living my life by handing the steering wheel over to someone else and got left in the desert to wither away into nothing. A shell of who I once was. I truly don’t think I have reconnected with myself in years. I desperately want to change that. For the last year I have had this idea cuz I felt like a bandwagoner just making a free OF to post the same stuff I post on my sub OF it just felt wrong and is a big reason why I stopped posting on here. I have been wanting to vlog for like the last 2 years waaaay back when my public snapchat was poppin (I miss snapchat so much T.T) I’m not saying that I’m gonna start vlogging tomorrow (my life is currently too boring lol all I do is run errands for the family and pack) but I am saying that when I get on the road with my parents I want too and I want a place to post anything and everything and I truly believe that this can be the place. Its so scary to put myself out here like this especially after the stalking I have experienced this year, but I feel the need so I’m gonna do it. You can’t heal the trauma if you give the trauma power. I have to live my life to the best of my ability.
I know that some people are gonna be really upset that I deleted all the content on this page (I will be reposting some of it) but I hope that you can see past the frustration and join me on this journey, I know that I’m gonna lose some followers cuz “this isn’t what they signed up for” but I think this is gonna be just as great as super cheap nudes (which you can still get on my sub account) *cheers to new beginnings, just winging it, and telling my anxiety to shut the fuck up* I hope that this helped you see into a door that I didn’t realize was slammed shut.If you have any questions or topics you’d like me to talk about, please comment down below!
