This year, 2023 has not been a good year for me. On the whol..
🕑 Added 2023-12-05 16:53:05 +0000 UTC
This year, 2023 has not been a good year for me. On the whole, I felt generally unhappy about life. Most part of the year, I am constantly out of breath, running to keep up with life’s responsibilities.
My short term plans that I put to motion in the past few years are coming to an expiration. 2023, unmistakably and inescapable, demanded new plans and blueprints. Once again, I reached yet another cornerstone to make another huge decision. When will this ever end? When do I have to stop proving myself and be enough in the eyes of society?
I felt that a lot of my efforts this year went unrecognised, and no matter how much I delivered, more was expected on the table. I felt that many times, people that claim they love you only always think about themselves. They would only think for you and about you if they are in a good mood/is convenient for them/ they want something in return.
All of this heavily discouraged me and influenced my mood negatively. I don’t blame the people around me and love them no less as this is life and I find myself also sometimes behaving in a similar manner. I also find that the same people who have the ability to hurt me deeply are the ones I care about most and in truth, they also care about me. On that note, I withhold my expectations on them as I can’t deliver as well.
As a result, I am grateful to have well meaning people that love me and want to help me. They give me advice, support and assurance but to be honest, that was hardly enough to solve anything.
Feeling better might help me sleep one day but is not a cure for my chronic insomnia(metaphorical). It is not a solution on how I should make my next big decision.
I don’t want to dive deep and wander aimlessly into the abyss.
I wielded independence and did research because my freedom depends on it. A skeleton of a game plan have perhaps taken silhouette. Of which I hope something works out in the end.
I will continue telling myself to see the light and be grateful for small things inspite of a bad year. This does not mean it is a bad life.
