Journal entry time because I’m in my feelings and it’s easie..
🕑 Added 2023-04-27 04:23:51 +0000 UTC
Journal entry time because I’m in my feelings and it’s easier to type on the item that’s already in my hand than switch over to my actual journal. I’m hoping to look back on these entries in years and reminisce. And thanks for coming along for the ride.
Sometimes my boyfriend hugs me and refers to me as a baby. Like “my little _____ (melly)” when I have an outburst, or when I am sad. When I am vulnerable I am a childd.. and for the first time in my life someone sees me for who I am: a weak, vulnerable kid. He understands, even without me having to explain that a tantrum is just a tantrum built on temporary fiery emotion and has no lasting consequence. He understands it because his heart is full of compassion and care.
I read my old conversation with my ex today. It’s been exactly one year now since we broke up. While I read, I reflected on how during our entire relationship I had a feeling in the back of my mind that I was holding him back from something better.. something more appropriate for him. During candid moments, when he felt comfortable enough to tell me the truth about things he thought I could improve on (lose weight, get a boob job, ect) I remember thinking that there’s already a girl out there that exists without those necessary alterations. I felt guilty and sad that I was keeping him from her- and I knew that one day he would finally be with her and he able to experience life in a more authentic way.
Now that I am with someone who deems me perfect in every way; who loves my saggy tits and has loved saggy tits long before I came along.. now the feeling of guilt is nowhere to be found. I can experience things with my partner and know that he is meant to experience them with me and no one else. That no one could take my place because I contribute something special to these moments and to his experiences. A year ago I experienced the worst day of my life and I knew in those moments that I absolutely wouldn’t make it another day. A day passed and a week seemed unbearable. A week passed and a month was unrealistic. Now it’s been an entire year- full of compassion, beautiful people who held my hand and nurture me through every hardship (even from my ex at times, even from my subscribers). Within an impossible year everything has changed for the better ♥️The end for now
