neyontree
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I've spent more time reprograming this past year. Today mark..
🕑 Added 2021-03-28 09:09:02 +0000 UTC I've spent more time reprograming this past year. Today marks my one year anniversary of my relationship with Onlyfans, & I never imagined my butthole would be all over peoples screens, yet here we are. My platform really isn't for everyone, because it demands that I be humanized beside the need to lust after me. The money is the consent to lust, the rest is me just reclaiming autonomy byway of the intersection the activities that I practice to recenter, and above all explore my work without censorship. I could not for a really long time talk freely even here, because I treated this platform much like I treated customers at a club. At arms length, & in ways, that works. (Niggas will try they're best to play with your money if they think you're too nice) or "sensitive" but I think I'm beginning to just really take this and do and say what I want. If you happen to like my nipples in the interim, that's nice too. My platform has always been a place for vulnerability, and that is a huge part of my own way to reclaim any feelings of disenfranchisement. Being a sex worker is taxing on the body, on the mind and on the psyche, & to pretend as if those feelings around it do not exist is extremely damaging, and dangerous in many different ways that are apparent and also more nuanced. as the work I do is to generally challenge the ideals surrounding conventional beauty, gender and blackness which tends to be rooted in white supremacist rhetoric in relationship to my own body, giving myself the oppurtunity to rest, and just exist without going out of my way to fit the descriptors that misogyny has many of us believing we must follow in order to be worthy of pretty much anything. I never talked deeply about my feelings about any of that here, because I thought much like the club, it might be of complete disinterest and unattractive to many. And in truth, that may be the case, but it's literally exhausting to say nothing, and to be something that is not true to the whole of oneself. The freeness to embrace everything that makes up who I am is why I actually have a platform, and why people deeply connect to me. That vulnerabilty, humanness, and ability to recognize the need to free up space is extremely important to my existence as a black femme. As I dig up more of many of the things I have always felt and never fully had the language to communicate, I can't help but bring some of that here because it is a huge part of my learning, and I am forever a student of the life I currently live, and of those also intrinsically affected by similar & different means. The things that make me whole, that make me sane, is embracing the things that others would have me believe to be wrong. I have been practicing critiquing myself, gently so. In a way that isn't self deprecating, & although self reflection has always been a huge part of my internal practice, actively putting them into action and continuing to evolve past that point is critical, and keeps me on my toes about how I am moving in the world, and if it reflects a world I need to say. Heavy on the need. So, Happy one year anniversary to my Onlyfans journey, and I hope to share myself here more freely, and fully, irregardless of who likes it, and who doesn't. To creating more multidisciplinary intersecting practices into all facets of my work, to continue humanizing myself as a sex worker, that vulnerability can in fact be beautiful, autonomous and worthy of respect, not something to be exploited, and that what ever and however I choose to represent myself is indeed enough.
