(If you’re not into stream of consciousness posts, keep scro..
🕑 Added 2023-08-10 23:19:50 +0000 UTC
(If you’re not into stream of consciousness posts, keep scrolling. This is for the people who enjoy when I disrupt the feed.)
I don’t really like the person I am right now.
It’s not me. Not the me I want people to remember me by anyways.
To be completely honest; I’ve been constantly nagging, complaining or being negative in real life.
I want to be happy, loving and carefree.
But What would you be like if the person you cared about drank 3-5 energy drinks or coffees a day, smoked a pack a day since highschool and you had to watch them do that to themself every day?
I care enough to say something when nobody else will. These chemicals in our products are more ??? Than we realize. I lost both my grandparents to cigarettes and never got to talk to them. I don’t know how to explain how desperate I was to get him to stop and he quit again. I’m very proud of him and happy about that. I stabbbed his last empty pack of cigarettes a few weeks ago with a steak knifee and left it on his duffel bag of clothes by the door to be clear. He’d rather eat cigarettes than food with me…
I told him he doesn’t have to quit for me or for him but for his future kidz who are gonna need him for as long as possible. Even if they’re not my kidz, I want to see him be happy and healthy. I know it’s not easy to beat addictionn but enough is enough. This shouldn’t even be on my plate to worry about when I can’t get a handle on my career.
I can’t focus with all this stuff on my mind and view. (The only addictionss anyone should have is me.)
Now it’s us against his vaping addictionss.
He keeps saying it’s harmless but I look at all the giant bottles of yellow slime laying about and watch him empty them so fast. I am on edge. I don’t want to be on edge.
It can’t be good to coat your lungs with all this stuff every day. He keeps saying it’s harmless, just vapor and mist. I’m positive it’s not. Can you please just get High on life instead? Maybe an occasional dab. I’m tired of fighting idiots about stuff I shouldn’t have to worry about. So much noise.
I didn’t want to blow up just now and he went out to put airs on the tire in the raining and thundering storm than rather talk to me right now.
I’m eating quietly at home by myself and then waiting for him to eat my food 6 hours later again when it’s not fresh or good anymore. He never eats my food after I’ve just made it. Never. Vaping is better than eating nutrient dense fresh cooked food with me and there’s nothing I can do about it.
I love him less and less every day.
I wish I could do something but it’s his fight and I don’t want a part of this anymore. It’s like he’s addictedd to stress and cheap thrills. I’m a completely different person from since we first met. This has all changed me. I’m slipping away faster and faster every day. I don’t need an on and off toxic situationship to take care of someone with a sooner than most expiration date. If he’s not strong enough to choose himself or me, then I’m going to be out of his life.
If that’s what he wants, then so be it.
