Some new Cindy Moon insight.
I’m staying “home” to give Ga..
🕑 Added 2023-01-13 01:51:11 +0000 UTC
Some new Cindy Moon insight.
I’m staying “home” to give Gang Gang the best last years of his life. He’s 13 years old. He has strong attachment/abandonment issues from me and his guardian. (Fun fact: He’s not my dog. My day job is being a dog sitter. He paws at the door like a lunatic having a panic attack from being alone. Idk if there’s a name for doggy ptsd but he has that. He gets frantic with heavy breathing and yelps/scratches at door if he doesn’t have access to me or his actual guardian who has to leave for work. 🤣 If you’ve ever met a needy dog, you know. He can’t be left alone. 😅 I love him a lot and I’m happy to give him company in the best years of his life.)
After he’s gone to heaven, I’d like to move to _____ or somewhere else. I don’t have anyone here and I don’t want to do all of this by myself anymore. I’m very tired from being online for 12-18 hours a day, to be honest. I just put another hole in the wall after he said I do nothing but play on my phone all day. (I’m not proud of it. ) (I didnt want to be alone and i caved and asked if he could come over and help me. ) It’s like he gets off on triggering me and I need someone who elevates me, wants to see me succeed and helps me get there. I want to get off the phone. I used to get 15,000 views a day and after a few things I messed up on saying online (in part of his influence, which I’m embarrassed to say but want to be honest about) now it’s like 100. (According to instagram.) Idk how to explain how s*ressful that is to lose that web network I spent years cultivating. One time I had one punch man on tv and he changed it to an Andrew Tate stream and I had to kick him out. I couldn’t even get 1 hour of chill. Idk why he’s like this or how to stop it. He’s not good for me. I need people who are good for me.
My biggest regret is helping chad cuz his influence turned me into someone that I don’t even recognize or want to be. I keep waiting for him to make it worth it. He won’t. I can’t wait for him anymore. I screamed into some pillows and told him I’m single. I feel dumb again. 😅
He’s been trying to get back into my brain and life and I tried letting him back in to work off some of the money I’ve paid him cuz it was A LOT and it’s just turning into a mess of pulling teeth to get help. I want someone who sees how hard I’m working and is grateful and thankful for the help I give them. It wouldn’t even be hard to help me which is the weirdest thing about this all. He just refuses to do anything that would help me succeed. I can’t process it. I deserve it all. Reality is so different. I shouldn’t have let him back in. That is my own fault and there is only me to blame. I don’t want to be in love or attached anymore. It’s not good for me and I’m gonna try to detach the best I can.
Cuz I just … can’t deal with it anymore.
Blocked again. I don’t want anyone in my ear telling me anything that’s just taking away my sanity. I need help and if he’s not helping I don’t want him around. I can’t deal with the stress of doing this by myself anymore. I deserve help, praise and love. It wouldn’t even be hard to help me and it feels like he’s sabotaging me and wasting my time on purpose. He’s never going to make it worth it and I know it’s dumb of me to to try. I don’t know why he keeps coming back. I don’t know why he’s making all the wrong moves. If I had real power, reach or money I could take care of us. I asked him to set my 2 laptops up on several camming sites so that all I have to do is hit “Go live” and flail.
…. He stole both of my laptops instead and is wondering why I’m so stressed I can’t even function?????? He won’t tell me I’m beautiful. I’m not getting love or action or getting kisses…. I’m in some weird reality that doesn’t make sense right now. Like no matter how much I scream sense at him he keeps saying I’m the problem. I’m not the bad guy for asking for help where I struggle. The cognitive dissonance is making me obsessed and I don’t wanna expose myself to any more things that make me not want to be sober.
Whatever. Heading to the local games shop to work on my Marvel Crisis Protocol miniatures and learn the My Hero Acadamia card game in time for the World League in Vegas.
Turning my brain off and maybe socializing will help me come back to reality.
💙No one needs to say anything.💙
I just thought I’d share and be honest with my best friends. Thanks for hanging out and being there for me. Feel free to spill your tea in my DMs cuz I know it makes me feel better and I’d like everyone else to feel better, too. You’re not alone. 😅♥️🫶💌
#cindymoon #007 #silk #blog
