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Hi guys Some huge stuff has been going on for me recently ...
🕑 Added 2021-03-11 12:37:33 +0000 UTC Hi guysSome huge stuff has been going on for me recently ...
When i was 16 my mum told me that the guy i thought was my dad in fact wasnt my dad, wasnt related to him at all,
and that she had an affair and i was the result of the affair
I was a non identical twin, and this type of incident where 2 eggs are released and are fertilised by 2 different sperm is
extremely unusual, 1 in 10 million births, i was devastated to find out that i was the product of an affair,
i was totally devastated the man i thought was my father was not
and i went off the rails and made alot of very destructive negative life choices
including giving up my education and running away with a guy at 17 living in a car, i ended up getting pregnant at a tender age,
this news changed my life and peace of mind forever
Fast forward ...
so Ive never known who my dad was, my mum gave me a name and a rough area where he was from, she always seemed sketchy with the details, i tried to find him many times during the past 25+ years even travelling to the 3 different areas she told me he might be living and checking the electoral register in the town halls, writing letters to every guy with that name and posting them out, even thought about hiring a private detective to try and find him
my mum didnt have a picture of him, so i couldnt even see what he looked like, i really craved a photo i really wanted to see where i was from, just to look at his face would have been amazing,,,, i tried for a few years then gave up,,,,, ,my mum told me that he never wanted kids and it might be a shock to know i was his and also he might have moved abroad
my twin sister died in 2007 from heart failure, and mum died 8 months later in 2008 from the same,,, i looked after my mum as a carer for her last 9 months , helping her do the basic needs things like t*oilet, wiping her arse, shopping cleaning keeping her company, travelled to her home quite a distance every day, spent 12 or 14 hours a day with her,,,
during that very sad time i realised that it might be my last chance to get any further info on my dad as she was dying, so i asked her a few times more about him, and was just given the same sketchy details as previously and she said she couldnt remember
after she died i had to clear her apartment out, and i came across a photo of a man that i hadnt seen before, i kept it thinking is might have been my dad,, i thought i could find some similarities in it with me, so i resigned myself to never knowing my father and pretended this photo was probably him
fast forward to 2021....
Over christmas and new year this year i saw an advert for dna testing for ancestry and health, and thought i have nothing to lose so i sent off for one
it arrived and i sent it off ,,, 2 months later i got an email saying my results were in ... this day was last sunday
i excitedly opened it, hoping to find an unkown relative or maybe possibly even something about my dad...
it said i had a 1st cousin once removed !! in France!!! i literally was skipping around the room, as i have no extended relatives ,,, i was so happy, i messaged him and said would you like to be in touch, within a couple of hours he replied and i got the BIGGEST shock of my life
i found out by speaking to my cousin that in FACT the guy my mum told me WASNT my dad in fact MY DAD!!!
she had been lying to me for past 25+ years!!!!
My father and whole paternal family were already known to me, from many years ago.... and were hiding in plain sight for all these years because of her lies!
My dad now lives in Tasmania near Australia and is 78 and isnt in good health, he had a brain ble.ed few years ago and had to have an op which triggered vascular dementia, he cant get around easily as has arthritis and he lives in a care home ...
so as you can imagine finding out ALL of this last week was like someone dropping a bomb on me, i was crying for a couple of days and felt so sad at having been deprived of and lost so much all these years, then i felt very angry with my mum, VERY angry, but of course i can have it out with her because shes dead
i had a week of huge rollercoaster of emotions, im still reeling from it all
but the GOOD news is that i am now in touch with my father!!!! and his wife is lovely (stepmum) and im also in touch with some other family members on my dads side who live not far from me, a whole huge NEW but old family has opened up for me
i found it really difficult to talk about last week as it kept making me so upset ,,, but im now feeling much better trying to comes to terms with it and feeling bit stronger now
i will never understand WHY my mum did all this to me?
i can only think it was to punish my dad maybe for splitting up with her, or to maybe keep me more attached to her?
i mean i definitely wouldnt have stuck around her if id known all these lies she had told me,,,,
maybe she lied so much over all those years that she couldnt get out of it
Now i face the problem of feeling desperate to go and see my DAD,,, but because of covid Tasmania has strict travel ban on international travellers, i dont blame them as they have very few cases there, my dads wife tells me that the government are saying restrictions may not be lifted until 2022 :-(
i hope he will last until then with his health not being good because i cant wait to give him the biggest hug ever and look into his eyes and spend some time with him.... i ve been robbed of so much
i hope to god i see the day to do this with him xx
If i have seemed distant this past week or 2 this is why
im only human xxxxxxxx
