hello 💕 I’ve been making music and playing in the pool, taki..
🕑 Added 2023-01-24 11:33:52 +0000 UTC
hello 💕 I’ve been making music and playing in the pool, taking walks, reading in hammocks and talking to my girlfriends. Space. Rest.
FYI YouTube has suspended my new channel. So back to the drawing board with plans for how I’ll be moving forward this year. Im still able to publish anything I want here and on my website and blog.
Thank you guys for patience waiting to hear back from me this month. It’s been one challenge after the other from the universe since the new year. Another way of thinking about it….
The universe is blessing my sweet little mermaid booty, asking my deepest prayers, the ones I haven’t even acknowledged yet. Something good is removed to make room for something new and great! I ask myself again… what do I want? Actually want? What direction was I heading in? How is this change actually course correction? How is it bringing me into balance? What can I say THANK YOU for right now?
I asked you guys a question last week. What I’m your life is out of alignment? Would you like to speak it out loud? My own answer has been under the surface.
I felt the YouTube channel was growing so big and a part of me was getting greedy. It was excited to see growth and watch my creations being consumed by so many people, helping so many, inspiring, and finally earning revenue for me after so many years of working without financial compensation (enough to live on). I went from one extreme to the other. Other parts of me were missing the beautiful present moment of sitting beneath the stars and feeling little. So many comments flowing in from grateful complimenting humans were inflating parts who wanted the spotlight. I was being called a goddess and guru constantly! It’s an intense experience to receive that. Parts of me tried really hard to stay grounded. It felt amazing to unplug for awhile at Christmas, to disappear. And parts of me missed you guys. They were so excited to get back to work, back to creating, sharing and teaching.
And now, I’m sitting beneath a beautiful Asian umbrella watching a crescent moon rise above a tropical volcano. Many of my parts feel sensitive and some feel relaxed. I could be more relaxed. I have opened myself up so wide and revealed so many of my parts. It hurts a little bit — some of my parts love the exposure, connection with a large audience, thrill of the big world and other parts love sacred solitude, small simple living and feeling invisible. So many people know my face and my ways and my words and still, for me, I am sitting alone knowing very few people. I have parts longing for more in person relationships, partnerships and circle communities. I have parts that have felt like isolating. My sparkly little mischievous smile has been hiding. This week I’ve been giving space to my parts who want to be quiet, letting them contemplate, observe, and read about the ocean as they feel like the ocean.
My business and adventure parts had plans for this year. They were exhilarated to be an expanding YouTuber doing yoga on the front of a boat in the exotic islands of Indonesia, promoting a coral reef non-profit and earning bundles of money from my videos. Planner parts were eager to save up money to purchase investment property while I nibbled on mangos and read books with Rae.
All this is absolutely still possible and may still happen. Maybe something else will happen. My parts just thought it would be smooth sailing into this vision because momentum was building.
As the New Year arrived, one little train crashed into the other — channels were shut down, I forgot to pack important cables, I left my music headphones on the airplane, companies that were going to sponsor me dropped me, my knees started hurting and a hundred bugs bit me — lol and I suddenly have a very different situation before me. My parts felt neglected by me, they got confused, triggered, overwhelmed and scared. Now I am in a good place to show up for myself again, to sit with my parts and let them explain to me what they need and how I can help them. It takes quiet time, deep listening, acceptance of EVERYTHING inside me to truly be here for my parts, just the way I would be here for my children. They need this. Once they feel that I am truly here for them…they will all lighten up and play again.
A little discouraged, a little vulnerable, a little depressed, a little tired, a little uncertain, a little excited, a little relieved, a little humbled, a little curious, a little wiser, a little angry, a little more grounded, and a lot happier when I’m in the water.
I told you I would be laughing and dancing my way through this year. Whatever happens… LAUGHTER AND DANCING is the way forward. There is so much to celebrate and enjoy in this moment. A hiccup and purse correction in business is not a problem. I still have all my skills and health and a desire to connect with people, opportunities and beauty swirling all around me. I’m resting on the most beautiful place I’ve ever lived and I have fun adventures ahead. A part of me wishes the internet would let me livestream more easily for you guys. A part of me is glad the internet is slow because it’s inviting me to approach work with a different attitude…. my parts hope this change will lead to a more beautiful truly fulfilled wholesome lifestyle. For right now, I can only manage to upload 5-10min videos and writing. I’ve been producing music, digging into some old wounds around my voice and seeing if all this rest time will allow the parts of me who love music and fear music to heal and grow. I’ll share what feels good to share. I’ll do my best and please enjoy. Please send me kind words and encouragement. My parts need some of that right now.
Please share in the comments what this brings up for you. Please do not try to solve my problems or fix anything right now. Just focus on what this brings up for YOU. Share about your parts. Which of your parts are showing up right now? Identify and appreciate them. That’s all.
Love & Rainbows, Cha
