user460290916633030656
fansly
🕑 Added 2024-02-06 06:06:56 +0000 UTC
Please be patient with me, forgive me.
Hello everyone, I wanted to reach out to let you know that on Saturday I got a call that my grandmother (my person, the one who raised me, my favorite ever) was in the ICU. I did everything I could to get to Pennsylvania. I spent 13 hours of transit: two planes, a 3 hour car ride, just to get to her. I arrived, we spent barely any time and she was unconscious, wheezing, and dying. I'm really struggling to exist knowing this happened.
At 1:37am Sunday morning, she let out her last breath. I panicked. I don't know how to accept it's real. Then suddenly, my uncle made us leave her. I begged to stay, to hold her, and we couldn't. So as I dealt with verbal abuse from him and not being able to mourn/cry/process, we went to a hotel to sleep for three hours. My first sleep in days. Then, we had rushed through her room; removing all of the life she put into it. Removing her essence. One or two hours later, we left and drove five hours to Philadelphia. I sat with his family, organizing her things for an hour and a half, and then I was back on the road. Luckily, my best friend picked me up. We drove three more hours. Now I'm in Maryland and flying home in the next few days, another 7-10hr flight(s).
This whole time, I have been puking, shaking, and almost blacked out. I have so many medical issues that were worsened and I puked over 50 times. I feel weak, ill, sad. I finally had a shower and now have a bed to sleep in. It's been very hard. I then go home to pack up my life and hopefully not be homeless before the end of the month.
I will be sending some fun things once I get back and settled in but I hope you can understand my silence during these days.
Thank you, love you!
