Keene
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Chapter Ninety-Six: The Old-Fashioned Way
🕑 Added 2025-05-27 20:27:46 +0000 UTCGoogle Docs: For Suggestions
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“Battle stations!” Anathor roared, echoing Serena’s command not just in the bridge, but throughout the entire ship. While the bridge was already at full hands, Serena knew a flurry of activity would spread throughout the Vengeance as several hundred sailors carried out their practised preparations with ruthless efficiency.
In the bridge, thick tension permeated the atmosphere, and, as if to celebrate that fact, the Southern Passage decided now was the time to start lashing the Vengeance with thick rain and hail.
“Visual range, six klicks! Aetherscope range, ten!” the sensors officer shouted. “We’re seeing spikes in interference!”
“Captain,” Dagon intoned. “What are you thinking?” As if sharing his concerns, Yamaga and a handful of other officers glanced in her direction.
“I’m thinking that the fact that they’re not responding with their aetherlights means either their sensor station is unmanned or they are unable to reply. I doubt an experienced captain like Matthews would lead such a lax bridge,” Serena explained quickly. “From now on, operate on the assumption that the Indefatigable is compromised and its crew has either been captured or worse.”
She looked at the bridge windows at the distant shape of the Imperial Orb-class heavy cruiser. At six klicks, its structure was barely visible in the worsening weather conditions. Only those capable of enhancing their senses could see it clearly. The ship was rounding the island, its bow pointing at a sharp angle to the Vengeance’s own.
Its mighty six-inch guns remained facing forward, but the lack of gun covers in this weather could only mean one thing.
That they’d been recently used.
If it were just the gun covers, then Serena wouldn’t have called for battle stations. She would have naturally concluded that the most likely situation was that the Indefatigable had engaged with local pirates and was lying low and waiting for the weather to clear. However, with the lack of communication and no visible damage to the ship’s communication arrays, she’d been forced to assume the worst—an Imperial heavy cruiser was in possession of an enemy.
“If it’s a fight,” Yamaga began, “it's unlikely to be easy. Taking on an Orb-class. Not exactly routine fishing.” As he spoke he adjusted the model on the magnetic map which represented the Indefatigable’s current position and bearing. “We’ll struggle to break their side armour with anything but penetrators. If we can get below or above, we can do some damage, but”—Yamaga gestured at the map—”the density of the island field and storm debris above the Indy will make getting above them difficult. We could try circling around the island they seemed to be berthed at, but that’s easy to predict.”
“We’ll go below them,” Serena concluded. She traced a path through the map and its representations of the battlespace. “Under and past them, get behind this column of islands. Then, we’ll be out of sight and come out where they won’t expect it.”
“It could work…” Yamaga swallowed, glancing nervously at Serena and Dagon. “Regardless of the plan, if the Indy’s been boarded and their crew is under duress… We’ll be killing our own.”
Serena breathed out slowly. The same thought had occurred to her as well. “We won’t use penetrators unless we have to. We’ll use explosive shells and heavy flak. Try to blind their aetherscopes and, if we get the angle, destroy their propeller and flaperons. If we leave them stranded, we can force a surrender. If they refuse…” Serena locked eyes with Yamaga. “We’ll board them.”
“How could pirates have boarded the Indy?” Dagon asked. “Captain Matthews must be a capable warrior to captain a heavy cruiser, and he would have plenty of aura users as subordinates. Pirates aren’t exactly well known for their warriors or mages.”
Serena found herself nodding in agreement. Any warrior or mage with sufficient skill would have numerous better paths to take in life than the one of piracy. Unless they were known throughout the Empire as a criminal, they would be able to find profitable work in any Terra-Firma.
“We’ll find out,” she said firmly before turning and looking at Thorne. “Weapons! Load explosive. Proximity fuses for everything else and…” The growing rain and hail outside made her add one more request. “Load one barrel with an illumination round!”
“Aye, Captain!” Thorne and his subordinates set about operating the flipdot displays, efficiently transmitting her orders to the gunnery crews throughout the ship.
She’d briefly considered firing smoke, but she knew the rain and wind would render it useless within seconds. She’d rather have another barrel firing another explosive shell than waste it on a momentary distraction.
“Sensors!” she shouted. “Distance?”
“Five point five klicks!” Sensors called out. “Target bearing hasn’t changed! Their speed is still… four knots!”
“That’s slow,” Yamaga murmured. He turned to Serena and asked, “Are we firing first?”
“...No,” Serena replied. “Not without confirmation.” She gave the order for the observers to report any changes before examining the map once more. What she and Yamaga had was a quickly formed plan, but considering the insane conditions they would be fighting in, the boldness wasn’t as risky as it might look. “This battlespace…” she said quietly. “Last time I saw something like this was in a textbook at the academy.”
Yamaga chuckled. “If we pull this off, this engagement will become another exercise for the students.” He tapped the table. “We can do this. The ship can do this. We can outmanoeuvre an Orb-class. We’re slippery, like a sardis.”
Like a sardis, eh? Serena thought with amusement. Her humour quickly faded as an idea came to mind.
“Sardis!” she exclaimed suddenly, prompting Yamaga to frown in confusion. Ignoring him, Serena darted to the starboard observation room where Amelia was peering out the thick windows. “Amelia!” Serena called.
“Y-yes?”
“Remember when we caught sardis, and you put them to sleep? At a distance of about a klick?”
“Uh, yeah?” Amelia blinked as realisation dawned on her face. “Oh!” She turned, looking at the dark shape of the Indefatigable. “This is much further, it would have to be a much bigger spell. And there’s so much interference in the aetherfield. I would…” Amelia swallowed, looking around nervously. She stepped up to Serena and cast a sound-blocking ward. “I would need to Speak Kanaxai, I think.”
Damn.
The Vengeance was sensitive to Amelia’s magic, and especially sensitive to Kanaxai spellwork. But… Amelia’s current disguise as Lia Liona relied on first-circle glamours to change her eye and hair colour, and second-circle glamours to create her illusory horns. The ship seemed to be handling those fine, and Amelia’s ridiculous talent with aether allowed her to Speak more silently than any mage or warrior she’d known.
She just needed one high-level Kanaxai spell from her.
Could the ship handle it?
“Anathor?” Serena questioned, “Can the ship handle it?”
“...I don’t know, Captain,” came the gruff reply. “I can do my best to shield her, to try and dull its senses. Even so… to Speak a Word on the ship. That hasn’t happened since… since…” Anathor trailed off, muttering quietly.
“If it reacts badly… what would happen?” Serena asked.
“...I don’t know…”
Serena closed her eyes momentarily, coming to a decision.
“Can you prepare now? Speak silently?” Serena asked Amelia, glancing through the observation windows. Even if it meant Amelia revealing she could Speak yet another Word, Serena would accept the consequences if it meant she could win the engagement without any bloodshed. A single hit of the Indefatigable’s penetrators could be catastrophic and set their mission back months.
“Are… are you sure?” Amelia asked, her voice nervous.
“Yes. Get the Word ready. I’ll notify the officers,” Serena said.
“Okay! It’ll take a few seconds.”
“Drop the privacy ward.”
“Mmm!”
As the sound-blocking ward dissipated into the atmosphere. Serena stepped back into the bridge as Amelia began cycling her aether, forming the demon word Kanaxai. The sudden movement of a large amount of aether caused more than a few officers to look in her direction.
“New strategy,” Serena explained. “We’re using Amelia’s magic to—”
She was cut off as a thunderous, maniacal scream ripped through the bridge, bringing pain to her and everyone else's ears. Serena spun around, thinking it was Amelia, but her girlfriend looked as wide-eyed and surprised as everything else. Before Serena could open her mouth, the Vengeance jerked violently, throwing everyone to the ground.
What in the Seven Hells!? Was this the ship!?
“Impact!” someone yelled over the noise that seemed to continue without end.
“Anathor!?” Serena shouted, manifesting orange aura to protect her ears. Those on the bridge without aura were forced to cover their ears. The Vengeance jerked again, pitching up wildly.
“Miss Thornheart!” Anathor’s coarse voice roared above the screaming. “Cease your magic! It’s too much for the ship! This was a mistake!”
“I-I’ve stopped it!” Amelia yelled back as the ship jerked about, rolling to the side.
“And the glamours!” Anathor cried.
“Y-yes!” Amelia’s disguise dropped, revealing her usual golden hair and crimson eyes. “What about my wards? Serena’s?”
“They’re cloaked so they’re okay!”
“O-okay!”
Serena clambered to her feet. “Navigation!” she shouted. The screaming continued, but now it had shifted into something less manic and more mournful. There was almost a musical element to it.
“W-we’re pitching up ten degrees!” the navigation officer responded as he read the values of the pitot-static instruments in front of him. “Roll, four degrees! Yaw, fifteen degrees and increasing! We—” he was cut off as the ship jerked again, prompting the Indefatigable to return to view momentarily through the bridge’s windows before vanishing.
“Helmsman!” Serena shouted. “Straighten us out!”
“Aye, Captain! I’m trying!” the helmsman grunted, his face contorted with effort as he wrestled with his station. “She’s got a mind of her own!”
The screaming now seemed more like singing. A strange song of loss and beauty filled the bridge.
Serena didn’t have time to appreciate the ethereal melody.
“Chief Engineer!” she yelled. “Status!”
“Our propulsion engine’s revolutions spiked, but we’re bringing it back under control, Captain!” Allston yelled. “Lift engine is green! Steam pressure is down, but it’s coming back up! Some of the vent valves must have opened somehow!”
“Weapons!”
“All green, Captain!” Thorne shouted back.
“Anathor!” Serena glanced at Amelia, reassuring herself that her girlfriend was okay. “What in the Seven Hells was that?” She glared at the stuffed windlizard by her station.
“I don’t know, Captain…” Anathor grumbled, his voice carrying a tone of confusion Serena had never heard before. “I didn’t know she’s become this sensitive… And this singing… I need time to calm her! Miss Thornheart! You must not cast any more magic!”
“O-okay!” Amelia called out.
The singing quietened down, soon outperformed by the hail pounding on the Vengeance’s windows as the helmsman got them back on course. Serena and her crew gathered themselves, a brief moment of relative peace as they each processed what had just happened. Serena herself didn’t know what to make of it. The Vengeance had always been a reliable partner in battle, always responding to the controls with snappy, almost supernatural obedience. This was the first time it had behaved like this.
With Amelia’s magic no longer an option, they would have to solve the upcoming engagement the old-fashioned way.
“Sensors!” she called, grabbing the attention of her sensor officer and Finella. Aiden was sitting nearby, but he seemed more interested in keeping his head over his bucket than contributing to the current situation. “What’s the Indefatigable doing?” Serena asked. “Have they communicated anything?”
“Nothing, Captain!” Finella explain. “The aetherfield spiked, and interference went crazy. But, they haven’t sent any message!”
That was also strange. They would have detected their bizarre movements and should have sent some form of communication. It was another hint that all was not right onboard the Indefatigable.
But not confirmation, not yet.
“Send them a message,” Serena ordered. “No encryption. Through our aetherscope and aetherlights. Tell them we plan to pull alongside them and render aid. Tell them Speaker Halen wishes to board and meet Captain Matthews in person.” Seeing the sensors officer’s confusion, Serena nodded in confirmation. “That’s right. Speaker, not Captain.”
“Sending now.”
If the Indefatigable’s aetherscope was operating and they were occupied, then they would have to react to this. No hostile crew would wait for them to be boarded by a Speaker.
“Focus, everyone,” Serena intoned, asserting her confidence and reassurance on the bridge. She returned to her elevated position at the back. Turning her head, she spied her nervous-looking girlfriend. Amelia had stopped looking out the window and was just looking… a little lost.
“Everything okay?”
“...Yeah, I think so.” Amelia scrunched her nose. “I think… I think I heard it talking to me. There was a voice… in my head…”
Serena frowned. “What did it say?”
“I’m not completely sure, but I think it said—”
“She’s turning, Captain!” an observer’s voice suddenly rang out. “The Indy! She’s bearing to starboard! She’s venting from her portside bow!”
Serena moved to get a better look through the bridge windows. The observer had spoken true. There, now only four klicks away, was the sight of the heavy cruiser turning away from her. At the slow speed the Indy was moving, it couldn’t generate enough force to turn with its propeller and flaperons, so it was venting steam out of its bow steam vents to generate enough force.
“Captain,” Yamaga said, his voice full of intensity. “She’s exposing her broadside to us. She’s crossing the T. We should bring our guns to bear and make our move before it's too late.”
“Wait,” Serena commanded. She kept her focus through the bridge windows. “Get ready to dive,” she said to the helmsman. Even with the suspicious movement of the Indefatigable, Serena was reluctant to call it just yet. She wanted to know for sure. She needed confirmation, lest she be responsible for another disaster.
“Captain!” a voice rang out. “She’s bringing her guns to bear!”
There it is, Serena thought, seeing the Indefatigable’s guns slowly rotate. Confirmation.
“Pitch down!” she roared, “Forty degrees! Flank speed!” Then she uttered one final command as she gripped the railing. “Brace!”
“Aye, Captain!” the helmsman shouted, pushing the speed lever next to him to the red zone, where someone had fittingly carved a skull and crossbones into the wood along with the word ‘Danger!’. As the ship pitched down aggressively, the Indefatigable vanished from view. The hum of the propulsion engine grew loud, and the resulting vibrations were felt even in the bridge as Vengeance creaked and groaned into its dangerous dive.
This was the best Serena could do given the situation. Now the Indefatigable had shown their true colours, it was time to manoeuvre to a better area of the battlespace. With the Vengeance’s bow in line with the Indefatigable’s side, it meant Serena could only fire her forward battery while receiving the full broadside of the Indefatigable’s four turrets in response.
With the ship roaring down in a forty-degree dive, Serena had to lift a foot to stabilise herself against the railing. All the seated officers had to twist their positions so they could leverage a leg or arm against some nearby piece of furniture to prevent themselves from tumbling to the ground.
As low-sky awaited them, her observers wasted no time in doing their duty.
“Twenty metre rock at four thousand metres! Bearing three-fifty! Direction unknown!”
“Boulder field at three thousand metres! Bearing sixty-five! Three klicks away!”
“Target’s guns are depressing, Captain!”
By the time the last shout had finished, Serena was already in the observation room herself. While books and plays liked to imagine the captain as an immobile figure that did nothing but receive information and return commands, the reality was that Serena would often be moving herself around the bridge, into the observation rooms, and sometimes out on deck. There were even times when she’d leave to see something in the engines or turret pods, leaving Dagon in command.
Sometimes it was just faster to see things for yourself.
Like now, where, by craning her neck upwards, Serena made out two of the Indefatigable’s turrets slowly depressing their guns towards them. Then, as if on cue, a series of flashes of light appeared in the darkness. For a brief moment, the battlespace was illuminated by the Indefatigable’s guns, only to return to the dark expanse of rain and hail.
“They’re firing on us!” Finella’s voice sounded from the bridge. Serena returned to hear the northern demon continue, “It’s… It’s a miss! By more than five hundred metres above!”
Serena breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn’t unexpected for them to miss by so much, not in this weather. The Indefatigable’s six-inch shells travelled at three times the speed of sound; it would take them under four seconds to reach the Vengeance.
“Get that island between us!” Serena ordered, pointing out an island so the helmsman could see. “Once we’re past, level out and bear to starboard twenty degrees! Weapons!” She caught Thorne’s attention. “Elevate the guns, I’ll give you a shot while we pass her underhull!”
“Aye, aye, Captain!” both the helmsman and her weapons officer shouted.
Serena’s enhanced ears just about picked up the boom from the Indefatigable’s guns. The noise from their first broadside had only just reached them.
“They’re firing again!” an observer shouted.
“Captain!” Yamaga stumbled onto the bridge from the portside observation room where he’d been observing the Indefatigable. “They’ve only just started to roll the ship to better depress their guns. They’re reacting slowly! They don’t seem to be changing position!”
“They’re not?” Serena’s mind raced. Why wouldn’t they adjust their position?
Why did only two of the Indefatigable’s four turrets open up on them?
Why were those turrets firing so slowly?
Slowly, a theory started to form in the back of her mind.
Through the bridge windows, a large shadow moved past their portside window. As the island passed, the helmsman quickly operated his controls, and the Vengeance levelled out and began to bear to starboard.
“Roll thirty!” she ordered.
“Aye aye, Captain, roll thirty!” the helmsman smoothly answered.
As the ship rolled, the elevated barrels of the ship’s turrets pointed high into mid-sky.
“Fire illumination!” she ordered.
“Firing illumination!”
One of turret two’s barrels flashed as an illumination round whistled into the battlespace. There was a moment of calm before night gave way to artificial day. The blue crystal round burned brightly, shining its brilliant light through the stormy weather and giving Serena’s gunners a better chance of seeing their target.
“Weapons free!” she ordered. “Fire at will!”
Serena climbed into the portside observation room, peering through the thick glass. The heavy flak turret spoke first, spitting out eighteen proximity-fused insults per second. Thorne’s well-trained gunner fired in short bursts, avoiding overheating the barrels. Streaks of two-inch flak shells and intermittent tracers streamed through the skies, seeking their target.
Then, not wanting to be late to the party, the Vengeance’s main cannons joined the conversation. Each time a barrel fired a four-inch shell, Serena felt the magnitude of the force propagate through the ship’s structure and into her bones.
Through gritted teeth, she watched the shells fly towards the Indefatigable. By now, the heavy cruiser was rolling heavily, trying to get a last shot against the slippery Vengeance that had nimbly darted under it.
She saw the flak rounds explode, their proximity fuses reacting to the metal of the Indefatigable’s hull. Serena flared her aura, seeing the shrapnel plaster the hostile ship. Hopefully, some of that shrapnel would disable one or both of their aetherscopes.
The four-inch shells kept missing, but only by a few metres. Serena knew her gunners were good, the best of the best, and considering the weather and situation, she couldn’t help but feel proud of their accuracy. It was only a matter of time until—
An explosive shell collided with the side of the Indefatigable, turning into a fireball of violence as the red-crystal explosives detonated. It looked impressive, but from this angle, it was a glancing blow. They would need more time to hit enough of them to burrow through the heavy cruiser’s armour.
But they didn’t have time. A few seconds later, the Vengeance could no longer find a firing solution. Serena returned to the bridge, shouting, “Level out, get us behind the island cluster. We’ll come out and surprise them! Air tactician!” Once Yamaga met her eyes, she asked, “What do you think?”
Yamaga glanced towards the map before looking back. “Captain. The rate of fire we were under. The slow rolling response… that’s not the work of an Imperial crew. I don’t know who’s operating the Indy, but it’s probably not Captain Matthews or his crew. Their responses are too slow. They haven’t repositioned to counter our movements at all. It’s as if…” He trailed off, but Serena finished the thought for him.
“It’s as if they’re low on fuel,” she said.
“That’s right.”
“Captain!” an observer called. “Their underhull guns are moving!”
“Helmsman! Evasive manoeuvres!”
“Aye aye, Captain!”
The ship began to take small deviations as it screamed towards the island cluster. It wasn’t long before Serena was informed that the Indefatigable was firing on the Vengeance, utilising its two-inch underhull systems.
She was confident in escape, but, whether by luck or skill, a series of loud pings sounded from outside, which seemed to move up the superstructure until Finella shouted out, “Upper aetherscope’s taken damage! They hit us!”
“Damage on the upper ‘scope!” Allston roared into a speaking tube, forgetting to use the new flipdot displays. “Get up there and take a look!”
As quickly as it began, it ended, and the Vengeance rounded a large island that formed part of the column of rock and debris they planned to hide behind. As they turned, the illumination round fizzled out, throwing the world back into darkness.
Just as her eyes readjusted, a desperate shout reached her ears from the starboard observation room.
“Moons! Boulder field ahead! Seven hundred metres!”
Serena wasted no time. Colliding with a rock, even a few metres wide, at flank speed could be devastating. It was only due to her confidence in the skills and talents of her crew that she felt comfortable ordering such a high speed in the first place. But, regardless of their ability, no one could sail through a boulder field so recklessly.
“Cut propulsion!”
“Cutting propulsion!” the helmsman echoed, quickly pulling the speed level down.
Even as the hum of the propulsion engine died down, Serena could see through the hail and rain that they were still heading toward certain destruction. They could likely force a turn and avoid most of it…
“Navigation! Wind?”
“Headwind!”
Serena made a split decision. “Open the masts!” she ordered. “Unfurl the sails!”
“C-Captain?” Allston stuttered, before his eyes widened with realisation. “Open the masts!” he quickly shouted into the speaking tube. “Unfurl the sails!”
For a few seconds, nothing happened. The Vengeance continued to cruise at a frightening speed towards certain destruction.
And then everyone was thrown to the ground. Serena lost balance, stumbling before slamming into the railings around her station. The others on the bridge fared no better, with one or two unlucky souls actually colliding with the bridge windows. Aiden's bucket went flying, but he himself somehow managed to hold onto the desk in time.
“Christ…” Serena grunted, pushing herself from the railing. The sudden deceleration was her doing. She’d used the ship’s sails to reduce the ship’s velocity sharply. Through desperate eyes, she saw that the boulder field was approaching them more slowly. Just before they entered it at a more modest ten knots, she shouted out another series of commands.
“Fold the flaperons in! Vent steam and turn us around. Furl the sails and fold the masts! They won’t expect us to come back from the side we entered!”
Through gritted teeth and sore bodies, her officers affirmed her commands. Through the bridge windows, the starboard bow steam vent spewed out hot, high-pressure steam. It took a while, but soon the Vengeance started to rotate.
“Take us up!” she ordered. “As high as this column of rock goes!”
“Through the boulder field, Captain?” Yamaga asked, his eyebrows raising.
“I don’t want to risk their aetherscopes picking up our movement,” Serena answered. “We’ll take the hits. Our armour will handle it.” As she finished speaking, the rhythmic beating of the ship’s lift engine intensified, and she felt the ship begin to rise as it belched steam and continued to yaw.
“Anathor,” she said hesitantly. “How are things?”
“She’s… agitated, Captain,” came the grumbling reply. “As long as nothing else happens, it’ll be—”
A loud bang echoed throughout the ship.
“Taking fire!” someone yelled.
“No!” Finella shouted. “It’s lightning! The upper mast was struck!”
“Captain!” Anathor said, his voice laced with urgency. “I need to focus on calming her! Even after all this time, lightning still scares her…”
“Do it, Anathor,” Serena affirmed. She couldn’t help but glance at the nervous-looking Amelia. If it came to it, would the ship be able to cope with Amelia’s magic warding it? Would that be too much?
Serena tightened her fist, sending a silent prayer to the Empress.
Hopefully, things wouldn’t come to that.
“Incoming debris!” an observer shouted.
They could do nothing but watch as large rocks, some more than a metre wide, hit the Vengeance’s deck. The gun turrets themselves were fine, their armour easily defending against the boulders, but some of the ship’s railing took a beating, bending and crunching from the forces.
After a minute and a few more lightning strikes, they’d just passed the halfway mark when a loud snapping sound sounded from outside. The ship jerked, tilting slightly.
“Portside rigging hit, Captain!” an observer from the portside observation room yelled. “Portside main sail has unfurled! It’s catching on the rocks!”
Serena ran to the room, peering up through the windows. There, she could see the half-unfurled sail luffing in the wind, partially wrapped around some of the boulders.
She wasted no time on orders.
Sometimes it was quicker to do things herself.
She left the observation room and rushed to the corridor outside. Serena threw back the bolt and opened the door. She was greeted by a wall of rain, howling wind, and ferocious hail that would batter any normal sailor. Gritting her teeth, she stepped outside and made her way to the side of the ship. There, a single cable was taut, tracing a path through the skies to the portside mast where it heroically kept a semblance of order to the chaos that had befallen the rigging.
Now, its job was done. Pulling out her sword, Serena flared her aura and swung down, severing the cable with a tremendous twang. It flew away and the sail and damaged mast quickly followed.
By the time Serena returned to the bridge, she was drenched.
She was about to ask Amelia to clean her, but remembered Amelia’s magic wasn’t available right now. So, she instead accepted a towel from her reliable First Officer and dabbed herself off.
Thankfully, no one said anything, despite the fact that she was sure she looked like a peeka caught out in the rain.
“Clearing boulder field!” Sensors shouted. “We’re clear, Captain!”
“Right, then!” Serena exclaimed. “Let’s show them how slippery we can be!” She received status updates from the officer stations around her. Satisfied, she took a moment to collect her thoughts and focus fully on the upcoming engagement.
It was time to end this.
The Vengeance had taken a bit of a beating, but it was still in the fight.
“Unfold flaperons!” she ordered.
“Flank speed!”
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Hello everyone, here's your chapter!
It's been a while since we've had a ship battle chapter, and after writing this chapter (and cutting off at an appropriate point because I'm incapable of planning out how long a scene will be) I looked back and thought I should make this meme to express my concerns about whether my pacing is way off:
I've realised I always tend to include other things in these scenes. Foreshadowing, hints, character moments etc... little things that I fear might slow things down to much, especially for the reader that wants to focus on the action.
So lemme know how you feel about the pacing and focus of this chapter!
And, as usual,
Till next time!
Comments
Ben Lockwood
Fantastic fight as always. Love the way you described the combat between ships. Also like seeing the crew fight the battle instead of Amelia just roflstomping the bad guys. Very cool
Malört
Yeah, while I prefer OP characters being OP, I think this is a pretty reasonable way to nerf Amelia. She can still do OP stuff when off the ship, but this allows the ship and crew to be more than a taxi service. As the story progresses, the ship could start handling her magic better or she could get better about controlling it or whatever needs to happen to allow her to be OP on ship if that's desired. Much better than doing things shounen/power creep style with a new more powerful villain every week.
Eridor
Some people didn't like the sidlinimg of Amelia in this fight, but honestly I like it. We are aware of the effect Amelia has on the Vengeance, so it shouldn't be a surprise to see this happen. Also it would just get boring if Amelia were to just trivialize every fight they get into. Most of all though, I want to see some steam punk airships duke it out and Amelia putting everyone to sleep gets in the way of that :)
Keene
Nothing like a comment on a chapter that rivals the length of other web serials chapters! More than 1.6k words! Ahhh! It's great to see the inbetween interactions only enhanced the fight by increasing the intensity of the chaos. It's exactly what I was trying to get across, or at least, the general feeling of! I think the connection between this unique battle and Serena's unique way of thinking she's shown in the examination works quite well. Glad to see you picked up on it. I think, both for consistency and for the sake of writing a better novel, the Vengeance should be put into more unique and unusual combat situations in the future. Got to keep things fresh after all ;) Good to see you appreciate the consistency and authenticity of Serena's concerns. It's something I'm trying to improve on, having events and characters thoughts reference or pay off previous experiences. Good catch also identifying that both Serena and her officers haven't yet adapting their military minds to Amelia. I guess it also doesn't help with how explicitly Serena has been about Amelia not being a fighting soldier and not in the chain of command. In fact, what happened was a little unexpected considering the contract Amelia's signed, and we'll be addressing that somewhat shortly! Thanks for the feedback on the little things enhancing a chapter. I agree that I think the writing would be quite bare without them. That said, I know some readers see it as too much of a slow burn and want more directness - which is a fair criticism. Regarding the ship and Amelia's nerf - I did expect some pushback. In my head this event has been subtle foreshadowed and will be exlained more thoroughly, but I can understand readers being suspicious of it's convientent timing. That said, at the end of the day, authors need to find ways to nerf the OP protagonist because otherwise they can spam their 'I Win' button every scene and solve everything by being... OP. And sometimes, that's what the reader enjoys. I'm trying to do a bit of both worlds. I appreciate the faith and trust in me proving coherent and consistent reasons/justifications for events that might seem strange when we first encounter them. I like to THINK I'm doing a good job, but time will tell to see if the payoffs... pay off. I'm also trying to address more meta concepts of power with the series. Thing is, in reality, powerful individuals are often far more constrained than the less powerful. The royal family in the UK has power, but they live in essentially a golden prison that you couldn't pay me to step in. Some world leaders control massive armies with terrible weapons, but even they have to be very careful about using the power, often resorting to using only a small amount. In reality, just having power isn't enough, and depending on the person holding it, it can be very difficult to use. I'm trying to capture these kind of concerns with Amelia and other characters. I think it's going okay so far, but looking forward to exploring it more in the future! Thanks for your feedback, it's quite cool to see someone go into detail and for me to see they understood a lot of what I was trying to get across. Then again, we're both elajjaz viewers so our minds are wired in a similiar way xd Thanks for reading, and for the feedback! <3
Keene
^.^ Thanks for the feedback! Nice to see it was the right balance for you! <3
Keene
I have thought about this line of thinking before, and there are answers. There should be enough breadcrumbs sprinkled throughout the series so far for a careful reader to understand why this hasn't happened, but I will explore it more in-depth in the future. Thanks for the feedback, and thanks for reading! <3
Keene
How did I not know this game existed! Ahhh! Thanks for the feedback, and glad the intent of the chaos got across to you :) Always nice when the writers intentions are communicated properly! Thanks for the feedback, and for reading! <3
Keene
Mmm! Thanks for the feedback! It's always a challenge to find tension organically when it comes to having an OP character in the mix! Thanks for reading! <3
Keene
Thanks! And good point, it's an idea I haven't missed and something I'll try to cover in the post-battle meeting! Thanks for reading! <3
Keene
Funny enough it wasn't intentional, but an organic consequence of some other mysteries unravelling slowly! Will be interesting to how it resolves... Thanks for the feedback, and thanks for reading! <3
Keene
Lovely! Thanks for reading <3
Keene
Thanks for the feedback, nice to see the balance was right for you!
Keene
Answers to these questions should hopefully be resolved post-battle. Anathor and Serena are going to need to have a serious discussion >.< Thanks for reading! <3
Keene
Thank you! I don't have that much time to come up with a great paragraph but when I do it's very satisfying :) I did change it to > Then, not wanting to be late to the party, the Vengeance’s main cannons joined the conversation Which I feel fits much better! Thanks for reading <3
Keene
Thanks for reading! We'll have plenty of Amelia-magic popcorn moments in the future, for those missing it this chapter! <3
Keene
The nerfing of the OP protag to prevent them pressing the "I win" button is a challenge of every series with an OP protag... I'm glad I feel I've managed to do it somewhat organically and true to the world building. Always room for improvement, though! Thanks for reading <3
Keene
Surely it'll be nothing... right? xd Thanks for reading! <3
Lars Nordbotn
Hey Keene, Here's the promised feedback on the chapter :) I thoroughly enjoyed the ship vis-a-vis move. Coming up with the uno reverse movement was a good way of avoiding the collision, in the end. Retrace your movement, slightly altered? takes some nice ingenuity to pull that off in ship combat, very much in keeping with Serena's captain style. The mix between discussions, small actions, and actions taken in combat lends itself to creating the chaotic mood I think, I certainly felt the chaos as I was reading, so I'd say it doesn't end up detracting from the action, rather, it's adding to the intensity of the desperate situation they're in. :) Like was mentioned, nobody has been in a situation like it, at least of the people on the ship. Serena has only read about it - that helps to solidify how rare an occurence is. And the expected outcome is catastrophic in a head to head confrontation, so it lends itself to the unorthodox approach Serena attempted, similar to what was foreshadowed with unique situations in Serena's promotion exam; she's showing she can think on her feet. If you didn't also include the small actions, it wouldn't feel as organic, the way she does these rather 3% than doom suggestions. Serena taking care to not repeat a disaster does show she is affected(which is 100% realistic, when she considers herself in a similar situation) by her previous experience, so that's not a detriment to the on-going situation either. It feels realistic that she would hesitate in order to avoid a repeat of the previously hasty actions she had done with the previously mentioned caravan attack that turned out to be just civilians. Shooting down your own is pretty much a guaranteed expulsion from Military, dishonorable discharge, too , no doubt. It simply makes sense that she would be extra careful that it's not happening again so soon after her promotion, so it's also in her self-interest, and everyone else on board's interest too to avoid hitting an allied ship and causing casualties to the crew. The way she went about this movement instead of pre-emptively opening fire also shows her growth within her field, she strived to find the better action, rather than jumping at an obvious course of action that guarantees casualties on both sides, given she would have to weather some hits from the indefatigable broad side in order to lay a salvo on them. Amelia being hesitant to attempt the kanaxai save with a silent spoken word, not unwilling shows, they're not accustomed to taking into account how much agency having Amelia aboard would give them(which is all down to the fact they have no practical experience with the suggestion of her casting it, which is again, accurate), so they tried her way first, that all makes sense - it would have been the most peaceful option, if the ship doesn't fall without anyone steering it. What do you do when your peaceful options fail? You adapt. I think they did so wonderfuly. I'm sure there's also an opportunity for Aiden air-sickness levity for the after action meeting now that his bucket is missing :') As for this part: [I've realised I always tend to include other things in these scenes. Foreshadowing, hints, character moments etc... little things...] It's what I have come to enjoy about reading a chapter, it helps to immerse us in the flow of the situation, rather than retract from it. Small things are happening even when the action is on. If your writing was void of these things, it would be worse for it. If you want to properly submerge a reader in a complex situation, ignoring facets of the on-going disaster, would have to have a specific purpose, or it is only going to take you so far in writing them in a compelling way. That's a very delicate balance to strike, it comes down to reader experience how much of that they can tackle, before they just go, "oh, this is boring." and close the book. So, more details - More immersed. People keep reading :) Too much details? You lose the reader, because they close the book. Personally I think it's one of the strengths of what you bring to the situations your characters encounter. It helps make the situation more relatable. I suspect in part that's why you'll find that most people who read this chapter got excited about it, instead of annoyed at any kind of weird pacing. One thing I saw in the comments is referencing the ship's reaction to Amelia's casting. Given the mysteries of the ship's qualities it's not 100% clear why she reacted so poorly to Kanaxai, I'm sure you'll be expanding on the reaction with Anathor, Serena and Amelia discussing at some point after the situation is handled. For now it's good that this is something to look forward to, rather than something that is forced into the chapter. If you tried to clarify it in the moment, that'd be counter to what mood you're going for with the action sequence and it'd be truly slowing your writing down. Smart characters also know when to bring up concerns with their experiences and knows that in a combat situation it wouldn't be appropriate to ignore the reality in favour of an unsolved question unless it was the only option available to get out alive. Paltry, world altering consequences from perceived enigmas, comes after being safe and alive(!) long enough to ponder it. :) Amelia talking to otherworldy beings in her head is the crew's norm, not crazy talk. :) Even Dagon and the lot expected things to go awry before they even set out didn't they? And, Amelia has no grasp of the full consequences of her till now unknown words' casting, so it would fit the previous situation that something happened at the onset of a new word. I don't think it's much contrived - and I believe the reasons for why the casting is affecting the ship in such a way is part of something that will have everyone going "OOOH, so that's why!" later in the story. Given the episodic nature of the way you write this out, you're bound to have some disagreements with people over long-term planning obstacles that are completely fine, in general. Since you know the way forward for the story, it's kind of silly of us to question the plot points themselves, and the ship as a whole is one giant plot vehicle. :) To some it's a turn off that the writing has mysteries present, to others' tastes it's a draw your writing has. I'm sure there are no ways to organically fit kanaxai casting into the story without it having an urgent enough feeling that it would necessitate a forced change of actions when not in combat, so I'm not against it happening this way. Amelia is only a trump card when she has full control of her powers, which so far, she hasn't shown that she has; given there is a possible finesse to the action she took probably, her recent action is like picking up a saw when a wood file would do. I'm not trying to justify the inclusion of the scene, just looking at how it was included and considering Amelia as a mortal being, which she very much still acts like at times. Mortals make mistakes. so, the outcome doesn't seem contrived. If you act out her omnipotence immediately, you can't have action sequences. I spoke about how truly immortal people have this way of removing tension in any event they're involved in? yeah. Same thing with people with omnipotence. The way you wrote this word sequence is one way to show that Amelia herself doesn't feel omnipotent. The inclusion was entirely natural, given it was inspired by the Sardis fishing idea that Amelia herself had. There was no guarantee that the idea would work. I'll stop going on about it, it's a conundrum that could be discussed forever, really. But, you have successfully done the same thing in the past, even recently, when Amelia's inexperience with sword fighting, caused her to lose to Mel. Aether is only as powerful as your ability to harness the knowledge you have about manipulating it. This makes it a very attractive power to have, but it still takes a large amount of time to master any finessing processes involved and even with Amelia's fast learning speed, she's been focusing on swordfighting more than Aether, so it makes sense to me that she wouldn't have the ability to just solve anything she encounters at first cast, while accounting for hundreds of variables. How to position Amelia power-wise is one of the challenges of choosing to write fiction with power concepts so far from human understanding. Humans are good at critiquing how things are done after the fact, but those who critique that much often don't even do. Amelia already showed how her power is very adaptable, that doesn't mean that every hair-brained idea anyone ever has should work first time, even if the situations are at first glance similar. This also removes tension. I think that kinda covers how I feel about it. :) Looking forward to seeing it in the future when Amelia's power starts being truly unveiled. I think you cut off the chapter at a good time, it looks just about right for another sortie and ship sequence. I don't know what's coming of course, but I don't find this cliffhanger evil at all haha. :Serena_3%_Tactics: discord emote when? Hope you had a good time writing this one Keene, it looks like you did :) Love the meme, too :D Maybe find a place to store the created memes so we can access them easily in the discord? :joy: In conclusion, I think your pacing is fine so far. :) Talk to you soon in discord. PS: Oh, let me know if this is a bit rambly or unclear and I'll try to address it again, I think it got a bit rambly towards the middle. :')
Lena During
I usualy find long fight scenes rather boring. This one was engaging from start to end bc its not just fighting
IJustWannaRead
If we are being realistic the vengeance should immediately be replaced….the vengeance is a ship, a special one yes, but Amelia is a weapon of mass destruction nearly on par with the empress….there is like, not comparison at all which the military would prioritize. If the ship can’t handle Amelia, the ship either learns to or gets the boot.
UnderwhelmingBird
This was a fantastic chappie, really reminded me of some of my more competitive Guns of Icarus moments. Found myself really hyped for everything, especially how it was ALL a mess all at once.
Luna
loved this chapter! pacing seemed fine to me, i was on edge of me seat the whole time. very exciting. inabilty to use amelia's magic made the stakes go from 0 to very high all of a sudden which is a pretty big difference from the story up until this point, which i think helped make it more exciting
Cormac
Good chapter. In the after action meeting, I hope they come to the conclusion that once it became apparent the Amelia could no longer use magic aboard the Vengeance, she should have leapt off and spoken Aseco while falling then flown to the Indefatigable. Then once she was on the other ship, she would put everyone on board to sleep with a Kanaxai spell. Like she did with the corrupt guards in Asamaywa.
Quendolayne
Yeah, why do we need mages if we have a way to make it more difficult to fight.
Quendolayne
Thx for the chapter. Mighty convenient to take Amelia out or in other words it sounds contrived. I hope this will not be a trend. If so, then they should change ships - nothing worse than a weapon with the grandeur of being a Primadonna or Diva or just simply a brat. Until now, the ship sounds more like a liability instead of an asset.
Mituindal
Just dandy! Thanks for the chapter!
Garrett Cannon
the pacing with all the additions felt nearly perfect so use this chapter and complete part 2 of the battle this way. Im hoping the door unseals itself and they get to the hidden deck.
Garrett Cannon
The ship reacting to the storm and amelias magic is so strange like why does it care now? u hinted thats its the storm and lightning but amelia may have to save the crew on the other ship if they r still alive.
Aura
"""The heavy flak turret spoke first, spitting out eighteen proximity-fused insults per second. Thorne’s well-trained gunner fired in short bursts, avoiding overheating the barrels. Streaks of two-inch flak shells and intermittent tracers streamed through the skies, seeking their target. Then, not wanting to be late to the party, the Vengeance’s main cannons opened fire.""" --- Your word-slinging skills keep leveling up—this chapter shines, and this excerpt is especially superb! Great stuff!
Lin14
Nice chapter! Kinda hate that Amelia can’t use magic, but it does raise the tension of these action scenes.
Puppy Piranha Forever
DocteurNS
Pacing in on point. The only bad thing about this chapter is that it ends. I do appreciate that you always seem to find reasonable ways to "nerf" Amelia's OPness in ways that make sense, wether because strong magic can be detected and upset the geopolitical landscape or because a sentient ship has a well-foreshadowed tantrum.
Annora D.
Thanks for the chap, and spooky voices in people's head, not concerning at all lol
Keene
Thanks for the feedback! And thanks for reading <3
Bast
Thanks for the chapter! ^^ Little moments make the story engaging and you are striking a good balance, I think
