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MiP Ideas for the Future (with poll)

🕑 Added 2026-01-07 06:37:07 +0000 UTC

Comments

kapo

Firstly, I’m really glad you used the respawning concept here. I think it added a really solid layer of complexity to MiP that would have been missing otherwise. A bit of a long comment here. You can take it or leave it. I am not sure the correct way to say this, but honestly what I want the /most/ is for you to shore up your weaknesses as a writer and do a full rewrite of MiP. Your biggest and most glaring weakness is your flat characterization. I put my thoughts below and enumerated them, but more for readability than coherency. 1. Coddle Carlos and Amber less. The final fight showed you clearly have the ability to write interesting combat, so lean into that. Keeping them out of combat for almost the entirety of the series so far is an insult to your ability as a writer. You added appropriate stakes, the tension was high, you even showcased some of the ridiculous beliefs of the Crown mid-battle. Maybe you don’t like writing action? That’s okay, too, but you show a lot of potential to be good at it and most of the stories you’re proposing would necessarily include it, so hopefully you aren’t /that/ opposed. I think you could write interesting and distinct action scenes at their various levels of power. I wish you did. 2. Make it clear how both of them feel in any given situation—Carlos has expressed distrust (or at least cynicism) of the Crown and nobility, but neither he nor Amber seem to have any qualms about suddenly being nobles and having all of this power over people. They never once think about how to improve the lives of others and they barely consider the potential consequences of elevating Kindar to noble-rank (I don’t mind that they did it, but it was weird that they barely talked about it on a broader scale beyond getting Amber reparations). 3. It’s possibly neither of them /care/ about others, but it’s /weird/. If they don’t care that should be addressed. For what little we know of her, it feels out of character for Amber. Carlos has a lot of advanced thoughts about power structures from Earth, not by being particularly interested in it but simply by virtue of coming from an education system that teaches of monarchy like a thing of the past. There should at least be some incongruity there, even if he personally has little interest. I could easily imagine him sharing modern-values with Amber in an offhand way, and having her consider their application. She at least /seems/ more interested in the outside world than he is, despite both of their hyperfixations on magic. Amber has a passing historical interest as well, and it would be really interesting to lean on that. 4. Carlos found the “help” spell that he explicitly thinks was meant to make magic available to everyone, but immediately makes it a house secret. This makes sense in the short-term as he is in an admittedly precarious position while he establishes himself, but does he really not consider disseminating this knowledge? Is this another sign that he really doesn’t care about others? Even if it seems temporarily impossible to teach, I’m sure he or Amber could find a way to convey the knowledge without exposing Purple’s sapience. 5. He also has a weird relationship with secrets, extremely readily sharing them with some people but still hoarding them? It was strange that he wasn’t willing to make a deal with the crown for the enchantment on the armor. To my understanding, it wasn’t knowledge the crown could use against them, and did not in any way share more of House Carlos’s secrets. More than that, the reward would have to have been /hefty/. The Crown more than likely wouldn’t have even been able to apply them for quite a long while as none if their mages have the soul structures to work with them, so it wouldn’t even interfere with the final fight. It also wouldn’t interfere with Elston’s decision to execute them, given that he clearly was willing to kill them simply for having royal soul structures and would use any excuse. 6. Actually address it when characters do things that impact each other (e.g., Purple deciding to straight up share one of House Carlos’s soul structures, Amber deciding to use the anti-magic spell during the fight with the dragon after Carlos has sworn it off with obvious seriousness, etc.). 7. Honestly your handling of noble politics could use some work, but I can’t say that I hated its lack of dimensionality as I personally am uninterested in reading intricate political machinations in my adventure-fantasy stories. There’s just not very much nuance, or if there is nuance it hasn’t been much explored. Some of these people have gotta have /feelings/, right?? Even if you don’t change the actual actions anyone makes, I would love for there to be more dimension to their thoughts, feelings, and motivations. 8. Carlos and Amber don’t have a lot of chemistry, even though it was obviously leading to a relationship between them from the get-go. I think you were leaning into them having an emotional bond that develops slowly and steadily, but it feels pretty unbalanced. Amber offers almost nothing to that equation, though I guess her helping him understand the world could be part of it? If this man had /any/ emotions he would probably experience a /lot/ more turmoil from the very intense culture shock, and there’s an excellent opportunity there for Amber to be not just a source of knowledge but also a source of stability. The framework for that is already there. I would 100% read this story again if you revised it. I think it has a lot of potential and that you have a lot of potential as a writer, but I can’t see myself enjoying any of your other ideas unless you seriously improve the complexity of your characters: their motivations, opinions, reactions (on an emotional level), etc. Power of the Heart is the only one of your other ideas the is unique, and I think it could potentially be very good, but I genuinely don’t think you have the ability to write it right now. Carlos’s home therapy was cheesy, and given that you haven’t showcased many complex human emotions, I don’t see you writing about an abusive relationship with the care it requires unless you did extensive research. Most of what makes MiP so good is your application of solid source knowledge to a fantasy setting. You clearly put a lot of thought into their compatibility and synergy, and while I sincerely wish the development had happened a lot slower so that it could have been more thoroughly explored, explained, and tested (and that they actually had to out effort in), it was unquestionably enjoyable to read about. I’m not sure how transferrable your reader base is to these other plots, but that doesn’t mean you can’t come up with something else unique. Just maybe play around with ideas a little more?

Christian Kenney

I’m here for MiP only : /

Jonathan

I like the "What's the big deal about dying?" / "Juggernaut of Defense" option. Cultivation and system integration stories are a lot out there, and I'm not really a fan of those types. The soul story, I haven't seen that type of story. And it feels like it'd be similar to MiP in a sense.

Worros

Congratulations, you've grown quite a lot as a writer since chapter 1. I can almost feel where you're writing around you're own early decisions - the story and quality continues to improve. I love the idea of an isekai'd therapist, it hasn't been done (well?) as far as im aware, in part due to its difficulty. But. Unless you have a significant professional background I suspect it might be beyond you as an author right now. Pop psychology is so, so bad and divisive to read. It only takes a minor skim of comments on Patreon (let alone RR) of any MC (in any story) doing some "real" self reflection or emotional growth to see how your readership will react. Everyone becomes Mary Sue when that happens for some reason.


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