jenfoxworth
patreon
updates on personal non patreon stuff
🕑 Added 2022-07-26 15:45:41 +0000 UTCcopy pasted from FA, IB, and DA
Been a while. Lots of things have changed, but also remained the same. Things have happened in circumstances and such and results of decisions I've made and stuff with consequences. I'm not gonna go into details or explain everything, because there's a lot of personal issues, family issues, and a LOT of it's still ongoing. Some of it is my doing, and some of it is not. Part of it is being dragged into something and choosing to help without all of the pertinent information about the situation, then making choices that weren't the best while in it.
Anyhoo, I'm stuck where I'm at right now, for now. It's not a good situation, and I have to take it day by day, but it's how it goes, and I have to deal with it. I clean a lot here, and struggle with keeping things going, but I got net, I can still work (commissions and patreon) for now, and Snowball and Mimi are happy, I think. I'm unsure of a lot of things dealing with previous situations, but for now I am treating it as if I only have what I have with me, for now, meaning most likely, most of my stuff is gone again. Though it might not be. I don't know, really. Either way, the results are from my decisions and are my fault, whatever it be, and I don't blame others for it. I did things, said things, and a lot I can't remember, but just because I can't remember doesn't mean I ain't responsible for it.
My medical problems are getting worse, and though I have somewhat better access to doctors and stuff now, the long waits and what not, progress is..... lengthy. Lots of up and down days, and depending on what tests show eventually, which I've had multiples of, I'm not sure what's gonna be the result. There are some days where I can hardly get out of bed, but I rely on my cane a lot, now, and almost all the time portions of my body are painfully numb, and sometimes limbs are fully like that for days. I've had black outs and what not, which also makes it difficult. Though it hasn't caused these issues, they started years ago and were just exacerbated from it, I have stopped drinking entirely. It did numb a lot of the pain and make moving around easier, but it cost money, for one, and it certainly didn't help me in relationships (romantic or friendship). Neuro said it doesn't cause whatever they suspect, but it could make it worse because of dehydration, so I haven't had anything of the sort since the beginning of April. Because of this, I had finally accepted with much pressing of others, to attempt for disability, though getting that without a full diagnosis is next to almost impossible. I still get to see my kids, who are back in the area, on a regular basis, though that's a struggle, too, because of the medical issues. They're also, to my knowledge, aren't in therapy and there are other problems, but I can't do anything about that. I take them food, books, and sew their things as I am able, each week, and do what I can. I'm also a ward to a relative, and again, that's a struggle, but it's something I have to do, for now. I can't say what that's about, but it's the center of all the complications, here. I'm heavily reliant on commissioners, hand outs, tips, and food bank access. I know things will get better, eventually, and the situation I'm in, which is a result of my own choices, at least that's how I see it, will change, I just have to keep on trying for the better.
I certainly can't ride a bike anymore, or really run, or do much physical activity. My memory, which has always had issues, is much worse, in my opinion, from brain damage and other issues. I know it's pretty selfish and I'm not sure what's the proper word for it is, something ego related in making decisions for others or something, but I think deciding that I'm not going to be in 'romantic' relationships anymore period is the right choice, not just for me, but for others in where I would damage other people because I don't even know or remember or can provide what the other person needs. There's a LOT of more issues related to that, but I won't get into it, it's private. These are not excuses, I accept responsibility to things I've done, but I can't change those things, and I have to keep going and trying to do better as I go. I do have someone helping support me and keep me sane through all this, and I'm beyond grateful to them, I'd have lost my mind totally without them. I'm trying to learn how to live even with these issues properly where I don't mess things up. I am not looking for pity, I just wish to explain things, or at least, the best I can, for now, though I'm sure it sounds like it. Or maybe it is, since I keep repeating this pattern in my life, it seems. Anyway, I'm still in VA and will remain for an undetermined amount of time.
Anyhoo, enough of my whining, on to other things! I'm still doing work and what not, commissions and patreon, and I am definitely behind on those, but I am doing my best to try to catch up and keep up with them, and I have a discord server that helps keep track of it, along with mods to keep me going in a proper direction, even if it is really slow. I don't really stream much anymore, less because of internet problems, and more because of stress/anxiety (my meds have been upped a lot from the situations) and the fact that I'm living with someone that is really loud and intrusive in a rather small camper in a campground that isn't mine. When I do stream, it's usually whatever I'm listening to or watching, anime, space stuff, that stuff. On the commission server I do have a place on it where streams for art can be scheduled, and I do my best to keep up with those. I do work on stuff other then what people schedule, just the scheduled stuff is more definite, or at least I try to make it be.
I'm sure there's stuff I missed, but that's all I remember, for right now, anyway.
Comments
Dekra234
I hope you will get better with all. Just don't rush yourself Jen.
