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Fishermen Jokes (Mermaid/Kitsune Tg) Draft
🕑 Added 2024-08-26 21:49:21 +0000 UTC“This is your special technique? I’m not seeing it.”
“It’s fishing. You gotta have patience.”
“Well, while you’re over there being patient, I’m over here with three fish in the cooler…make that four.” Jake yanked his fishing rod up to reveal a squirming mackerel. He dangled the fish triumphantly before Manfred, nearly slapping his friend in the face with it when he refused to turn his head. Manfred sighed as he reeled his own line in.
“Beginner’s luck!” Manfred opened the lid on the well as Jake wrangled the hook off the fish and dropped it in. “The fact is: luck has a lot to do with it.”
“Ah, luck. So that’s your special technique!”
A fish suddenly jumped out of the water and landed right in the live well. The two friends nearly bonked heads as they peered inside. Swimming in the cooler with Jake’s four mackerel was a long, vibrant blue fish, like nothing they’d ever seen in the bay. The two stared at its shimmering scales in stunned silence, then looked at each other.
Manfred closed the lid with a smile. “I opened the cooler for it, so it counts as my catch.”
Jake laughed, turning his rod back to the water. “Maybe you should ditch the rod and just leave the lid open. It seemed to work pretty well for ya.”
The two returned to either side of the boat, throwing their lines back into the water. Behind their backs, a faint blue light emanated from under the edge of the vibrating lid. And after swimming a few more rounds in the cooler…
Splash!
“Hey! What the heck, man?” Manfred yelped. “Did you really just squirt me with water?”
“I didn’t do anything. What, did our dainty little Manfred get a little bit of water on himself while fishing?” Jake joked. “Who would have thought that was possible?”
Splash!
Jake shivered. “...okay, I deserved that one,” he said, laughing it off.
“And there you have proof that you’re just as dainty as I am!” Manfred retorted without turning around, shaking his head before returning his focus back to the rod. Neither of them noticed how the water splashed from the cooler briefly started to glow in the same azure shine as the fish, before seeping into their bodies, as if nothing ever happened.
“Just be patient. The key is patience.”
“Of course it’s easy for someone like you to stare at something blue all day.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Manfred blinked rapidly. His gaze followed the line down into the depths of the bay. He leaned over the edge of the boat. Did the water clear up? It seemed like he could see further down than ever before. Had he focused on his reflection, he might have noticed a blue glint swirling in his dark irises, spreading through them until his eyes became a vivid aquamarine.
“Don’t get your hair wet now!”
Manfred gasped. How careless of him to let his hair fall in. He leaned back into his seat, sprinkling himself with water flicked from his meter-long hair. Something in the back of his mind questioned if it was ever this long, but he brushed it off as he brushed his hair behind his back. The soaked ends of his hair brightened, the color gradually crawling up his long locks until he sported a mane as blue as his eyes.
Manfred glanced behind him to his friend. “You still doing alright?”
“Well, my ass is starting to get a little sore.”
“I’m surprised, sitting on your fat ass is what you do best!”
Jake laughed, squirming in his seat. His butt responded to the motion by slowly expanding, filling with a healthy dose of fat until it practically spilled over the back of the bench. He hopped a few times in his seat, jiggling into place. “Ahh, much better…Fat ass or no, what is fishing if not sitting on your ass?” Jake was suddenly janked forwards by his fishing rod. “Aha! Another Bite! Ohhh this one is a biggen!”
“What's the matter back there? Too petite to reel it in?” Manfred asked, to which the fish suddenly became even more resistant to Jake. It was as if his muscles were melting away as he was pulling in, making it harder every second.
“Contrary to your flabby ass I actually have quite a lot of power… Hrrr… in me! AHA!!!” Jake pulled the fish out of the waters, feeling a powerboost on levels he could only attribute to adrenaline. Manfred on the other hand was now deflating as well, his fishing rod suddenly feeling heavier than it did before. It did seem like the definition of his arms was slowly starting to leave them, though Manfred was sure he was just imagining that.
“Got another one.” Jake presented the fish he held with a grin, while Manfred didn’t even turn around.
“You seemed to be really impressed by catching small fry. Fitting for you honestly.”
Jake stood up, his shirt significantly baggier on his frame than before. “Well, if I am a small fry, then what are you who hasn’t even caught a fish yet?”
“I did catch one with my outstanding technique.”
“What technique? Are you serenading the sea until fish leap into your bucket like some sort of siren?”
“Well, I do have quite a voice, if I say so myself,” Manfred purred, in a significantly higher pitch.
“—or maybe they’re attracted to that scanty outfit of yours. Seriously, spill the beans—I'm dying to know about this magical method of yours.”
“It–it’s not that scanty…” Manfred tugged his shirt down. To no avail, the hem crept up his midriff as it shrank, the sleeves and neckline expanding as his top covered less and less.
“A veritable fish siren. And much like a mythical creature, it’s all legends and no proof!”
“A fish siren…A fish siren…” he whispered to himself. His ears grew longer and wider, color shifting to match his blue hair as they started to look more like fins. “I’m a fish siren…that would make me a…a…”
Manfred looked down. He was still holding his rod between his legs. He yanked it out and overboard in one motion. It was pure reflex. He just…knew he didn’t need it anymore. He stretched his body in his seat as he closed his legs for the last time.
Large patches of blue scales encompassed his bare legs, whatever pants or shoes he was once wearing had simply vanished. He felt like it should have been a loss, but somehow the idea of never wearing such things again didn’t really bother him anymore. His legs pressed together, his leg muscles exerting harder than they ever had in his life. His widening hips strained under the intense pressure, yet there was no pain—just an intense need. As last vestiges of fair flesh on his legs were lost beneath the slick scales…
Pop.
She nearly fell out of her seat. Steadying herself on the rail, she gave her new appendage a casual flick. She flared her supple fish tail over the edge of the boat, dipping the growing tail fin that was once her feet into the water. She casually brushed her hand over her glossy scales, down the center of its smooth, flat form to just below her waist. She inhaled the ocean breeze and smiled.
“Nah? Got no rebuttal, huh, Mariabelle?” Jake asked in his usual sarcastic tone, yet something was different. It was as if something clicked within Mariabelle’s head, yet the next moment, she couldn’t tell anymore what it was. So all she could do was smile as she shrugged her shoulders.
“At least my voice does for sure attract something~” Mariabelle smirked, splashing her tail in the waters and rocking the boat a bit. Though Jake really didn't seem to mind and rather seemed to think about a response.
“I’d rather attract people than fish. But I guess that's a feeling only humans can feel. Right?” Jake shot back, though Mariabelle only giggled.
“Oh, that's easy. Just always wear something really revealing with no underwear. Then I’m sure even you can accomplish your dream.”
Jake snorted, yet started feeling slightly uncomfortable at that very moment. It was his clothes and they felt like… they were slipping away. And even his jacket and shirt all felt… off, because they were shrinking away and melting into a single piece that could only be described as barely-anything-covering mockery of a dungarees. And of course, his underwear was long gone too.
“Meh. Like you know anything about underwear.” Jake retaliated and wanted to turn around, before just giggling to himself. “Oh, my bad. Forgot that you are a mermaid. You’re right, you should know all about underwear, since I don’t think you have ever even worn more than a bra in your life~”
In one fell swoop, whatever was left Mariabells clothing vanished into thin air, leaving nothing but a single stranded bikini bra on her very flat chest. Though she wasn’t deterred.
“Careful there, Vixen. Contrary to you I actually wear underwear. If you got any more bold, you could be mistaken for a real lusty fox,” Mariabelle declared, sending shockwaves through Jake's body.
His body pushed into all sorts of directions, as something tugged on his line again. “Hold on! I got another one!” So he reeled it in, pulling and pulling while his body continued to feel strange. His ears being pushed upwards while being pulled to be longer, chestnut colored fur starting to grow all over them. He felt something might push out from his behind, ready to just explode out of him at any moment. And he felt his rod slipping away—a feeling he couldn't comprehend since he knew he was holding the fishing rod firmly in his hands.
“I got it! Ah~”
Splash!
And with one swift move, she pulled the fish out of the water, and at the same time, something sprung out from behind her, becoming long and fluffy in a heartbeat. Yet, as she was finally calming down a bit more, and dropped the fish in her bucket, she felt like she lost something important too. Though none of that made sense to her, she still rubbed her legs against each other for a little bit afterwards. Maybe she really should put the rod between her legs…
“Oh wow, a most impressive catch, Ringo~” Mariabelle clapped, her tone only being halfway to sarcastic.
Ringo grinned, running a finger through her hair, as she threw her line back into the waters. “Why, thank you, I am a fine catch!” Her chest subtly expanding as she spoke.
“Oh really? You think you can compete with me?” Mariabelle replied with a smirk, her own figure responding in kind.
“I’m quite gifted at it, more gifted than you!” Ringo retorted, her confidence as buoyant as her increasing curves.
“Yeah, sure. A real Vixen you are,” Mariabelle teased, her tone musical and inviting, which made Ringo's tail wag proudly, not realizing that her chest had already overtaken the size of ripe apples.
“Yeah! I’m so big,” Ringo boasted, and with a magical ‘boing’, she again grew noticeably, making her adjust her sitting pose because of the difference in gravity.
“Might want to get your eyes checked!” Mariabelle shot back, expanding once more as well. If this was a competition about cup sizes, both of them were neck in neck.
“Face it, I’m a natural fisher and a natural beauty!” Ringo declared, every word causing a bounce at this point.
“Well, you can’t compete with a natural fish!” Mariabelle leaned into her song, her voice weaving through the air, so captivating that even Ringo paused momentarily, mesmerized. For a moment she thought she saw Mariabelle’s chest grow larger, but then she just dismissed it, recovering quickly. Ringo reeled in the massive fish in a spurt declaring, “I’m still ahead! No matter if you are a sexy fish or not!”
“Well, you are a long-time fisherwoman, after all!” Mariabelle conceded, a massive confidence boost suddenly rushing through Ringo, emanating so hard from her that even Mariabelle could now very much feel her prowess. Though that also made her miss the fact that the mermaid's chest jumped forwards once again.
“I am a proud Fox! You may have me beat in the chest department, but I outmatch you with my skills,” Ringo said, struggling with the fishing rod as the massive catch came closer, Making her miss her final growth spurts.
“Come on, girl, we both know we’re the exact same size now,” Mariabelle chuckled, as both reached a comical pinnacle in their magical growth contest. Both of them leaned forward, the prey almost in sight, ignoring the fact that their still growing chests were smooshing together. And as the shadow of the massive fish came close enough to almost touch, both of them tried to boing each other away with their incredible marshmallows as they yelled:
“This one is mine!!!”
CRAAAASH!!!
—
Around five minutes later, Mariabelle arrived at the docks, carrying Ringo on her back along with the remains of the boat in her hands. She finally jumped out of the water, setting everything down with a relieved sigh. Both looked back at the azure sea, where the massive fish that got pulled onto their boat and capsized it still bobbed in the water, its fin waving goodbye in a strangely friendly gesture.
"Is that fish really waving at us?" Ringo asked, squinting toward the sea.
"Perks of being a mermaid, I guess," Mariabelle answered with a shrug, her tone mixing wonder with amusement.
"How is this not even the craziest thing that happened today?" Ringo burst into laughter, and Mariabelle joined in, their mirth echoing over the gentle waves. "I have no idea."
The blue fish watched from a distance, its scales shimmering in the fading sunlight. It had intended to transform Mariabelle and Ringo into monsters as punishment for dragging it out of the waters. The plan, however, had not unfolded as expected. Instead of turning against each other, the friends' bond seemed to strengthen. As the realization dawned on it, a sense of shock replaced its initial satisfaction.
Ringo brushed off her fox ears, grinning at Mariabelle. "You know, despite the chaos, today was incredible," she said, her eyes twinkling with mischief and fondness.
"It really was. Let's do it again, but maybe with a sturdier boat next time!" Mariabelle responded, her laughter blending harmoniously with Ringo's, their joy undimmed by the day's trials.
From the water, the azure fish made a silent vow to itself, its eyes lingering on the cheerful pair. "Next time, I'll do better," it promised, before slipping beneath the waves, its plan foiled but its determination unshaken. “I’ll think of an even more perfect punishment… next time!”
As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a golden glow that mirrored the warmth of their friendship, Mariabelle and Ringo sat side by side on the dock, watching the night descend. In the peaceful end to a chaotic day, their laughter continued, a testament to their unbreakable bond and the promise of many more fishing adventures to come.
Now as a super sexy Vixen and an ultra attractive Fish. Yet to them, it was like nothing ever changed…
—
Friendly jokes always stay the same. Through thick, thin, gender and race changes.
Cowritten with Kiri Kasei
