G. Kitsune
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The Soul Reborn: From Silence to Sovereignty Chapter 45
🕑 Added 2025-06-19 16:23:16 +0000 UTCChapter 45: When Love Hurts Most
The days that followed were quiet and tender. Mornings passed in a tangle of blankets, his hands moving gently over my belly, and the comforting weight of a love that never wavered.
We moved forward with the changes we had planned, transforming Coldmere into something far more refined.
Then… everything changed in an instant.
When the red-sealed report from the Northern Watch arrived that morning, Noah read it in silence. The change in his gaze told me all I needed to know.
A large-scale monster flood was reported near our borders, disturbingly coordinated and rapidly approaching the outskirts of Coldmere.
It wasn’t anywhere near us, but it would take a seven-day carriage ride to reach the location of the impending attack.
Noah had to go…
I lasted maybe an hour before the tears started to fall. They came out overwhelmingly, like my tear duct had ruptured, sobs that wouldn’t stop no matter how tightly I held onto them.
We were alone in our chambers, the door closed behind us. I clung to him as if letting go would break me, as if his leaving would shatter everything holding me together.
My face pressed into the crook of his neck, arms wrapped tightly around broad shoulders, his shirt damp from the storm of emotions I couldn’t hold back. My fingers clutched the fabric like it was the only thing tethering him to me, unwilling to let go.
“Noah…” I whispered my voice cracking. “I don’t want you to go.”
His arms were around me. One hand at my back, the other cradling the back of my head, but he didn’t say anything.
Because honestly… what could he say in this situation where I’m being completely unreasonable?
“I’ll miss you too much,” I breathed, barely able to get the words out through sobs. “You could be gone a month, Noah… or more.”
He tried to lift his head to offer a word, but I pressed my forehead harder into him, desperate to stay in that moment for as long as possible.
“I know you have to go. I understand, but I still feel this way. These emotions from this pregnancy are overwhelming, and right now, everything just feels too intense.”
He kissed the top of my head.
“And this,” I went on, my voice still trembling, “is exactly when someone would choose to come antagonize me while you’re away.”
I pulled back just enough to look at him… red-eyed, lips trembling.
“How am I supposed to deal with that without you?”
His expression was completely helpless because he had no idea what to do, and my actions were only making things worse. Noah has been my guiding light in this new life for months now, and I’ve barely been separated from him.
Being apart for over a month was something I desperately wanted to avoid.
My arms tightened around his neck as I whispered, “I know I’m strong. I’ve done terrifying things before, but I always had you with me. Maybe this reaction isn’t healthy. Maybe it’s not the right way to cope. But I’ve never been the type to follow expectations.”
The smirk that bloomed for a second quickly disappeared back into sadness.
His hands cupped my cheek; I leaned into it. Noah wiped away one of my tears, only to have it replaced by another. He looked down at me, who was both his entire world… and the one thing he hated to leave behind.
I don’t know how long I cried… minutes, hours?
But eventually, the sobs turned into soft sniffles. My heartbeat slowed; the ache in my chest wasn’t gone, but it dulled to a low throb.
Then through the blur of my lashes I saw something I didn’t expect. Yes… I’ve seen him do it once before when I was stabbed, but this time it was much different. He seemed even more exposed than before.
There were tears falling down Noah’s face; they weren’t mine, but his.
I froze… My Noah, who always stood like a stone, never letting his mask crack in front of anyone. He was now turning into a mess because I was still being too much.
He’s cornered by his own choices, doomed to feel empty no matter the outcome.
Either he goes to defeat the enemy, saving the people of Coldmere, or he stays, risking the lives of tens of thousands just to keep his pathetic, crying wife happy.
But I can’t help how I’m feeling.
My breath caught, and the tight grip I had around Noah’s neck loosened.
“Noah... You’re… crying?”
He didn’t turn away or try to hide it. Those sharp, beautiful blue eyes locked onto mine.
“I…” My voice broke. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to make you…”
His hand moved gently, covering my mouth. I took it as a sign that he had something to say, so I stayed silent and waited for his words.
Then he spoke, and his voice was nothing like his usual self-assured, cold tone but one of a defeated man who can’t leave his wife in such a state.
“I’m not crying because you made me weak, Sera. It’s because you matter so much. Seeing you like this… It’s doing something to me, and I don’t know how to fix it.”
Tears began to fall again as I blinked in disbelief. I was a complete mess, overwhelmed by guilt.
“This isn’t easy for me either,” he said softly, his fingers brushing the side of my face. “Do you think I want to leave you now? When you're carrying our child? When you’ve been glowing with happiness, only to break down in my arms like the world is falling apart?”
His hand settled gently over my belly.
“I feel helpless,” he admitted, his voice breaking for just a second. “For the first time in years I can’t just strike down an enemy to fix something. No threat I can cut through to protect you from this.”
I just stared at him, at every word falling from his mouth like pieces of his soul.
“If it were safe, if I could, I would take you with me. I would build you a throne in the middle of the battlefield and guard it with my life, just to stay by your side. But I can’t. Not now, not with how far along you are. It wouldn’t be just you I would be risking, but also her.”
His hand gently pressing on my stomach once again…
My sobs were growing more controlled, and I was calming down to a certain extent with feelings of shame for my actions.
Noah spoke again, his voice low and steady. “That’s a risk I’ll never take.” He turned to the window, lost in thought, while I watched him in silence. Then he leaned in, whispering into my hair. “I hate this. Every moment I’m gone, I’ll be thinking of you, wondering if you’re alright, if you’re lonely, if you need me there to lift your spirit.”
He placed both hands on my shoulders and locked eyes with mine, his face gentle yet serious.
“You’re not alone anymore, not ever. I will come back to you, Sera. I swear it!”
Then he kissed me full of the affection words couldn’t say. He rested his forehead against mine and whispered, “You’re my world, and the only place I ever want to return to.”
The morning of Noah’s departure came far too quickly.
Grey clouds stretched across the sky, as if the world itself sensed something precious was being pulled away from me. I had calmed down since my last emotional breakdown in front of Noah. I still felt ashamed, but these emotions during pregnancy were hard to control.
We stayed attached to each other the entire morning; he catered to my every need. He helped me dress, brushed out my hair, and held me every chance he could get before he had to go.
He thought it would be better if I didn't follow him to the gate, which I couldn’t completely deny. Not when I could barely walk a few steps without needing his arm. I was just a mess.
So instead, we said our goodbyes in our bedroom, the place that held our wildest nights and our gentlest mornings.
Noah stood by the door, already dressed in armor with his sword at his hip, but his expression was unguarded and vulnerable, as if every instinct in him was pleading to stay.
Before he made his final stand at the door, unwilling to leave me alone for so long, I sat at the edge of the bed. One hand rested protectively on my stomach, the other clutching his sleeve like it was the last lifeline I had left.
He leaned down and kissed my forehead, then my lips, then my stomach. His hand lingered there the longest, holding it gently as if he couldn’t let go.
“Stay safe,” he whispered.
“You too,” I choked out.
Then he turned to leave.
I didn’t follow, of course I wanted to, but I couldn’t.
My eyes stared down the doorway where Noah had just left like it was my mortal enemy. It was now empty, and I didn’t have the strength to go look out the window and watch him ride away.
It pained me to watch him disappear into the horizon. The way he looked at me before leaving stayed with me, a quiet look of worry and a promise he never had to say aloud.
As soon as I heard the distant sounds of hooves beyond the estate walls, the tears came once again, unstoppable.
I curled forward, arms wrapping around my belly like I was trying to hold onto something that was already slipping away.
Then Livia showed up next to me with her soft hands around mine. She didn’t say anything but was just a support system I needed while Noah went off to handle his duty.
Right now I just felt like lying here for a long time, still trying to accept the fact I would be alone for at least the next month. There was even a possibility it could be even longer. When a male lead goes off like this, something usually happens. Whether it will be here or there, I have no idea.
I don’t know… Maybe I’m just being paranoid, and the countless books of my past life have warped my brain. There are only negative thoughts, and I know that’s not fair to Noah, who’s probably going to try even harder because of my mental state to get back as fast as possible.
“I hate this,” I whispered, voice broken. “I hate that we’re being separated at such a time. Couldn’t it have been after my pregnancy so I could have Lyra to play with?”
Livia nodded her head at every single word, “I know.” She murmured softly.
“The hardest part is the uncertainty of how long he’ll be gone. Days, maybe weeks… could it even be months?” My heart ached. “I miss him already, Livia. It hurts.”
As my emotions bubbled up to the surface, Livia stayed with me through it all. Holding my hand and giving me the support I desperately needed right now.
I don’t even remember how long I stayed in that state, probably days.
The one thing that kept me going during that time was the thought of Noah running to me upon his return, imagining how incredible that first big hug or the sweetness of a kiss would feel.
A love so deep had become a pain that I never knew existed before now. To think after everything that had happened in this life and the last, I would have such powerful feelings towards another.
I giggled to myself as a thought came to mind. What an idiot I was before thinking I didn’t want anything to do with him at first; little did I know at the time just how irreplaceable his existence would become.
Noah Velmoure wasn’t just the man I loved but the air I breathed, gravity holding me in place, and every passing moment without him cemented that belief even further.
In the end, we had become everything to each other.
