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Arc 9 Chapter XVII: Devil's Advocate
🕑 Added 2025-09-16 18:59:18 +0000 UTCGive forth your great praise to our local purveyor of mischief and deviousness, for its terrible words helped this grand work along once more!
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My cheerful whistling tune ceased as I ascended up the now thoroughly dead hag's domain, my inventory freshly filled to the brim with interesting but otherwise unimpressive loot, save for a considerable amount of highly useful fae bits.
'Man, since when did I become this fucked up?' I mused, even if I knew the answer to that question inside and out.
Life tended to lose its sanctity when you were able to give and take it with a wave of your hand, no matter how much one wanted to philosophize or justify themselves, something always slipped.
Though my bout of relaxation was not stopped by the familiar train of thought but by the terrified gazes of the mortals, whose numbers had grown while I was exacting my justice.
The monster hunter was the first to gather himself as he took a firming breath and asked "Is the hag dead then?"
"Irrevocably." I hummed with satisfaction.
His eyes widened briefly "While this might be redundant I'd advise you to watch your back. Her coven will not take this laying down."
I offered him the slightest bob of my head "You are correct in that the warning is redundant but I shall take it for what it was intended to be."
He seemed satisfied with that.
"What of the rest of you?" I asked.
An act I almost regretted as I was then dragged into healing and helping those I freed from the hag's curse, whether it be healing the foolish girl's scrapes and bruises and accumulating food poisoning, or helping the broken minds of the masked guardians along on the path to restoration.
A dwarf merchant who had been tricked into being turned into a statue promised me his hospitality if I ever found my way to the port city of Baldur's Gate, and something told me I would wind up there sooner or later.
The hunter also told me of a Drow that was captured in a perpetual illusion of horror who fled the moment he was freed but I found I didn't much care for chasing him down at the moment.
Hours later, once the farmer girl's cursing and weeping became just a touch too irritating, I signaled for all of them to leave and stepped out of the hag's hut, telling them to make way for the Emerald Grove and snapping my fingers.
The hag's domain burned like dry tinder under my magic, soon to be forgotten as the filth deserved.
While the others happily made way towards the grove after I assured them of the way's safety, the monster hunter stayed behind, cautious curiosity in his eyes.
"Expecting compensation for the 'monster hunt'?" I quirked an eyebrow at him, having already read his intentions.
"Not precisely." His lips thinned, cautious eyes fixed on me "I hoped to ask you a few questions, if you do not mind."
"First things first." I rose a finger to forestall him, and then materialized a small pouch in that same hand, and quickly tossing it at him "The currency is foreign, I know, but I doubt anyone would deny you use of pure gold."
His eyes widened and he caught the pouch and looked inside, finding a stack of a hundred septims inside.
Their purity was much greater than back when I first walked Tamriel due to the monetary reform I nagged Minthara into enacting but that was a tale for another time.
The hunter went to protest at the blatant overpayment for services rendered but I once more raised my hand.
"Consider it a noble's whim, hm?" I smirked "We are a fickle bunch after all."
"My thanks." He bowed his head after a bit of hesitance "My clan will make good use of it."
"I do not doubt it." I hummed "Now ask your questions."
"The quarry I seek." He began "Is a vampire spawn, goes by the name of Astarion. His tracks turned cold recently and the hag was my last hope of finding him."
"A vampire spawn?" I quirked an eyebrow, showing nothing "There are more types to the local strain?"
He didn't hesitate to answer "For a vampire to become a full-fledged one their sire must feed them their blood after turning them, otherwise they remain bound and weaker but still greatly empowered."
"Interesting." I noted "And do these spawn walk in the daylight, or is their weakness' purpose mere enslavement for its own sake?"
"The latter." Gandrel said, question in his eyes.
I didn't answer immediately, and instead focused on my more mystical perceptions, fiddling with some divination despite the world's inherent resistance for anything free of form.
Just as he was about to speak up again I preempted him "I am afraid your hunt will have to end, for now."
A flash of emotion passed on his face, but he had enough control to keep his question simple "Why?"
"Because the vampire spawn you hunt has recently entered my service, and is thus under my protection." I said calmly, and seeing his immediate agitation I added "Something tells me however, that should you give it time you might just find what you are really looking for."
The man was by now doing an appreciable impression of a fish out of water, but once more gained a touch of my respect by quickly calming himself "And you are sure of this?"
"Nothing is ever truly certain." I told him honestly "But this isn't the first time a 'hunch' of mine proved correct, if you catch my meaning."
He looked unsure, caught between doing his job or trusting someone he could never hope to face.
A simple choice really, but terribly frustrating non the less.
And so I decided to throw him a bone "How about this: Join the others at the grove, and follow us from a distance. I might have need of your knowledge and you will get to follow your quarry and learn about him in the meantime." I tilted my head "That fair?"
He was obviously non too pleased by this but knew he had little to no true choice in the matter and nodded "Of course."
A smirk made its way onto my face "Excellent." I clapped my hands "You may consider my earlier payment to be the start of a retainer then, there is more to come should you prove useful to me."
The promise of more gold had its expected effect and the tension drained from the man, however slightly.
"For now though I will have to leave you." I waved my hand after the other victims of the hag "You might still catch up to them if you make haste, and I doubt they would begrudge another protector on the way."
"Very well." He nodded "I hope I don't regret this."
"Those who serve me rarely do." I hummed, a touch ominously but that was habit at this point.
The man shivered and left me in the burning bog.
I began humming my tune again and scratched my beard "Now where would that ginger treehugger hide her letter?"
---
The meeting point, one already used and trapped by some druidic elemental creatures that were promptly ashed by yours truly, was positioned barely a few hops away from the hag's bog, on a small island that looked to have served as some kind of ritual site in ages past.
And while a treasure hunt sounded all kinds of fun in the right moments this was not one of them, a quick scry more than sufficient for me to find what I was looking for.
The soaked letter in my hand looked barely legible as I extracted it from the rotting tree trunk, its contents making my eyebrows rise up to my hairline as I scanned through it.
Both because of the contents themselves and just how terrible a handwriting had just insulted my eyes.
"Well, well, well." I said to myself "Either our dear Kagha was planning her betrayal for a long time already or she is so spineless that all it took was her teacher being gone for half a day for her to be completely subverted."
My nose crinkled up "By whatever the fuck a Shadow Druid was?"
Judging by her whole demeanor I wouldn't be surprised if they were some kind of fundamentalist bunch glazing the idea of nature's wrath and somehow being even worse in their treehugging ways than their more hippy cousins.
"All the more reason for me to find Halsin." I nodded, a small grin twisting my face as I thought about orchestrating things in such a way the ginger fuckhead got executed by her own master.
I do so love me a good bout of comeuppance!
Naturally my fun had to be interrupted as an annoying bird decided to be his usual self 'Oi, pops!'
'What?'
'The n'wahs are being annoying.' He chirped.
'Annoying how?' I asked.
'Trying to murder each other and shit.' I could feel his mental shrug 'Might wanna stop them, just saying.'
'I leave for one fucking second-' I began grumbling but I was already casting the teleportation spell.
---
(General POV, a bit earlier)
Her furious roar echoed across the valley she had crashed in only a day prior, her greataxe cutting through the false paladin's plate armor and slamming his limp body off the highway and into the rocks below in one brutal movement.
Unfortunately instead of intimidating them, the other knights pursuing her were only made furious by the kill, and they rushed at her with blades drawn.
She let herself drown in her fury and struck back heedless of the danger, landing blow after blow, and killing many more but ultimately suffering many injuries with each kill, ones that inevitably began slowing her down.
To her immense fortune, this allowed her a moment of clarity, and before the leader of the 'paladins' could skewer her with his enchanted blade she threw herself after the corpses, hitting a few rocks on the way as she tumbled down before slamming hard into the ground.
She coughed painfully for a moment, and rolled over on her back, downing her last health potion and wincing at the sizzling feeling of the liquid literally burning up in her system as bits of her flesh knit together.
She forced the pain down and limped away as fast as she could, throwing herself into a nearby creek to mask her passing, and disappearing from view just as the knights found their way to where she was moments ago.
The large Tiefling woman clad in ragged armor let out a sigh of relief as they left, and slumped against the nearby cliff face.
She looked up into the distant sunset and took a long breath, a wide smile spreading on her face "One day outside the Hells and already making a fight of it, eh Karlach?" She chuckled and winced in pain, the noise turning into another pained cough.
"Probably shouldn't move too much." She muttered and allowed herself to slump lower, serene expression quickly replaced by hate "Anders and the rest of the fuckers won't stop searching for me..."
'Not when their search is at Zariel's command.' She made sure not to say that part aloud.
Devils were insidious like that, even cursing their name was enough to catch their attention if you were unlucky.
And considering said Devil had just sent an entire company of fallen paladins to capture or kill her, something told Karlach she wasn't about to turn lucky anytime soon.
Just as close to an hour passed and the sun had began to fully set, she allowed herself to relax somewhat, even as her stomach rumbled and her everything hurt enough to knock a normal person out.
She knew the only reason she hadn't bled out already was the fact her wounds burned themselves shut.
And what was a dozen more scars to add to the list?
She began closing her eyes but then she heard voices nearby, unfamiliar voices not belonging to Zariel's pet paladins, but to another group entirely.
Karlach grit her teeth and she felt her heart begin its metallic thump anew, griping her axe and readying herself for a desperate last stand.
She couldn't run away even if she wanted to.
And then as if they knew exactly where to find her, the group rounded past a large shrub and came face to face with the lone Tiefling.
"Told you." The fiery bird sitting atop an albino dragonborn's head chirped proudly.
"That you did, our feathery friend." A human wizard by the looks of him smiled wryly.
But Karlach could barely focus on that much as her eyes landed on the other human in the group, a familiar hateful one-eyed glare directed at her, one she had barely escaped from by getting kidnapped by the Mind Flayers.
"One horn, this stink of Avernus." The Blade of Frontiers hissed, rapier unsheathed and stance aggressive "Advocatus Diaboli."
"Should have expected this." Karlach cursed and readied her axe.
"Silence, Devil." The man thrust his sword forward threateningly "I know what you are, gladiator in the Archdevil Zariel's army!"
She flinched away from the sword just quickly enough to buy herself a moment to talk "You've got to be lacking both eyes to think I serve Zariel." She spat "I am running from her you idiot."
"Silence!" He glared and she knew he was about to thrust again.
Only for the air to turn unnaturally heavy all of a sudden.
"Oi, n'wah." The firebird chirped, voice still cheery yet somehow supernaturally menacing at the same time, and suddenly the air turned scalding hot "The fuck do you think you are doing?"
Beads of sweat ran down Wyll's head, and his sole eye narrowed. He kept Karlach in his sights and answered "Don't you see? She is a Devil!"
"My brother in Dagoth." The bird half-scoffed half-drawled "That is obviously a Tiefling."
"Exactly!" Karlach exclaimed.
"Silence!" Wyll growled and addressed the bird again "Her kind isn't to be trusted, they pretend and lie as naturally as they breathe! She is just waiting for a chance to kill us."
The air somehow managed to turn even more scalding hot, a distinct aura of bored annoyance radiating from the bird "If that was the case, you complete dumbass." Scorch chirped "We are fucked anyway, because she'd need to be a god to manage that."
The rest of the party turned slightly agitated at that, but none really felt like interrupting.
Desperation flashed on Wyll's face and he stammered out a "You don't understand."
"Bitch I don't need to." The bird shrugged his wings.
And before Wyll could respond, the already eclectic group gained an extra member as a tall elf, one completely different than any other Karlach had seen before, appeared behind Wyll seemingly out of nowhere, his gauntleted hand planted firmly on the man's shoulder.
The Balduran folk hero stilled completely.
"You aren't an idiot, kid." He spoke calmly, side-eyeing the bird as he did and making the party let out breaths of relief as it rolled its eyes and the air returned to normal.
He didn't wait for Wyll to plead his case and instead looked into Karlach's eyes for a moment, showing nothing before turning to a pale elf who looked far too amused by all this "Astarion, I see you've been practicing."
"Naturally." The pale elf purred.
For the first time since she'd seen him, Karlach noticed a flash of emotion on the grey elf's face as he gave 'Astarion' a look of annoyed disgust and made a wave with his hand "Do the brain thing, should make things much more simple."
Karlach's eyes narrowed but that was all the time she got as she felt the tadpole lodged in her head suddenly stirring, flashes of memories and images belonging to all the other Mind Flayer victims nearby passing through her head.
"Damn it." Wyll was the first to speak as he took a step away from her, none of his previous aggression remaining, replaced as it was by dawning horror.
Karlach was far less discouraged however as she laughed "Well damn, aren't we a fun bunch."
"You can say that again." The half-elf cleric rolled her eyes with a flash of exasperation.
"Most amusing." The grey elf, who Karlach now understood was her path to survival, said "However I believe introductions will have to wait."
His eyes flashed with cruel anticipation "Your knightly friends seem to have noticed us."
Suddenly and with no warning, Karlach felt all her wounds disappear in a flash as if they were never there, a fresh wave of vigor filling her body as she reached for her weapon.
The elf winked at her and mouthed 'Go wild, kid.'
Her metal heart began to thump like mad, and she grinned.
Comments
Skye Morningstar
The world needs more tall buff women who beat evil into chunky salsa
Skye Morningstar
Personally I'm hoping some poor idiot gets lolths attention, followed by reyvin doing what he does best: stabbing/burning a bitch
EmmericH.
Karlach my bestie, always one of my main companion, I usually prefer magic casters, but there is a charm about a more than 2 metres tall and muscular tiefling barbarian pulverise her enemies into paste or throwing them at each others π
