Milc/C.J. Milnes
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Chapter 25 - Investment Banking
🕑 Added 2025-06-22 19:28:24 +0000 UTC“Your very good health, sir!” I raised my tankard of ale and toasted my companion. He took a long drink and placed the cup down delicately. He turned it slowly so the handle pointed directly at his chest. It was a slightly awkward moment, then he looked up and met my eyes.
“Thank you for the ale and the food, Mr. Bob.--”
“It’s just Bob, dude.”
“Very well, Bob. As I was saying, the issue is with opening an account. Usually, accounts are opened when the regional manager passes through. She’s based out of Longbottom, which is not an inconsiderable distance to the south. We receive visits twice a year. In the meantime, I am not certain I can be of assistance.” He shook his head sadly.
“I’m looking to deposit three thousand in gold.” He gawped at me.
“That’s a considerable sum to entrust to a rural bank, si–Bob. Why on Helstat would you want to commit so much? While we are relatively safe, we are right on the border with the Orlic Confederacy.” He shook his head. “Someone such as yourself wouldn’t settle here, if I might be so bold. There isn’t much of interest to someone who has been so fortunate to progress so far as you.”
“I’m looking to invest in Fidler’s Mill.”
“You have already made that clear. Sir. My question remains. Why?” He took another drink and once more aligned the handle fastidiously.
“I’m looking to settle down for a while and work on my magic. I need somewhere peaceful, somewhere that I can set down roots for a few years. The gold isn’t doing anything in my pocket dimension, with you, it can earn some interest.”
“We don’t generally offer interest on accounts. We aim to provide security and the option to withdraw or deposit funds at other branches.” He shook his head sadly. “Perhaps–”
“Perhaps, you just need a suitable way to make interest work in your favour. Locally, I mean. By investing in the community, the community can benefit and grow. And we can make bank!” I grinned carefully.
“We are already a bank?”
“Not what I meant. By using stored funds, but retaining enough to cover any predictable withdrawals, we can use that money to support local businesses in the form of start-up loans, lent at interest. As the businesses grow and pay us back, the community becomes richer, and you can afford to offer interest to more clients. Everyone wins!”
I was reasonably sure I’d have to do a shitload of good deeds to balance my karma for explaing how usury worked to Angtirm. I was walking a tightrope here. I wanted to grow my hoard in a way that didn’t involve killing BDSM cultists or whatever other fucked up thing the system would throw at me, and grow my spiritual balance so that my inveitable death, hopefully a long way in the future, wouldn’t result in another downgrade.
“Here’s your food, gentlemen. If there’s anything, anything else you need, just whistle!” Esme winked before swaying away towards the kitchen. Angtrim and I pulled our eyes away from the bobbing behind and shared smirks.
“Let’s eat. I think better on a full stomach,” he suggested, and I nodded before digging into my stew with gusto. Since leveling, I was feeling hunger again. Not to the point where I’d pounce on a cow, but it was present once more, and sadly, normal food wasn’t cutting it. I didn’t get any biomass from it.
“So, what would you want to invest in?” he asked as he wiped his mouth on a handkerchief and laid it perfectly square on the table next to his equally neatly aligned mug of ale.
“Well, do you know any good cooks? No disrespect to our host and his lovely daughter, but the food here isn’t exactly fine dining. I could see a restaurant doing very well in the Mill. Somewhere to take a young lady when you want to impress her? I have a line on some extremely high-quality beef in the works. I wouldn’t want to appear as an outsider coming in and trying to upset the applecart. So if someone local, a well-respected man, a pillar of the community, were also involved, it would make the whole process go much more smoothly and be much more profitable.”
Angtirm and I shared one key characteristic that I couldn’t help but respect: greed. I was leaning into what I thought was his weakness, and judging from the twinkle in his eyes, I hadn’t missed my mark.
“I suspect the known man in such an endeavour would be the one bearing most of the risks? Should I entertain your offer… It would be my reputation on the line. I can’t just flit away into the night. I’m no adventurer, Bob. Just a family man who wants a quiet life in a peaceful town. Anything that might risk disturbing that would be a challenge for me to support.” He steepled his hands beneath his chin and learn forward. “But if the terms were agreeable? I might be willing to take some risks.” He fixed me with a gimlet gaze.
Bankers. Getting into bed with this guy, as pleasant as he was to chat to, was going to cost me some serious kudos with the Woo. I was looking to make a tidy profit, obviously, but I was also hoping to elevate this rural dump to a regional trade centre in the long term. I had Tex running errands for me to the capital, and the revenue from the dungeon as I cleared more floors and got the industrial section up and running. I could make Fidler’s Mill into a regional powerhouse. But I needed this weasel on my side to do so.
“You wouldn’t have any gold on the line. The man who pays the piper calls the tunes.” I made the S sounds more sibilant than they ought to be as I quietly made my point. “I’m happy to indemnify you against any loss. I know a few good chefs myself. Of course, the less you contribute, the more uneven the split should be.”
“That’s… not unreasonable. What exactly are you proposing?”
“I’ll front the initial costs for a business venture. My gut tells me a restaurant would be a good proposition in this town. I’m confident we can make it noteworthy. We’d likely need other investors to support the running costs, and they would all receive a share of the annual profits. That’s how we bring in members of the wider population with little money to speculate on a new venture. I would assume you know a few trusted friends who might be willing to help support a groundbreaking idea?” I smiled.
“I might know a few trustworthy people, Bob. But if you’re the primary backer… as an unknown, that’s a hard sell to my friends.”
“Mordechai can vouch for me,” I offered optimistically. “As can Jezebel.”
“Failing to seduce one of my staff is not a point in your favour, and there isn’t a family in town who doesn’t have a grudge against the barber for an unnecessary amputation. No. This won’t do at all. Perhaps if we made the profits lean more in my direction, I could swing my friends, but as it stands? I’m not optimistic.” Sharks have less toothy smiles than the one this fat human chose to send my way. I fought down the urge to eat him as I adjusted my ascot.
“That’s why I’m asking you to be the face, but as the gold would be mine, at least at the start, surely I’m already taking enough of a risk?” I ran a hand back through my newly-trimmed hair. I was considering offering Mr. Angtirm a complimentary trim with Mordechai.
“Hence my concern about the relative burden of the profits, dear Bob. You have no reputation to lose. I would be putting my whole life on the line.” He didn’t mean it literally, but I was sorely tempted to make it work that way.
“What are you proposing?” I ground out. This had gone from me selling a great, and highly profitable, idea, to me begging for favours. Something had gone awry, and I regretted not rolling Draconic Charm more than ever: next time, Bob, next time.
“Well, as it stands, I think you’re too much of an unknown. I’d be happy to guarantee any investment you made, as a matter of course for a friend, but I don’t think people who don’t know you would be willing to risk any of their savings on such a novel idea.”
He seemed earnest enough. Enough to screw me, at any rate. The gleam in his eyes and the curl at the side of his mouth told me he knew it was a good idea, and he’d run with it whether I was on board or not. This was a Mexican standoff. I was confident he needed me just as much as I needed him, but we were locked in a duel for profits.
“Well, perhaps I could go it alone. I’m sure I could swing a few of the townsfolk to support the project.”
“I’m afraid not, my friend. I have done a little asking around. You’re strong, too strong to want to stay in town. That makes everyone suspicious.” He took a long drink of ale and laid the mug back exactly where it had been before he picked it up. “Wandering adventurers, threshold heroes on the cusp of being a mid-tier power, aren’t widely admired. Your sort, no disrespect, tend to come and go as it suits you until you can get whatever rank in the Guilds you are aiming for, or you die. I’m afraid, as it stands, no one will be willing to gamble their savings on your word. I’d also be honour-bound to counsel my clients against such a risk.” Angtirm just got tagged as “legitimate food” in my mind, but I would settle my debts with him later. I’d save some puppies or something to make up for eating him when the time came.
“Well, if that’s how you feel, I’m not sure there’s much more I can say. Perhaps we could pick this up another day?” My smile showed just a little bit too much canine.
“I’m truly sorry, Sir Bob. Perhaps we could revisit this idea in a few weeks? If you’re still around and still interested in pursuing your idea, I’d be happy to look at what arrangements we can come to.”
“That would be lovely, Mr. Angtirm. I’ll be sure to pop by the next time I’m feeling peckish.”
The man rose and nodded, gave me a shit eating grin, then made his way back out onto the street. I rested my chin on both palms, elbows propped up on the table, as the frustration set in. I’d resolved not to rob the bastard, but now… I wanted to rob him, then eat him, then rob him again.
“What’s the problem, lovely? You’re looking down, and I don’t like seeing a handsome man being sad alone.” Esme lowered herself into the recently vacated chair. Losing sight of her behind was a bummer, but she crossed her arms and leaned forward to emphasize her other assets.
“An idea I had to help the town didn’t work out,” I muttered.
