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Clinical Trial
🕑 Added 2020-08-06 21:53:09 +0000 UTC
“What in the hell do you think you’re doing, DeSousa?” Captain Monroe slid the photos across his desk.
Natalia picked them up and pretended to look at them. She didn’t really need to see what was on the pictures. She’d taken them herself, after all. “Taking surveillance photos of Genesis International Execs.” She plopped the photos back on the captain’s desk. “Y’know. Stakeouts, tracking suspects’ movements. Looking for openings to set up wiretaps. Detective stuff.”
A low growl rumbled up from the captain’s throat. “Detective stuff?” Unblinking amber eyes attempted to drill straight into the young cop’s skull. “Is that what you call it?” Natalia knew better than to answer. Captain Monroe was like a doberman. Lots of bark, but if somebody barked back...that was when the bite happened. “‘Detective stuff’,” he spat, “is following orders and waiting to get a search warrant from a judge!”
Natalia couldn’t let that stand. “That’s bullshit, Captain!” She leapt to her feet, slapping her palms down on the desk. “You know as well as I do that G.I. has every judge in its pocket.” Her own brown eyes-her father’s eyes- locked with her commanding officer and mentor’s amber orbs.
“If your father and I hadn’t served in the marines together, DeSousa, you’d be turning in your badge for this kind of insubordination.” A near thirty year old picture hung on the wall behind James Monroe.
The younger, thinner man was in that picture posing with a father Natalia could barely remember. Not that the captain was out of shape by any metric; it’s just that middle age did things to a body. He’d managed to keep most of the fat off, save a bit in his middle, and underneath his suit were still two very strong arms. Though the ratio of salt to pepper in his hair and goatee was starting to favor salt, the Captain was far from a washed up old desk jockey.
No. Captain Monroe still had a lot of fight left in him; a fact that his reputation testified to. But then why, Natalia thought, wasn’t he fighting this fight?
“Don’t let that stop you!” Natalia fired back. “If you think that what I’m wanting is wrong.
“It’s illegal!”
“But is it wrong?”
“IT’S ILLEGAL!”
“BUT IS IT WRONG?!”
Captain Monroe shook his head and rubbed at his temples. “Jesus, Natalia.” he whispered. “You’re just like your father.” Inwardly, Natalia smiled. That was the highest compliment her C.O. knew how to give her. It also meant that she’d won.
Detective Natalia DeSousa looked very little like the other man in that photo. Had her father lived to see her grow up, he probably would have been grateful for that. Efren DeSousa had been a lot of things, but a looker wasn’t one of them. Natalia took more after her mother, with her long dark hair, and slender build that popped out just a little bit around the hips. But she still had her father’s eyes.
Daddy hadn’t made it to her second birthday. All she had to remember him by were old baby pictures and old marine stories from her commanding officer. They were nice, but a father who died while she was still in diapers was more of an idea than a person to Natalia.
That idea still held a lot of sway with Captain Monroe, however The doberman was losing steam and didn’t want to do more than bark at his favorite puppy. “Tell me again,” he said, sitting back in his chair. “Why are you going so hard after Genesis International?”
She didn’t sit down. She leaned over his desk instead. It wasn’t a threatening gesture; not from her, but rather a physical sign of her conviction. “That new street drug?” Natalia said. “The one that’s sending people to psych wards and Emergency Rooms?”
Captain Monroe frowned. “That brain drain stuff?” he asked. “Take a little and you’re tripping like it’s the best ecstacy you’ve ever had-”
“Take too much,” Natalia finished the thought, “and you end up just this side of a vegetable. And there’s no way to tell what’s too much and what’s not. The stuff is extremely volatile.”
“While are you telling me things I already know, DeSousa?” He folded his hands in his lap. Good. He was ready. He wanted to be convinced.
“On the street the stuff is called ‘Clockspin’,” Natalia said. “Users report experiencing vivid flashback memories from childhood.”
“Before they inevitably overdose and go full baked potato.”
Natalia rolled her eyes and sighed. “Before they inevitably overdose and go full baked potato,” she admitted. “Genesis International is reportedly in clinical trials for a drug that will treat alzheimers. Claims it’s developing an enzyme that reconnects neural pathways allowing for memory access. Turns back the clock.”
The captain started connecting the dots. “And you think G.I. is selling the drug on the street?”
“I think these so-called clinical trials are bullshit. I think the real trials aren’t happening in any lab, Captain. I think they’re happening out on the street.” Natalia suddenly knew what it must be like to grow a second head, because the captain was looking at her like she had. “I’m not crazy, sir. Brain scans of the O.D. victims show that their brains are very similar to newborns.”
“Well yeah,” he scoffed. “Brain damaging drugs damage your brain.”
“This isn’t brain damage sir. It’s brain restructuring. These people are having their brains completely rewired, rebuilt, and rewound, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to conclude that some street level operation- hell, even a drug cartel- couldn’t possibly make something that potent by itself.
Captain Monroe pouted out his lip. His nose wrinkled. It was one of his tells. He was close to giving in.
“Please, Captain.”
Finally, he spoke. “No.”
“NO?!
“I think you might be onto something, Detective.” The captain hardened. “But if this is even remotely true, you’re dangerously underqualified to handle it. We’re gonna have to kick it up to the feds.”
“But the feds are-!”
“DeSousa!” the old doberman barked. One more word out of, Natalia would get her bit, too. “For your own safety you are NOT to pursue this link between Genesis International and this Clockspin drug. I can’t have you goin’ all cowgirl on this. Understand? Do you understand?”
Natalia bowed her head. “Yes sir.” Natalia knew it to be a lie the moment she said it. One way or another, she was doing this.
*******************************************************************************************
Being under anesthesia or tranquilizer isn’t like being asleep. Terms like “passed out” and “woke up”, are turns of phrase because to the outsider that’s what it looks like. To the person under a powerful tranquilizer’s effect, however, it’s a very different experience; or rather a lack of experience.
Time loses meaning. Even in the deepest sleep, there’s a feeling that time has passed on some small level. Not so for a tranq victim. Eyes close, consciousness is lost, any semblance of active thought fades into oblivion and the next thought they have is when (and if) their eyes open again. It’s rather like being a machine that got suddenly turned off. To an atheist, it’s what death might be like.
No thought. No dreams. Just a sudden nothingness as the brain is turned off and a lurch forward in time as it’s turned back on. The computer doesn’t really care how much time has passed once it’s turned off. It doesn’t even have the ability to worry or fret until someone thinks to plug it back in.
In a similar faction, Natalia didn’t feel as if she’d awoken, as much as someone had decided to plug her brain back in. Initially, groggy from the chemicals suppressing her higher functions finally wearing off, the struggle back to full consciousness was sped up significantly by a natural shot of adrenaline to her system.
There was no window in the room. No clocks either. Not even a television to vainly guess the time based on what was on. The not-quite dim humming of fluorescent bulbs above were the room’s only source of significant light.
“The fuck?!” she yelled. Why was she handcuffed to a hospital bed? What had happened? What had she done?! Reflexively, she rattled against the restraints. Both her arms and legs were secured. She wasn’t going anywhere. “Hello?!” she called. “Hello?! Get me the fuck out of this!”
Only the quiet beeping of hospital machines and monitors answered her. “HEY! ASSHOLES!” she screamed. “I’M AWAKE!” Still nothing. What the hell had happened to her?
Natalia wracked her tranq addled brain. What had she been doing? What had she been up to? The cuffs implied something illegal; VERY off-the-books to say the least. But having all of her limbs so restrained was overkill, even for an arrest. The hospital gown she wore (pink no less...she hated pink) implied she’d been in some kind of accident. But as the feeling started to come back to her body, she could neither feel nor see any signs of injury or surgery.
The detective had an I.V. in her wrist, and there were some monitor’s connected to her underneath the hospital gown. Real basic stuff. Meaning either whatever they had done to her was uninvasive…
Or they just hadn’t done it to her yet.
Natalia started to wonder: Could she do it? Could she break her wrist to free her hand? But even if she did, both her wrists were bound along with her ankles. She was completely spread eagle with only the barest amount of slack to maneuver. An animal caught in a trap would chew off their own leg to escape a trap, but it wouldn’t matter if all four legs were snapped.
Detective DeSousa didn’t have long to consider other escape options. Her isolation ended soon after. The woman who entered, came in quietly, padding like a cat. The lab coat she wore indicated she was a doctor, or some other medical professional; (though anybody could go out and buy a white coat). The woman wasn’t greying yet, and her blonde hair was just faded enough to be natural instead of salon purchased. Natalia guessed that she was closer to the captain’s age than her own.
Doctor Lady had a quiet detached aura about her, like someone browsing down the aisle of a grocery store. No menace. Just browsing. And when she looked up from her clipboard to observe, Natalia felt like a pack of MnM’s at the checkout line.
“You?” Natalia gasped. “I...I know you...”
A thin smile broke out over the white woman’s face. “I would hope so,” she said. “The tranquilizer you were hit with wasn’t that strong.” There was a mixture of clinical detachment and condescending amusement in the woman’s voice.
Natalia grit her teeth and pulled a name out of her brain. “Lawson,” she said. “Emerson Lawson.”
“Doctor,” the woman corrected her. “Doctor Emerson Lawson.” A man in scrubs came in with an I.V. bag and started replacing Natalia’s nearly empty one.
Natalia ignored him, focusing on the woman in charge. “You’re that Genesis International researcher.”
“Guilty,” Lawson said. “And you’re my extra-legal stalker. Security found you snooping around my home.” The memory came back to Natalia. Oh yeah. That’s what had happened. Natalia had figured that a G.I. executive or researcher might have brought evidence home and was willing to gamble that a country club’s rent-a-cop security wouldn’t be nearly as tight as the private mercenaries patrolling any of Genesis International’s branded properties. A slight pinch in the back of her neck had told her she was wrong. Natalia had been unconscious before she’d dropped in the backyard.
Emmerson Lawson’s private security detail went home with her, too. That would’ve been good to know...before.
She was going to lose her badge for this. “Alright,” Natalia said. “You caught me. Call the police.”
That same thin smile returned to Dr. Lawson’s lips. “I don’t think I will.”
“Excuse me?”
Dr. Lawson looked at he clipboard. “Detective Natalia DeSousa,” she read off it. “Assigned to the Clockspin task force. Believes that there’s a tangible connection to the regressive street drug.” She looked down to Natalia. “And you’re correct.”
Natalia’s heart sped up, and not in the good way. “How do you know about that?! The only person who I told that was…” The Detective’s brain slammed on the brakes to her mouth before it could finish that sentence.
“Captain Monroe did warn you. He was trying his best to dissuade you from...” she gestured to the sterile room. “From what ended you up in here.” She paused a moment as Natalia let it sink in. “If it makes you feel any better, he was genuinely torn when we gave him the ultimatum of him or you. Something about letting down Efren’s little girl.”
“If you’re going to kill me,” Natalia growled. “Just do it. Stick my gun between my teeth and pull the trigger.”
Dr. Lawson chuckled lightly under her breath. “I’m not a super-villain, Detective. I’m not any kind of villain. And I have no intention of killing you. Quite the opposite.”
“You’re going to OD me and turn me into a baked potato.” Natalia liked saying ‘baked potato’, it let her mouth and tongue work around enough so she could prep a suitable loogie to spit.
The doctor looked back at the clipboard. “Not quite,” she said. “You were actually very close to Genesis International’s agenda. The drug’s active ingredient is exceedingly volatile. One subject goes far too back, another won’t go far enough. But why do the initial sloppy imprecise trials, when people on the street will pay us to be guinea pigs?”
“You’re slime.”
“And you’re a cliche.” Lawson laughed. “Slime?” She made some notes on the clip board. “Could it be that your vocabulary is regressing at a disproportionate rate.”
Natalia had to get her to talk. She had to know. “What’s your game?”
“My game?” the doctor smirked. “Science is not a game, Detective. It’s for the betterment of mankind. This is a cure for alzheimers. Senility. Maybe even a form of rehabilitation. Imagine rewinding a juvenile delinquent back a year or two before puberty put that nasty streak into them. Imagine a hardened criminal getting enough Clockspin in them to make it so that they can be re-raised the right way.” Natalia watched as the older woman’s eyes drifted down between her legs. “Excuse me.”
Full restrained, Natalia was powerless to stop her hospital gown from being lifted up, revealing the big puffy padding beneath.
Craning her neck and arching her back, Natalia gawked at the plastic thing taped to her hips. Smiley faced stars, clouds, and balloons gawked back at her from her crotch. “Am I wearing a freaking diaper?!”
Natalia drew in breath as her captor groped the pulpy padding. “A wet diaper to be exact. A common side effect of what’s in your system. The childish print helps staff stay in character and has been shown to reduce anxiety in patients, as well.”
“I’m going to kill you!” Natalia threatened. “Outright murder you! Then I’m going to tell everyone the truth and this entire operation is going to shut down. You better just kill me right the frick now!”
“Have you ever read ‘Watchmen’, Natalia?”
Natalia frowned. Something inside her brain felt funny. “Watchmen?” Was she still peeing? She kind of felt like she was still peeing.
“Do you seriously think I’d explain my master-stroke if there remained the slightest chance of you affecting its outcome?” She pointed to just above Natalia’s head.
Still possibly peeing, the detective followed her captor’s finger up to the I.V. bag. Only then, in the dim hospital light, did she realize that the fluid dripping into her veins was bright pink.
“Congratulations, sweetie. You’re in the control group.”
Natalia started to feel giggly, like when a toddler stays up way way past her bedtime and instead of breaking down and tantruming instead laughs at every little thing as overstimulation overtakes them.
“You..you…heh-heh.” she laughed. “I’m gonna…hee-heeeeeee!” IT wasn’t funny! It WASN’T funny! It wasn’t FUNNY! And yet…
Dr. Lawson leaned over and kissed her captive on the forehead. “G’night little girl. See you in a bit.”
And Natalia’s brain turned off again.
******************************************************************************************
Natalia DeSousa woke up in a strange room. At first she thought it was her room, but it was pink. Her room was purple. But pink was a pretty good color too. She was in a bed, but it wasn’t hers. She wasn’t wearing her jammies, neither. When she flipped open the comforter and hopped out of bed, she found that she was wearing a pretty yellow sundress.
“Mommy?” she called out, not really afraid, but lonesome. “Mommy?”
No answer. She looked back to the strange bed she woke up in. It wasn’t her Dora The Explorer bed sheets, but Rugrats. Still, Rugrats was a pretty good. Thinking about Rugrats though…
She lifted the pretty sundress and looked down and scowled. “A diaper?” she said. “Why am I wearing a diaper? I’m not a baby!” She wasn’t a baby, but her diaper was definitely squishy. She wrinkled her nose. “Ew...did I wet the bed?” She’d wet the bed before, but Mommy didn’t make her wear those Goodnite things. That kinda thing would only make her wet her bed for longer, Mommy had said.
Not one to cry, Natalia looked around the bedroom to find a solution. She found one quickly enough by finding a bathroom. It was a tiny one that only had a toilet and a sink, but it would work. The wet nappy forcing her to toddle a bit, Natalia went to the bathroom and expertly took the diaper off, letting it plop on the cold floor.
Then, just in case, she made sure to sit down and get all the tinkle out, just like Mommy had taught her. Because of the wet diaper, she didn’t feel completely clean when she wiped, but she thinked she did a good enough job. Clean enough.
With a sigh and a flush, she walked back out to the bedroom. “Mommy?” Natalia called again. Just in case. She didn’t feel quite right without her underwear on. The dresser with the big mag on top of it looked a lot like her dresser from home. It was the same color as her new dress. Maybe she could find panties in there.
She opened the top drawer. “Eww...more diapers.” She bent over and opened the middle drawer. “Ewww..” her nose wrinkled yet again. “Baby underwear.” Her little cousin still wore baby underwear because she couldn’t always make it to the potty in time. The bottom drawer had the real panties. Natalia bent over and picked out a nice purple pair and slid them on.
Then, she turned and looked around the pretty pink room. The toys looked a little babyish, but kind of fun. She moved to go play with some of them.
“Hello there!” A friendly sounding voice made Natalia jump. The girl whirled around to see that a grown-up had come into the room. “And how are you feeling today, Natalia?”
The lady was dressed like a grown-up. An important one. No sense in not being friendly. “Hi! I’m Natalia!”
“I know,” the lady giggled. “How are you doing today, Natalia?” She seemed really friendly.
“I’m doin’ good,” she said. “What’s your name?”
The lady wrote something down on the clipboard. “I’m Dr. Emmerson Lawson. You can call me Doctor. L.”
“Are you a friend of my Mommy?”
“Your Mommy and I are very good friends, Natalia DeSousa.”
Oh wow. Doctor L. knew Natalia’s first AND last name. That must’ve meant she was a good grown-up. “Wanna play wif me?”
Her smile reminded Natalia of her teacher. “I’d love that!” She held out her hand and Natalia lead her over to the pile of bears. They each picked out a good bear and sat down at the little tea table.
“Natalia,” Doctor L. asked. “How old are you?”
Natalia poured some invisible tea for her bear. “Five. Why?” The doctor lady made some notes on her clipboard.
Doctor L. didn’t answer. “Can you count to a hundred?” she asked, instead.
“Oh yeah! I can do that!” And so she did. She had to stop once or twice to make sure she hadn’t skipped any numbers, but she was pretty sure she got them all.
“VERY GOOD!” The Doctor seemed really happy. “You’re doing so well, Natalia. Would you like some juice?”
“Okay.”
The doctor reached into her lab coat and took out a sippy cup. “Here you go.” Natalia pouted her lip out at the sippy cup. Those were for little kids and babies, and she definitely wasn’t one of those.
Lip upcurled, Natalia asked. “Do I have to drink it outta that?”
A tiny smile came to grown-up doctor lady’s mouth. It looked funny. Not ha-ha funny, either. It looked like a fake smile; like on picture day. “Not if you can take the top off. I just brought it here and didn’t want to spill it in my coat.” That made sense, she guessed.
It took a little doing, but, Natalia was able to screw the top off and drink the juice like a big girl. It was strawberry flavored. Her favorite! Doctor L scribbled some notes and for some reason Natalia started feeling all giggly.
“Night night, Natalia.” The doctor lady said
“Huh?” The poor girl trapped in a woman’s body didn’t have time to ask anymore questions before she passed out. At least this time she’d gone potty after she took the wet diaper off so there wasn’t a puddle forming under her.
Dr. Lawson made some more qualitative observations. “Getting closer…” The ex-detective really did look sweet there, unconscious on the floor.
*******************************************************************************************
Natalia woke up on the floor with a thud. “MOMMY!” she called out. “I FALLED OUTTA THE BED!” That never happened! She had the special railing on her bed to stop her. It was like a crib but she could get out of it by herself. It was then that Natalia noticed that she wasn’t in her own room. “HELP! HEEEELP!”
She twisted and turned on the floor, crying her eyes out for forever until a grown up came to check on her. “Oh my goodness, Natalia, are you okay?”
Natalia opened her eyes and saw the blonde lady trying to take the old bedsheets sheets off of her. But this was no ordinary grown-up. It was a STRANGER! Natalia knew better than to talk to strangers!
“HEEEEEEELP!” she cried. “HELP! STRAAAAANGER! STRAAAANGER! STRANGER DAAAAANGER!”
But no help came. Just the stranger rubbing her back and shushing her until she started crying herself all out of tears. “It’s okay,” the lady whispered. “It’s okay. I’m a friend of your Mommy. She left you with me while she went to run some errands. You’re at my...” she stopped talking for a second. “House. You’re at my house.”
Natalia sniffled. “She did?”
The stranger lady nodded. “Mmmhmm. I’m Doctor. L.”
Natalia said, sitting up on the floor. She didn’t mind the squish as she sat up. It’s not that she didn’t notice it. It was just something she associated with waking up in the morning. “Doctor?” the little girl asked. “Am I sick?”
The new lady giggled like Natalia had just said something funny. “Oh no dear. I’m not that kind of doctor. I-”
“What kinda doctor are you?”
The lady with the big fancy white coat put her hand on her chin. Mommy called that a thinkin’ face. The lady put on her thinkin’ face for a couple more seconds before she finally told Natalia, “Y’know what? Don’t worry about it, sweetie. Okay? How about you call me Miss Emmie?”
Natalia put her fingers in her mouth. It wasn’t her thinkin’ face, but something Mommy called “a bad rabbit”, whatever that meant… “Hi Miss Emmie. I’m your babysitter.” She buried her face in her hands. Now that she knew she was safe and with a babysitter, the little girl was feeling awfully shy.
The shyness didn’t last long, though. “Are you ready to get up and play, Natalia?”
A surge of energy hit Natalia as soon as the grown-up said ‘play’. “Yeah yeah yeah!” With surprising agility for a girl her age, Natalia scrambled up to her feet. Scrambled...and stopped. She lifted up the pretty yellow sundress she’d woken up in and looked for her big girl panties. She wasn’t wearing any. “I wet my diaper…” There wasn’t sadness there, or even distress. Just a statement of fact.
To say she was used to having a wet diaper on when she woke up wasn’t wholly accurate: Used to implied that she could remember a day in her life when she hadn’t woken up in a wet diaper.
Natalia was getting pretty good at keeping dry during the day, but it was diapers at naptime and nighttime still, and that was okay at her age. She wasn’t a baby, but she wasn’t quite a big girl. Not yet anyways; but she was getting there.
“Let me give you a diaper change,” the grown-up said.
Natalia pouted out her lip and folded her arms over her chest. Diaper change wasn’t the words she was used to hearing. Only babies got their diapers changed. Natalia wanted into her big girl panties. “I’m notta baby,” she said proudly.
“Of course not.” Miss Emmie patted the changing mat on the dresser anyways. Natalia huffed a bit. “I just don’t want you to be playing around in a wet diaper all day.” Big girls definitely didn’t play in wet diapers, and grown-ups were supposed to help.
“Okay.” She hopped up and helped lift her dress so Miss Emmie would have an easier time getting at the wet diaper. She could at least help like that.
It was embarrassing to have a stranger untape her diaper and start cleaning her up. Only Miss Kay at daycare changed her anymore, and that was always in private in the class bathroom, not out in the open like this. But there weren’t any other kids or grown-ups around, so she guessed it was okay. It was kinda like a bathroom. Lilting her head to the side, she saw the open bathroom door. She wished she could’ve gotten cleaned up in there.
She winced as Miss Emmie wiped her up. Lady wasn’t as gentle as Miss Kay. Maybe she wasn’t used to caring for kids older than babies. But that didn’t make sense. If lady was used to changing baby diapers, she’d prolly be super good at wiping. That made Natalia feel not-so-good. Like she was littler than Miss Emmie was used to and it was somehow her fault.
“You’re being very good,” Miss Emmie cooed in baby talk. She balled up the diaper and tossed it away. “Such a good girl!”
“I’m notta baby,” Natalya insisted.
“Of course not,” Miss Emmie agreed in that way that grown-ups did when they weren’t really listening. She opened the the top drawer and took out another diaper.
Another diaper???
“Oh no!” she said. She wasn’t supposed to go back into another diaper! She wasn’t a baby!
“It’s fine,” the stranger said. “It’s just a diaper change.” She unfolded the diaper. “Be a good girl and lift your legs for me.”
Natalia didn’t. She screeched and slapped away the new diaper. Even hopped off the mat and back on the floor. “I’M NOTTA BABY!” She stomped her foot for emphasis. “NO! NO! NO!”
Miss Emmie held up her hands as if she were actually a little scared of Natalia. If the little girl weren’t on the verge of a tantrum, she might’ve thought it was funny. Who could be scared of a little girl like her? “I’m sorry!” Miss Emmie apologized. “Your mommy didn’t tell me you were a big girl.”
“I only wear diapers at night…” Natalia pouted. “case my big girl undies leak.”
Emmie seemed to puzzle over this a moment, like she didn’t quite understand what Natalia was saying. Maybe she was more used to babies. “Big girl undies...leak?”
Natalia nodded. “Sometimes...if I stay in ‘em too long and forget to go potty.”
The grown-up threw her head back. “Oooooh!” She bent over and opened the middle drawer. Natalia’s eyes lit up. There were her big girl panties! Miss Emmie popped them open. “Step in.”
Just like Mommy taught her, she did. She stayed perfectly still as Miss Emmie pulled them up on her. “Thank you!” She gave the grown-up a hug. Emmie hummed a little bit when she got that hug. The noise the grown-up made almost reminded Natalia of the happy noise her kitten made.
“You’re...you’re welcome.” Emmie said. “Natalia? How old are you?”
Natalia held up her fingers. “This many!”
Emmie seemed impressed. “Wow! Three years old! You’re getting so big!” The lady turned around to the changing mat and picked up a clipboard that she’d put down. “Can you tell me when your birthday is?”
“I get a cake on my birfday!”
More writing. “I know. But when is your next birthday? When do you turn four?” Natalia frowned. She didn’t know… She just knew that Mommy would tell her when it was close like when she did last time. The grown-up must’ve known that Natalia didn’t know, cuz she was writing stuff. She didn’t seem mad though. “That’s okay. Can you count to a hundred for me?”
“Uh-huh!” Natalia almost shouted. “One, two, three, four, five…” she started slowing down. Losing track. “Six...five...six...eight..ten...hundred!”
“Very good!” If not for having to write somethin’ down, Emmie looked like she might’ve wanted to give Natalia another hug. “Ready to play?”
“Uh-huh!”
“What do you want to play?”
Natalia looked around the room. There was the stuffed animals in one spot. But there was also a rocking horse, that looked kinda neat. The little table with the tea set looked neat too. There were some neat little rolley cars in a bucket that she could’ve had fun with. “I don’t know!” It wasn’t as cream as much as a shriek of delight. So many choices that she couldn’t choose!
Miss Emmie put on her thinkin’ face for a moment. How about some crayons?
“OKAY!”
Miss Emmie took out a stack of coloring books and set them on the round table. A bucket of crayons came next. “Go ahead,” Miss Emmie said. “Color.”
Natalia’s eyes went to the coloring books. “Can I do it on the floor?”
“Awwww,” Miss Emmie said. “Of course you can, sweetheart.”
Natalia decided she liked Miss Emmie. Another blur and Natalia was on the carpet, scribbling away at the picture of the doggie chasing the ball. “You’re the best, Miss Emmie! I love you!”
“Awwww!” Again Miss Emmie made that funny cutesy sound that grown-ups sometimes made. “You don’t mean that, honey.”
Natalia looked up from her coloring. The dog was now blue. The grass Pink. “Yeah I do! I love you!”
That made Miss Emmie put down her clipboard. “Do you mind if I…?” She stopped. “Would you be okay if I colored next to you?”
“Uh-huh!” Natalia said. “Sure!”
And so Miss Emmie took a seat next to Natalia on the carpet and they colored together. Natalia was on her sixth or seventh coloring page when Miss Emmie spoke again. “Natalia?” she said. “Do you need to go potty, baby girl?”
Natalia didn’t even look up from her page. “I’m notta baby.”
“I know,” Miss Emmie said. “But do you need to go potty? You’re gettin’ kinda wiggly.”
Natalia stopped. She didn’t even know that she was wiggling. “Noooo….” was all she said. She didn’t think she needed to potty anyway.
“Okay... If you’re sure.”
“Uh-huh.”
Stopping wiggling felt good, actually. It seemed to calm Natalia. Gave her focus. She was so focused when she was finishing up her drawing, that she didn’t notice how warm her big girl panties were feeling, or that there was a little hissing sound coming out from under her yellow sundress.
Miss Emmie gave a little laugh. The kind that grown-ups sometimes did when they knew something you didn’t… Natalia didn’t mind. Grown-ups were just funny like that.
“Here you go,” she said, giving the grown-up her drawing. “I made this for you.”
Miss Emmie took the page and made a confused frowny face “What’s this?”
“It’s us!” Natalia pointed to the big circle person with the yellow scribbles on top. “This one is you! I got your hair.” Then she pointed to the little circle person with dark scribbles on top. “This is me! An’ we’re holding hands.”
Miss Emmie got her clipboard back out. But instead of writing anything down, she took Natalia’s drawing and carefully put it on the clipboard, making sure not to wrinkle the paper. “Thank you.” she said. “Thank you very much.” And Natalia knew then she meant it. “I’ll put it on my refrigerator at home.”
Natalia looked up from her coloring. “I thought we were at your house…?”
The grown-up blinked “Are you thirsty?”
“Uh-huh!”
“Hold on a second.” Miss she stood up. “I’ll be right back with some juice.”
While Miss Emmie was gone, Natalia stood up, and felt the pull of her big girl panties starting to sag. She reached down between her legs and gave her big girl panties a check. “Wet…” she said.
Miss Emmie came back with a sippy cup and handed it over to the little girl. “Drink up!” she said. “I think I have the dosage juuuust about right.”
“I hadda accident.” Natalia looked down at the floor in shame. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Miss Emmie told her. “I’ll change your diaper in a minute.”
Natalia’s three year old brain zoomed straight into pout mode. “NO! I only wear diapers at nighttime and naptime.”
Miss Emmie rolled her eyes and giggled. “I meant I’ll change your big girl panties. Now drink up.”
Like a good girl, Natalia did. Mmmm! Strawberry! Her favorite! While she sucked the juice all down, Miss Emmie started opening the bottom dresser drawer.
“Whatcha doin?” Natalia asked. Panties, just like the kind Mommy wore were being thrown in a pile. But Miss Emmie didn’t stop there. “What are you doing with my big girl panties?” she gasped.
“Tossing these away,” the grown up said. “You won’t need them anymore.”
The room started getting all spinny, and Natalia felt a case of the giggles comin’ on. She giggled so hard that she felt the wet spot spreading in her big girl panties! Oh no! She’d forgotten to go potty! Again!
Miss Emmie must’ve heard the gasp. “Don’t worry,” she said. “I’ll re-potty train you...eventually.”
Natalia started laughing too hard to make a full sentence. “Wha-hahahaha! Does-hee-hee!” She was still wetting her pants! “Evenhee-hee-hee-hee!”
“It means a long time, baby girl. After a long-long time. Ni-ni” The ex-detective was down on all fours and pawing at her wet Pull-Up when her brain rewire itself enough to require a loss of consciousness. “Almost there…”
It wasn’t the easiest thing heaving the twenty-something preschooler back onto the changing table. But Dr. Lawson couldn’t help but feel it was ‘right about it’. “Almost there,” she repeated to herself as she ripped open the sides of the wet Pull-Up. The thing was already close to leaking.
Her favorite test subject would definitely proper diapers from here on out. Putting the clipboard down, Emerson looked at the drawing the woman-child had made for her. They were holding hands.
Captain Monroe had been on the verge of tears when given the ultimatum. He had said that Natalia was like a daughter to him. Emerson could see why.
Test subject?
Maybe not just...
************************************************************************************************
Nat woke up with a yawn in a room that wasn’t her nursery. “MOMMY!” She called out like she always did.
She sat up in her crib. Only she wasn’t in her crib! The bed she was in had no bars. Just a little rail that she’d bump into if she rolled over in her sleep. “MOMMY?!” Nat wasn’t scared. Just curious.
Where was she? Where was her nursery? Nat didn’t know, but she wanted to find out. “MOMMY?”
The lady who came in wasn’t Mommy. Her hair was yellow like the sun, and she had a big silly smile on her face. “Hello Natalia! How are you?”
“Mommy?” The poor girl wasn’t asking if the new person was Mommy. New lady didn’t look anything like Mommy. Rather, she was asking where Mommy was.
Fortunately, the lady seemed to know what Nat meant. “Mommy’s gone for now. I’m your…” she looked like she was looking for the right words. Nat did that sometimes, so it made sense to her. “I’m your Auntie Em.”
“Auntie?” This time it was a question of who she was.
Auntie Em looked SO happy. “Yes! That’s right, baby girl! I’m your auntie! And I’m gonna take good care of you! Can you tell me your name?”
Of course she knew her own name! “Nat-Nat!” The baby girl said proudly. Mommy liked to call her Natalia, but “Nat-Nat” was her favorite. It was her special name. Speaking of which.. Nat looked over her new auntie’s shoulder. “Daddy?”
Auntie made a frowny face and looked back over her shoulder. “Daddy? Are you wondering where your daddy is, sweetheart?”
Nat didn’t nod, but she gave her new auntie a big smile. Yeah! She must be an auntie. She got it!
“Awww,” she cooed at the baby girl. “Don’t worry, honey bun. Your mommy and daddy are together. Auntie Em is gonna take care of you. Can you stand up for me?” Nat did. She stood up, and marveled at the pretty clothes she was wearing. “Good! Very good! Can you come over with me to the changing table?”
Like a pro, Nat-Nat went over to the changing table. She had one a lot like it back home, and teacher at daycare had one too. Walking from her not-crib to the changing table was easy, but she held onto Auntie Em’s hand anyways, just to feel a little safer.
She was already hopping up on the changing table before Auntie Em had a chance to pat the padded mat. “Perfect! You’re used to this,” Auntie Em said. “No potty training for you, right?” Nat didn’t know what Auntie was talking about, so she just giggled. She knew what the potty was: that funny chair that grown-ups sat in. She’d seen it in the bathroom before. It made that funny loud noise when you pressed the silver button, too! But Nat-Nat didn’t know what potty training was. Couldn’t even remember hearing the word before, ‘cept maaaaaaybe once or twice, and it was always grown-ups talking to each other. Never to her.
Auntie Em tugged up at her dress, and Nat helped by pressing her feet down and lifting her butt up a little bit. She did that sometimes for Mommy. “Butt! Up!” She echoed what Mommy sometimes told her.
Auntie Em liked it too. “That’s right, sweetie! Good baby!” Nat-Nat grinned at that. She liked being good. She made sure to do her best to hold still while Auntie Em opened up her diaper and wipe her. When Auntie started scooping Nat’s legs up to wipe her butt, Nat decided to be a good little helper and lift her legs the rest of the way. “Oh, this is perfect!” Auntie said to no one in particular.
She shivered after a couple of wipes. “Is that cold, sweetie?” Auntie Em asked as she started balling up the old diaper and tossing it away.
“Cold,” Nat repeated.
“I might have to invest in a wipe warmer,” Auntie smiled. Nat didn’t know what some of those words meant, but she liked it when Auntie booped her on the nose. “Nothing’s too good for my favorite baby girl!” Nat didn’t think it strange that she was this new grown-up’s favorite baby girl. As far as Nat-Nat knew, she was everybody’s favorite baby girl. Mommy. Daddy. Her grandparents. Now Auntie. Everybody. It was how the world worked.
She didn’t fuss when Auntie took out a new diaper and slid it under her. That’s just how the world worked, too. Grown-up takes off old diaper. Grown-up wipes. Grown-up puts on new diaper. Food. Playtime. Nap. Then the grown-up would do it all over again. It’s literally how every day of her life had been up to that point
“Let’s get baby girl smelling as pretty as she looks,” Auntie cooed. She took out a white bottle and started sprinkling powder onto Nat’s diaper area; putting an extra puff on the inside of the new diaper for good measure. Nat sniffed and sneezed a little, which only made Auntie giggle even more.
The new diaper felt good to have on after Auntie had pulled it up and taped it all together. The powder felt cool too, but in a different way than the baby wipes. A good different way.
When Auntie reached down for her arms, Nat reached up and grabbed on so she could be pulled up into a sitting position. “Oh, this is so much better.” Auntie said. And Auntie was right: Nat typically did feel better after a diaper change.
“Better,” Nat echo-agreed.
“Let’s get some num-nums in those tum-tums!” Auntie told her as she finished pulling down Nat’s pretty new dress. “Hmmm?”
Nat liked the idea, but she couldn’t help trying to be a little naughty. “Pway!” she said. “Pway!”
Auntie just kept smiling and started waving her finger. “Ah-Ah-Ah” she said. “First food. Then play.”
Nat didn’t object. She didn’t really know how to. That, and she was hungry.
Auntie walked back to the door and opened it up. “Bring it in,” she said.
A couple of big men brought in a highchair and sat it down. “You sure you wanna do this Doc?” one of them asked. Even while he was asking, he was rolling in a cart with food on it. Yummy looking food too.
Auntie walked Nat over to the highchair and boosted her up into it. “Of course I do,” she said. “This is important to my research.”
“But how does-?”
While she was still buckling Nat into the highchair, Auntie started saying a lot of words that were very very fast and grown-up sounding. Nat didn’t know what Auntie was saying. By the look on the man’s face, Nat guessed he might not have known either. That must’ve meant that Auntie was some kind of super grown up. Auntie was handed the tray and clicked it in place.
“But why are you-?”
The next couple of words that came out of Auntie’s mouth weren’t as fast, but they were VERY loud, and the men looked VERY scared. “Are we clear?” Auntie asked.
“Yes, Doctor,” They said, and then ran out of the room.
Auntie turned to Nat and said. “Sorry about that, baby. Some people are just so rude and don’t know how to mind their own business.” She made the same goo-goo cooing kissy noises that Mommy did. So Nat clapped.
On Nat’s tray a bowl of yummy macky cheese was placed. Auntie stuck a spoon in it. “Eat up, she said.”
Reacting naturally, Nat dipped her hand into the bowl and got a big ol’ chunk of the yummy gooey stuff and shoved it palm first into her mouth. “Oh no!” Auntie said, rushing back over to the changing table. She was laughing though, so Nat-Nat figured she hadn’t done anything that bad. “No-no-no! Not like that, sweetie!”
Nat laughed too, and bits of macky cheese fell out of her mouth and onto her pretty dress. She looked down and spilled some more. Still pretty, though.
Still laughing, Auntie took out wipes and started cleaning Nat’s hands. “I should’ve remembered a bib, I guess.”
“Guesh,” Nat-Nat agreed.
Auntie finished wiping the baby’s hands and dug the spoon out of the bowl. “Here, baby. Use this.”
Nat looked at the spoon in her hand and then back to the bowl. Oooooooh! She’d done this before. Not many times, but it’d happened before. Slowly, carefully, she dipped the spoon into the macky cheese. Slowly, carefully, she brought it back up to her lips. Her grip was still shaky, and she was just barely holding onto the very end of the spoon. By the time it got back to her lips, there was only one noodle left on the spoon.
“Mmmmm!” the baby girl made the sound that her Mommy made whenever she ate something good. And macky cheese always tasted good. Still….it would’ve been nice to have a bigger mouth full. Nat knew how to use a spoon; but given the choice, she would’ve used her hands almost every time.
“Definitely gonna need to get you a bib, lil’ missy.” Auntie chuckled. She took the spoon from Nat’s hand. “Here. Let me help.”
“Help,” the baby echoed.
With practiced, steady hands, Auntie dipped the spoon in the delicious cheesy goop and flew a spoonful directly into Nat’s mouth.
“Mmmmm!” That time was more genuine and less echo.
And so the meal went until Auntie was scraping the bowl. “All done!” Auntie declared.
Nat didn’t know how to say that word, but she understood what alldun meant. It meant she could play! Just knowing that made her clap her hands. Auntie moved the tray off and started to unbuckle, when Nat had another idea. “Milk!” she said.
“Milk?” Auntie repeated. “You want milk?”
“Milk.” To show Auntie what she meant, she reached forward and tried to grab where Mommy’s milk came from.
Auntie stepped back. “Oooh! You want THAT kind of milk.” Auntie made a frowny face. “Hmm...that doesn’t seem quite right. You’re supposed to be a year and a half…” She dug in her pocket and started looking at her phone. “Everything else seems about on point...Hmmm…”
Nat started feeling frustrated that she was stuck in the chair and that Auntie wasn’t paying her any attention. “I want to get out and play!” she said. (Truth be told, she didn’t say it at all, but that’s what the kicking feet, and whining protest meant.)
Auntie held up a finger. “Just a moment, baby. Be patient.” She kept looking at her phone. “Ah. Breastfeeding at your...age…” she said. “Slightly uncommon, but not unheard of as long as supplemented with solid foods. How about that? I learned something today.” Without looking away she grabbed a bottle from the cart. “Cow’s milk will have to do,” she said. She looked down at her own chest. “For now.”
Greedily, Nat took the ba-ba and started sucking down the icy cold milk. It wasn’t as good as Mommy’s milk, but it was still pretty good. It made her tummy and the back of her throat feel good anyways.
When she was sucking air, Auntie took the bottle, and finished helping Nat out of the highchair. When both feet were on the floor, Auntie lifted her dress up and squeezed her diaper a bit. Nat didn’t mind this. Grown-ups did this all the time. “Hmm...a little wet, maybe,” Auntie said, “but you definitely don’t need a change just yet.”
The grown-up didn’t put down the dress though. “This dress on the other hand…” She looked Nat in the eye. “Arms up!” Nat obeyed. It made it easier for the grown-up to lift the dress up off of her. A flash of sunshine, and baby Nat was left wearing nothing but her smile and her diaper. “Better.”
“Better,” Nat echo-agreed, even if she wasn’t sure what the word meant. Being a baby, she wasn’t sure of a lot of things. Including why her chest looked so much like Mommy’s all of a sudden; or why Auntie, despite being a grown-up was the same size as her.
Nat didn’t have long to think about it. Auntie Em pointed to the big wooden horsie in the room. “How about the rocking horse?” She asked.
The baby didn’t quite know how to say just how much she liked that idea, but her jumping up and down, giggling, and clapping seemed to get the message across. Baby Nat stood infront of the walking horse, mouth agape and with no prior memory of what to do. Normally, Mommy would just pick her up and put her on a horsey, or plop her in a swing. But Mommy wasn’t hear and…
Aunty took over. She grabbed Nat-Nat’s left foot and put it on a little step built into the rocking horse. “Ready baby girl?” she asked. “Step up.”
Nat didn’t move.
“Go on. Step up and just SWING your other leg over.”
Still, Nat did not move. It had nothing to do with defiance and everything to do with a complete lack of knowledge, practice, and coordination. Babies didn’t HAVE to swing their legs...whatever that meant.
She started to get the idea when Auntie Em started pushing up on her bum. “Might...have to...get a...stool…” Auntie grunted. “For next time.” Nat had no idea what that meant, but the momentum and the force made her go forward and straighten her knee just enough so that she was stepping up in the faux saddle.
From there a strange kind of muscle memory kicked in causing her to properly straddle and sit on the rocking horse just as comfortably as if a grown-up had placed her on top. “Good girl!” Auntie Em cooed. “Good baby!”
Something felt familiar about this. Vaguely familiar. Like riding a bike. No. A motorcycle. Remembering something buried deep down, Nat leaned forward and grabbed the handlebars on the side of the fake horsey’s head. Just like riding a motorcycle…
With a little help, the horse started rocking. Baaaack and forth...baaaack and forth…It was like a chair but better! Baaaaack and forth! She didn’t even realize she was giggling, until Auntie called her a “giggle girl.”
“Do you like that, giggle girl?” Auntie asked in that way that grown-ups did, meaning Nat didn’t really have to answer. Nat just kept rocking. “I bet you do. I bet you do.”
“Horse.”
That seemed good enough for Auntie. “Yes. Horse. Just like a cowgirl.”
Cowgirl?
Auntie started singing. “Hoooome, home on the raaaange. Where the dear and the antelope play!” It was the bestest and most prettiest song that. “Giddyup cowgirl!”
Natalia’s head hurt. Not hurt-hurt. More like there was an itching on the inside of her brain.
“For your own safety you are NOT to pursue this link between Genesis International and this Clockspin drug. I can’t have you goin’ all cowgirl on this. Understand? Do you understand?”
A warning. A warning from her father figure. She only had the one because her real dad was dead. Dead a long time ago back when she was a baby. And she wasn’t a baby right now. Diaper or not. Rocking horse or otherwise….she was a cop. A detective. Which meant she was a-
“Coochie-coochie coo!”
Auntie’s tickling fingers made Nat-Nat giggle and squirm in her seat up on the rocking horse. She lifted her bum up and leaned forward a little more, as if that might make the tickling feel better. It didn’t.
Speaking of feeling better: The itching wasn’t coming from her brain, but in her tummy. And when she lifted her bum off the horse, her tummy started to make room for her. Eyes off into the middle distance, the baby girl grunted and hummed as she pushed.
Push. Push. Puuuuuush...all the way into the seat of her diaper.
Just like she did everyday. Just like she had always done. After she was done humming, Nat sat back down on the saddle of the horsey. She grinned at the nice mushy feeling under her as she rocked back and forth.
Back and forth.
Baaaack and forth.
Up.
And down.
Again and again and again.
And little Nat-Nat wouldn’t have had any problem doing that for longer. It felt nice, and the smell wasn’t too bad.
“Uh-oh,” Auntie said. “I don’t need to be a pediatrician to know what just happened.” She seemed to be having fun. “My pretty little girl just went poopy.”
Did she? How did grown-ups always know?
It was a lot harder getting her off the rocking horse, but the job got done. Auntie didn’t seem to mind either as she stumbled off and needed to be catched. “Oof,” Auntie grumbled. “Definitely need a stool next time. Or maybe just a smaller horse.” Nat was standing up, when Auntie pulled back her diaper to take a peek inside. To self-sooth, the girl popped her thumb in her mouth and pretended it was a ba-ba. “Oh yeah,” Auntie said. This can’t wait any longer.”
Auntie took Nat’s free hand and led her over to the changing table. Nat was happy to hop up and keep sucking her thumb, even if she did want to keep playing. She thought she saw some blocks that would be fun to stack up and knock over. Maybe after she was changed…
“Whew!” Auntie said when she ripped open the tabs and unfolded the stinky diaper. “I guess I should’ve seen this coming!” She waved her hand in front of her nose. Daddy did that too sometimes when Nat got her diaper changed. “Maybe I can whip up something that’ll help with the odor…”
The second diaper change took a lot longer than the first, as far as Nat could tell. Auntie needed a lot more wipes and a lot more time to clean her up. It was getting hard not to squirm, but she knew if she started wriggling, she might be harder to clean up.
From her spot on the changing table she saw the open door that had one of those potties inside. What were those things for, anyways? For some reason, Nat-Nat decided it wasn’t important when she heard Auntie shut the lid on the diaper genie and get out a fresh diaper.
Wanting to get to play faster. Nat helped as best as she could so that she could get her diaper back on. “Good baby girl!” Auntie cooed for what must’ve been the bamillionth time. Nat didn’t mind. She liked it. She even liked it when extra-extra-extra powder was used. “So much better.”
And like all grown-ups, Auntie was right.
For some reason, Auntie started staring at the baby’s chest. “I bet you’re a little cold, though, aren’t you?”
Come to think of it, she was, especially now that her body had slowed down off the rocking horse. “Cold.”
“I thought so,” Auntie cooed and then opened another drawer beneath the changing table. “How about this?”
Nat’s eyes lit up at what the grown-up took out. She didn’t have the word for onesie, but she had the word for what color it was. She loved that color. “Purplllllle!”
“That’s right! It’s purple! Is purple your favorite color?”
“Purpllle!”
Auntie pulled Nat up into a sitting position again. “Then from now on, most everything you wear will be purple.” she gushed. “My favorite baby girl is going to get everything she wants!” A field of purple overtook the baby’s vision as the onesie was gently pulled over her head, and her arms guided through.
Just like she always had, Nat lied back down so that the grown-up could cover the diaper back up and fasten the buttons between her legs. Nat was good at being dressed up.
“Do you like it?” Auntie asked.
“Purplllle” the baby gurgled as Auntie helped her back to her feet. Even with the diaper bulging out, the onesie felt soft and comfy, like a second skin. Even though it wasn’t as girly and pretty as the yellow sundress had been, it was still a better color and she could crawl around on the floor easier if she wanted to. She preferred the onesie.
Always had. And even though she couldn’t know it, always would. No one had told her yet, but her growing up days were just about done.
Do you like what Mommy dressed you up in?
Nat laughed. “Auntie!” That’s so silly. Auntie wasn’t Mommy. Mommy was Mommy. Auntie was Auntie, and Mommy was Mommy.
“That’s alright,” she said, before giving the baby a kiss on the forehead. “This was unexpected for me, too. But we’ll get there. We’re going to have a lot of time together, baby girl. Certainly a lot more than a few measly months.”
More smiles from Nat. Even in an adult body, she was the sweetest baby girl. She didn’t know what she was hearing, but she liked the sound of it. Auntie was fun!
Auntie walked to the door that the highchair had come through. “You there!” she called. “Get me the stabilizing agent. In a bottle! Fast!”
Nat heard one of the men who brought in the highchair “But Doctor, according to the calculations she’s only eighteen months. I thought we were aiming lower.”
“Eighteen months is fine,” Auntie said. “It’s perfect.” She looked back at Nat, and her cheeks started to turn a pretty shade of pink. “I’ll be taking this subject home...for close study.”
“Yes Doctor.”
A moment later, the man came in with a ba-ba filled with blue juice and handed it to Auntie. “Drink up, baby girl,” she said. Nat didn’t have to be told twice. With both hands she took the bottle and started guzzling it down.
Mmmm! Blueberry. “That’s right baby girl,” Auntie praised. “Drink up! Drink it all down, and we can be together forever.”
Unlike the last few trials, the child didn’t go to sleep. She spent the rest of the time playing with blocks and stacking them just so she could knock them down.
What DID go to sleep was the adult that Natalia DeSousa used to be; never to wake up. All according to calculation.
Even more surprising though, was what woke up within Dr. Lawson…
It was going to take a lot of brazen bullying and borrowing of company supplies. But with the success, and the likely future success of this new drug she’d invented and perfect, she was sure she could get away with a little bit of maternal eccentricity.
Comments
Another very enjoyable piece of writing, well done!
Pelo Dee
That is some adorable baby thoughts! Did a baby write this part? It feels so genuine!
Great stuff :)
