noodlejacuzzi
patreon
April Update
🕑 Added 2020-04-01 19:59:13 +0000 UTCHi everyone! I don't have a release schedule for you yet. What I do have for you all is the time to let you know what the plan is going forwards for each of my games. Take a look:
Hentai University
Since the game uses assets from japanese artists, I've decided that full monetization is the only thing that makes sense. Now instead of being paid every 5 days, you will need to pay me every 5 in-game days in order to continue playing. I don't take cash.
I hate how Cryptogreek keeps writing better scenes, so instead of focusing on one character at a time for a more polished experience, I'm just firing him.
I've decided to re-make the game from scratch in Twine. See you all in 3 years!
Anomaly Vault
I've decided to make future versions entirely safe for work to appeal to the Disney corporation. I'm really hoping they'll buy the property, so don't screw this up for me!
Some russian asshole did some kinda patent thing on my game, and I can't legally dispute it without paying serious rubles. Luckily youtube superstar Markiplier, who wished to remain anonymous for this post, is making a video to help me out and raise awareness. Thank you, nameless stranger!
Human Alteration App
What do they expect me to say here? Just make something up that will satisfy them. I don't know, just do it!
Rainy DayZ
I received a cease and desist letter from Ja Rule, producer of the song of the same name. He was totally okay with the game's content but disliked the rain effect on the game's logo. I won't budge on this though so all future Rainy DayZ releases are cancelled and I'm removing the game from my index for legal reasons.
Princess Quest
No changes. This game is an untouchable masterpiece.
Fate / I'm a Servant to an Isekai'd FGO Master Who Was Free to Play But I Can Generate Saint Quartz
A brand new game! Stay tuned for more info. I wanted to post the full title here, but apparently patreon has a character limit? Who knew? Why didn't you tell me?
Future changes
This post is free to view, but future posts will all be locked behind a paywall and only be visible to $40 and up patrons. Not because I need the money; I'm fine eating garbage like my possum brothers and sisters. I'll be donating all the proceeds from now on to that one breast cancer awareness thing. The pink ribbon one. Of all the charities I looked through, theirs was the scummiest aside from some political ones, so your money is in good hands!
From now on I'll be making games entirely through discord posts. You'll need to join the discord and assemble the games yourselves by hunting through my post history and copypasting the code blocks into an html file.
Speaking of discord, I'll be answering questions on my discord for the rest of the day. Feel free to join in if you wanna hear about how being blitzed on cocaine feels.
Face reveal
I don't actually own a computer or phone (dictating this to one of my code-monkey slaves on a typewriter at the moment) so I can't do a face reveal. I can do a face description though! It's very soft. I shave my rugged beard every week, every tuesday at the same time as I pluck my pubic hairs. I'd say my eyes are passionate and driven, but also soft and kind. My ears seem normal but my mom says they're my best feature. Finally my mouth is pretty unremarkable.
