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45. Frog Legs Are a Delicacy But Have You Tried Frog Arms
🕑 Added 2024-10-20 16:00:10 +0000 UTCLevi and his undead frogmen charged. Compared to the living frogmen, their numbers were few, but unlike the living frogmen, they felt no pain, nor were they bounded by the limitations of their bodies. The living frogmen hesitated to strike them, but they didn’t hesitate to strike their once-allies. With his fresh frogmen zombies on his side, Levi quickly turned the tides on his side of the path. The frogmen retreated, rushing into deep water. His zombies lurched after them, but Levi snapped his fingers, calling them up short.
“I can’t see you in the deep water. They could set up any trap down there, and there’s nothing I could do about it. Let’s stay on the defensive for now.”
On the other side, Isa and the slombie pushed their share of the frogmen back, too. The frogmen floated in the deeps, daring them to follow into their domain. Horizontal pupils watched them from either side of the path.
Levi clenched his fist. “If only I still had my Triple Shark!”
“You already tried, and they already shredded it,” Isa reminded him.
He turned to the sky, spreading his hands in despair. “If only!”
“You can send your frogmen out there, if you want.”
“No. I need them.”
Isa rolled her eyes. “Then, shall we continue?”
“Will they follow us?” Colin asked.
“Can you stop them?” she asked.
He gave the water a wary look, then scooted in between Isa and Levi.
Levi eyed the slombie. The slime wobbled over the entire surface of the skeleton, at least eight inches thick at all points. It looked seriously obese, except for the part where he could see through the slime to its bones. “We’re gonna need to prune you soon, or you’re not going to be able to keep up.”
“Why not here?” Isa asked.
Levi raised his brows. “Leave it to deal with the frogmen? That’s not a bad idea.” Drawing his sword, he approached the slombie.
The slime jolted. It lifted off the surface of the bones, leaning away from him.
“Hold still. This won’t hurt. Probably.” Levi lunged. His sword blurred. Slime fell to the floor in a pile. For a few seconds, it simply sat there, but then, squelching and shivering, it congealed into a pile. The newly-formed slime burbled up into a gumdrop-shaped lump. It looked around, left and right.
“Look! You made a baby!” Levi said, patting the slombie lightly on the shoulder. After a second, he gasped. “We made a baby.”
“Gods,” Isa muttered, physically turning away.
Colin winced. “Levi… have you ever considered your phrasing? Even once?”
“I think about phrasing a lot, actually,” Levi said.
“Gods,” Isa repeated.
He looked at the newly-lightened slombie. “How’s that feel? Less heavy?”
The slombie swung its limbs. It stretched, then gave Levi a thumbs-up.
“Good, good. Quickest way to lose weight, right there. Push out a baby, ten pounds down. Though I think you lost a little more than ten pounds, there.”
Ignoring Levi’s continued baby-related commentary, Colin nodded at the slombie. “How much of that is the slombie, and how much is you manipulating the zombie?”
“Huh?”
“Like, did the slombie thumbs-up, or are you just doing prop comedy?”
Levi raised his brows and put a hand over his mouth. “I’ll never tell.”
“So it’s prop comedy,” Colin muttered to himself.
“Mostly. The Armalgam sometimes does stuff on its own that I didn’t even think of. Concerns me a bit, honestly. I mean, it doesn’t even have a brain. How’s it thinking of things?”
The Armalgam tightened around his chest, as if nervous.
“No, no. It’s alright. I like it. I’m just not sure how it happens,” Levi reassured it, giving it a little pat.
It relaxed its hold and patted him back.
Colin shook his head. He looked at Isa, lost.
“What are you looking at me for? I don’t know what’s wrong with him,” Isa said.
The little slime inched along, exploring its new abode. It approached the water curiously, reaching out a little arm to pat at the murky depths.
“Baby’s first steps! Someone take a picture,” Levi said.
Isa cleared her throat. “Shall we move on?”
Levi nodded. Keeping Colin in the middle, the frogmen in front and the slombie acting as rearguard, they walked on. Frog eyes watched them from the mists, unblinking, waiting for an opening. Occasionally, one would slosh quietly out of the water behind them, gripping a spear, only to find a hungry slombie ready to absorb them whole. The little slime slopped along behind the slombie. For a little while, it kept up, but then the slombie regurgitated half a frogman and left it on the floor for the baby slime. The baby slime hopped onto it with glee. Slowly, it engulfed the frogman, the process a little like watching a snake unhinge its jaw to eat a rodent twice as wide as it. Engaged in swallowing the frogman, it fell behind, and before long, the mists closed around it.
They sloshed through the mud. When Levi had to sleep, they returned to carrying him, rather than stop and expose weakness to the frogmen. Like that, they continued for several days, just slogging along through the mud, following the flags. The gray, muddy monotony was only broken by the occasional frogman attack, but every time, they were easily driven back. They were unwilling to consign dozens of frogmen die in order to take out the party. All the attacks they launched were sneak attacks during a moment of inattention, and never lasted long. The second the frogmen saw the attack wasn’t going in their favor, they’d retreat to try again later.
“No wonder people struggle to clear this thing. It’s massive. If we had to fight frogmen nonstop, we’d have run out of supplies and been too injured to continue long ago,” Levi commented.
“And if we also didn’t have two healers,” Isa commented.
“That’s right! Pocket healers are the ultimate cheat,” Levi said, slinging a friendly arm around Colin.
“And you’re an undead healer, for Isa,” Colin pointed out.
“Yeah, but she doesn’t need it. She’s already overpowered.”
“I need healing occasionally. I haven’t needed it yet, but the time will come. I meant for Colin, and the other undead.”
“Oh, right. Yeah. I think of that more as an upkeep cost,” Levi told her.
“I have an upkeep cost?” Colin asked.
“What, did you think you were keeping those pretty eyes for free? You’re pretty high maintenance, honestly,” Levi said, thumping his shoulder.
“I’m sorry.”
“No, no. I mean, compared to those,” Levi said, gesturing vaguely at the undead frogmen.
One turned. Flesh dripped off his face and stripped away from his waterlogged feet. Cataracts clad his eyes, and flies swarmed, eating them down.
Colin recoiled. “Er, thanks.”
“That’s more like it. You’re welcome.” Clapping his shoulder again, Levi released him and walked on.
Abruptly, Levi stopped. Colin almost bumped into him. He peered past him, lost. Still water stretched on either side of them, the mists low and dense. Leafless trees poked out of the swamp here and there. In other words, the scene remained the same as it had for days. “What is it?”
Levi pointed. “The frogmen. They’re gone.”
Isa startled. She looked around them, searching the water. “Prepare yourself. It means we’re close.”
“Close to what?”
“The boss.”
Levi pumped his fist. “Hell yeah.”
Comments
Jacob Goodrich
I forgot how much I love levi. Then he goes and does the whole I act like a idiot but I'm not routine and I get a solid laugh every time
