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30. Cutesy Wootsey Slimey Wimey
🕑 Added 2024-10-05 16:00:09 +0000 UTCMonsters charged them immediately inside the doors, horrid wormlike creatures with tubular mouths full of razor-sharp teeth. Levi rushed toward one and slit it open, then whirled.
Too late. Everyone else had already overwhelmed the worms. Dead worms laid on the floor, unable to withstand the tsunami of swords and attacks the dungeon enterers had leveled at them.
Levi glanced back. He gestured. “Come on. We have to go deeper!”
“Obviously,” Isa said. He rushed ahead.
Colin tore by, running as fast as he could. He kept his eyes locked on Isa and charged on. “Don’t leave me behind.”
Levi laughed. He ran after the others, chasing them deeper into the dungeon.
The entry space was large. A massive chamber opened in the earth, big enough to fit a cathedral. Dozens of paths opened up on the walls, leading deeper into the dungeon. Straight back, to the left, to the right, sloping up, sloping down. Some even opened halfway up the wall. The chamber’s wall was so inundated with entrances that it almost looked like a beehive, absolutely riddled with holes.
Levi drew ahead of the others. He picked an entrance that no one else had picked yet and dove in. Isa and Colin followed. Quickly, the sound of other dungeon entrants faded, and only their footsteps resounded in the hallway. They took a few lefts and rights, picking side paths at random. A few small monsters intercepted them—large worms, striders, spiders. Levi quickly dispatched them, and Colin, desperate for EXP, patched up any scrapes Levi accumulated in the encounters. At last, when Levi was satisfied he’d traveled far enough from the mainstream, he slowed to a walk. The other two pulled up beside him, walking as well.
“Ahhh. Now that I’m down here…” Isa flipped back his hood and stretched. His body shifted, growing larger, changing back to female.
“Is that fine?” Levi asked, looking her up and down. “What if someone sees you?”
“Then I’m just the mysterious unaffiliated girl you crawled the dungeon with, only to be reunited with your good friend Isa on your way out,” she said, leaning left and right. “Oof. It felt so… cramped in there.”
“In your body?”
“Mmm. You wouldn’t understand.”
Levi shrugged. “I mean, I could do my best, if you let me in.”
She gave him a cold look, but her lips curled up a little. “No.”
“Damn.”
Colin jolted. He pointed. “What’s that?”
“What’s what?” Levi turned, then gasped. He put his hands to his chin. “Noooo, no way! Holy shit, that’s awesome!”
A little blue ball bobbled on the path ahead of them. It leaned to the side, then rolled their way, wobbling up and down as it approached.
“It’s just a slime,” Isa said.
“Just a slime? Just a slime? You take that back. Slimes are the quintessential monster. The original. The simplest, stupidest, most baller design. Who the fuck had the balls to draw a circle and go, ‘there’s a monster?’ Because I’m impressed. I’ve always been impressed.” Levi crouched. He waved. “Hello, little guy.”
The slime hesitated, then lurched up. It imitated his wave.
Levi gasped. “Ohmigosh, look! It waved back! So cute!”
“It’s not that exciting,” Isa said, crossing her arms.
“You just don’t understand a man’s romance,” Levi declared. He scooted closer.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m gonna catch it. It’s gonna be my pet. I’m gonna love it forever and keep it as my sweetums.” Levi crouched closer one step at a time, holding his arms out.
“It’s going to attack you,” Isa warmed him.
“I’m tough. I can handle it,” he declared.
“Their spit hurts.”
“Aww, just a little spit? That’s not so bad—”
The slime squelched down, then bounced up. A stream of acid splashed over Levi’s face and chest. The scent of sharp acid and flesh melting filled the air. He froze in shock. Blood and liquid flesh streamed down his face. For a moment, bone appeared as the rest of his face sloughed away.
“Levi!” Colin ran forward, casting his healing spells. Two colors of gold light surrounded Levi’s face.
“Mother fucking piece of—” Levi stomped the slime over and over, until nothing but a splash of blue remained.
Colin stared. He kept healing Levi, but he stared all the same, his eyes wide.
Levi tossed his hair and stood, shaking his head. “Phew. What a terrifying, vicious monster. You saw. I almost died! That was justifiable self-defense.”
“Uh huh,” Isa said, smirking.
“Onwards and downwards, as I always say. And let’s progress carefully. You never know when something harmless will turn out to be dangerous! Luckily, I’m here to take the hits, but if one of you made that kind of mistake…” He shook his head.
“I think you’re the only one who would try to befriend a slime apropos of nothing,” Isa opined.
“And that’s where you’re wrong!” Levi replied. “Look at Colin. He’s so precious and innocent. He might try to befriend anyone or anything. We need to keep him safe.”
“I’m dead,” Colin pointed out.
Levi gestured at Colin. “We’ve already failed him once! We can’t fail him again!”
Isa shook her head. “Are we levelling up or not?”
“Levelling up, of course.” Levi dusted the last of the slime innards off himself and walked on, deeper into the dungeon.
Isa walked alongside him. “If there’s slimes, then beware. They’re often immune to—”
“Physical or magical attacks, or particular elements,” Levi interrupted her.
“You’ve encountered them before?” she asked, surprised.
He nodded. “Sure. They’re a classic JRPG enemy. I was a gamer, you know. Well, okay. One of the people I lived with was a gamer, and I borrowed their console without asking all the time.”
Isa blinked. She turned to Colin. “What?”
Colin cleared his throat. “Er, in our era, there’s these things called video games, where you, uh… well, it’s like a magic screen where um, you watch a play, but you’re the main character in that play, and you have to kill a lot of monsters and level up like you do here, in order to advance the story. And none of it is real. It’s all just pretend, like in a play, but like… light, in a box.”
“Ah. Light in a box, hmm. And slimes are enemies in this interactive play?” she asked.
“Yeah,” Colin said.
“So… is it as ridiculous as it sounds that he’s confident he can take them on, based on his experiences in an interactive play in a light box?”
“Er… yes. It’s extremely ridiculous,” Colin said, nodding.
She nodded. “Understood.”
“What? Guys, stop roasting me behind my back.” Levi shook his head at them.
A squelching, blorping sound emanated from around the next corner. Levi put his back to the wall and peered around the corner. He inched back. “Five slimes, dead ahead. All different colors, all at least knee height. Isa, slime expert. What do we do?”
“I thought you knew all about slimes,” she said dryly.
“Even I know when to consult the experts,” he replied, gesturing for her to go on.
“What colors?” she asked.
“Blue, red, yellow, orange, and black.”
She thought for a moment. “Most of those are no problem. All the ordinary colors are immune to specific elemental spells, but as you discovered, you can smash them to death, no problem. The black one, though… that might be a metal slime, a death slime, an impenetrable slime… nothing we want to see, anyways.”
“Do they give good EXP? We can still retreat,” Levi pointed out.
“Slimes are known for giving excellent EXP. It’s relative to their size, though. How big were they?”
“Knee height. Some pushing thigh-height,” Levi said.
Isa nodded. “Worth it. We can run from the black one if we need to.”
Levi grinned. “That’s what I want to hear. Colin, be ready with the heals. Those things spit some nasty acid.”
Colin gave a thumbs-up. “Ready when you are.”
Levi charged in, drawing his sword as he closed in. The Armalgam threw back the cloak, freeing itself from the cloth’s grasp. It drew two of its blades as well. Together, they dashed toward the first slime.
