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10. Thugs and Mean Mugs
🕑 Added 2024-09-14 03:43:36 +0000 UTCThe thugs charged at Levi. Levi raised his sword in answer. One ran directly at Levi, while the other two looped around to flank him.
“Go, my minions!” Levi called. Green light glowed in the zombies’ eyes, and his mana ticked downward. The kobolds leaped toward the thugs, intercepting the two who meant to flank Levi. A one-on-three battle suddenly became two three-on-ones and one duel.
The center thug suddenly found himself in a one-on-one with a sword. His eyes widened. For a second, he flinched back, but then he narrowed his eyes and forced himself onward. He swung a valiant punch at Levi.
Levi countered with the edge of his blade. The man’s fist split open. Blood gushed out. He screamed and fell back, grabbing his arm.
“Whoa! Guys! Bringing fists to a sword fight is a super bad idea! Who would’ve thunk?” Levi mocked him.
For a second, real fear flickered in the man’s eyes. He turned to flee.
“Attack him,” the female Thug snarled.
The man stilled. He turned back around. His eyes were numb. He lifted both fists, paying no mind to his gruesome injury.
“Oh man. That might be less ethical than necromancy,” Levi commented.
Growling, the man charged him. His motions were clumsy. Forced.
Levi swayed with the swings, completely unthreatened. He danced around the man, toying with him. “Let’s take a moment and consider where minion mind control falls on the scale. I mean, it’s clearly worse than raising the dead. From an objective moral standpoint, raising the dead is neutral to positive. Aside from cultural expectations around bodily respect, there’s nothing wrong with making use of meat. People do that every time they cook. But since the actual being is dead, there’s nothing morally wrong with using them. So mind controlling a living being and overwriting its will is definitely worse than that.”
The thug wound up and threw a haymaker at Levi. He swiped his sword and removed the man’s arm at the elbow. The man screamed. He fell back again, both arms now ruined.
“But on the other hand, I killed these beings, then raised them from the dead. That has to be considered at least slightly morally negative, since I killed them for the purpose of… well, EXP, but for argument’s sake, let’s say I killed them for necromancy’s sake. Then the question becomes if murder for the purpose of what is essentially the same as mind control is worse than mind control.”
Levi darted in. His sword flashed. The man’s head went flying, and he hit the ground with a thump. He strode forward, toward the female Thug. She drew a club, her expression tense.
“I know it’s a hardliner stance to take, but I would argue that it is less bad. After all, the beings only suffer for a moment, then feel no negative emotions for eternity. Whereas with mind control, they suffer the whole time. In fact, were we to take the utilitarian standpoint that the proper decision is the one that brings the most happiness, or least suffering, into the world, then I could safely argue that the proper decision is to make everyone a zombie. I am happy, everyone else is neutral. I have thus eliminated all suffering from the world, and brought about a state where I am the only being who can feel. So as long as I’m happy, I am in the right.”
He spread his hands and shrugged at her. “But that’s the same line of utilitarian bullshit that means that gods are morally right to cause entire populations suffering, so long as it pleases that god, assuming gods are capable of feeling infinitely more pleasure and suffering than any given human. Utilitarianism is kind of busted, honestly. Severely needs a patch. There’s a reason no one uses proper Utilitarianism anymore.”
He nodded at the Thug. “What do you think?”
“I think you should shut the fuck up.” She rushed at him, clutching the club in both hands.
Levi sighed. “No one appreciates a good moral argument, anymore.”
The club slammed down on him. He sidestepped, then cut at her exposed arm. She jumped back, escaping his reach. He chased after her, and her eyes lit up. She punched him with her free hand. Brass knuckles dug into his ribs. He heard them crack, one after another. Wincing, Levi jumped back. “Healer!”
Gold light streamed over him almost before he finished talking. The pain diminished. He stood straight again, resuming his sword stance.
Jessie’s eyes darted to Colin. She whistled, gesturing.
Her two minions pulled away from fighting the kobolds and charged Colin. The kobolds clung to them, but they powered through anyways, eyes blank.
“Hey! That’s cheating!” Levi protested.
“All’s fair in love and war,” Jessie returned. She spun her club around and charged Levi again. Furious blows left and right left him no time to think, let alone check on Colin. He gritted his teeth and went on the defense, fending off most of the blows. Not all of them. Some got through, slamming heavily into his limbs and torso. For all that Necromancer gave far more stats than Soldier, it nonetheless gave fewer physical stats—less strength, dexterity, speed, and the one he felt most urgently at the moment: defense.
The gold light faded from around Levi. His wounds stopped closing. The muffled sound of blows echoed from behind him. Colin cried out in his ragged, muffled voice.
“Kobolds! Save Colin! Do whatever it takes!” Levi shouted.
“Those tiny lizards? They’re already dead,” Jessie sneered.
“I know,” Levi replied earnestly.
The remaining kobolds ran toward the thugs. The ones that had fallen climbed back to their feet. They limped on broken limbs, necks drooping brokenly, arms and chests tattered. None of that mattered before Levi’s orders. They had to save Colin.
Levi focused all his energy on Jessie. The two of them struggled back and forth. Despite her upper hand in physical stats, he managed to barely hold his own. She narrowed her eyes.
“Where did you learn to fight?”
“Up your butt!” Levi snapped. He jabbed his sword at her. His reach went too far, and he exposed his side.
“Got you!” Jessie snarled. She slammed her club toward his side.
Levi didn’t flinch. The club hit him. He slammed his arm shut and clutched it to his body with all his might. Stepping backward, he turned away from Jessie. The motion forced her to either let go of her club, or move with him. She chose the latter.
Levi dropped his sword. He slammed his hand on her face, giving her a massive open-palm slap. “Eheh. Get humiliated.”
Jessie’s face contorted in anger. “You tiny glob of shit—” She struggled, fighting to free her weapon.
Surprise crossed her face. She pulled again, but it still didn’t budge.
Levi tilted his head at her. He smiled. “Aww, is someone feeling Drained?”
“Wh…what?” Jessie stammered. Her face paled, and she began to wither.
“You know, I do enjoy a good battle, but I was thinking. If you’re going to play dirty, I might as well finish this fast, right? And that means playing to my strengths.”
“What strengths? You’re a Soldier,” she snarled. She struggled again, but her body was so weak Levi barely had to try to keep her pinned.
Levi tsked. He shook his finger. “I was a Soldier. I’ve become something far, far more powerful.”
“You… you lied?” she managed.
“Uh, yeah? Who the fuck tells their enemies the truth? That’s just bad business,” Levi told her.
Jessie glared. She dwindled to skin and bone, then burst into dust. Levi waved his hand, coughing. “Oh, goddess. I have people in my lungs.”
The dust cleared. He stood there for a second, his brows furrowed. “There was something… something important…”
A faint cry sounded from behind him. Levi jolted. “That’s right. Colin! I’m coming!”
He whipped around and ran toward Colin, then slowed. He raised his brows and licked his lips. Gently, he said, “Hey, Colin.”
Colin startled. He looked up sharply. Green light glimmered in the depths of his eyes.
“You hungry, buddy? Having a little snack?” Levi asked, his voice all soft like he was speaking to a child.
Colin frowned at him. He squinted at Levi.
“Oh, back among the living? As it were. Since you’re…” Levi waved his hands. “Anyways, you, uh. Wanna drop what’s left of that thug?”
Colin frowned deeper. He looked down.
He held half the corpse of one of the thugs. The thug’s stomach had been heavily gnawed, his spine exposed from his front. Blood stained his jaw, dripping all the way down the front of his robes to his waist. He still chewed, slowly. Abruptly, he realized what he was doing and spat. A bloody glob hit the floor. The other thug laid at his feet, torn in half. The kobolds chewed eagerly on it.
Belatedly, Colin dropped the corpse he held. He put his bloody hands behind his back. Jerking, he wiped his face, then hid his hands again. None of his efforts did much. There was blood on his hands and his chin, so wiping his chin with bloody hands only smeared it around. And no amount of hiding or wiping could hide the smear of crimson on his chest.
Levi clapped. He nodded approvingly. “Excellent! Now that’s some true zombie action. That’s the kind of attitude we need here.”
Colin shook his head. He stared at the floor, ashamed.
Levi crossed to him. Putting a hand on his shoulder, he peered at Colin’s face. “There’s no need to be embarrassed about being a zombie. This is just essential nutrition for you. And when you think about it, I was going to kill that guy anyways. His life was only shortened a few seconds. Once he’s dead, might as well eat him, right?”
Colin’s face drooped. Despair flashed across his face.
Levi sighed. He let go and backed away. “I was never all that good at motivational speaking. Listen. I don’t care. Who else matters?”
Colin pointed at himself.
“I mean, I guess,” Levi allowed.
Colin glared at him.
“What? You’re being very silly right now. You just ate a bad guy. That’s a good thing!”
Colin shook his head.
Levi sighed. “At this rate, you’re going to snap, and I don’t really have time to deal with the aftermath, so… what if I told you that I ordered you to eat those guys?”
Colin startled. He stared.
“Yeah, yeah. I was getting sick of waiting for you to start eating people on your own, so I gave you the orders. There we go. It’s all my fault! Not yours at all. How’s that?”
“It’s not true,” Colin grumbled.
“It is true.”
Colin squinted at him.
“Yeah. I totally did that. It’s my fault. So don’t worry about it, and just blame me.”
Colin sighed. He took a deep breath, then nodded. “It’s your fault.”
“Yep. All my fault.”
“I shouldn’t worry about it.”
“Worry? Pfft.” Levi waved his hand.
Colin managed a smile. “Thank you.”
“Nothing to thank me for. In fact, you should hate me!” Levi declared. He patted Colin’s shoulder one last time, then walked over to the men’s corpses. He crouched. Their bodies were in pieces. Unsalvagable, whether for zombies or skeletons.
“Hmm,” Levi muttered, pinching his chin thoughtfully.
Colin stepped beside him. He looked at Levi and tilted his head.
“What am I thinking of? Oh, just whether I should commit crimes against the gods and humanity,” Levi said.
Colin gave him a disapproving head shake.
Levi clapped his cheeks. “What am I thinking?”
Colin perked up.
He grinned. “Of course I should.”
