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7. Get You Some Friends
🕑 Added 2024-09-13 00:56:53 +0000 UTCThey spent the night in the cave. Levi slept. Colin stood near the entrance, gazing down the mountain. It was there that Levi found him in the morning, watching the sun rise. Far, far below, the red army swept through the remnants of the white army. Wagons worked backward, retreating into the white army’s territory. Soldiers in white streamed through the forest. Routed. Fleeing. The red soldiers chased after them, close on their heels.
“Serves them right,” Levi muttered.
Colin looked at him. He lowered his head, a frown on his face.
“What? You can’t be feeling sorry for them. They literally conscripted us against our will. Which is a war crime, by the way, since we aren’t citizens of their country.”
Colin sighed. He shrugged and shook his head, turning away. Pointing at Levi, he gestured around them, then shrugged again.
Levi tilted his head. He thought for a second, then nodded. “What are we doing next? Great question. We’re going to chill up here and grab some levels, so we can take revenge on the assholes who used and abused us poor isekaied refugees for the last who-knows-how-long.”
Colin nodded. He gave a thumbs-up.
“Hey. Important question. I’m not going to value you less as a human bei…zombie being if you can’t, but like, I need to know.”
Colin raised his brows.
Levi took a deep breath. He pressed his fingertips together and leaned in. “Can you heal?”
Colin shrugged. He patted around his body.
“Oh, right! Yeah, I grabbed your staff… here.” Levi pulled a worn stick out of his belt and handed it over.
Colin snatched it out of his hands like a drowning man thrown a rope. He hugged it to him. Pulling it away, he checked it closely, looking for scratches or nicks.
“It’s just a stick. Not like the magic is going to fall out of it,” Levi commented.
Colin glared at him and went back to checking the staff.
Levi shrugged to himself, lost. “I cast magic without a staff. It can’t be that important.”
Colin pointed the staff at Levi. He furrowed his brows and shook his head threateningly.
“Alright, alright. C’mon. Heal me already.” Levi spread his arms wide.
Colin took a deep breath. He closed his eyes. Holding the staff in front of him, he voicelessly murmured a chant. Gold light built in the staff, then flew toward Levi. All the cuts and scrapes on Levi’s body from his long climb healed.
“Woah! Awesome. You can still heal!” Levi gave him a thumbs-up.
Colin flinched. He dropped the staff and looked at his hands. His palms were bright red, burned.
“Less good. Do you think gloves or something could fix that?” Levi asked. He stepped forward, inspecting Colin’s hands.
A cold power welled up in his gut. As he touched Colin’s hands, the cold sensation flowed from his gut, through his arms and hands, and onto Colin’s hands. The burned flesh healed. Colin returned to his base undead state, without any further injuries.
“Oh,” Levi said. He flexed his hands. A grin spread over his face. “Colin, do you realize what this means?”
Colin shook his head.
“You heal me, I heal you. We’re a perpetual motion machine!” Levi said. He paused. “Until I run out of mana, I guess.”
Colin pointed at himself as well.
“And you run out of mana. Okay, not perpetual motion, fine, fine. But we’re hard as hell to kill, as long as we’re together.”
Colin nodded.
“Let’s get out there and kill some monsters!” Levi cheered.
Levi stepped out of the cave and stretched, gazing down at the world below them. He looked up and down, left and right. Kneeling, he picked up a stick, balanced it on its tip, and let go.
The stick fell to the right.
“Right it is.”
Colin fell in behind him as he headed through the wilderness. The mountainside terrain was no less forbidding now than it had been the previous night. Levi stretched and rolled out his shoulders. “It’s easier to walk around without a corpse on my shoulders.”
Colin startled. He ducked his head, embarrassed, and bobbed an apology.
“Nah, it’s not your fault. Well, okay. It is your fault, since it’s your body, but I won’t hold it against you. I did decide to carry you up the mountain on my own.”
Colin nodded.
They wandered through the forest for a while. No giant monsters jumped out at them. In the distance, beasts howled and birds called, but nothing swooped at them. Levi put his hands behind his head and hummed a little tune. At last, he glanced at Colin.
“Fewer monsters than I expected.”
Colin pointed at himself and tilted his head.
Levi shook his head. “It’s a good guess, but I don’t think your scary undead aura is what’s repelling the monsters. Nothing attacked me on my way up, either, and you were just plain dead back then. Might be there aren’t many monsters on this mountain. That’s definitely odd, though. They had no shortage of goblins at the training site. Should be plenty of monsters to hunt.”
Colin put a finger on his chin, thinking. He pointed down.
“Huh? Under us? Monsters in tunnels? Don’t be… well, hold on. Dungeons might be a thing.” Levi twisted his lips, then nodded. “Alright. Let’s keep our eyes open for dungeon entrances while we’re walking.”
They walked on. Sunlight dappled their path. The leaves shifted gently overhead. Abruptly, Colin drew to a halt. He froze, head turned sharply toward the rising slope.
“What is it, buddy? Did little Billy fall down the well?” Levi asked. A second later, he smelled it too: blood, almost as thick as when the Death goddess welcomed him to her cave abode.
“Ohhh. Right, yeah. Probably a lot of people dying in a dungeon.” Levi nudged him. “Might even find some brains for you to munch on.”
Colin gave him a disgusted look.
“No need to harbor self-disgust. You’re a zombie. You’ve gotta eat. What’s the difference between a few scoops of brain from some idiot who died on their own, and buying pork at the supermarket? I mean, aside from the consistency. The point is, you don’t even have to do the dirty work!”
Colin cleared his throat. With effort, he spoke, his voice gargling up through some still liquid as if it were percolating out of a mud bath. “Don’t be gross.”
“Oh? You can speak? Neat!”
“Hurts.” Colin closed his mouth again.
Levi sighed. “Oh well. Come on. Let’s go see what’s going on over there.”
Drawing his sword, he led the way toward the scent of blood. The bodies of small wolf-like monsters piled up at the foot of trees. Others, large as racoons but with the spread-skin wings of flying squirrels, splayed along open avenues. Broken and slashed branches laid about, falling off their trees. Here and there, bloody handprints colored the trunks.
“Recent signs of battle,” Levi murmured in his best detective voice. He strode forward, closing in on the origin.
“Stay back!”
Levi halted, putting his hands up. “Yes, Your Majesty.”
A bleeding and tattered Kai sat against a stone wall. He panted, his chest rising and falling rapidly. The blush of fever colored his cheeks, but his eyes burned with hatred. When he saw who approached, that hatred didn’t diminish an inch. “You.”
“I don’t think I’ve done anything to deserve that kind of attitude, young man.” Levi put his hands on his hips and shook his head at Kai.
Colin stepped forward. He raised his staff.
“Hey! Don’t waste your mana—our mana—on this guy!” Levi protested, but it was too late. Golden light flowed to Kai. The worst of his wounds began to seal shut, and his flush diminished.
Once again, the staff seared Colin’s hands. This time, he held on, biting his lip so deeply that his still blood oozed up.
Rather than thank them, Kai glared. He lunged, suddenly ferocious. “Go away! Leave me alone!”
“Is that what you say to the guy who’s going out of his way to heal you?” Levi asked.
“I didn’t ask for your help. Go! Leave!” Kai snarled. He swept his sword drunkenly at them.
Colin startled. He jumped back. The surprise startled him out of his spell, and the gold light faded from around Kai.
“I can tell when we’re not wanted. Come on, Colin. Even if we fixed him up, the ingrate would only shit on us. And I’m not into scat.” Levi patted Colin on the shoulder, subtly sending him a stream of mana. Colin’s hands healed, and a vague emptiness came over Levi.
Is that all the mana I have? Damn. I’m a real one-pump chump right now. I need to get more mana. In other words—level up!
As they left, Levi glanced over his shoulder. “Oh, by the way… is there a dungeon nearby?”
Kai had already been grimacing, but now his face twisted into something truly hideous. He threw himself off the ground and struck wildly at Levi. Every muscle on his body stood taut. Every vein throbbed. “Fuck off!”
Levi danced back, neatly parrying Kai’s sword out of his hand. It wasn’t hard. As injured as Kai was, he barely had a grip on the thing. “Jeez, man. Just asking a question. Goddess.”
Kai kept running at them, wildly throwing blows like a madman. Levi grabbed Colin’s arm and fled. “I’d stay and teach you a lesson, but I don’t have enough mana to keep healing Colin!”
Kai collapsed at the edge of the clearing he sat in, and the two of them easily made their escape. Levi glanced back as they walked away. “Damn. That was crazy. Wonder what his problem is?”
Colin shrugged.
“You know, Colin, you’re so right. ‘Being Kai’ is a problem on its own.”
Colin’s eyes widened. He waved his hands.
“There’s no need to be shy. I understand you, even without words.”
Colin shook his head emphatically.
“It’s like we’re blood brothers. Speaking heart to heart, without—” Levi stopped mid-sentence. He raised his brows. “Oho, have we found the source of poor Kai’s trauma?”
Before them, a picturesque mountain cabin sat in the center of a large clearing. Smoke rose from its chimney. But it wasn’t the cabin that Levi’s eyes locked onto. Behind it, two large wooden doors barred off a large cave entrance. A wooden sign hung from their center.
Dunjun Entery Fee: 10 Br/Hed
A mountain of a man, hefting a two-bladed axe, fixed the sign back to level. Fresh blood dribbled down the axe’s edge, dripping on the ground. He glanced over his shoulder at Levi and Colin. “You two with that freak I just ran off?”
Levi perked up. “Hey, Colin.”
Colin glanced at him.
Levi beamed. “I figured out what happened to Kai.”
The man narrowed his eyes at them. “That a yes?”
“That is a resounding no, sir. We merely encountered him on the road. We are, however, interested in entering your dungeon.”
The man knocked the sign with his knuckles. “Ten bronze a head.”
Levi tapped his fingertips together. “That’s, how should I say. Something of a barrier for us.”
“If you ain’t got no money, get the hell outta here,” the man grunted.
“Wait, wait wait wait. We don’t have money, no. But if we leave here, then neither you, nor we, have gained anything. What if I can make a value-added proposition for you?” Levi suggested, bringing his fingertips and leaning in.
The man cocked one brow. He gave Levi a skeptical look. “Huh?”
“What if I find a way to guarantee you money, as long as you let us into the dungeon?” he translated.
Leaning back, the man looked Levi up and down. “Usually I’d run you off just for callin’ me a proper-stitchin’, but things are tight with the war going on. Hit me.”
Putting on an earnest expression, Levi spread his hands. He shook his head mournfully. “Right! War going on, no one dungeoneering, what’s a profiteer like you to do? You can’t shake down adventurers for their hard-earned gold if there’s no adventurers coming through.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” the man agreed.
“And here we are. Two bright-eyed young men eager to enter your precious dungeon that you’ve righteously camped, but unfortunately, we’re broke as hell. So how can a virtuous resource hog like yourself turn a profit?”
The man narrowed his eyes. He tapped his axe. “Get to the point.”
Levi glanced at the axe as well. He smiled with the brilliance of a natural salesman. “Allow us in. On the way out, you get the first pick of the loot. Win-win scenario. We get to enter the dungeon, and you get to profiteer. What do you say?”
The man stroked his chin. He swung his axe around, then thumped it down again. “What’s to stop you from running off?”
Levi gestured. “Your illuminous, moneygrubbing self, sir. There’s only one exit to the dungeon, after all. You merely have to bar the door, and we’ll be stuck inside until you let us out.”
The man raised his brows. “There’s—” He paused, then nodded to himself. “—only one exit. That’s right. I’ll let you boys in, then. If you don’t find at least thirty bronze worth of loot, though, I’ll feed ya to the gremlins.”
“Gremlins?” Levi asked.
“Little wolf ‘n squirrel-looking things. Live at the top of the dungeon. I call ‘em gremlins. I feed ‘em sometimes, so they recognize me. I let ‘em out when I need to chase someone away. They won’t bite the hand that feeds, but they’ll fight anything else they see.”
Levi nodded. He shared a glance with Colin. “That tracks.”
“Right.” The axe-wielder lifted the sign off the door and swung the doors open. Ungreased hinges squealed. The doors flapped emptily around a vast stone space. A very large bat dropped from the ceiling in the near distance and swooped toward them. It filled the doorway, easily twice as tall as Levi. Huge white fangs gaped.
Levi jumped back. He reached for his sword.
The man drew back his arm. When the bat grew close, he unleashed a devastating blow on its muzzle. The bat flopped to the ground. It flapped weakly a few times, dazed. Dusting off his hands, the man shook his head. “Dumbass bat. Never learns.”
He turned back around to Levi and Colin. “You boys head on in. I’ll bar the doors behind you. Bang real hard when you wanna get out.”
Levi’s eyes widened. He saluted. “Yes, sir! Profiteer, sir!”
He scurried inside, Colin on his heels. The door swung shut behind them, cutting off the daylight. With a heavy thump, the doors shut. Vaguely, Levi could make out the man’s shadow as he barred the gates, then hung the sign once more.
Levi ran to the bat and slashed open the monster’s throat. “Gimme your EXP, loser!”
The bat struggled, but after the man’s punch, it couldn’t really fight back. It managed a few weak struggles before it gave up and hit the ground.
Colin shook his head disapprovingly.
“What? It’s free EXP. That thing’s at least a miniboss. I’m not missing out on EXP because someone else did the work.” Levi yanked his sword free.
Colin shook his head again. As they walked on, he pointed backward and gestured for money.
Levi snorted. “We’re absolutely not giving that guy anything. Not unless we have no other choice. He’s literally just a high-level player camping the entrance to an essential levelling cave. Or, well, the equivalent to that in this world. I have no respect for him, and neither should you.”
Colin thought for a moment, then shrugged. He pointed at the door.
“Yeah. Think about it, though. It’s a dungeon. Not a chance it only has one entrance. Sure, his slip-up was pretty revealing, but even if he hadn’t, I was willing to bet thirty bronze that there was another way out. Well.” Levi grinned. “Thirty potential bronze. Which we’re never going to give him, because fuck that guy.”
Colin spread his hands. He didn’t care.
“You just don’t have enough anger in your soul. That’s okay. I’ve got enough for both of us.” Levi headed deeper into the dungeon, leaving the bat behind.
Colin hesitated. He looked at the bat, then ran over and grabbed Levi’s shoulder. He pointed at the bat.
“What? You want me to res it?” Levi looked at the bat. He touched his chest, where mana seemed to live. Only a tiny scrap of cold remained. “I don’t think I have enough mana.”
Colin gave him a sad face.
“I probably don’t have a higher stat total than a miniboss, either.”
Colin sighed. He gazed longingly at the bat, then waved goodbye.
Levi hesitated. “I’ll get you some friends soon. Just… not this soon. Besides, that thing was kind of a chump, you know?”
Regretfully, Colin nodded. He gave the bat a final look and walked away.
“You can bring it with you if you want a snack.”
Colin gave him a disgusted look and shook his head. He left the bat behind and headed deeper into the dungeon.
“What? Even people eat bats. It’s normal people food. Kind of.” Shaking his head, Levi followed after Colin.
