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73. Sometimes, You Have to Get Down on the Ground and Roll in the Dirt
🕑 Added 2024-11-20 17:00:18 +0000 UTCHand-over-Handy, unhooking the Spinal Cord just to hook it in higher, Levi crawled up the giant’s back. Down below, Kai slashed at its feet. He darted in and dealt a heavy blow to its pinky, one clearly meant to sever the appendage. At the last second, the giant flinched back, and his blow just split the boss’s toenail instead.
The boss roared in pain.
Levi glanced down. “Honestly? That’s worse than losing the toe.”
The monster’s back tensed. It bent its knees, then leaped up. Wind rushed by Levi where he clung to its back. He stopped trying to climb and just held on, his face pushed back by the force of the wind, eyes almost shut. It reached the apex of its leap, and for a second, seemed to float there, as the acceleration of its leap and the acceleration of gravity normalized to zero, then quickly tipped in gravity’s favor. Levi drew his sword and struck it into the monster’s back muscle, adding yet another layer of hold to the scenario. When the boss landed, he’d have to absorb all the momentum, too. If he wasn’t ready, he’d slip off and go splat.
The ground loomed. Kai darted back. The giant’s feet slammed down, sending shockwaves through the ground. They tripped Kai and Vox alike. Isa floated serenely in the air, unbothered.
Levi smashed into the boss’s back. Handy’s grip slipped. The Spinal Cord yanked, almost coming free of the giant’s flesh. His knife dug down the giant’s muscle. Blood rushed out. It slicked down the monster’s pale flesh and splashed in Levi’s face and down his chest. He shook his head, then turned it to spit. “Whew. I haven’t had that much blood in my mouth since the last time I went down on—”
“Levi! Watch out!” Colin shouted.
A shadow fell over him. Blinking the blood back, Levi looked up. The giant’s hand descended toward him, going for yet another slap. He gritted his teeth and jabbed his hand up. The Spinal Cord renewed its grip, then yanked him upward, spinning him as he went. The hand smashed down inches behind him as he fled. The giant’s flesh rippled, smacking into Levi. It scratched its back, fingernails chasing Levi down. Levi ran up against the Spinal Cord’s end, and the fingernails still closed in on him. Blackened and jagged, they hid a thick layer of gunk underneath. They retreated, then swung back toward him.
“Gods, no. When does the threat of horrifically disgusting deaths end? What have I done to deserve such suffering? Scratched to death by a giant’s crunchy fingernails like a nasty back pimple is better than smashed into the taint, but it’s still not what I want on my tombstone.” Levi yanked the Spinal Cord out. Using his sword and the Armalgam, he scurried upward, crawling away from the fingernails. The fingernails chased after him, swinging close, then retreating as the giant scratched back and forth.
Down below, Kai slashed at the giant’s feet and ankles. The giant danced, occasionally grunting in pain as Kai landed a hit. Levi swung around as it kicked and jumped. He couldn’t even hunker and cling, with the nasty fingernails close on his rear. He had to keep climbing, even as it jumped.
Roaring, the giant stomped in frustration. It swung and stomped, then stopped, dead still. Calculations flashed in its dark eyes, and then they squinted into a smile. It jumped again, but this time, its body tipped backward in midair.
Levi looked up. The monster’s body eclipsed the sun. His legs swung directly down as he suddenly found himself clinging to a surface parallel to the ground. He looked down. Kai stared up at him, stuck in the middle of the giant’s immense shadow. At the edges, both Isa and Vox fled.
“Ohhh fuck,” Levi muttered. He scrambled as fast as he could, shooting the Spinal Cord ahead of him, then furling himself up after it. Once. Twice. The giant dropped toward the earth, closer to making Levi butter with every passing moment. Its shoulder loomed, edged with brilliant sunlight—the light of freedom and survival. Below him, the ground rushed up at him. Trees cracked under the giant’s weight. The first rush of escaping dust clouded around Levi’s face. Come on. Just a little more!
The Spinal Cord caught the giant’s shoulder. It furled, and Levi flew. The giant smashed into the earth. He struck the giant’s shoulder as it struck down.
Levi sighed. He ran a hand over his forehead and shook his head. “No Levi pancakes today.”
A hot rush of putrid, moist air blew Levi’s hair back. He turned. The giant stared at him, its mouth uncomfortably close to Levi. Its mouth watered.
“Ah. Haha. Poor choice of words. I’m nothing like a pancake. I’m very disgusting, actually, bitter and acidic—”
The giant’s head darted toward Levi with startling speed. Levi dropped. He struck the ground with the Armalgam’s four remaining arms and jumped at the same time. His body flew into the air, up over the giant cannibal’s gaping mouth and sharp teeth, past its cheek. He dropped down on the rear of its jaw. Without hesitating, Levi and the Armalgam struck with their blades. They cut into the back of the giant’s jaw and down into its neck. Blood spurted again, and the giant roared.
Its whole body pitched over. Levi was thrown off, up into the air. He threw his arm out. The Spinal Cord jabbed into the giant’s neck and spooled him in, holding him against the giant. It thrashed, kicking around in the dirt, turning its head, and thrashing its arms around like an enormous toddler throwing a tantrum. Dirt, stones, tree limbs, and everything else on the ground tossed around like a storm. Caught in the eye of the debris hurricane, Levi clung to the giant’s neck for dear life and prayed for the storm to end. The giant’s flesh bucked and flexed under him, so he couldn’t even risk lifting his arms to slash deeper at its neck for fear he’d fall off.
At last, the giant grew tired. Chest heaving, it laid on the ground and sighed. It looked left and right, checking on the results of its tantrum just like a toddler who wanted to see if mommy and daddy were looking to make sure it was worth it to keep going.
“It’ll take more than that to remove this tick,” Levi grunted from slightly lower on the giant’s neck. He lifted his sword high, and severed the giant’s jugular.
