noct
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1. The Final Boss is Spawn-Camping (TLHASO)
🕑 Added 2022-03-18 22:43:09 +0000 UTC(Author note): Hey everyone! I've started working on a second novel, once again. Here's the first few chapters! At the end of the month, I plan to split off another two tiers, one for everything (at about +$2) and one for TLHASO (at the same price). I've got some feedback that people don't like having the streams crossed/seeing my secondary novels in the main patreon, so this is in response to that. If you only want one book, you're still good! If you want it all, it's not a huge increase. LMK if you have any thoughts! Thanks all!
(Author note p2): whoops. TLHASO stands for "The Legendary Heroes are Slacking Off." Thanks to NoodleGod for pointing out that I forgot to say it!
Darkness.
That’s right. I died.
Floating. No weight, no gravity. Boundless darkness.
Then… is this…
A single star winked to life. He stared at it, absorbed in its silver light. The only point of light in the utter black, it called to him. He reached for it, and discovered he could move. One step. Another. He broke into a run, sprinting for it.
The star grew brighter, brighter. Other stars burst to light all around him. Shimmering, they cried out, cheering for him. He sped up, panting. His arms pumped. His chest heaved. Forgetting everything, his life, his death, he chased after the star.
“Wait.”
He drew to a halt. Turned away from the star.
A beautiful woman in sheer white robes stood to his left. She walked alongside him, moving silently, so that he couldn’t say if she’d just arrived, or been there the whole time. Loose, transparent sheets of fabric swirled around her, propelled by winds only she could feel. As they swayed, gentle curves and a slender body appeared and vanished. Her bare skin glowed the same silver-white as the stars, her hair the black of space. Delicate feet strode in the emptiness. She turned to him, her eyes closed.
She opened her eyes. Within them, silver stars shimmered in an endless sea of pure black. Her lips moved. No sound emerged, but her voice resonated in his mind. “Will you hear my people’s prayers? Or do you wish to pass on?”
He swallowed. A life’s worth of memories slammed into him, almost a physical blow, and he staggered. Gale. My name is Gale.
And this woman… must be a goddess! A goddess, giving me a chance at another life? His eyes glittered. “Yes! I’ll hear them!”
A soft, genuine smile spread across her face. She offered him her open palm. “I give all my Heroes a gift, so that they may become this world’s legends. What do you desire?”
A life flashed before Gale’s eyes. Childhood, rushing to school. His teenage years, studying. Hurrying to college. His parent’s desires, their wishes. Their words echoed in his head: Go to school. Get into a good college. Find a good job. Get married. Have children.
The sound of a semitruck’s horn, blaring in his ears. Bright headlights. A wall of force. Pain, giving way to merciful nothing.
Gale frowned. All my life, I followed someone else’s plan. Right when I decided to finally live my own life, I got run over by a truck. If I have to choose one thing, then…
He stared up at the goddess. “I want to forge my own destiny!”
The goddess flinched. “Is that so.”
“Uh… yes?” Gale said. He frowned. Did I ask for too much? I didn’t think that was much at all…
She drew a deep breath. Exhaustion flashed over her face for a moment, banished the next. Her hand passed over Gale’s head. “Granted. Go into the world, hero. And remember, listen closely to the people’s prayers!”
Gale nodded. “I will, of co—”
The floor fell out from under him, and he plunged. Stars flashed past. The goddess diminished to a silver star, then winked out. One by one, the other stars flickered to black. He fell into pure black once more.
Gale stared ahead of him. I wonder, in this new world…
Stars twined around him. He plunged into the darkness. A glimmer of blue light on the horizon grew larger and larger until a world appeared, rushing out of the void. Sunlight beamed across its surface. It glittered off massive oceans and shone green where forests crawled across the land. Golden deserts wandered across the continents.
The world turned, day fading to night. Abruptly, the lands turned barren. A black line crawled across the continents. On its far side, the world fell to ruin. Deserts became ashen wastes. Forests loomed, blackened and twisted. Gray, dead oceans thrashed brutal stony cliffs.
As he gazed down, silver lights burst out from the planet. They streamed toward him like shooting stars, then merged into his body. Prayers echoed in his ears as silver light whited out his vision.
Please, find the heroes!
Where are the Legendary Heroes? We need the Legendary Heroes, now more than ever!
Someone, find the Legendary Heroes! Anyone, it doesn’t matter who!
Heroes, where are you?
His eyes shut. Gale breathed out. I’ve heard their prayers. I understand, Goddess.
He surged into the light, and his body faded. For a long moment, everything went black.
Birds twittered. Sunlight beamed down, warm against the backs of his eyelids. Gale blinked and looked around.
He stood in a glen, surrounded by lush vegetation. Trees swayed gently in the breeze. Long grasses tickled his legs. None of his old aches and pains bothered him, not the ache in his back from hunching over his computer, not the kink in his neck from falling asleep on the couch every night. His body felt light, as though it had been entirely renewed. He took a deep breath, and clean air rushed into his lungs. Gale stretched, then let out a long, happy sigh.
A new world!
A dialog box popped up in his vision. He glanced down at it, curious.
Welcome, Hero. Thanks to your wish to forge your own destiny, you can choose any starting-tier class!
Any class? Gale’s eyes widened. He touched the dialog box, eager to begin. What should I choose? Mage? Melee? Some kind of hybrid class? Or maybe a specialist…
As a menu appeared, something black flashed through the corner of his vision. Pressure emanated through the air, slamming into him. Gale whirled.
A pale man hung in the air above him, eyes glimmering with vicious red light. Ornate black robes left his pale skin pasty and sallow. Hollow cheeks, sharp eyes, and a narrow slit of a mouth gave the impression of a black-feathered hawk swooping in on a plump mouse. He smiled down at Gale, a cold, empty gesture. “I knew I sensed the Goddess’ foul energy near one of my sensor traps. At last, a Hero arrives.”
Gale’s heart raced. Fear crawled up his back. He swallowed, slowly lifting his eyes above the man.
“Curse your poor fortune that today, on the day of your transmigration… the first person you met, was the Demon King.”
A scythe curved up over the man’s head, the blade longer than the man was tall, its handle easily taller. The scythe’s black blade shone red, as if slick with fresh blood.
Casually, the man swung. The scythe hurtled at Gale’s neck.
Gale tried to jump back, but his body refused to move. A strange force held him in place. He struggled harder, and a message dialog popped up.
Please choose a class before adventuring, Hero!
The scythe sliced his neck open. A second before it severed his spine, the scythe stopped. The man retracted it and spun it again, slinging Gale’s blood into the air. He snapped his hand out and caught the blood on his hand, then licked it. Crimson red flashed on his tongue. The man closed his eyes, a contented expression on his face as though he sampled finest wine, not blood.
Gale slumped. His blood rushed out, pouring onto the ground. He grabbed at his neck, to no avail. Hot blood spilled through his fingers. Iron and salt sparked over his tongue. He tried to cough. His stomach heaved, and air whooshed out his neck.
“Welcome, Legendary Hero,” the man mocked. He gestured. The sky trembled. Black voids broke through the idyllic blue. A pair of skeletal hands emerged from the voids and lifted Gale’s body. They flew over and hovered behind the man, supporting Gale’s limp body.
“Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of your body. Your Goddess’ Boon, and more importantly, your immunity to holy weapons, are both now mine. Regrettably, I was forced to vacate you from your body, but… I’m sure the Goddess can help you forgive me from the afterlife.”
“Give me my body back!” Gale shouted, reaching after it. A translucent hand grabbed at the man, and Gale blinked. “Huh?” My body’s over there but I’m… here?
Laughing at his own joke, the man flicked his scythe and took to the skies. The bony hands followed, carrying Gale’s body after him.
Powerless, Gale watched his body vanish. He hovered, locked in place in the glen where he’d started. His translucent feet dangled above a puddle of his own blood. He looked at his hands again, then at the floor, and furrowed his brows. I’m… not dead?
Please choose a class before adventuring, Hero!
“No, wait. I am dead. I’m… if I think of this as a video game, I died before I finished the tutorial. I’m essentially glitched in a state where I can’t be dead, but I’m dead anyways!”
He gazed at the menu. Dread replaced his earlier excitement. He pressed his lips together thoughtfully. “If I choose a class and resolve the glitch, is that the end of my life?”
Gale hesitated another few seconds, then drew a deep breath. Resolution welled up in his eyes. “It doesn’t matter. I was already dead. If I die again… I’m just back where I started.”
Raising his hand, he slapped the dialog. It glowed, then vanished. In its place, a huge menu appeared, hovering in midair. Tiny images filled row after row, each one showing him another possibility. A bulky version of him with maddened eyes and wild hair. A slender version of him, fingers swirling as he wielded fire. An athletic him, gripping a pair of matched daggers, dressed in all black.
“Are there any classes I can choose that won’t immediately kill me?” he murmured under his breath.
As soon as the words left his mouth, the display shimmered. Image after image vanished, swiped off the menu. Before his eyes, hundreds of possibilities went up in smoke. New images slid up to take their place, only to fade away again. Over and over. Classes he’d never imagined flashed by. Odd weapons. Strange beasts. Dark sorcerers. Undead. Monsters.
At last, four options remained. A hideous zombie, rotten skin falling off its bones. A strange tentacled monster. A bright red slime, bulbous and shiny. A sallow version of him, eyes glowing red, blood swirling in the air before him.
“I don’t want to be a zombie,” he murmured. The option vanished instantly.
He frowned at his remaining options, considering. Wordlessly, he dismissed the tentacled monster. This isn’t a hentai. All a body like that will get me is killed.
Staring between his final two options, Gale took a deep breath. “System, details, please.”
The images flipped. Information appeared beside the images.
He tapped the slime first, enlarging its details.
Blood Slime
Evolved Monster Class [Master Evolution] [Warning! This is a Monster class. Humans will treat you with hostility.]
[Taking this class will incur -20 Favorability with Humans and +10 Favorability with Slimes. Adventurers will attempt to eradicate you on sight.]
One of the many Master Evolutions of the Slime, the Blood Slime possesses impressive dissolving power and fierce innate magic. Although this class cannot evolve and has slow growths, it makes up for having the stats of a starter class by…
Gale flicked it away. “Master Evolution, can’t evolve? Isn’t that the same as saying I won’t get any stronger? I don’t want to be locked as a slime for the rest of my life! I’m here for a better life, not a worse one.”
He turned to the final remaining option.
Blood Mage
Dark Mage Subclass [Warning! This is a Dark class. Humans will treat you with hostility.]
[Taking this class will incur -10 Favorability with Humans. The dominant Church of Light will treat you as Unholy and attempt to eradicate you on sight.]
You wield the power of blood. Your blood is mana, and your mana is blood. This gives you a larger mana pool than the average caster, though at the cost of your own health. By manipulating blood, or feeding blood into spells, you can empower…
“It’s better than a locked monster class with no growths!” Gale declared, slapping the class.
Golden light burst out from the option and enveloped both his transparent body and the blood on the ground. The blood rushed at Gale and merged into his transparent self. The gold light danced around them both, glinting off the blood. Gale stood there in translucent red. He looked at his hands, made of blood, and clenched them. I have a chance! I can survive!
The golden light faded. Gale’s vision wavered. His body wobbled, then collapsed and splashed to the ground. The blood puddled on the dirt, gently blown by the wind.
Gale’s new body sunk slowly into the dirt, absorbed by the thirsty earth. Blind and deaf, all he had to center himself in the world was the heat of the sun and the gentle brush of the wind over the surface of his puddle. Frightened, he tried to bunch himself together. Ripples spread over his blood-puddle body, but it didn’t move. Panic roiled in his heart.
Calm down. You can handle this. You made this choice. Make it work!
He attempted a deep breath, only to discover he didn’t have lungs. Frustrated, he stirred in place, then focused inward. System!
A red banner flashed before him.
Status: Dying. Find a host body or perish!
He dismissed it. Magic, where’s my magic? Er… Status!
Status: Dying. Find a host body—
Don’t be cheeky. Status!
Name: Gale | Lvl 1 | Class: Blood Mage
HP: 56/100
Mana: 56/100
Mag: 10
Str: 1
Skl: 2
Spd: 0
Res: 7
Def: 1
Fav: 0 (-10 Humans)
Gale’s eyes narrowed. What are these shitty stats? Do Blood Mages have horrible stats?
No, wait. I’m a blood puddle right now. The 0 speed, the 1 strength… these are probably the blood puddle’s stats. As expected, a blood puddle isn’t strong in of itself.
Where’s my spells? System, spells?
Blood Manipulation [Lvl 1]
Cost: 2 mana/s
Manipulate your blood. A versatile skill useful for attacking, defending, or even moving.
Blood Possession [Lvl 1]
Use your blood to possess a host body at the same or lower level than you. The Blood Mage can attempt to possess a higher-level body, but at a higher cost and a steep chance of spell failure. Mana cost determined by power and resistance of host body. The more powerful your magic stat, the easier it is to oppose the enemy’s magic resistance.
Gale smiled in his heart. I can work with this.
A gentle wind tugged the surface of the blood puddle. It sat in the glen, still and silent. Not a single sign of life emanated from the dark puddle. A coppery reek billowed about the glen, slowly spreading on the breeze. Gale waited, feeling the brush of grass against his sides, the slow leak of his body into the dirt below, the slight touch of the wind.
Time ticked by. Slowly, his mana counted down. It dipped below fifty and kept slipping away as his blood slowly dried and soaked into the dirt. Still he waited, holding still. Something will come. Anything.
Warmth. A poke. Slender whiskers.
Gale activated Blood Manipulation and leaped at the creature. Blood tendrils reached out blindly and grasped a furry body. The creature fought back, biting and clawing, but its claws sunk harmlessly into blood. He rushed into the creature as it bit, surging down its throat.
Blood Possession!
The creature struggled against him. Resistance blocked him out. He pushed past it, shattering it, and took over the creature. Coldness sank into his body, and he felt momentarily smaller and weaker.
Strength rushed up at his command. He blinked, and took in the glen once more, the idyllic forest and the long grasses that now arced high above him. Birds chirped once more, pleasant in his ears. He flicked them, then lifted his claws, investigating his new body. Blunt black paws, tipped in long, blunt claws. Stubby, mottled gray limbs and rounded shoulders. He reached up and felt tiny stubby ears, turned and found a short gray tail. A black underbelly descended below his chin.
I’m… a badger?
HP: 40/100
Mana: 40/100
Mag: 10
Str: 7
Skl: 3
Spd: 5
Res: 7
Def: 6
Fav: 3 (-10 Humans)
Active: Blood Possession (-5 mana/hr)
Passive: Blood Regen (1 mana/hr)
He grit his teeth. I’m losing 4 mana on the hour. When my mana hits 0, my blood also hits 0, and I die. This isn’t a long-term solution.
But it’s better than sitting there as a blood puddle until I die!
Letting out a fierce battle cry, he stomped off into the woods. All that escaped his throat was a guttural grumble, but in his heart, he cried, “Off to a better body!”
Comments
Wyatt Hilbert
I was worried that I might not like this, but I am happy to report that it looks good
noct
You know what, I was trying to remember if I'd done that. Guess not! Thanks for letting me know, I'll add it in. The title is "The Legendary Heroes are Slacking Off" :)
NoodleGod
Can you put the title on chapter 1, i don't know what tlhaso stands for. I like it so far though.
