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Memoirs 175 - Heated shrine visits

🕑 Added 2023-08-03 21:16:02 +0000 UTC

Comments

John Brady Anderson

"Scarlett glanced at Fynn, who looked wore a slightly confused expression." This sentence is very awkward, 'looked wore' definitely needs a change. "Rendezvous" is singular, 'rendezvouses' is plural. Rosa's line definitely implies multiple such meetups. Thank you for the chapter! Your character interactions are so fun, and I think Rosa+Scarlett interactions are my favorite, perhaps because they both have what I would call a Mask, Rosa pretending to be carefree, lightheaded, and flighty while actually quite insightful, worried, and determined; Scarlett truly caring about her people, trying to save the world, and worried about her own nature, while hiding her source of knowledge, dual nature and forced personality traits, and how much she cares in general.

John Brady Anderson

"The latter two appeared to be practicing some sort of spell cords of fire and pure light hung in the air before them, coiling around each other in patterns that made Scarlett think of candy canes." Missing punctuation here, perhaps a comma or semicolon between spell-cords?

Stephen

"At least Raimond seemed wise enough to believe the others when they told her Scarlett hadn’t been the one to kill it,". I think 'her' should be 'him'.

Tin

Stanway’s character is done well. Comes across to me as set in his ways but learned and though straightforward polite enough. Way more realistic than a jerk, but enough set in his ways that it’ll be satisfying to see him proven wrong :).


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