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Memoirs 90 - Bottlenecks
🕑 Added 2022-10-02 20:14:34 +0000 UTC“Would you stop treating it like a bundle of yarn made of glass?” the voice complained from the side.
Scarlett flinched. The tiny clump of fire magic she’d spent the last ten minutes trying to carefully untangle bundled up again. All those hundreds of mana strands she had only barely managed to separate into clusters were yet again blended into a dense throng where she could scarcely tell one part from the other.
She closed her eyes, letting out a long breath as she let the fire dissipate. So much for that attempt.
She turned to her right and the porch there, where the raven-haired woman was looking at her. “I was under the impression that you did not intend to give me any directions.”
“I wasn’t,” the woman said. “Nor am I planning on taking in an apprentice, or teaching you spells. But there’s a difference between that, and sitting here watching you make a mockery of my craft for two days. The least I can do is point out the basics. Things even a beginner mage should now.”
Scarlett arched an eyebrow. Neither Garside nor Kat had ever had anything to say about these ‘basics’ when witnessing her magic. They had seemed more impressed with her skills than anything. And both were pretty proficient with their corresponding schools of magic, so it wasn’t as if they were beginners.
“Then what is it you would suggest that I adjust?”
“I’m not ‘suggesting’ anything.” The woman shook her head. With the flick of her hand, a flame appeared beside Scarlett. “I’m saying that the way you are using your mana is fundamentally flawed if improving your control is what you’re aiming for. It’s the equivalent of tying a rope by first separating all its individual threads and then trying to tie them together, all at once. No matter what you do, another hundred hands won’t grow out of your back just like that.”
Scarlett glanced at the flame that danced next to her head. Was she supposed to notice anything special about it? The flame faded in and out of existence in cycles, as though a glimmering light. But that was all.
“If you want more control, then learn to use the tools you have properly.” The flame disappeared completely with the woman’s words.
Scarlett turned back to her. “…I am not certain I entirely understand.”
“Then think about it for a minute.” The raven-haired woman turned away from her, returning her attention to the book lying on her lap.
Scarlett knitted her forehead. She felt like she’d been making progress, though? She had definitely gotten better at differentiating the different strands of mana that made up her magic. And she hadn’t even been working at it for that long. Although, she would admit that individually controlling a large number of those strands felt impossible. Still, she imagined it would become easier with practice. She was curious about her magic actually worked, and this seemed like the most reasonable avenue for figuring that out.
But was this way of approaching things wrong, then? What was she supposed to do instead? Give up on understanding it and simply rely on her instincts as she had before? That felt lacking in its own way. Surely there had to be a better way of doing it. What she had been doing until now felt more like using a sledgehammer to strike a nail in. Her hydrokinesis in particular felt like it needed something more if she wanted to reach the degrees of control she was aiming for.
Then, what was the alternative the woman was referring to? What tools did Scarlett have, other than simply ‘shaping’ the mana under her control, with the instincts afforded by her skills? Was she supposed to go the middle way? Instead of trying to focus on the strands of mana that made up her magic, perhaps she should focus on the clusters that they seemed to create naturally? That felt more manageable, at the very least. But wasn’t it the same as trying to control the mana strands, just on another order of magnitude?
She studied the woman sitting on the porch. It would have been nice if she had given her a bit more to go off of.
As Scarlett was about to turn back to her magic, she recalled the other thing she had been meaning to ask. “May I pose another question?”
The woman glanced up at her. “Yes?”
“What is your name? I have yet to have had the opportunity to learn it, after greeting you yesterday.”
She seemed to consider her for a moment. “You can call me Arlene.”
“Arlene?”
“Yes.”
“I see…” To think it was that simple to get her name. Maybe Scarlett had overthought it. Though one would think something like this would’ve been brought up in the game.
…It couldn’t be a fake, could it?
Well, whether it was didn’t matter much at the moment. She turned her attention back to her magic, ready to begin her dutiful training again, just like she had for the past one and a half days.
Following Arlene’s words, she gave up on trying to separate the individual strands of mana, for now, instead trying to figure out what the woman had insinuated she do instead. Unfortunately, she didn’t make much progress. Even with Rosa continuously recharging her necklace, and when pushing her magic to the limits, by the time the sun had started setting, she didn’t feel as if she was discovered anything new. Arlene also hadn’t shared any more words on the subject.
“It’s getting late,” the woman eventually announced. “You should probably leave.”
Scarlett stopped what she was doing, dissolving the remainder of her magic as she fell back in her chair. If she’d felt tired yesterday, then she felt like dying today.
Like yesterday, leaving this place would make all the tiredness and mental exhaustion disappear. But perhaps that wasn’t exactly the same as it not having happened at all. She did feel like she had been awake for several days in a row now, even though this was only the second day. Doing this again tomorrow might not be entirely feasible. Maybe she would have to take some proper rest if they could return the next day.
She waited for Rosa to come over. After the woman had shared some of her reinvigorating bardic magic wither her, Scarlett forced herself out of the chair and turned to Arlene. She eyed the woman for a moment, then looked at Rosa and Shin. “Leave us. I wish to speak with her in private.”
Rosa gave her a curious look, but neither of them complained as they started walking over towards the center of the village square.
“Was there something else you wanted?” Arlene asked.
Scarlett held her gaze on the two’s leaving back for a moment longer, before returning her focus to the older woman.
From what she’d seen, Arlene hadn’t left that chair for even a second since they had arrived. She spent almost all of her time reading that book lying in her lap. As for which book it was, Scarlett had no idea. It was of dark grey leather and had no title on the cover. A minor detail like that also hadn’t ever been expounded upon in the game.
“…Are you not curious as to why I wish to be taken in under your tutelage?” she eventually asked.
“I’m sure you have a good reason. But that’s none of my concern.” The woman’s tone made it sound like it was a matter entirely unrelated to her. Perhaps that was reasonable enough, but…
“I can fulfill your deepest desire,” Scarlett said.
Arlene’s expression froze.
Scarlett met her eyes. “If you were to teach me, it would be possible for me to reach a state where I can carry out your wish.”
The woman stared at her with a heavy gaze. It was as if her words had brought up something that had long since been discarded.
Several seconds passed, with neither of them saying anything. Eventually, Arlene shook her head. “You’re overestimating your own abilities. I’ve watched you enough these past two days. Your magic speaks of extraordinary talent, but there’s nothing more to it. It’s all going to a waste. You should be careful with those ambitions of yours, so that you don’t end up getting yourself burnt.”
“I say this wholly aware of the limitations and barriers that stand in my way,” Scarlett said. “And I am well acquainted with my faults. Yet I am still telling you this: I can carry out your wish.”
“Then show me that with your skill.”
She frowned. She had already tried that. And the woman had no way of knowing about the system, or that she could upgrade her skills. Nor could she tell her about it. So convincing her here and now would be difficult. “…Then I will do so,” she said anyway. “Until then, wait. Watch and wait, and I promise that I will show you what it is you want to see. I promise that I will bring about that which you wish for. Of this, you have my word.”
The look in the woman’s eyes as she listened to her words wasn’t one Scarlett could decipher. Perhaps she was annoyed. Or sad. Maybe she was pitying Scarlett’s apparent naivety. Whatever it was that was hidden behind that look, however, it didn’t speak much for her trust in Scarlett.
She studied the woman for a few seconds longer before turning around. “Then I will take my leave. We will meet again.”
She’d prove her words with action. Even if it may take its time.
Arlene didn’t say much to Scarlett when they returned the next day, other than a short greeting. There had been little to say, anyway, since Scarlett had ended up spending almost the whole day fast asleep. Rosa had propositioned one of the villagers, who’d been kind enough to let Scarlett rest in their home for a time. Though what she had planned to be only a brief rest somehow ended up becoming over twelve hours. The sun had almost set by the time she woke up, and she barely got any training in before they had to leave.
At that point, she’d been worried that was the last opportunity to enter Freymeadow for a while, but thankfully the gate turned out to still be open for the next day. Arlene hadn’t been especially talkative when they returned this time either, but that didn’t stop Scarlett from spending numerous hours practicing her magic in front of the woman, trying to make sense of what it was the woman had hinted at with her previous words.
By evening, she was starting to think she was onto something.
While she had originally been under the impression that an efficient way of looking at her magic was to try and focus on the specifics and ‘micromanage’ things, the more she explored that avenue, the more it dawned on her that Arlene was probably right about the futility of that approach.
Or perhaps ‘futility’ was the wrong way of putting it. But, while there was nothing stopping Scarlett from trying to control every single strand of mana, there was an issue with it, other than the inherent difficulty in trying to manipulate so many elements at once. It was a problem that felt somewhat obvious at second glance.
She had no idea what to actually do with those strands.
When she was just using [Greater Pyrokinesis] or [Greater Hydrokinesis] respectively, things looked so simple. After all, she already instinctually knew what she had to do to create these phenomena, and the mana just moved according to her wishes in order to realize her desire.
But after spending so much time identifying and separating some of these strands of mana—a tiny number, compared to what it took to create even a basic Aqua Mine—she still couldn’t figure out how they actually worked. Even after completely removing some from their source, maintaining control as the strands just ‘floated’ in the air, there wasn’t anything more. Unlike when she normally used her skills, there was no instinctive knowledge or intuition that helped her understand these strands or how to shape them.
She had tried comparing them with the ones she could observe in her own, functioning magic, in order to figure out exactly what they did to produce the effect they did. But she couldn’t determine any pattern. Of course, it was very hard to tell with just her limited ability to ‘observe’ these things—relying on the somewhat ambiguous connection she had to her magic—but it all just appeared completely random to her. Almost like it wasn’t how the strands were arranged that mattered.
At this point, she had really started to think it might be stupid to spend so much time on what Arlene had already warned against. But Scarlett would be damned if she couldn’t understand at least why these things didn’t work.
So to test things, she had ended up spending upwards of five hours repeatedly recharging the [Depraved Solitude’s Choker] as she experimented on the topic. Her tests had basically been to create a normal fire sphere, filled with naturally formed clusters of mana strands which she didn’t quite understand, then gradually—and incredibly vexingly—siphon some of its mana into the air beside it until it reached a size where it should be able to create a flame of its own. But no matter how many times she tried, or how she ‘configured’ the strands, it didn’t work. Not until she started letting the strands coalesce into clusters.
Which meant there was something inherent in clustering the mana strands that even allowed her magic to work to begin with. And it didn’t seem to have anything to do with how the mana was arranged in the clusters, because it worked even when she tried forcing them into disarray.
Truly, there didn’t appear to be any logical way behind how this worked. Or at least not one she could decipher. She didn’t know what the reason behind this clustering was, nor what it meant for her magic in general. If it even meant something.
Perhaps there was no point in even trying to figure these things out. This was probably the point where she should just return to how she had been practicing earlier. It wasn’t as if it hadn’t been working. And upgrading her skills in the future would no doubt make up for at least part of her ignorance when it came to her magic.
But... She had already dived this deep into the rabbit hole.
Mages had existed in this world for literal millennia. As a craft, it was almost guaranteed that countless numbers of people had studied magic and figured out how it worked. Or parts of it, at the very least. And that had to include ways of improving one’s magic. Even if pyrokinesis and hydrokinesis as skills were relatively difficult compared to normal spells, there were bound to be people who’d figured out how to more efficiently make use of them. And judging from Arlene’s words, the woman was one of them.
It was only normal that Scarlett would want to make as good a use of her skills as possible. To improve as quickly as possible. That was one of the reasons she was here to begin with, even if it wasn’t necessarily the main one.
Although if things continued like this, she would eventually have to cut her losses and just give up on figuring these things out until she could convince Arlene to actually help her. While she had a lot of time in this place, it wasn’t infinite.
Eventually, the time came for Arlene to announce it was time for them to leave this day as well.
Hearing the words, all thoughts concerning her magic disappeared from Scarlett’s mind as she turned to the woman.
…Right. It was already the fourth day here.
Her eyes lingered on Arlene as the woman returned her attention to her book. Soon Rosa and Shin came walking over from the center of the village square. The bard used her magic so that Scarlett had the energy to move again, and Shin helped carry the chair back to the porch.
Both of the two retainers had spent the last four days with Scarlett in this village without a single complaint. And while most of the villagers seemed to keep away from the square when Scarlett was practicing her magic, the two of them had started getting to know the kids and some of the parents.
She had given them a brief warning at the start, but she really should have put an immediate stop to it the second they arrived. Hadn’t she been the one to tell herself she wouldn’t even let both continue coming with her? Yet in the end, she hadn’t done much at all. Because it had been easier that way when she was already exhausting herself so much these last few days. She’d also delayed coming up with a good excuse for why they shouldn’t come. She really shouldn’t have put so much focus on her training. That had been negligent of her. It had been lazy.
If the portal to this place didn’t lock this time either, she would be left with coming up with something on the spot. Not that she could come up with anything that would be particularly believable in the long run.
…Screw it. She would just have to do things the forceful way. She was the boss, so it wasn’t as if it mattered much. A lesson for the future.
Both Rosa and Shin gave her expectant looks as they made ready to leave. Scarlett turned back to Arlene. “Then we will take our leave.” She paused for a moment. “…We will see each other again.”
The raven-haired woman glanced up from her book at her. “I’m sure we will.”
The same response as every other time.
Scarlett locked eyes with the woman, but her expression was as unreadable as ever now.
She turned to leave. Rosa and Shin joined her in silence as they left Freymeadow, following the dirt road leading out to the border of the forest that enveloped the peaceful glade the village was nestled in. Perhaps the two noticed that her exhaustion wasn’t the only reason for her unresponsiveness this time.
Eventually, they reached the clearing where the entrance to this place was. As usual, a shade of red enveloped the place at this time of day, as the sun set over the horizon.
“So, how many times are we going to do this?” Rosa asked as they approached the center of the clearing.
Scarlett stopped in front of the rippling gate that led back to the real world. “…I do not know.”
It was up to chance whether they would be able to enter again immediately or not. Even if they were, Scarlett wouldn’t be spending any time training this time.
“However many times it may be, though,” she said, “neither of you will be joining the next time.”
She stepped through the gate. As always, all the piled-up tiredness and exhaustion disappeared as things returned to normal, autumn once again claiming its rule over the world. But now, in addition to the usual wet forest smell, there was a faint, ashen scent in the air.
Allyssa and Fynn were sitting on the ground a few steps away, where they had spread out a large blanket to protect from the damp leaves and grass. Fynn creased his forehead as he looked up, sniffing the air. He turned to look at the space behind Scarlett.
She looked back. The air still rippled with faint waves as it had before, but now there was a dim red tinge to it as well. It almost seemed like there were traces of smoke on the other side.
“Huh? What’s wrong, Fynn?” Allyssa asked.
A moment later, Both Rosa and Shin stepped out from the gate.
Scarlett watched the rippling air closely. It didn’t disappear. Which meant there was at least one use left.
“Hey, what did you mean earlier?” Rosa asked, looking at Scarlett. The woman paused, scrunching her nose together. “What’s that smell?”
Rosa frowned. Both she and Shin turned back to look at the gate behind them. “…What’s happening?”
“Nothing you have to concern yourself with,” Scarlett said. “And I meant exactly what I said earlier. Neither of you will join me when I return to Freymeadow this time.”
Shin turned back to her. “Why not?”
“Because there is no longer a need for it. As you have seen, it is perfectly safe. There is nothing more for you to do there.”
The looks she received from Rosa and Shin looked doubtful.
“I don’t really know what you guys are doing on the other side all the time,” Allyssa spoke up. Scarlett looked back at her. “But are you really going to go back right now?”
“I am, yes.”
The young woman pointed at the gate. “Okay, but is it supposed to look like that?”
“…It is.” Scarlett gave a slow nod. Then she turned around, making to move through the rippling gate. Before she could, however, both Rosa and Shin stepped forward.
She stared at the two, a hint of irritation rising up. “Move.”
Rosa eyed her. “…I think it’s best if we accompany the ol’ Baroness after all.”
“This is not a matter that is up for debate. You will both be staying here.”
The bard shared a look with Shin. “Sorry, but that doesn’t exactly lend us the most confidence.”
“That is irreleva—”
“I’ll go,” Fynn declared.
Scarlett turned around to look at him. He had a determined look on his face.
“You will not.”
Him joining was almost as bad as Allyssa coming with.
“Why can’t we join, if it’s safe?” Shin asked.
Scarlett looked back at him. “Because I say so. You will stay. That is an order.”
The others fell silent at her words.
Eventually, let out a low cough. “You’re sure there’s not suddenly anything dangerous there this time?” she asked, sounding more serious than usual.
Scarlett met her eyes. “…I am certain, yes.”
The bard’s gaze turned back to Fynn.
“She’s lying.”
Scarlett glared at him. “I am not,” she said. “There is a risk of danger, but it is miniscule, and unlikely to affect me if I do not actively seek it out.”
At that, he turned quiet.
“Then, how about this?” Rosa said. As Scarlett shifted her attention back to the woman, she paused. The bard had a heavy, but somewhat familiar, look on her face. It was as if she was saying she’d seen through part of Scarlett’s reasoning. “I’ll come with you, and the rest’ll stay here. If there’s no danger, then great! We’ll whistle a few tunes and shake a few tushies, just us old ladies. Then there’s no issue. And if there’s suddenly a fire-breathing dragon waiting to gobble us up on the other end, well, then we’ll at least go out together, yeah?”
The bard showed a smile that belied the atmosphere. “With this, the others won’t feel like they’re completely abandoning you, you know. ‘Course, you can trust me not to go tattling about whatever priceless treasures you’re actually trying to keep a secret over there.”
Her words were said in a playful manner, but Scarlett could tell she didn’t think those were her real reason for keeping them away.
She looked at the woman for a long while. “…Are you certain?”
“When am I not?” Rosa grinned. “I am the most certainest person there is. Certainty is my middle name, right after heart-stirring.”
“And will that be acceptable to you?” Scarlett looked at the others.
All of them gave slow nods, though Fynn didn’t seem fond of the idea.
Scarlett turned back to Rosa. “Then let us proceed.”
The woman nodded. “Let’s.”
Shin stepped to the side to let her through, and Scarlett walked past him through the gate. Her surroundings warped, spreading out and morphing as she exited into the other version of the clearing again. But things had changed. Now it was dark, and the scent of burning clung to the air. In the distance, above the trees in front of her, thick clouds hung low in the sky, reflecting a deep red as smoke trailed up towards them.
“What’s happening?” Rosa’s worried voice appeared beside her.
Scarlett turned to look at the woman.
“A nightmare.”
