RunFaps
Flameruner
Flameruner patreon

Memoirs 141 - Expensive sights

🕑 Added 2023-04-16 21:52:40 +0000 UTC

Comments

Pluto

“My mom” is this the first confirmation that they’re half sisters?

Tin

Really great pacing and enjoying seeing the relationships and bonds growing.

gostsamo

The chapter needs a second pass in editing. I'm not even sure if I've caught the better part of things to fix. > The noises of silverware on porcelain echoed out across the dining hall as Scarlett and the other members of her dined together. her what? > This included Evelyne today, with Garside standing silently to the side next to one of the walls with a calm expression on his face. today it included, the second with could be dropped. the expression could be pleasantly bland > The different people at the dining table occupied themselves with discussions among themself, with Scarlett satisfying herself with simply eating her food and listening in on the others’ the scene is clunky. the first themselves could be dropped, the second is with a typo. > Fynn, meanwhile, was wolfing down his own food without paying much attention to much else. anything else, meanwhile could begin the sentence > Scarlett hid her relief about how everybody seemed to be acting relatively normal today, not trying to act extra cautious around her, acting/act. the first could be "behaving". > but you’re not the type of persons these kinds of things are meant for. type of person, kinds of events/gatherings > “Really? He never told me that. Though he rarely ever talks about work around me, so that’s much is normal.” that much > Evelyne watched with was looked like slight amusement, while Rosa made a cheerful comment about how he at least seemed to care enough about Allyssa to not bore her with ‘uninteresting work tales’, though Allyssa herself didn’t seem to quite agree. with what looked. the second Allyssa could be "young girl". > Scarlett shifted her gaze to her, eyeing the woman for a moment. This was perhaps the first time she had heard the woman try anything even resembling a joke around her. the second woman could be "her sister" thought it might be painful to pronounce for Scarlett. > Through its curled pillars, the floating obelisk that was the Kilnstone was visible. After checking with the driver, the Kilnstone officials let them in with no hassle, and their carriage rolled up next to the artifact. "that was the Kilnstone" could be dropped, clashes with what follows > The city was the second largest in the empire, and the Kilnstone was located high enough to give them a decent outlook of the city. Immediately surrounding the square they were in were numerous brick and stone buildings, with carts and carriages winding through the streets in front of them that connected to the various parts of the city. lots of "city" in this and the following 1-2 paragraphs > “Last time the both of was here together like this was before father died,” the last time both of us were here > a pair of enormous steel gates at the end of the street that was flanked by tall stone walls that blocked the view beyond. runaway description > The guard lowered his briefly lowered his head before looking up at her again. ... > Scarlett had always felt that the Freybrook mansion was impressive, and it was clear a lot of money went into building and maintaining it throughout the years. clear that a lot of money > Once more, Scarlett hard to relinquish herself to waiting in line. not even sure what is the correct edit here

Kyle

Pretty annoyed with the snub by the receptionist. Also I would be really anxious at that situation. Like what if the invitation was fake or something, imagine the embarrassement when you the baron got sent away but your sister with a lesser position as you got to enter.


More Creators