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April Fools (Markets and Multiverses) (Not a real chapter)
🕑 Added 2023-04-01 16:42:22 +0000 UTCI stared at the sea of souls, preparing for my next reincarnation. I grabbed Sallia’s hand in my left hand, and Felix’s hand in my right, and the three of us jumped into the river of souls.
Quickly, I felt the tug on my being, and moments later, the three of us began floating towards something in the distance. Moments later, I felt myself sink into something, and then everything went dark.
It took another nine months for me to be reborn, but I had already come to expect this. When I was born, I took a look around me.
My mother was a tall woman, with flowing green hair, and electricity-colored eyes. She-
“Huh?” I said, as something prodded me from behind. I struggled to turn my infantile body around, grateful that my species had at least some mobility as an infant, and when I looked back, the color of my mother’s eyes and hair had been swapped. I felt confused.
Was this some sort of… new aspect of the species I had been reincarnated into?
I looked around to see if I could find my father, curious, and noticed that he had fiery-red hair and, for some reason, a brown beard, which had a completely different color from the rest of his facial hair.
I grinned, and reached out to play with my father’s beard. That was a suitably childlike action, right?
I felt something poke me from behind again?
I whirled around, but couldn’t see anyone. I felt incredibly baffled, but I looked back to my father…
And saw a giant eraser from the sky, as well as a couple pens and blobs of ink still dripping from far above as someone erased some of my father’s details.
And then replaced them. His beard was now red, the same color as the rest of his hair.
“Hey! I saw that!” I yelled at the sky.
“No you didn’t,” said the voice from the sky, trying to sneakily erase a few drops of spilled brown beard that were left on the side of the room.
“If you’re going to make edits while I’m in the world, at least do it in spots where I’m not looking. Goodness gracious, this is just sloppy!”
“I just didn’t realize hair colors would matter when I started writing the scene, until I realized their bloodlines would interact! It’s just a first draft! Leave me alone!”
“Why would hair colors matter?”
“Well, if your father has red hair, that implies he’s from the court of autumn, but they’re at war with the court of flowers, and if your mother has green hair, it’s obvious that such an act could never come to be! Such scandal!
“And, uhh… your father’s brown beard was just a mistake, okay? It should have been red. Ahem.”
I rolled my eyes. “Even so, you can’t just swap things around mid-sentence. Do you know how confusing that makes things for us? Like-hold on a sec. Sallia! Felix!” I yelled, and Sallia and Felix appeared in puffs of smoke. “Tell this person how confusing mid-sentence changes are!”
“Well… they are pretty bad sometimes,” said Sallia, wincing. She was trying to be diplomatic, but I was having none of it.
“They’re complete catastrophes! Backstories changing mid-chapter as you realize something conflicts with something else, people’s physical details changing out of nowhere as you realize an age doesn’t quite make sense… it’s a nightmare! When I last spoke with Olav, he literally changed hair colors in front of my eyes, like some sort of eldritch blob from beyond the stars. Then he suddenly aged like 20 years, and I needed to just go on pretending nothing happened! What the heck?”
“Sorry…”
“No, sorry doesn’t cut it,” I said, snorting. “You know what? I’m gong on strike. Find a new main character! Let’s go,” I said, gesturing towards Sallia and Felix.
And then, the three of them stormed off the pa-
Author’s Note: Look, it ain’t the real chapter from this week, but I just wanted to turn my brain off and write something a little silly. And April Fool’s Chapters are perfect for that! Silly and absurd.
Anyway, happy April First.
Comments
Luboš Hemala
Cheers mate, have drink on us! ;-)
