RunFaps
acaswell
acaswell patreon

Chapter 40: Preparations - Markets and Multiverses

🕑 Added 2022-12-20 02:43:23 +0000 UTC

Comments

Bryan D

Beelining and teleporting wouldn’t be words they would know in the village. Was that intentional?

Red Mammouth

Just saying but having them use the word teleportation when they have no concept of it is immersion breaking. With this world settings it's a bit weird to not see them react to it.

acaswell

Whoops. Nice catch.

rbot

I think the village chief uses the wrong name for Sallia?

acaswell

Added that in - the original draft of this chapter included a few tidbits about the other villages also chipping in during the fight. I deleted it because that chunk of dialogue was awkwardly phrased, and forgot to replace it with a better version of the sentences I removed XD. Thanks

The Lost Pages

I thought that was already mentioned in an earlier chapter where they discussed their discovery with the chief? That or he noticed it too.

Joseph

Seems extremely strange that she keeps secret the fact that had the light from the storm in it

Stephen Pearson

Thanks for the chapter! :-)

The Lost Pages

Thanks for the chapter. Minor thought / oddity to me: Early on it is mentioned that the other village chiefs were in "consensus". But when their village chief talks about the plan he doesn't mention them at all. Scale of 1 to 10 this is maybe a 2, or not a very big issue. For the overall flow even a simple sentence saying what the other villages were contributing would help.


More Creators