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Life of a Dominant Futanari Week 5 Chapter 201/49: Sunday Morning

🕑 Added 2023-07-18 03:07:19 +0000 UTC

Comments

Madjic

Thanks! I took a look and did some fixes. Much appreciated!

Rodimus Scoop

Great chapter, this peek at domestic Crystal is so cute and interesting. A few Corrections or suggestions I found, please know I am not an English major or anything like that, I just read a lot and know when I get pulled out of the flow that something is not quite right: I yawned a little and started to use brush my teeth Remove “use” ** I thought for a moment that she would stick around and enjoy a round. While perfectly fine, it sounds awkward I would either move to something like: “Stick around and enjoy a turn” or “stay and enjoy a round” ** Typo: my eyes closed as I signed with pleasure. Signed should be sighed ** It was fantastic, and I took some time to enjoy the heat momentarily This also feels awkward, I think you could remove “momentarily” or move it to something like “and I momentarily took the time to enjoy the heat” ** I think you are missing a short sentence or such at this point referencing grabbing a towel: When I finished up, I wrapped my hair in it before I started to dry myself off with another. ** Samantha told me I quickly controlled my breathing and ran towards the center. I think something is missing as the reference to Samantha. Likely that she gave the address or just move it around like: “towards the center Samantha told me about”


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