Madjic
patreon
Galaxy Hunter Online Chapter 33
🕑 Added 2023-04-09 06:23:19 +0000 UTCHey Guys,
So I not only want feedback on this chapter, I need it. I want to hear your thoughts on it as it will affect the book. I want to do my best with these scenes, and I want to hear your thoughts on them. Please PM me or comment, as I need feedback to see if I am doing things right or wrong. Thanks, and most of all, I hope you enjoy it!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1k6Dg5mGldssGy5GALllLqJEfWQKE_7TCPwqjlivGMBw/edit?usp=sharing
Comments
Arkeus
A lot of repeated phrases in the combat scenes, including things that contradict previous parts. Also it has a weird bullet time feel where it's easier for Sleepy to jump around than press a trigger, somehow. It's not bad if it's meant to show how Sleepy just has no idea on how to fight with a gun and previously relied on people being even worse than she is. There is also a weird instance where it's probably meant to be her shooting a bystander who is pissed at her, but instead says Oxrock.
Emmanuel Nouvellon-Pugh
Cool Chapter, I can’t offer anything constructive.
Justin "Johnist" Johanson
Good scene, however she should probably have knocked out the guy on the bed before taking the call, in my opinion.
Madjic
Maybe, I should describe this scene a bit more. It was a haste spell and a flight spell. Maybe I should add more to it. Or I could have the footage on the tablet show it? I will have to think about this. thanks for the feedback. I will think about this
ReclamerS117
I think overal its a good scene. The online Thing That feels a bit odd to me is when Oxrock seemingly instant travels right infront of Sleepy Wonder.
