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New Story Idea. (Lasor Guns are not Cool)

🕑 Added 2022-08-31 06:43:32 +0000 UTC

Comments

Han Pol

Okay cool start now I rant my feedback sorry for that. :D Personally I think chapter 2 and 3 are great very interesting and something I would want to read more about. (I'm really courious about that world now and need more chapters.:D) Chapter one is something I would honestly avoid for the most part. In my option you have the talent to make your MC's seem like an entitled dick in the first chapters of your stories when they are not nearly that bad later on. (compared to most other smut wishfulfillment stories) I mean sure they still are dominants that want others to submit to them. While getting usually blessed with the body that makes it okay for others to do that. But usually the first introducting chapter makes that often feel kinda underserved. Maybe some reflection on what went wrong before the death or the like would work better. (just a suggestion) The other thing that is problematic for these kinds of starts is that it may establishes something about the character that they are really not later on, By the way what is the next or is it first story that you think you finish fully?

The Theoritizer

This book is everything I want to read in one little package. Nice! 🤤


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