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State of Sterling: Writing, Producing, Life Stuff
🕑 Added 2022-10-28 12:35:33 +0000 UTCHello, people what is doing a reading of a words!
It’s been a while since I did an update post, and even though I should be making progress in Bayonetta 3 for review purposes, I can only go where the Elvanse takes me! So here we go.
Since we mentioned reviews, I suppose that’s the best place to start. As you’ll have noticed, written reviews are back! The desire to do them came from thinking about what I want/need to prioritise in my career. Also my phone keeps forcing the British spelling of words now I’m in the UK, so I’m gonna stop fighting the word “prioritise.”
Anyway, yes, I wanted to get back into writing for a while, but I’ve struggled in the past few years with major executive dysfunction. Since finding out I have ADHD, I’ve come to understand more why I stopped reviews. Yes, I was burnt out from “discourse” back when I stopped them, but it’s clear to me just how much ADHD was worsening the burnout.
This began to impact my other work too, to the point where I fell into a habit of doing very little in a day because the idea of starting a job felt insurmountable, and then spending that day feeling like a lazy piece of shit. I’d also felt like I had lost the ability to write well, that any “spark” I may have had was gone. In that regard, returning to written reviews has been a big boost to my self esteem - not only do I feel busy again, but looking at my recent output I think my ability has improved from the break, rather than declined.
It’s actually scary how natural it felt coming back and realizing I could always have written like I used to - it was just the fact my brain wouldn’t let me start writing.
Since the NHS stripped me of my ADHD meds, I’ve honestly struggled. I’ve managed to get a (re)diagnosis privately in the UK, and am jumping through some hoops to get back on medication. I’ll be able to, but it’s taking time. I’ve been surviving on spare meds, and it’s very clear to me that they’re a huge part of why I could start writing again. Hopefully I can get a reliable prescription asap. They’ve been crucial in getting my writing back off the ground.
While I know that untreated ADHD is a big part of why my content output slowed to a crawl, I’d still like to apologize for such a sharp decline. I’m aware I used to produce so much more, and I’ve been conscious of that fact.
Understably, the patron numbers dipped as a direct result. Justin looked over the stats and the dip coincided with when content became just The Jimquisiton and Podquisition. The business is still making a privileged amount of money, and I’m aware the fucked economy is also part of it (biggest reasons patrons give for dropping is a change in their finances). Still, it’s always gonna be scary to see Number Go Down when you’re entirely crowdfunded.
Anyway, seeing how much people missed my reviews, and how happy they were for the return, has also been wonderful. The people I know at Metacritic were positively thrilled, having apparently missed me too 😁
Now, some have asked if I’ll still do video reviews. This is a complicated matter.
It’s no secret that the YouTube channel is a dead end. The exact same day I came out as transfem, the pattern of losing 1,000-2,000 per Jimquisition began, and has continued. Given how every new video receives comments along the lines of “oh god, what happened to you dude, why are you dressed as a girl?” I don’t expect this pattern to change.
That’s not to say transphobia is the only reason anyone would unsubscribe, it’s just the primary catalyst for the Gamers(™) fucking off. Additionally I’ve been told I suddenly got “too political” as of 2021, and that my videos focused too much on worker abuse. This year I made a conscious effort to make episodes predominantly about not those things, but it had no impact on subs, so… y’know.
Regardless, even before the sub situation (which must qualify as an historic phenomenon now), I’d made no secret of seeing YT as an increasing waste of time. It’s not like their algorithm is gonna push an ad-free channel, and I can’t even reach my own subscribers thanks to the site’s ineffective notifications. It still makes sense to use the channel for things I already do like JimQ, Squirty Play, etc, but there’s no growing on that platform now. Anything I want to add to my work is best added via other platforms - focusing on written work is one such example.
This year has been a rollercoaster in general. I moved back to the UK to be with my husband and pursue wrestling opportunities I wasn’t getting in Pennsylvania. This massive upheaval has been tough, as has struggling to find a home for eight months afterwards. I’m thankful for y’all’s patience with my trying to maintain the minimum content I was doing while trying to settle enough to do more.
I’ve talked a lot about having a tough time, but 2022 has been kind to me in many other ways.
Aside from being in the most supportive relationship of my life, I finally found a wrestling trainer who actually believed in me. Liam Slater is amazing. I came to the UK with only a chokeslam to my name, and he’s turned me into an accomplished wrestler who is now regularly booked, is over as a hugely popular face (after I thought I’d be a career heel), and does fucking wheel kicks and rolling sentons. With my age and chronic pain, I doubt I'll have a long career, but I will have a fun one.
Next booking is November 4th for True Grit Wrestling in Leeds, and it's gonna be a very bitter fight against the biggest asshole I've ever met, Nathan Black.
I became a wrestling promoter with Phoenix, too, running Spectrum Wrestling and having an amazing debut show which you can watch here. Our next show, Collide O’Scope, is on November 19th in Sheffield and you can book tickets here.
Then, of course, I had the privilege of writing for the biggest indie game of the year, Vampire Survivors. It was already my game of the year, so I was blown away when Poncle reached out about writing lore for them. Getting to do the stage descriptions and bestiary entries for the official release was so much fun, and it was amazing having so much creative freedom. The response has been so overwhelmingly positive too, with the only major protest being from a small group of Status Quo Warriors who were upset that Giovanna is trans. But of course, it's never about gender, right? Anyway, I got to write about how jealous lizard people overthrew a massive dairy and seized the means of lactation. Life can be good sometimes.
Writing for Vampire Survivors had a big hand in reigniting my passion for writing in general. I think I'd love to write for another game, though I don't know if I ever will. If this is the only one I ever do, it is a hell of a game to be able to contribute to.
This went on way longer than I planned it, so I'll leave out other personal updates for another time. In short, reviews good, life can be hard, but there's also a lot of exciting stuff going on.
Thank you as always for your continued support.
Cheers,
Stephanie.
Comments
Stoke me a clipper
About youtube: Have you considered leaving Jimquisition ad free, but adding ads to anything else? Think most of us understand it as a necessery evil, might be worth running a poll here if you're open to doing that. Obviously don't expect ad rev from it, I expect your audience is smart enough to be using Brave or ad blockers; I sure am. But maybe the algorithm will give some of your vids a boost.
Rox
It's frustrating how much sway youtube holds online as /the/ place to post video content, when so many of its practices do nothing for its creators but make their job harder- sometimes maliciously so. You've always been an inspiration for me in a lot of ways, you work hard and have iron-clad morals in an industry where standards tend to fold like so many wet overbaked sheets of lasagna. No matter how things change in the world of games (and the wider creative industry to which it is connected,) and even as you've undergone an incredible personal journey, as a person you've been remarkably, commendably consistent when it comes to quality reporting and commentary, and it is indeed frustrating that so many are willing to ignore that (dare I say) sterling track record in favor of indulging their basal lizard-brain prejudices. As someone else with ADHD, I also sympathize so much with how overwhelming it is when you aren't able to access treatment; the state where I live is extremely strict with refilling scheduled medications, and I frequently have "gap weeks" between coverage because it takes so long to get a refill authorized. If I had to guess... being able to create so much in spite of your current hardships has a lot to do with how you've been coming into your own as a person in other respects. Being able to be comfortable in our own skin... means the world, don't you think? And it's been amazing to watch your wrestling career take off, too! I don't even go here much, but I respect the hell out of what you're doing- there's a lot of artistry and creativity to it all and I think that's amazing! You're doing everything you can in a hell world that rarely gives us the tools and time to accomplish the things we need to do, let alone what we want. I'll welcome your written reviews, I'll welcome your videos if or when they come, and I'll be here to support whatever you're up to for a long time to come! You're one of the few people who can look back on it all when it comes to games and know that you never compromised yourself for a quick buck or the sake of someone else's narrative, and people recognize that. Keep doing what you're doing -- you get what you put into the world in many respects, and you consistently work to try and make, to the extent you can, things just a little less shite than you found them. You're really respected, despite all the dust in the wind. Keep going -- we've got your back, wherever you go from here on out. Thank you for all the good you do!
C2
I've felt viewer burn-out recently because even if the topic in question isn't specifically geared towards political stuff the vibe of both jimquisition/podquisition trends inevitably (and entirely justifiably) towards bitter leftist outrage. As a bitter leftist I can happily eat that up - but there are limits. Eventually the sheer repetition of being reminded about all the bad shit that keeps happening and not getting fixed does get you down and there's not much to be done about it other than politely disengage or be an asshole who essentially is complaining that the show is doing exactly what its is meant to do and has always done. It's a current affairs show, current affairs suck a lot of the time so why blame the messenger?
sashahenriksen
Glad to hear life is working out for you. Being nonbinary myself i find you someone i look up to and your happiness makes me happy. It's a shame about the subscriber numbers but i hope the good is outweighing the bad here. Good luck in your future endeavors c:
TirOrah
Reading this was quite touching. I've yet to comment much on your written reviews, but I've read most of them and all of them had that combo of wit and honesty that I love to see from you. Good to know the writing has been so much fun! I was honestly impressed you'd even kept up the Jimquisition every week, what with moving and all. Knowing now that the NHS pulled your meds (what utter cunts!) on top of the move only makes it more impressive. I'm happy to see you back to doing more content, but make no mistake, we were perfectly happy to just settle in for a Jimquisition once a week. We watch it for YOU. You're what makes it special. As for the sub decline and the transphobic comments, it's a shame, but that's just the way it is, unfortunately. At the same time, I often find at least one commenter going, 'Oh hey, I haven't watched for a good while and suddenly Jim's now Steph? Good for them, they look super happy!' And that's all that matters.
Jim Sterling
Bless you, I really appreciate the kind words :-)
Jim Sterling
Thank you so much!
Jim Sterling
<3 Thank you!
Not sure you’ll see this (late to the party), but I became a patron after that video about sub decline. I’m just happy you are happier now and would continue with my tiny contribution even if you stopped producing content this instant.
Honestly been watching your work since the escapist. Remember when you said square enix is only allowed to announce 2 games a year? That would have been nice. There’s only two people in games media I give a fuck about anymore. Jason Schreier and The Cassandra of video games. People actually willing to keep saying what needs being said and not giving a fuck about “access”. Your work is important whatsoever form it takes - diversification of what interests you is important. Is everything you do gonna interest everyone? Nah. Does it matter? Also nah if you’re having a good time doing it. And look I’ll be real, the channel could just be a yearly shit on Gilson Pontus channel and it’d still be worth the “price of admission”. Keep on keeping on. Thank God for you.
You are my favourite content creator. I get so excited when I see you’ve put out something new so am happy to see you writing again. Love your way with words. I recently started watching your twitch, silent hill was brilliant would love to see more. Glad to be a Patreon now. I’ve been binging the podcast too, you guys are great
ThatSwede
”just the Jimquisition..” That is literally the reason I am here - no acceptance of bullshit along with insights and analysis in the Sterling style.
LouisB
Great to hear you're getting a kick out of writing again, and that life is on the up in the UK. I hope you can get the medication situation sorted out x
