Jim Sterling's Full Kingdom Hearts Plot Summary
🕑 Added 2019-02-06 18:39:42 +0000 UTCThis was highly requested, for some awful reason. On a recent Jimquisition, we put in a skit where I provide a Kingdom Hearts "primer." I only recorded some key details to be edited down to skit level, but even that took 26 minutes.
Comedy Kingdom Heart plot summaries are nothing new, but people were interested in the full 26 minute recording. I've gone one better than that, deciding instead to read the entire plot summary as found at landofodd.net. The whole thing comes in at just under an hour, and features me gradually falling apart as I simply relay information.
This is all your fault. Enjoy!
Comments
zosa
do i care about kingdom hearts? not at all. do i have time for this malarkey? certainly not. am i going to listen to the entire hour and beat sad meats at jim's sultry slip into madnes. you bet your sweet aunt bippy i am!
Ben L.
You made it to 36 minutes? I was completely lost after about 9 minutes.
My mind melted at the 36 minute mark. How the fuck can anybody make any sense out of that.
Maur Razimtheth
Now this is what makes Patreon worthwhile.
This is incredible. When he starts to lose it around "Dream Drop Distance" I was in tears.
30 minutes later and this just sounds like the video game version of a soap opera
I’m only 6 minutes in and I’m already lost... Good lord...
Perpetual Noob
This was beautiful. Thank you for this Jim.
This is how Jim becomes a heartless... or a no-body. I really can't keep track.
James Hull
Question: Doesn't Yensid count as the first time Disney is mentioned by name? Statement: The only Kingdom Hearts games that matter are the ones that Hikaru Utada has recorded an original song for. Speculation: In the Kingdom Hearts 3 spin-off sequel, Kingdom Hearts 3.14: The Undulating Blades ~Revival of Chi~, the ghost of Walt Disney takes control of Yensid and convinces Mickey and Sora that the true nature of the keyblades are vibrating dildos. Some Final Fantasy characters return to stop Sora and Mickey from pegging everyone. It is a visual novel/action adventure.
St.Balderdash
And to think when I was younger I thought Soul Reaver games' plot was complicated. X_X
Freakish Uproar
IT'S 55 MINUTES LONG JIM. JIM. DEAR GOD.
markbart
Or manwithbreasts?
Thom
One of the most impressive feats ever attempted by man or beast. Or manbeast.
Samson
I enjoy hearing your suffering
Anthony Blanker
Take solace in knowing your hour-long descent into madness is more amusing to us than it probably was to you. You did miss a few important bits, though. May I suggest finding another guide and trying again?
Dane
Thank you Jim. I really loved this.
Iochannon
So... I've been having a lousy day. There was work nonsense, lawyers and lawsuits, stress and just OMG WTF is all this garbage I had to deal with... Listening to you go apoplectic over the weird writing of the Kingdom Hearts games really helped me chill out. Thank you Jim, and Thank God for Jim.
Neill Halpin
Do you want him to just quit everything forever? Cause that's what will happen!
It was so beautiful. Thank you Jim.
shadowscribble
Oh KH, you beautiful disaster. Your news post earlier today explains a lot.
Vikki and Paul
I am SO SORRY we made you go through this....
noxamillion
I wanted this but never demanded it because I do not want Jim to already delve into levels of insanity that were not thought possible but Jim you are truly an insane son of a bitch. That's why we love you.
Prince Unsmoothtoes
45:00 is the best part.
I’m one of the people who listens to “Movie Boys” without watching the movies and even I am having a hard time keeping this together 3 minutes in. I’m here for the long haul though.
Freya Northman
Whelp. Now I have to find something to get me through the next hour. Cheers though! That was funny. =)
Sean Lennon
This has helped me understand the story greatly. I also hate it more than ever.
The Irony Giant
I was hoping this was going to be a thing. P A T R E O N C O N T E N T
Jim, i think you'll have to admit that your sanity is a small price to pay for our amusement. Plot summary for all the FFXIII games next?
Peter Paizs
So .. will this be on the test?
Prince Unsmoothtoes
I just want to say "I love you Jim 'Motherfucking' Sterling-san."
Thanks so much, I was wanting to get KH3 but I last played 2 when that came out and I was hopelessly lost. It's good to hear someone narrate it. Even if its still nonsensical.
Rachel Sandler
Yesss! I'm so excited for this! Have you seen Polygon's version, where Brian David Gilbert tries to explain the plot?
Freya Northman
This is going to get me through the next hour of editing. Cheers Jim.
Gabriel Martin
YES
PhoenixIgnis
I love it when you suffer for us, Jim. My girlfriend wanted to hear your whole summary so this is great :P
I was hoping you’d release this so I’m super happy to see that you have!! 💜