Magic_Smithing
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Ch: 9 Rewrite
🕑 Added 2023-03-30 04:42:07 +0000 UTCDarrius' Point of View:
Silvia and I lie silently next to one another, neither of us being able to fall asleep. We were both waiting for the other to bring up what happened during dinner, but there was only silence between us.
Leaning over, I wrap my arm around my wife and pull her in close. I feel her warm breath against my bare chest, and for a brief second, everything is right with the world.
But I can't help but look over the silent visage of Silvia and stare at the wall separating Aalyiah's and our rooms.
I couldn't stop thinking about Aaliyah's defeated look during the first half of dinner. Richard took a little while to find his passion in architecture, but he never experienced what Aaliyah went through. Or at least he never mentioned it before, and he seemed just as shocked as we were during her explanation.
Aaliyah has always been a bright child, and I figured everyone in the village would've been fighting over her, wishing she'd be their apprentice. But, instead, she faced nothing but rejection today.
Well, Markus and Ezekiel didn't necessarily reject her, per se, but I'd sooner sacrifice my arms than suggest she work for them.
After Aaliyah told us what they said, I wanted nothing more than to march over to their houses, kick down their doors, and beat the crap out of them for saying such things about my family. So the two should count themselves lucky Aaliyah talked me down.
Typically, Silvia is the voice of reason in our house, but she was just as mad as I was. She was ready to charge out herself; only she had a third target in mind.
And I knew my wife; she may have smiled through the second half of dinner, but there was no way she wasn't still angry.
Case in point. "I can't believe those farm pigs and that two-bit healer talked to our daughter like that," Silvia growls quietly into my chest.
Tilting my head down, I kiss my wife on the forehead. Of course, a single kiss wouldn't do much, but it let her know I was there for support.
"Should we say something to the village headman?" I whisper in the dark.
Silvia silently thinks over my suggestion, but eventually, I feel her shake her head no. "Even if we say something, Markus, Ezekiel, and Anastasia are three of the most influential people in the village. The headman won't do anything to anger them, especially Anastasia," my wife angrily growls, her voice rising with every word.
"Shhh," I whisper, reminding her our daughter was trying to sleep on the other side of the walls. Aaliyah has not so subtly hinted multiple times that she can hear us quite clearly when we get 'loud.'
And while I would enjoy nothing more than to embrace Sivia passionately, we both knew that wasn't happening tonight.
"So you think it will just make things worse," I summarise my wife's stance, sighing at the end.
"Most likely," Silvia confirms darkly.
"Then what do we do?" I ask my beautifully intelligent wife.
"We support her choices. I thought that's what you were doing when you offered to take her out tomorrow?" I can hear the confusion in Silvia's voice.
Chuckling, I kiss her forehead again. "I just thought she could use a break from the village."
"Really; that's all?" I'm sure if I could see Silvia's face right now, she'd be staring into my eyes, giving me an accusing look.
"What, I can't support our baby girl?" I feign being hurt, earning me a pinch in the side from Silvia. "Yeow," I pretend to feel pain. I don't think Silvia buys it because she goes in for another pinch, but I stop her by taking her hand into my own.
"Okay, maybe I might still be hoping that one of our children will want to follow in my footsteps," I sheepishly admit.
"I thought so," Silvia giggles in a way that leaves me hot and bothered. Maybe we could have a little fun tonight?
I sensually stroke Silvia's back like I know she loves.
"You're hopeless," I hear her huff in the dark.
"That isn't a refusal," I point out to her.
Silvia shifts in my arms until she's right next to my ear. "Then let me be more clear," she whispers seductively. I grin like a teenage boy when I'm suddenly reminded I should never let my guard down around my wife.
A swift tap to my inner thigh right next to my groin has me sweating. "Not tonight, Darrius," she tells me firmly.
That could've been bad; that's the one area Silvia's measly 25 Strength could've actually hurt me.
"Message received," I pull my hands back before I lose them.
"Besides, you should get some sleep," Silvia warns me.
"You think I can't handle a day with our daughter?" I ask challengingly. Silvia laughs while I lie here, confused about what is so funny. "What?"
"Ask me in the morning after you try waking her up," Silvia leans in and kisses me deeply before rolling onto her side, facing away from me.
I can only smile to myself in the dark. Gods, I loved this woman. Some men like a subservient spouse, but what's the point of living with someone who doesn't challenge you, someone who doesn't make you want to better yourself?
Silvia's never been afraid to assert herself, and I never want that to change.
I sleep better at night knowing she's lying next to me. Whatever challenges our family will face, I know we'll face them together.
**********
"You ready to go," I ask over my shoulder as I open the kitchen window for the day. The sun wasn't high enough to shine over the trees, but the day started long ago.
"Noooo," I hear Aalyiah groan behind me, followed shortly by a snicker from Silvia.
"You have your pack; your axe?" I turn around and look my daughter up and down. Aaliyah was in the outfit she usually runs in, balancing my spare axe on one shoulder and a small bag on the other. She looked ready to fall asleep on her feet.
"Yes, Dad," Aaliyah rolls her eyes at me, and for a second, she reminds me of her mother.
Silvia was standing off to the side, taking great joy in watching the two of us.
I always thought Silvia was exaggerating all those times she talked to me about how hard it was to get Aaliyah out of bed. But after today, I'll never doubt her again.
Aalyiah could sleep through almost anything, and it wasn't until I flipped her onto the floor that she finally got up, and even then, she did so reluctantly. Of course, I would've never tried such a thing before she unlocked her status page; it was the same as why I waited until now to take her outside the village. However, I could safely do both now that she had distributed her first points.
I didn't even need to ask her if she distributed her points into her physical stats, seeing how she could run for hours without stopping.
"Say goodbye to your mom," I instruct Aaliyah.
Aaliyah again rolls her eyes, but that doesn't stop her from hopping into Silvia's waiting arms and giving her a big hug. "Be good, young lady," Silvia tells Aalyiah, giving her a quick peck on the cheek. "And make sure you listen to everything he says."
"I will," Aalyiah responds in the lazy way kids do, but she straightens up when Silvia glares at her.
"Still want to take her with you?" My wife snickers while beckoning me to her with her arms wide open.
"I'm reconsidering it," I joke as I lean in and hug my beautiful wife.
"Keep her safe," Silvia whispers in my ear so Aalyiah can't hear her.
"Will do," I mumble back, reassuring my wife. Leaning down, I capture Silvia's lips with my own, and we kiss passionately.
"Eww, get a room, you two," Aalyiah fakes, throwing up. She was standing next to the front door, ready to leave.
"We would, but then I wouldn't get any work done," I smirk at Aalyiah, making her frown in disgust.
As we're leaving the house, I cast one last quick glance back at Silvia. She waves goodbye to me, and I blow her a kiss as the door closes behind us. The last thing I see is her mouthing the words 'good luck' to me.
Turning to my daughter, I see she's doing her weird leg stretches. "So, which way are we going?" Aaliyah excitedly asks me as she does the unique stretching poses she came up with randomly one day. It was good that she was energetic. A part of me was worried she wouldn't like spending the day with me. I wasn't an expert on young girls, but I doubt they'd generally want to spend the day in the woods with their dad.
"We're going north, past the fields," I point out to her.
With my daughter at my side, I stroll through the village with a massive smile on my face. More than one villager shouts a greeting to me, to which I make sure to wave back.
"Are there more people out than usual?" Aaliyah asks after the fourth group of villagers says high to us.
"Maybe you'd see more people if you got up on time," I poke fun at her.
"Pass," Aaliyah yawns.
Our village isn't very big, and it only takes a few minutes for us to walk from our house to the fields at the back of the village. There were already a considerable amount of people working, but there wasn't any sign of Markus or Ezekiel. Good thing, too, because I don't know what I would do if I ran into the duo right now.
After we walk past the fields, I pause at the forest's edge.
"Okay," I turn and make eye contact with Aaliyah. Then, squaring my shoulders, I project an air of confidence to ensure she listens carefully. "We're about to enter the forest. I'm going to need you to stay close to me and listen to everything I say."
I thought Aaliyah might not take me seriously, so it's good to see her nod along with a clearheaded look. "There are a few dangers we must watch for," I continue. "We may run into a group of goblins or a solitary farkas, but the real danger lies with the karhu. They're getting ready for winter and can be territorial. So if we hear any deep growling, we will back up slowly. But don't run. Remember, prey animals run away," I stress.
"I understand." Though I just warned her about the possible dangers we might encounter, Aalyiah still looked excited.
"Let's go then," I motion for her to follow me into the forest. As a parent, I had no small amount of anxiety about bringing my little girl to work with me, but it was tempered by my pride and the words my father told me when he first took me out.
'Son, the forest can be a dangerous place, but only if you don't respect it. If you pay attention and remember what I teach you, you'll have nothing to worry about. And should the worst happen, I'll be here to protect you.'
It was my turn to pass on my knowledge. And like my father before me, I won't let anything happen to my child.
Side by side, I lead my daughter into the forest.
I start slow to let her get used to the uneven terrain, but she keeps up with me surprisingly well. She runs every day, but there is a difference between running along the outskirts of the village and walking through the rugged forest.
As we walk, I wonder what level she is. Aalyiah always liked to be cryptic when her mother or I asked her about her status page, but my coin was on her being reasonably high level for her age.
Aaliyah was an extremely hard-working young girl; she might even be level 25 already.
She obviously put more than a few points into her physical skills, but the question was, how many? I needed to know how much I could push her without worrying about injuring her.
I want to ask her outright, but knowing Aaliyah, I won't get a straight answer. So I can only do this the hard way. I'll slowly increase my pace until she complains, and in the meantime, I can teach her about the forest.
As we walk, I point out the various trees that grow around our village. Some make for excellent firewood, while others must be avoided because they release toxic fumes when burnt. I show Aaliyah which trees we use to make our houses and which make the best furniture. People often confuse the two, and while they overlap, each has specific uses.
I talk for what feels like an hour. Every so often, sneaking a glance at my daughter, I see if she's still listening to me, and every time I confirm that she is, my smile can't help but grow. But just because she was listening to me talk didn't necessarily mean Aaliyah was paying attention.
Pausing for a second, I pat a nearby tree. "So, which type of wood do you think this is?" The lumpy black bark was a dead giveaway as to which type of tree it was, and if Aalyiah was paying attention, she should easily know what it was.
"It's the wood we burn, right?" Aalyiah didn't sound 100% confident in her answer, but she neededn't worry because she got it right.
"Excellent," I praise her. "This wood burns slowly and gives off enough heat to warm a house. The majority of my job is finding ready specimens to cut down, especially now, with us moving into winter."
"Then are you going to chop this one down?" Aaliyah asks me.
Chuckling, I shake my head. "It's not ready yet," I tell her.
Aaliyah looks at the tree confusingly. "It looks like any other tree to me," she scrutinizes it.
"To the untrained eye, it is," I smile and pat the tree. "But you see, the trunk is only a foot and a half thick. A fully grown tree will have a trunk diameter of at least two feet."
"And six inches matter?" She doesn't look convinced.
"You'd be surprised," I joke, but Aalyiah doesn't laugh. "What do you know about mana?"
Aaliyah is visibly taken aback by my question, but she quickly gathers herself and answers me. "Mom told me a few things about it. Mana is supposably everywhere, isn't it?"
I nod, "Even if few are talented enough to sense it, it's well-known mana is everywhere in our world. From the air we breathe to the tiniest rock deep underground, everything has mana in it. Animals, people, and even plants are no exception to that."
"And how does mana affect the tree?" To no surprise, Aaliyah quickly understands what I'm alluding to.
"As trees and other plants grow, they accumulate mana. It strengthens them and enhances their properties," I explain. "If I cut down this tree now, it could still be used for firewood, but it wouldn't burn as well as if I had left it for another year. Do you understand?" I ask if she has any questions.
"Does every tree have special effects?" Aalyiah looks around at every tree like they're magical.
"A good question," I praise her curiosity. "These are all basic trees," I wave my hand at the plants around us. "I wouldn't call their natural properties special effects, though; they aren't magical. Mana is just a requirement, like sunshine or rain. Of course, I could chop down everything in sight, but that would be a waste. It's better to wait for a tree to mature and get the best use out of it before harvesting it."
"But there are magical plants?" Aaliyah's eyes sparkle.
"There are," I grin, happy to see my little girl taking an interest in my work. "Would you like to hear some stories my father told me?"
"Would I!?" Aaliyah happily jumps in place with boundless amounts of energy.
I'm more than happy to share my knowledge, so as we walk, I tell Aalyiah about all the magical trees my father told me about when I was a kid. Of course, most were just old wives' tales passed down from one logger to another, but some were true. And though they weren't common around these parts, there were a handful of magical trees around our village.
In fact, unbeknownst to her, I was leading Aalyiah to one such tree today. The village's blacksmith preferred a special kind of wood, and though he was a recluse choosing to live outside the village proper, he was essential and was allowed to make such demands.
Personally, I didn't care about his oddities. The man tended to my axes regularly and always prioritized my orders when our family needed something. So what if he wasn't human?
Point was I couldn't wait to show Aalyiah the tree we were after, but I shouldn't rush things. She was doing surprisingly well keeping up with me, but the tree we were after wasn't exactly close. We'd already been walking for two hours, and at this pace, we still had another to go.
Maybe we should stop for a break?
Out of the corner of my eye, I spot a wild berry bush, the perfect reason to stop. "You hungry?" I pause and ask Aalyiah.
"Mom packed me some jerky, but should we be eating it now?" She moves to reach for her bag.
"No need for that," I stop her before she can open it. I point at the berry bush, "Why eat dried meat when the forest has something better."
"Are they safe to eat?" Aaliyah asks me.
"I wouldn't be asking if they weren't," I smirk smugly at my daughter. What, did she think I only knew about trees?
Walking over to the bush, I pluck a handful of the bright red berries at casually toss them into my mouth. Aalyiah follows my example and positively beams at the sweat treat.
This was how my daughter was supposed to be; she should always be smiling, not discouraged by those assholes back in the village.
I hope she wasn't still thinking about them. They didn't deserve her anyway.
Aaliyah deserved to know that, but how did I convey that without sounding biased because I'm her parent?
How do I tell her she shouldn't let others dictate her life? If Silvia was here, I'm sure she would know what to say. She'd probably talk about her childhood or how we met.
Wait! Why couldn't I do that?
"Hey, Aaliyah. Has your mother ever told you how the two of us met?" I ask her, flicking another berry into my mouth.
"Uh, no," Aalyiah pauses, eating, the seemingly random question catching her off guard.
"When I was seventeen," I tell her. "I worked outside the city of Aurorast. Aurorast is a large trade city nestled between the port city of Tillius and the country's capital. It was said to be the place for young people to find work and hone their skills."
"By then, I had already set off from the village I grew up in, searching for something new. What a fool I was back then," I shake my head, remembering those days fondly. "Point is, I left everything I knew behind to experience what it was like in a city for the first time in my life."
"I knew there wasn't as much work for a woodsman around a major city, but I figured with my levels and knowledge, I could make it as long as I worked hard enough. I didn't know what I was searching for, but you could say I found my treasure," I smile at Aalyiah. She was finished eating and was enthralled by my story.
I motion for her to follow me while I continue talking. "There was work to be found, but not what I was used to. They grew their trees in neat rows outside the city like crops. Everything was on a schedule, and it didn't matter if a specific tree had matured yet; everything was cut all the same. I was paid decently due to being higher leveled than most of the young people brought in to chop the trees down, but not as much as I expected."
"I spent months earning just enough money to live comfortably in the city. Every day, I wondered if I should pack up and go home. Then, during one awful day, I had been so caught up in my thoughts I lost my way in the city. All the tall buildings looked the same, and merchants wouldn't give you the time of day unless you bought something from them."
"After hours of walking back and forth, I gave up and sat in an alleyway, totally defeated. It was then a red-haired angel took pity on a village boy out of his depth. 'Do you need some help?' Your sweat mother asked me. I'm a big person; any ordinary woman would've avoided me, but she saw me having trouble and stopped and offered her help without a thought."
"Your mother took time out of her day to lead me back to the part of the city I was staying in. She thought it was funny such a big man like myself could get lost like a child, but her teasing never felt malicious. Needless to say, I fell for her instantly."
"Every day, no matter how long I'd been working, I made the time to find your mother in her family's shop. Naturally, I came up with the stupidest reasons to talk with her," I chuckle. "She never said as much, but looking back, I'm sure your mom realized I liked her; sadly, her parents did too."
"Silvia's parents started interrupting our conversations and would purposely assign her extra work so she couldn't hang out with me. Eventually, they outright banned me from entering their store, but that wasn't enough to make me give up. Your mother and I used every chance we could get to meet up with one another, but it was taking our growing relationship."
"Finally, after a whole year of courting your mother, I decided enough was enough," I strike a heroic pose for Aalyiah. "I rushed into Silvia's parent's place of business and demanded her hand in marriage."
"What happened next?" Aaliyah asks, hanging on my every word.
"What else," I smirk. "Her parents threw me out and threatened to kill me if I didn't leave their daughter alone."
"That's not very romantic," Aalyiah deadpans.
"The story's not over yet," I tell her, leading her closer to the tree I was after. "That night, your mom met me at the tavern we liked to drink at. You see, we had discussed my proposal earlier. If her parents had given up and agreed for me to marry her, we would've stayed in the city. But since they hadn't, we went with our backup plan."
"No," Aalyiah says dumbfoundingly.
"That's right," I boast. "Your mother and I ran away together. You see, Aalyiah, your mother and I decided together that we wouldn't let others decide our fate. If someone tells you, 'you can't,' then prove them wrong. Whatever you decide to do, remember you have your family's support."
Aaliyah turns her head away from me so I can't see the tears forming in the corner of her eyes.
Before she can react, I reach over and pull her into a hug. Embarrassed, she tries to squirm out of it, but she needs a lot more levels if she wants to get away from me.
Eventually, Aalyiah gave up resisting and let me shower her with love. I don't say anything further as we near our destination, choosing to let her think over what I said. But when we do reach our destination, Aalyiah can't help but exclaim.
"What is that!?" She stares open-mouthed at the tree in front of us.
"That is called a blacksmith's tree," I answer. The tree stood out amongst its surroundings, so much so you'd be blind not to see it.
Blacksmith's trees stood relatively short at only about twenty feet tall. They had brown bark like most trees, but instead of dull brown, blacksmith's trees' bark had a silver sheen to it and caught the light.
"It's beautiful," Aaliayh exclaims.
"It sure is," I step forward and draw my axe. "I've been watching this tree for a while now. It's recently matured; good timing too."
A tree this size will produce enough fuel for Del-Razen for the next five months.
Activating my skills, I swing my axe with all my strength. Blacksmith's trees weren't your average plant; they were a tier above regular non-magic variants and were vastly sturdier.
Still, my axe was strong enough to punch through the strong bark.
It takes me twenty minutes, but eventually, all I need to do is swing my axe one more time, and the tree will fall.
"Watch out, Aaliyah." Technically, the tree wouldn't fall anywhere near her, but as a beginner, Aaliyah should treat every tree like it might land on her.
I wait for my daughter to take a few steps back before swinging my axe and severing the last bit of wood, keeping the tree up.
I hop back as the tree starts to groan and topple over.
"Timber!" Aalyiah shouts.
Why was she yelling? We're the only ones around. I give Aaliyah a questioning look, and she starts blushing.
"Sorry," she says meekly.
"You didn't do anything wrong," I tell her. "I'm just confused as to why you shouted?"
"I thought that's what you're supposed to do when you chop down a tree." Aaliyah's blush deepens, and now her face is bright red.
"I suppose if more of us were around, maybe," I chuckle good-naturedly. "Now that it's down, want to come over and help me process it," I wave her over.
"We want the pieces to be about this long," I hold up my hands, indicating she should cut the branches into two-foot sections.
Aaliyah nods in understanding.
"Good. First, help me remove all the leaves and twigs; our client doesn't need those," I instruct her.
"Client, are you selling these to the traveling merchant?" Aaliyah asks me as she gets to work.
"No, our blacksmith asked for them," I tell her.
Aaliyah gives me a confused stare. "Our village has a blacksmith? How could I've missed that?"
I laugh at that while I swing my axe and cut through a fairly thick branch with a single swing. "Well, he technically lives outside the village," I inform her. "He stays in his own little clearing west of the village."
"And he needs this type of wood to do his job?" Aaliyah motions to the downed tree.
"Need might be stretching it. It's excellent for blacksmithing, hence the name, but it's not the only fuel you could use. The logs we use in the fireplace are enough for most metals. But wood from a blacksmith's tree lasts longer, burns hotter, and gives off better heat distribution. Or so I heard," I explain.
"It's funny," I note. "The wood is almost fireproof until it catches, but once it burns, it really burns. If you used it in our fireplace, there's a real possibility that it would melt the stone."
"But he doesn't necessarily need this wood," Aalyiah clarifies. "Sounds like he's being difficult," she huffs on my behalf.
"Now, none of that," I tell her. "Del is the one who made me my custom axes, or did you think the axe you're using is normal?"
Aalyiah stops swinging and examines the axe I lent her. She doesn't look at it long, but it isn't like she knows what to be looking for.
"Trust me; it's an excellent axe. Del also sharpens them every couple of months. And whenever I need anything made, he helps me out. Do you remember when you moved into your dining table chair?"
"Vaugly," Aalyiah replies.
"Well, Del is the one who made the nails and brackets I used to make it. If you see something metal in the village, chances are good Del made it."
"If he's so important, why doesn't he live in the village?" Aaliyah asks skeptically.
"He doesn't like dealing with people; I'm one of the few who ever talk to him."
"Why?" Aaliyah presses me for a more concrete answer.
How do I answer that? Sighing, I decide just to tell her. "Del-Rizen avoids people because he isn't human; he's a stone kin."
"What!?" Aaliyah was shocked far more by my answer than I expected.
I can see she's about to launch a barrage of questions at me, so I tell her what I know before she can ask. "Stone kin are known for many things, such as their height and dark skin, but most of all, they're known for their crafting abilities."
"Are you talking about dwarves!?" Aalyiah shouts excitedly.
"Don't call them that," I warn her. "Dwarf is a derogatory term, and Del won't hesitate to hit you if you call him that to his face."
"We're going to see him!?" Aaliyah is almost jumping up and down at this point.
Why is she so excited to see him? "Of course. Didn't I already tell you who the wood is for, or were you not listening?"
"I was listening," Aaliyah pouts and a hint of a blush returns to her cheeks.
My little girl is so cute when she's embarrassed; I can't help but poke fun at her more. "If you say so," I reply sarcastically.
Aaliyah growls and swings her axe down with more force than necessary.
As a father, I want to laugh and leave her to stew, but as a teacher, I can't let Aaliyah continue as she is. "Honey, stop," I order in a soft yet commanding voice. "Don't swing it like that. Take a firm stance. Bring the axe directly up over your head. Now place one hand on the bottom of the axe and the other near the top. When you swing, bring your other hand down and let the sharp blade do its job. Don't swing it wildly."
I take my time showing Aalyiah proper axe technique. It's not only to help her work more efficiently but is also crucial in keeping her safe.
Of course, my little girl is a genius, and it doesn't take her long to start swinging her axe the correct way.
I swear, a tear comes to my eye when her axe beautifully arcs through the air and lands right where she intended it to. In my head, I picture the two of us working together, side by side, father and daughter.
Aaliyah works on the thinner branches as the thicker ones are too strong for her to cut through without skills, while I handle the tree trunk and its thicker branches.
It doesn't take us long to cut the tree to size, and after all the wood is ready, I show Aalyiah how we will carry it. Using some simple leather straps, I show my daughter how to bind the wood together so it's easier to carry. I'm still going to have to carry most of it, but Aaliyah was willing to help however she could.
"So now we're going to meet the stone kin?" She happily asks.
Maybe I should've given her more to carry. She was handling 200 pounds easily and didn't look strained at all. How many points did she put into Strengh?
"That's right," I tell her. Outwardly, I'm smiling, but on the inside, I'm trying to estimate Aaliyah's Strength value. If I had to guess, I'd say her Strength was around 60. That's way more than she would need if she wanted a typical crafting job.
Maybe Aalyiah was always planning on working with me? That couldn't be it, could it?
"Are you going to lead the way?" I joke as Aalyiah looks like she wants to leave me behind. "Del isn't going anywhere, trust me."
"I just really want to meet a stone kin," she smiles the way she does when she wants something from Silvia or me.
I should be concerned that my daughter is so excited to meet a man, but I'm sure her excitement will fade when she finally meets Del-Razen. He isn't exactly easy to get along with.
No, once she meets him, her curiosity will be slated, and I can get her to focus on learning more about what I do.
I have nothing to worry about.
**********
This new chapter is 5,500 words, almost double the old chapter.
I’ve been working on this rewrite sporadically over the last week, and I think its time to finally put it through the wringer.
Please tell me your honest opinions. It was thanks to all your comments last time that I went back and re-redid chapter 8, and I think it’s much better because of that.
Hope you like the changes, and as always, stay safe.
Comments
M. Lampi
I definitely prefer these longer chapters. This rewrite is excellent!
Jon Oliphant
If you think that's weird we shout FOUR when we hit a golf ball.
Tjark
Wait, do english people really shout 'timber' when a tree gets cut down to warn the surrounding people? That's so strange imo. In german we shout 'Baum fällt!' which is the equivalent of 'Tree falling!'. Good to know. Also, can't say how much better this is compared to the old version but it's definitely excellent.
Captdeth
6hr
Adama
Not sure, but dumbfoundingly -> dumbfoundedly ?
Adama
Fun! supposably -> supposedly, vaugly -> vaguely
MikeL
The changes to this chapter is a vast improvement, definitely my favorite update so far. Filling in the story really helps. The early chapters were missing some details. I am enjoying the reread.
heh
I love that you detailed Darrius’s thought process on why he told Aaliyah the story of how him and her mom met. Great stuff! Also you use ‘sweat’ where you should use ‘sweet’ in two places
