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The RA volume 4, part 7: The Warrior's Tale
🕑 Added 2023-08-19 06:10:19 +0000 UTCFirst off, a reminder: we're in week 3 of the the caption contest! You have until tonight (Saturday) at midnight to submit a captioned image for consideration for the $ prize. This week's themes are some excellent deep cuts, focusing on the Character Creation series (some D&D themed shorts), the Friend Zone series with Todd and his buds, and my first major books, Tolerance and the Tolerant. Instructions on the link!
Now, on with the attached tale...
Trigger warning: depression, suicidal ideation, self-harm
I wrote a thing. It is *not* sexy. That's neither an apology nor a condemnation of it, but so you know.
The other night I had this really annoying set of dreams. My brain wasn't producing some of the right chemicals, and it resulted in this long series of really depressing dreams and I woke up crying and crying time and again. I've struggled with depression for years now. Things have been trending better more recently. I love my job, I love where I live and that I get to watch my niece and nephew grow up and help take care of my mom and spend lots of time with her while she's healthy and with-it. I'm treating my body better, being more proactive about my mental health, and haven't had a traumatic incident in a long time.
The shit's still in there though, and it's the work of years, or a lifetime, to beat it.
When I sat down to write the RA4, I had some character I knew I wanted to or had to address. The gamer, the streamers, the triplets. Others were stories I wanted to tell that were in search of a Hottie (or a staff member, for the alternate's tale). This is a story I couldn't have imagined I ever wanted to tell, but once I got started it just kept going.
This is a story about abuse, mental illness, and the symptoms and consequences. Again, very not sexy. But like always, I write what I feel like writing, and this is what I felt like writing. If you or someone you know is suffering from substance abuse or mental health disorders, call the national helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or the number for the support service in your country. You're not alone and you're worthy of help and love.
ALSO, way less dramatically, I have some Spanish in this story. I labeled it loosely as a Puerto Rican dialect, but my three months of duolingo lessons 4 years ago did not make me fluent somehow. Normally I pretty much ignore the grammar/spelling error feedback (life's too short yo), especially in these rough drafts, but PLEASE if you are fluent, or better yet a native speaker, provide me feedback on what all I fucked up. (I've opened up this chapter to all patrons to help widen my pool of potential speakers.)
I am sure there are some obnoxious errors, and you may notice in places I bracketed off a phrase or sentence. That's my way of pointing out a place where a nice idiom or cool phrasing would be appreciated, something that doesn't sound like shitty Spanish 101 level stuff.
So comment, DM me, hop on discord and @IceBear, whatevs. Thanks in advance for any help you can provide!
Comments
WDB
It's the journey, I guess, that feels so cathartic, and the odd angles that route took. I kept expecting a final confrontation with Ben in the last chunk of the chapter. Amy, excited about her newfound support, finds it tested by a returning villain. She tells him off, regains her confidence, sex scene with Spencer, roll credits. It's how these types of empowerment stories end. But this one doesn't, and it works harder for its humanity and empathy. Maybe Ben doesn't give a shit about Amy, and has forgotten her as some crazy ex. The idea of him as some actual eternal nemesis is besides the point; the internalized trauma is the real threat, and it can be more difficult to overcome than actual violence. It warps our sense of self-worth, our private moments. The better story is about a woman who learns to accept that people care for her, to balance against the very real danger of the people who don't. It's a beautiful chapter, this one. It's not hot, for sure. Whatever mentions of horniness and sexuality that form the background radiation of an RA chapter are rendered almost gallows humor in this one: another trap that could swallow up an unsuspecting woman. But Amy's evolution from hilariously banal background character to triumphant young woman -- thanks to a community of women that dream of being in a harem -- is a stunning take on the overall themes of this series, where a woman who is most harmed by the setting ends up being the one to maybe most be healed by it. I think was worth not being sexy. Thanks for sharing it with us.
WDB
It's weird, being this happy after reading such a sad chapter.
