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Teaching Her a Lesson 8 & 9, early release
🕑 Added 2020-07-01 21:48:43 +0000 UTCFirst things first, note that there are 2 stories attached below, so don't just download one file and stop there or part 10 will probably confuse you.
Whew. So I wrote part 8 on Sunday, and I was like "Hmm, I want more. I need more out of this. Boo." So I dove right into part 9. A day for editing (and a little R&R) later, here we are. Part 8 picks up with the aftermath of Abbie's treacherous suggestion of neighbor/blackmailer Cassie Brown. On the second pass, I think I found it more fun than I'd thought it was, but individual tastes and all.
Now that we're like sixty or seventy thousand words into this, there's part of me that feels annoyed with myself that here we are, mc story five million and eight of random dude getting random thing and then every hot chick in his vicinity falls under the influence. But I am forgiving myself, because I am having too much fucking fun with it. Yeah, we're failing the reverse Bechdel here hard. (We might also be failing the regular Bechdel, but it's a first person male narrator, so I'll give myself a little leeway on that.) But I think I kinda like my little cast for the most part, better than I thought I would. (Ironic?) I feel like most of them have or are gaining their own voice, some nuance, and while we now have a ridiculous smorgasbord of women in here now, I think my fuzzy long-term vision has at least some purpose in mind for all of them. (Two purposes, I suppose.)
Anyway, happy July, I hope you're enjoying it. Warm greetings to our many new patrons, and rest assured, more to come!
Comments
HardhatDoozer
Ah come on the Stern sisters are beautiful to look at and a handful to deal with. That surely never gets boring. Whereas the naive girl next door surely isn’t interesting long term. Although she does have those sexy long volleyball player legs I suppose.
R Masters
Just read parts 1-9 all together, and as a fan of your work I loved it. In many ways this felt like a refinement of a lot of your previous characters and dynamics, and I mean that as a compliment as things that worked very well in the past worked great here. We had the super enthusiastic slut who loves messing with other girls, we had the women who are programmed to tolerate whatever the protagonist does who are reluctantly brought to ecstatic particpation, the "I know this doesn't make sense but I can't think of any other way to perceive it" situations, and more. Again this is not a criticism, in this work I think you took advantage of your hard work in the past to deliver these themes with a grace and simplicity that would have been impossible otherwise. Great work, one of your best.
Ferrum1
I'm enjoying this story for the most part. Few typos and nice dialogue mixed with an interesting plot. That the story revolves around my favorite plot devices -- unintended consequences -- only makes it all the better. If I was to offer one critique it'd be the constant cliff-hangers. While it can be fun since you're posting so the chapters so quickly, I worry about when the chapters stop dropping so close to one another. Each chapter seems to follow the same pattern of trying to deal with the cliff-hanger from the previous chapter while also starting a new problem to deal with.... only to end in yet another cliff-hanger. The result comes across a bit disjointed and aggravating to follow. Personally, now that Cassie and her mother have joined the troupe, I'd be more than happy to see the Stern sisters kicked to the curb or brought to heel somehow. Nothing about either sister is appealing, imo, especially when the solution is right there in a convenient spray. With a teacher, SRO, Mother and Girl Next Door type, do the sisters really bring something to the table that makes the story worth hearing if they are going to be consistently harpish? For me, no. Or, not as they're currently written. If Canon gets fed up and puts the pimp hand to them, sure. As they currently are, though? Were it me in his shoes, I'd either square them away or kick them to the curb since they really aren't worth the trouble. And speaking of trouble, dosing our Protector so that making Canon happy was her #2 desire..... that's going to be really problematic, imo. This was done in another story I just finished reading, and the whole "make him happy" thing created a lot of problems because what she interprets as making him happy might not be what he thinks it is. Off the top of my head, I can see her dosing her girlfriend so she's more compliant and pleasing for Canon, basically turning her GF into the perfect sex toy for Canon. As long as she believes that it'll make him happy, she can do it. The question is.... how many slaves will she create before Canon figures out what she's done? So, definitely interested in reading more and I hope the chapters continue to drop quick. Two thumbs up, as usual.
