Actus
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Return of the Runebound Professor - Chapter 858
🕑 Added 2025-12-23 16:00:26 +0000 UTCNoah was pretty sure his clothes smelled like blood. That was paranoia, of course. The magical fabric Eliana had used to create them didn’t let anything stick to it. They were just as pristine as they had been the day he’d gotten them.
But he couldn’t shake the feeling that the stench of his sins was clinging to him like a stubborn hand on his shoulder. Even though Lee’s nose was scrambled up by the city, it felt like she was already standing right beside him, ready to sniff out the fact that he’d somehow managed to kill more people without her.
It’s fine. She doesn’t need to know right now. I’ll tell her in a little while. She’d probably be really sad if she found out that I was basically just sending her off every time that I went to kill somebody. That isn’t even what I’m doing. It’s just what keeps happening.
Noah glanced up at the inn looming before him. It had taken him a little while to find it again. Aqua Terra was a maze. Literally. Navigating the city was practically impossible. But he was pretty sure he’d managed to make it back a little bit before their agreed upon deadline of an hour.
She’s probably already in the room waiting for—
“Hello,” Lee said.
Noah nearly leapt out of his own clothes in his surprise. He just barely managed to stop himself from calling on his runes as he spun toward the sound of Lee’s voice. She was just a few paces away from him, leaned against a building wall with her arms crossed in front of her chest.
“Shit, Lee,” Noah said, blowing out a breath and shaking his head. “You nearly scared the life out of me. What are you doing?”
“Waiting,” Lee replied. “Because I didn’t want to get into any trouble. Like we agreed.”
Noah nearly winced. He cleared his throat. “So everything went well? You got your badge?”
“Yeah,” Lee said stiffly. “I did. It’s in my pocket. And I’ve been here for a while, too. Just sitting around. It’s been really boring. But I really hate this city. If I wandered around to get any snacks or something, I definitely would have done something bad. So I didn’t. I just came right back here.”
Every single word Lee said felt like a hammer on Noah’s back. It took everything he had to give her an appreciative nod.
“Thank you, Lee. I know that couldn’t have been easy. Especially given how shitty the city is,” Noah said. “It’s a lot to deal with. Even for me.”
Lee grunted. “What about you? Did you get a bag to protect that badge thing from kidnapping you again?”
“Kind of. Things didn’t quite work out as smoothly for me as they did for you,” Noah said wearily. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’ve currently got it stuck into a sword sheathe. Not the most effective, but it works. Maybe I should try to get my hands on a better one and take you with me.”
Lee smiled. “That sounds good to me. I really want to do something. It feels like it’s been forever. Being nice when I can’t smell anything properly is awful. Really awful.”
God, is she just trying to make me feel like an asshole? I did a good thing! A good thing! Those guys had everything that came to them coming. If anything, I should be proud of — oh, fuck it.
“Okay,” Noah said, his shoulders slumping slightly. He quickly glanced around the street, but it was completely empty — and they were off to the edge of it anyway. Still, he lowered his voice. “I’m sorry, Lee. I have a confession.”
“What?” Lee asked, tilting her head to the side in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“I might have screwed up a bit. I didn’t keep our promise,” Noah said reluctantly. Lying was one thing. He was more than happy to use — and abuse — that particular skill. Noah had spent a lot of time practicing it, after all. But lying to Lee was an entirely different thing. It just felt wrong.
Lee stared at him. “What do you mean?”
Ow. It’s like telling your kid you ate all their Halloween candy.
“I’m sorry,” Noah said. He raised his hands before himself. “Look. They had it coming. There were these bastards using indentured servitude to force a bunch of Imbuers to work for them at terrible rates. It was basically legalized slavery with a few extra steps and a contract. And the guy running the thing just strolled up to me on the street like he owned the place and started trying to pitch it. I just couldn’t help myself. I had to do something. There was no time to—”
“Hold on,” Lee said. She squinted at him and raised one of her own hands. “What did you do, Noah? You killed someone? Without me?”
“Yeah,” Noah said with a wince. “Two people, actually. But I’m telling you, it had to be done. God, they were just so smug. It felt like the universe was practically just telling me to clean up shop for the betterment of everyone in Aqua Terra. But you should have been there. I didn’t mean to cut you out of something again. Especially because of how you’re feeling. I know how good you’ve been at not drawing attention to yourself. I’ll get you something to make this up, okay? We can buy a bunch of food and go find something fun to do. And I won’t kill anyone else without you. You can eat all the bodies of the next people we deal with. Okay? How’s that sound?”
Lee just stared at Noah. His heart sank even deeper into his chest. Even though he couldn’t exactly read the look in her eyes, it didn’t seem like a good one. Neither of them said another word for a few long seconds.
Then Lee let out an explosive breath.
“Thank all the gods other than Decras,” Lee said, letting her shoulders slump with a relieved groan. “I was so worried, but you couldn’t do it either! Ha!”
Noah paused. Then he blinked. That hadn’t been the reaction he’d been expecting at all. There really should have been quite a bit more anger.
“I’m… sorry?” Noah asked, taken aback. “What do you mean, I couldn’t do it? I’m not following you.”
Lee reached into her pocket and pulled something out, popping it into her mouth before Noah could get a good look at it.
“You ended up killing some people again.” Lee shook her head, then sent a mocking grin at him. “I knew you couldn’t help yourself, but I was still really worried that I’d end up screwing up on my own.”
“On… your own?” Noah asked. His eyes narrowed as Lee pulled another object out of her pocket. And, this time around, he managed to recognize what it was by the faint metal glint around it.
The glint of a ring.
Lee was eating somebody’s fingers.
“Yeah,” Lee said, swallowing and giving him a sheepish grin. “But we both screwed up together, right? So it’s okay?”
“…Lee?” Noah asked. “What did you do?”
“The same thing you did!” Lee exclaimed defensively. “You can’t get mad at me! That’s not how this works! It’s cheating!”
“I’m not mad,” Noah said slowly. “But I am confused. I thought…”
“Oh, I was full of shit,” Lee said. She pulled another finger out of her pocket and held it out to him. “Finger?”
“No thanks,” Noah replied. “What exactly happened? Is anyone tracking you?”
“Who do you think I am?” Lee asked, narrowing her eyes. She ate the proffered finger, then crossed her arms in front of her chest. “I’m not an amateur. It took me a few minutes to get my badge. But then I was really bored. Really, really bored. And my nose didn’t work. So I couldn’t sniff out anything fun to do… but this place is so full of terrible people because of the tournament that I knew I’d only have to wait a little while until one found me. So that was what I did.”
“You just waited until someone attacked you?”
“No. He wanted to hire me to do something,” Lee replied, scratching the side of her neck. “Dancing, I think? I’m not sure. But don’t worry! I made sure not to do anything until he tried to get too close to me. He tried to steal my bag. I waited until his fingers were inside it. Then I took them.”
“You took them,” Noah repeated.
“Yeah,” Lee said. “His fingers.”
“I gathered,” Noah replied, pinching the bridge of his nose. He wasn’t sure whether to laugh or sigh. It seemed both he and Lee were incapable of keeping themselves out of trouble if nobody was supervising them. “And then?”
“Killed him,” Lee replied. “Ate the body. Kept a few fingers to snack on. Just in case you really did manage not to kill someone. I was gonna make ‘em last.”
“Ah,” Noah said. He did another check of the street to make sure there wasn’t anyone potentially eavesdropping on them, but it was just as empty as it had been before. “Well. I guess I still did worse than you. I killed two people. The members running the ring.”
Lee paused. Then she nodded. Slowly. Very, very slowly.
“Lee?” Noah asked.
“Finger?” Lee asked innocently, reaching into her bag to offer him another bloodied snack.
“How many people did you kill, Lee?”
“Not that many.”
“A number, Lee.” Noah nudged her in the shoulder. “Come on. I’m not going to get mad. It’s not like I did any better than you. It couldn’t possibly be—”
“Twelve.” Lee popped the finger into her mouth, swallowing it whole. “I think. I may have lost count a bit toward the end.”
Shit. Twelve? How did she manage to kill twelve whole people in an hour? Did she just wander around looking for people to rob her and lure them into dark alleys?
“How did you find so many robbers in an hour?”
“Oh, it was the same group,” Lee replied. “I waited until one of the first guy’s buddies came back before I killed him. Then I made the second one take me back to their hideout. I killed all of them. There were some other people there, but I didn’t eat them. I don’t think they were mages.”
Another underground ring? Seriously? What are the chances that both of us stumbled into a group of suspicious individuals at quite literally the same time?
Noah’s eyes narrowed. Something was going on. This wasn’t just some coincidence.
“Imbuers?”
“No. Dancers, I think. They were just a bunch of nice ladies. They gave me their snacks before they left,” Lee replied with a shake of her head. “And they promised not to tell anyone what I looked like. And they don’t have my name, so it’s all okay.”
Noah grunted. “Well. It sounds like you probably did something good. And if you didn’t, I don’t want to know. So well done.”
“Thanks,” Lee said. She reached up to clap Noah on the shoulder, sending him a very serious look. “And they didn’t even get my name.”
“That’s definitely for the best. We don’t need anyone tying—”
“I gave them yours.”
“What?” Noah asked.
“I said I was Spider.” Lee gave him a thumbs up with her free hand. “I thought it might be good for your reputation. The guys were bad. That means killing them was good.”
Noah stared at Lee for a moment. He supposed it was a little hard to argue with that logic. Well, it really wasn’t. But he didn’t quite have the energy for it anymore.
“You know what?” Noah asked. “You’re right.”
“Thanks,” Lee said. “Let’s do this again sometime.”
“No, Lee.” Noah ruffled her hair. “Next time, we’ll do it together.”
Comments
Ben Bass
TYFTC! That was awesome, Noah feeling guilty and then then finding out Lee had just a bit of murder and mayhem, like only a little you know....
Ruari Yeen
They are my favorite pair LMAO Moxie is great, sure But Lee and Noah are on a whole other level Moxie is from this world and tries to figure out how to live by that upbringing Lee and Noah aren't, and they make the world live by their rules instead hahaha They understand each other, everything else is just window dressing
Nicole Hicks
Oh, please! He totally deserves that. Especially from a demon.
Douglas LK
Chapter in a nutshel: Noah tell's about his kills, Lee tell's abolt her kills.
Nyye
Was going to say this exactly, I am deeply pained.
LazyWizard
that's an astute observation, where did the sheath go?
Ruari Yeen
The family that slays together, stays together
Firel Dakuraito
The only excuse Noah can have for not knowing what all his students have done would be: I am still working on it, so far I dont know what all my legs are doing. Hence explaining... why he does not remember every single murder xD
Firel Dakuraito
“Thank all the gods other than Decras” Meanwhile our voyager gods: Renewal: Laughting herself out of her cumullo. Decras: I take that personally, my child.
Nicole Hicks
Good chapter Actus! But, Noah did actually get that sword sheathe from that shop. So, where is it? Did he lose it at some point after encountering that guy that was running that imbuer sweatshop and after he cleaned up the mess he made in the building where he killed the people running it? I don't remember reading anything like that happening. So, how could he get back with Lee and suddenly not have it?
Alexander Dupree
I don’t believe either of them! They’re definitely going to murder alone again
Nicole Hicks
You'd be disturbed if you only knew about the things each individual member has done without knowing the context around it. But, us readers do know the context and understand why they do what they are doing. And to some degree we, the readers can understand why the characters would do what they are doing based off the moral code we readers follow in reality and how it would be applied if we lived in the same world they did. That and it is just an entertaining story being told. Not real. Although, there is a bit of living vicariously through the characters in the story, also. Need I say more?
BaguaBrady
Cutest homicidal maniacs
Archer
Bloody hell, that was funny!
Nicole Hicks
Your not crazy. The chapter before the last chapter he did get a sword sheathe from that shop before that guy approached him outside that same shop.
Nicole Hicks
Oh, she is very definitely eating the rings. It mentioned Noah seeing a glint of metal on at least one finger she ate that would denote a ring being present when she ate the finger. It never said she took the ring off the finger before she ate it. So, yes, she is eating the rings when she eats the fingers.
Daniele Giagheddu
“Thank all the gods other than Decras” Poor Decras
Danielle W.
What a wholesome group of murderhobos having a perfectly normal conversation. Nothing to see here. 😙 🔪
pavlo
Lee? did you take lessons from Yoru?
Andrew Denton
I really hope that she's not eating the rings. That's the part that bothers me.
Hoogleman
Am I crazy or didn't Noah get some sheath for a sword to block the badge already?
Personssess
Not me gonna ask the next person I off a snack to "finger?"
Lizy Flore
I missed this chaos 😂😭
Justin Barnett
Why do I find all this cute instead of disturbing?
Sitsume
LMFAO I absolutely adore and love Lee! Especially when she is interacting with Noah! Thank you for the Chapter. On to the reading the next one!
Enif
A promise to go murdering together has never sounded so wholesome.
Mr_Top_Hat
Imagining freshly reincarnated Noah seeing this conversation is hilarious
Green0Photon
Bruh moment. Also that Spider rep growing. Inb4 everyone else also does crazy shit and blames it on Spider
Reed M
yoru is so kind, arranging presents for everyone 🥹
