Actus
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Return of the Runebound Professor - Chapter 816
🕑 Added 2025-09-25 16:00:09 +0000 UTCLee clung to Noah’s back as they tore through the sky upon his flying sword. Wind howled past them in a keening wail as the left Frostlake behind, hurtling away from the town and the frozen mountains behind it.
Noah felt a bit bad about stiffing the inn. Especially since Lee had destroyed their window upon her arrival — but there was no way he was going to sit around with a bunch of hunters hot on their tail.
Any group strong enough to force Lee to run was not one he wanted to get into a fight with. Especially not now that he’d finally found her again, and not while he was this tired. The chances of him breaking his no-death streak were way too high.
“This is so nostalgic!” Lee yelled over the wind. “It’s so much fun! Why did you get rid of your last flying sword?”
“Because Mascot ruined it,” Noah yelled back. He squinted down at the ground far below them. Frozen fields whipped by beneath them. This had been on the map. Noah was pretty sure he could remember it. He couldn’t check right now, though. Glancing at the map while this high up was just asking for the wind to tear it from his hands.
I’m going in the right direction. Aqua Terra is this way. I think.
“Is there a reason we’re going in the wrong direction?” Lee called. “Because Aqua Terra is probably to the right.”
“What makes you say that?” Noah asked.
“The direction of trade passing through Ice Wretch,” Lee replied. “I overheard people talking about it. They said Frostlake was the most southern major city in the Empire, and we’re headed to the south.”
“Oh,” Noah said. The wind swallowed his response, but something told him it wasn’t all that necessary anyway. He quietly turned the flying sword in the direction that Lee was looking. It seemed she was considerably better at navigating than he was. “Is this closer?”
“Dunno,” Lee replied. “Maybe. But at least it isn’t definitely wrong.”
Noah supposed that was going to have to be good enough.
***
Alice narrowed her eyes.
She made it a point to keep a certain level of decorum, even within the sanctum of her own lodgings. Presence mattered a great deal more than most people thought. It could determine the tides of a fight well before the battle even started.
She’d spent years crafting a reputation for herself. One that she lived up to very well. That reputation had garnered her a great deal of respect — and fear — from most of those unfortunate enough to be in her presence.
Her lodgings reflected that. They were cold. Dark. Optimized and efficient, exactly what she needed them to be and nothing more. There was nothing comfortable about them. That was entirely intentional. It reminded anyone darkening her halls exactly who they belonged to.
It would have been wrong to say that Alice didn’t enjoy comfort herself. Her own personal room was vastly different than the network of drab tunnels running beneath her estate. But no visitor had ever been granted entrance to that room — and they never would be.
The only impression anyone would ever be granted of Alice was that of control. Of silent authority. There wasn’t a single location anywhere within her land for someone to allow themselves to relax. She’d made sure of it.
That was why she was particularly displeased by the tea party currently unfolding in her training room.
“What,” Alice asked, her voice taut with displeasure, “are you doing?”
“Tea,” Contessa replied, as if it were the most obvious answer in the world. The mage sat in a woody chair before from a table she’d crafted from vines that had somehow found their way into the room. Karina sat in a similar chair across from her. Rough wood cups were arranged in a neat pattern upon the table between the two of them, each full of a slightly different colored liquid.
“Would you like some?” Karina asked. She took a sip from her cup. Then she grimaced. “This one is terrible.”
“I’m doing the best I can,” Contessa said. “Moxie didn’t exactly send us happy plants. Those things were practically poison incarnate. Just be happy not every single part of them is toxic.”
Contessa took a sip from her own cup. She, too, grimaced. She upended the cup over a vine, then set it back down on the table and grabbed another cup.
“There’s more than enough to go around,” Karina volunteered. “It’s a tea party. Of sorts. We don’t have biscuits. But Contessa did her best. I can’t really do much other than pour the tea. My magic is pretty useless for this.”
“I can tell it’s a tea party,” Alice said tersely. “Why are you doing it in my training room? While you are supposed to be preparing to fight?”
“Because there’s absolutely no way we ever beat you. Neither of us are particularly talented mages. I mean — I used to think I was. But that was back before I watched a giant ball of evil stone tentacles literally destroy the entire empire. Actually, I realized I wasn’t all that good a while before then. But I’m fine with it. I was only trying to be that strong to buy my freedom. Now I’ve got it.” Karina shrugged. She picked up another cup and took a small sip from it. “Oh. This one isn’t bad.”
She held the cup out to Contessa, who took a sip. She blinked and nodded. “You’re right. Not bad at all.”
Alice’s eyes narrowed into slits. They weren’t making fun of her. The women weren’t that stupid. They genuinely just didn’t think there was a single reason to try fighting back. And Alice did have to admit, they were right.
There was no way either of them would ever even get close to touching her. But just… accepting that and ignoring the situation completely wasn’t exactly the solution she’d been expecting them to come to.
These two weren’t much at all like the rest of Noah’s students.
“And you’re satisfied with this? With being nothing?” Alice asked. “With sitting in a musty cave and drinking tea from flowers that someone else grew for you?”
“Pretty much,” Contessa said. “This is freer than the Torrins ever let me be. I don’t really think I need much else. You’ve brought us food. Karina is here, so I’ve got someone to spend time with. Don’t think I need much else.”
“Do you think Noah is going to come save you?” Alice asked. “Because that isn’t happening. He’s dead. Gone. He isn’t coming back.”
“Doubt that,” Karina said.
“Which part?” Contessa asked.
“Both,” Karina said. “Do you have any idea how many times I’ve heard something or another about him dying? That guy doesn’t leave well enough alone. He’s not dead. And he’s not coming to save us.”
“What makes you say that?” Alice asked, blinking.
“Because we don’t really need saving,” Contessa said. “And Mascot isn’t here anymore. He’s off, somewhere. I’m sure he’ll come back. He always does. But until he does… well, why would we ever want to get out of here? We heard what this new world is. Everyone hunting for us because we’re from Arbalest, a bunch of impossibly powerful mages in some huge war — what are we going to do against that? Die? I don’t want to fight. I just want to live.”
Karina nodded in agreement. “Yeah. You’re not here to kick us out, are you?”
Alice stared at them. She’d never seen a more unmotivated pair of individuals in her life. Nobody could possibly be satisfied just sitting around in a cave and doing nothing. There was a chance this was some kind of trick, and they were hoping she’d free them out of sheer disbelief.
But Alice dismissed that thought. A pair of lowly Rank 3s weren’t going to be able to bluff her that hard. These two weren’t anything special. They had no particular talent or ability that made them stand out at all.
They were being honest.
“And you expect me to just feed you?” Alice asked. “Indefinitely?”
“Well, you brought us here,” Contessa said. “It kind of seems like your responsibility at this point. We didn’t ask to get kidnapped.”
“Nor are we asking to get un-kidnapped,” Karina added. “The cave is fine. You can just bring some food by every once and a while.”
Alice stared at them for a second. Then she pinched the bridge of her nose. Not a single one of Noah’s party had been right in the head. Despite what these two said about being nothing interesting, nobody normal would be so okay with the current situation.
Contessa and Karina had been acclimated to insanity. They were so used to ridiculous situations that getting kidnapped felt entirely mundane and uninteresting to them. And, no matter what Alice claimed, she couldn’t afford to kill them.
It was ridiculous. There was no way Noah could come back. Not after so long. But every single person that knew the madman had been completely convinced that he would return. Not one of them had born even a speck of doubt.
Not even these two.
And that set Alice on edge. Perhaps it was a good thing. She needed Noah alive for her plans to come to any fruition at all. But if he’d actually managed to come back after all this time… he was stronger than she’d accounted for.
I can’t possibly be considering this, can I?
She was.
Alice would have tracked Garina down to dig for answers, but the Apostle had vanished. Nobody had heard from her for months. She was on her own. And, no matter how unlikely it was that Noah could make it back the land of the living… she couldn’t discount the possibility.
“What if there was something else?” Alice asked.
Contessa and Karina both looked to her.
“What do you mean?” Karina asked.
“You can’t beat me right now,” Alice said. “That’s true. You’re pathetically weak.”
“Thank you,” Contessa said. “I’ve developed a thing for degradation. Feel free to continue.”
Alice stared at her.
Is she mocking me?
Contessa stared back. There wasn’t even a hint of sarcasm in her words — but nobody could be that straight faced about such a thing.
There’s no way she’s that stupid. If she’s not telling the truth, then she’s almost asking for me to kill her. And if she is…
I really didn’t need to know that. Why is everyone that knows Noah so blasted weird? Still, having the guts to straight up tell me that is either unbelievably stupid or actually somewhat respectable in a gross, twisted way.
“I’m not going to grace that with a response,” Alice said. “Stand up. Both of you.”
“Are we going somewhere? You’re not kicking us out, are you?” Karina asked nervously as the two of them rose.
“No,” Alice said. She studied them for a moment. “You’re pathetic. Both of you. Follow me.”
She turned on her heel. Then she paused to glance back at the women. Neither of them had moved.
“Do we have to?” Karina asked.
“That depends. Do you want to remain useless? If you do, sit back down and make yourself at home. But if you want to become worthy of claiming more freedom than the darkness of an old cave… then fall in line.”
Then Alice strode out of the cave. She didn’t look over her shoulder again, but she didn’t need to.
Two sets of footsteps followed in her wake. The corner of Alice’s lip twitched, but neither Karina nor Contessa got a chance to see it.
Perhaps they’ll be of some use after all.
Comments
Ryan
“I’ve developed a thing for degradation. Feel free to continue.” I legit lol’ed
Kenshii
whatever happened to the silver guy
buca117
Today's chapter when?
Jeff
Oh, she's definitely going to find Jalen just randomly hanging out with her plushie collection one day...
jj
born even a speck of doubt -> borne even a speck of doubt
Ben Bass
TYFTC! Ahh, Noah has an anti-direction sense it seems. Which means when he arrives is just like a Wizard, neither early nor late, just exactly when he intended. I do feel bad for Alice, dealing with Contessa and Karina, and how they are coping with the world adjacent to Noah. So, who will finally see Alice's room? That could be interesting!
Shakango Resident
They want a job and its called staying alive.!
realitiesincrease
To be fair they complained more about the Torrins and Linwicks than Noah. Guy's been pretty decent to them overall.
realitiesincrease
And from an earlier chapter they are supposed to be in a relationship and this is apparently not developing but it would make the pair so much more hilarious I feel!
Firel Dakuraito
Alice should look into the mirror, she knows him too after all and I cant say a definition of normal fits her
alaric
"Nobody's ever would(go into Alice's room" chekovs gun has been placed on the mantle. Theories on who fires it? After the hilarious tea party it seems like Karina is the most likely.
BelligerentGnu
I would have preferred they continue having tea, tbh, but still funny.
Goblin Zone
Heyyy, I pretty much predicted this outcome in a previous comment
Tomateus Hortelino
Funnily enough i am the contrary, i skipped the entirity of Noah arc in the void ( whatever the name of the place was ) because it was boring for me, a bunch of silly words with silly meanings ( no offense to you Actus, i just dont like when its just the protagonist )
Tom C
Love it TFTC!
Monadologist
"If you do, sit back down and make yourself at home." I fully expected them to sit back down.
Martin Hawthorne
"I'm tired of the povs..." "... These two are hilarious." There are 2 types of fans.
Alexander Dupree
Lee will eat it anyway she’s not picky
Alexander Dupree
She needs “attendants” is all we swear!
Alexander Dupree
When his substitute teachers are “naked fighting 101,” drawn and quartered stretching, demonic golem runic upgrades, and rank 7-9 cultists and children of a chaos god it can be hard to have a normal response
BuhDussy
Honestly kind of tired of all these povs. Every chapter. Still love the series and all, but all this hopping around is tiresome.
Caleb Reusser
Contessa and Karina are absolutely hilarious.
Eternal Reader
Nice chapter
Actus
Reading maps when you’ve got no experience doing it is pretty damn hard hahaha
Jack Dawson
Is Noah's lack of a sense of direction a new thing? I know he was never good at keeping track of time but I don't remember this.
Ruskin
Yay! They're alive. And so inoculated by Noah's bullshit that they've developed insanity immunity 😂
Arnon Parenti
Why is everyone affiliated with Noah so Weird? Because a giant stone ball destroying the empire is just Wednesday and not even worth a Friday cliff.
Arnon Parenti
The Catsitters found a new cat, shh don't tell Alice, she's got claws
guy nakache
Krina and contesa just want a 9-5
Tor-Arne Sandstrak
At least Noah has a navigator. Too bad there's no spice.
realitiesincrease
Probably not :) but it's a too good storyline. Makes up for Jalen's antics' absence! I wish we'd have had a bit more of emotional reunion with Lee though.
realitiesincrease
"Why is everyone that knows Noah so blasted weird?" I just can't get over this line. So darn good 🤣
Blue Talon
Did they just trick Alice into giving them more freedom and amenities
DeadicatedReader
Woo, inspire those who have been dragged into chaos! The mage sat in a woody chair before from a table she’d crafted from vines -> The mage sat in a woody/wooden chair before a table she’d crafted from vines
