Haley Thistle
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Alfie the Minotaur: Part Two (rough draft)
🕑 Added 2023-04-08 20:00:01 +0000 UTC“I seriously can’t get this thing to work,” you said to Keery over the phone. You struggled with the wrench, trying to adjust the radiator heater in your apartment. “This worked last year.”
Keery had this certain tone to her laugh. “Why don’t you call Alfie? I’m sure he’d love to come and rescue you from that old, cold apartment.”
You pouted. “I mean, I guess I could. I just don’t know what stage of the relationship we are in. Am I able to call him to fix shit like this whenever? Or is it just a story I tell him over dinner?” You grunted, falling off the wrench and tumbling back into the wall.
Keery was chewing on something, probably her breakfast. “It’s Alfie, even if you two weren’t hanging out he’d still come fix anything you’d ask.”
“Don’t say it like that,” you huffed. “I mean, I like Alfie. I just haven’t had that convo with him yet about-”
“Being demisexual?”
“Yeah.” You took the wrench off the radiator and sat down in front of it. “Keery! I’m freezing to death!” You whined. “I don’t have big boobs like you to keep my heart warm and soft. I’ll turn evil any second.”
“Calm down you baby. Okay, I have something you can do.”
You sit up and push up the sleeves to your hoodie. “Really? What is it?”
“Call this number-” she said rattling it off.
You frowned. “That’s Alfie’s phone number.”
“Yeah, call him!” Keery then hung up.
You leaned back against the hall and stared at the radiator. “It’s not that I don’t want him here. Nor that I don’t want to talk to him about it. It’s just really hard ya know? After last time?” You motioned to the radiator. “You remember last time?”
The radiator stood in silence.
“Yeah, that guy. The one who thought three dates meant sex.” You slouched back then looked at your phone in your hands. “It’s been five dates with Alfie though.” You looked back at the radiator. “Well you call him then since you’re the one in distress!” You held your phone out then grunted loudly. “Fine, I’ll call.” You stood up and walked into the kitchen, sitting near the stove you had pre-heating just to feel some semblance of warmth.
Fall had come in like a brick that year, started off by a hellacious rainstorm that had halted work on the academy grounds, as well as brought in a bone chilling cold front. You had made due with a space heater, but now you needed the big guns and that wasn’t working.
“Hello?” Alfie yawned from the other end.
“Oh sorry. Did I wake you?”
Alfie chuckled sleepily. “No, I woke up a minute ago. Just getting coffee going. To what do I owe the honor of hearing your voice first thing?”
You squirmed in your seat, worried about asking him for help. “It’s my radiator. I’m having a hard time getting it to work.”
“Want me to come over then?”
Every hair on your body bristled. “I don’t want to bother.”
“None at all. Just let me have a cup of coffee and I’ll hop over right away. You’re probably freezing.”
You were wearing a hoodie, a thermal top, thick flannel thermal pajama bottoms, and those white girl comfy boots with fur lining, as well as a pair of thick socks. “You don’t have to rush at least.”
“I’ve seen how you bundle up, Lady Ginseng. Not to worry, I am always warm so I do not fear the elements to get to you.”
Your heart throbbed gently and you smiled. “Okay. I’ll have more coffee waiting for you here.”
“Perfect. I’ll see you soon Lady.”
“Be careful out there,” you said as you hung up the phone. You glanced towards the window with a small smile on your lips.
When Alfie arrived it had started to rain again. Droplets of cold water clung to his fluffy hair as he came into your apartment from the hallway.
“Caught me by surprise,” he laughed as he took the hand towel from you. “The rain here always does.” He wiped himself down. “Back home, I could read the weather like a book.”
“Must have been a useful gift.”
“It was.” He took off his coat. “Always knew the best time to plant. Now, where is this tricky radiator?”
“Over here.” You lead him down to the hallway. He knelt down before it, taking up the wrench you had been using. “Is this all you’ve got?”
“I have a hammer,” you replied.
Alfie shook his head. “Everyone needs a good tool set.” He turned back to the radiator, using the wrench as well as he could. “I’ll have to help you put that together.”
You fidgeted where you stood, watching the big minotaur work before you.
“So, got any plans today?” Alfie asked.
“No, not now that it’s raining anyways.” You looked down at him, chewing on your cheek as you tried to decide the right words to say next.
“Well, maybe when I’m done here we could do something together?” He asked. “I mean, I can at least stick around until it warms up.”
Your cheeks flushed and your heart began to ache. “About that I-”
Alfie turned back with a shocked look on his face, “Sorry. Did that come off creepy? Not my intent! Promise, I’ll stay a gentleman as long as you want me too.”
You smiled shyly, a bit relieved by these words. “No. I didn’t think that.”
“Mama taught me to wait until marriage for those sorts of things.”
Your stomach dropped, but you weren’t sure why.
“I mean-” he grimaced. “I haven’t. But I was taught to wait for the lady. Or fella. Whichever. But we don’t tell Mama everything.”
You knelt down beside him as he got the switch to finally turn. “What if you had to wait for a while?”
“A while?” He huffed and set the wrench aside. He chipped off some paint and rust with his finger.
“I mean uhm-” You hesitated, wishing for some easier way to say this.
“What am I waiting for?” Alfie ased, meeting your eye and capturing it. He held your gaze with a serious but very soft expression. “To spend time with you? To get to know you? That’s what I like, lady Ginseng.” His smile melted your heart. “If you need time to feel comfortable before sex, well, that’s all I want.”
Tears began welling up in your eyes. “Yeah I…I was afraid that you-”
Alfie placed his warm, soft hand on your cheek. “Keery told me you liked patience. And I’m fairly good at that.”
You chuckled with him then gently placed a kiss on his lips. “I’m demisexual.”
“I’m pansexual,” he said proudly.
You broke into an even bigger smile and both of you laughed. You shared another kiss, and then, the radiator began to work again.
In the kitchen, Alfie filled up a mug full of hot coffee. “So, what were you planning to do before the rain?”
“Laundry,” you huffed. “But I don’t feel like hauling my clothes through the cold, let alone the cold and rain.”
Alfie nodded as he sipped his coffee. “I have a washer and dryer at my place. I could drive you around and you could do your laundry warm and dry. Meanwhile, your place should get nice and toasty again.”
“That’s tempting,” you sighed. “I feel like I’ve already used up your helpfulness for the day.”
Alfie scoffed and rolled his eyes. “All I am is helpfulness. I’ve got a limitless supply in this big body.” He smacked his tummy then grinned. “Ask all you want. Besides, I offered first.”
“Okay,” you sighed. “I guess it can’t hurt.”
“Won’t hurt at all.”
Alfie's old pickup truck looked like it had seen better days. The seats were worn and were covered in duct tape patches. The old radio hissed and wheezed, barely picking up any signal as you drove through town. He at least had a big back seat to fit your overflowing laundry baskets.
He lived just a bit out of town, down a small road the wound about until you passed the old orchard and came upon a small red farmhouse with a crooked old fence. Alfie hopped out, helping you gather your laundry. You looked up at the place, surprised by how big it was.
“Do you live alone?” You asked.
“Most of the time. Some of the time my brother will stay a few months then disappear again on me.” He shut his truck door and led you to the porch.
Rain pattered against the tin roof, creating a lovely, almost sleepy sound. “You have a brother?”
“I have five,” he chuckled. He searched through his multitude of keys for the one to the front door. “This is technically my eldest brother’s place. But since he’s away so often, he likes having me here to keep up the place.”
“What does he do?” You asked.
“Same as me,” he chuckled. “He just does it for very wealthy people. Goes around the world making beautiful lawns for the beautiful people. I used to do that with him, but it got boring.”
“Really? That’s surprising.”
He finally found the right key and unlocked the door. “I much prefer the academy. I like the people there a lot more too.”
Inside his house smells like worn leather, old wood, and a hint of stale linen. It’s warm inside, and has a sense of fullness and unity to it. Old horseshoes are hung on the walls, a few old hunting rifles are above the woodstove, and several pictures are dotted throughout.
Right this way to the main attraction,” Alfie jokes. You can get your laundry started, and I’ll see what I can make for lunch.”
“Free laundry and a free meal? How’d I get so lucky?”
“That’s just the Alfie experience, Lady Ginseng.” He opens a door and leads you downstairs. The basement floor is concrete, the walls are covered in old newspaper. One side of the room is nothing but hand-canned goods, sacks of rice, flour, and sugar. The other side is two old washing machines and an even older looking refrigerator that makes an oddly please humming sound.
“There you are.” Alfie sets down your laundry basket and gives you a quick rundown of how the two machines work.
“There’s drinks in that fridge if you want anything,” he said too. “Oh, and there’s extra detergent and stuff in that bucket over there if you need it. If you want fabric softener or anything I can’t help you there. I don’t believe in the stuff.”
You snickered. “You don’t believe in fabric softener? What? Is it against your religion?”
Alfied shook his head and laughed. “No. Not like that! I mean, I don’t think it works. Or at least, it’s not good for the clothes or the machines. Just soap and water was good enough for Mama, should be good enough for me.”
You nodded at him, smiling in agreement. “I use vinegar sometimes. Helps the smells of my gym clothes.”
“Huh,” he murmured. “Vinegar. I’ll have to try that. I can really funk up some clothes.”
You tried not to laugh, but he was obviously trying to make you.
“Alright, I’ll leave you to it, Lady Ginseng. Holler if you need anything.” He went back upstairs while you turned to your laundry, separating your clothes then filling up the shockingly large washing machine.
When you got the first load in, you took a peek inside the fridge. It was full of nothing but all sorts of beverages, from beer, to soda, to even large pickle jars with kombucha in the back.
“Wow,” you murmured as you took out a glass bottle of soda. “What a way to live.” You shut the door and twisted off the bottle top, tasting the rich cream soda. “Oh man. Why does everything taste better in glass?” You looked back towards the hand canned goods, seeing a mix of dates and names written on them.
“Auggie,” you read aloud. “Must be the brother.” You went back up stairs after your small excursion into snooping.
Alfie was in the kitchen, chopping away at some potatoes. “Everything go well down there?” he then pointed to the soda bottle in yours hands. “Cream soda. My favorite.”
“Sorry. It just looked really good.”
“I have more than I need down there. You’re fine.” he scooped up the chopped potatoes and threw them into a big pot on the stove. “I thought some ham and potato soup would be perfect on a day like this.”
You instantly felt warm and cozy hearing that. You couldn’t wait to hold a big, toasty bowl of homemade soup between your hands. “That does sound good.”
“I only like cooking when it’s cold,” he chuckled. “Otherwise, its take-out and whatever leftovers I have.”
“I don’t like cooking at all,” you said. “Never got the hang of it.”
Alfie was facing the stove, adding things into the pot which started to sizzle and burble from within. “Mama made sure my brothers and I knew at least the basics. Said it was our responsibility to feed ourselves when we were grown and to not expect anyone to mother us aside from her.”
You took a seat at the counter on a tall stool. “Good woman.”
“The best!” Alfie looked back at you. “She raised me and my brothers on her own.”
You leaned against the counter, watching as Alfie came back to gather the chopping board and knife. “Wow. Must have been tough.”
“I’m sure it was, but she never let us know.” He washed off the knife. “As far as my brothers and I knew, everything was a well tuned machine in our house. We took care of our clothes so they could get passed down. We rotated chores so we didn’t get sick of things. We worked the farm as we got older. On and on until Mama decided she didn’t need the old farm.”
“What does she do now?” You asked.
Alfie got a smirk on his face as he returned the clean cutting board and knife to the counter. “Lives out west making wine with her friend Alice.”
You tilted your head to the side. “Her friend?”
“She thinks my brothers and I are idiots. But we all know she and Alice have been friends for a long time. I call her Aunty Al.”
“She knows you’ve dated friends before,” you teased.
“She does. But Mama is silly sometimes.” Alfie took a country ham wrapped in cheesecloth from the fridge. “Is that what you are, Lady Ginseng? A friend?” He started chopping off chunks of the salty ham.
You smirked. “I’m afraid to say with that huge knife in your hands.”
Alfie raised the knife and twisted in the air. “You should see my real knife.”
You both giggled and you nodded. “I would say we’re friends for certain. Possibly more.” You bit the inside of your cheek and ducked your head. “Definitely more.”
“Good,” Alfie murmured as he rhythmically chopped. “Because I think you're a wonderful friend. But I have more inside me than friendship to give you.” he looked up shyly then quickly glanced back down to the counter. His strawberry blonde hair hung in his face and he pushed it back.
You had an old hair clip in your hoodie pocket, one that had been stuck there since last winter. You took it out. It looked like an old nineties relic, but really it was a splurge purchase from a relic store in the mall. It was pink and glittery, with the clip looking like butterfly wings.
“Here.” You offered the hair clip out to Alfie.
“Thank you!” Alfie wiped his hands off and took the clip. He didn’t seem to pay much mind to its overly indulgent girlishness. He then slicked back his hair and clipped it. “On a scale of one to ten, how pretty am I?”
You leaned back and rubbed at your chin, scrunching up your face and acting like it was an overly serious decision. You clicked your tongue, thinking as a matter of fact just how adorable he really did look in that moment.
“Come on now, I’m getting shy.” Alifie posed with his hand against his cheek.
“Well, alright. I have my verdict.” You placed both hands down firmly on the counter top and stiffened your shoulders. “I’m afraid I have to give you this score based on everything I have been presented with.”
“Oh fuck no I am scared.”
You nodded and made a stern face despite your desire to bust out laughing at any second. “Alfie, I have to give you a score of only ten.”
Alfie gasped and fluttered his hands over his heart. “I’m beautiful?”
You both bent over in gut splitting laughing. Alfie snorted while you got a case of hiccups. After a moment, Alfie came around the counter, gently kissing your cheek before you allowed a kiss on the lips. You hiccuped, smashing your face into his which caused another burst of laughter.
“Well, Lady Ginseng, on a score from one to ten, for me, you’re a perfect one hundred.” he kissed your temple and smoothed his hand back around your neck.
You hiccuped, squeaking while you did it. “Oh come on now Alfie. Be reasonable. No one is one hundred.”
Alfie leaned down and came close to your ear. His breath tickled, sending exciting little shocks down your skin. You held your breath, hiccuping against despite your wishes. “You are. And that’s what makes everything worth it. Just being with you makes my day.” He kissed your cheek again. “Now, let me finish that soup.” He walked back towards the oven while your heart went into overdrive. You chugged soda, hoping it would cure the hiccups. You just smiled, thinking how the real one-hundred in the room was Alfie.
