Haley Thistle
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The Tweedle Twins: Part One (complete)
🕑 Added 2021-11-20 20:01:00 +0000 UTC
Female Main Character x Male Monsters (both cis, poly)
Like most good fairy tales, this one begins because my father married an absolute bitch. My father was a king, you see, and since his only child was me, a girl, he was expected to marry in hopes of providing the kingdom of Miror with an heir. An heir, you see, must have a dick. If the heir does not have a dick, then people lose their minds. Hence, why my father had to marry again, because as long as I existed alone, people lost their minds.
On paper, Pleasance seemed well, pleasant. Well bred, well educated, well endowed, what more could my father want? Well, my father wanted my mother. Unfortunately, though, my mother died after a prolonged illness. So when Pleasance was presented to my father as an option, he chose her.
The wedding was elaborate, Pleasence’s specifications were as detailed as they were expensive. The entire garden, which my mother so lovingly crafted herself, was replaced entirely with red roses. The castle itself was adorned with more red accoutrements than a freshly used guillotine blade. Pleasance had us paint rooms to suit her tastes, and to top it all off, all guests were required to wear red. The wedding itself looked like a bloody sheet.
Compared to my father, Pleasance was a big woman, both in size (she was almost nine feet tall) and in her personality. My father was small, soft, and demure, he was easily swayed after my mother’s passing. Pleasance took advantage of his kindness and his grief, essentially taking over the kingdom once the honeymoon phase had passed.
I did not like her. I despised how she had changed everything within the castle. I loathed her condescending treatment of my father. I hated how, in her eyes, I was nothing more than part of the staff, and at best a set decoration. She had not even bore an heir, yet she already acted like this imaginary child was far superior than me. I know I am not the most delicious cookie in the jar, but I am at least better than fake.
Pleasance’s penchant for red made me feel like my home was a war zone. And the sickly sweet stench of roses was beginning to become cloying and aggravated my senses. Not to mention the horrendous allergies I had been suffering since the wedding. If that wasn’t enough, the guillotine was being used at least once a day as anyone who offended her senses was sent to the block. She had killed so many of the staff, as well as my father’s own council and noblemen. Only to replace them with members of her family and their friends.
The new royal advisor was Pleasance’s own brother, Jukel. While he wasn’t as big as Pleasance, he did hold more power than an advisor should. He was sneaky and creepy, and he hired mostly young pretty men who seemed skittish around him. I’d had enough. Once my father was alone, for once, I approached him on the matter.
“You need to put your foot down,” I told him gently. “You’re the king, you can tell her no.”
He looked at me with a smile. My poor father suffered so much. His whole family was gone, his wife died young, all he had of blood was me. I could understand why he would want more children, I did not blame him for that. I just wanted him to return to his senses.
“How can I put my foot down when she is so happy?” He said.
I shook my head. “But the rest of us are miserable.”
“Happy queen, happy kingdom,” he chortled.
Was this even my father anymore? “She’s beheading people left and right. I barely recognize any of the staff or the advisors. There’s no one from Miror left it seems! She keeps bringing in her own family and friends to fill the high ranking positions.”
“Oh, Alice, my dear.” He patted my hand gently. “When you marry, you’ll understand. You will know what it means to run a house. Imagine how it must feel to Pleasance, running a kingdom on top of running a home.”
I yanked my hand away. “What has happened to you?” As I started to scold him, Pleasance came into the room. She ducked down in the doorway and rose back up. She glared down at me with those cold blue eyes and plastered on a forced smile.
“Alice, my child,” she said in a wispy, altered voice. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” She glided into the room and came towards me.
“We were just talking about you, my pet,” my father chuckled.
“Oh?” Pleasance’s eyes cut at me, glaring while her face held a pretty smile. “How wonderful. I hope it was all good.”
“Of course, of course.” My father took her hand. “How did things go with the doctor?”
I flinched. I did not know she had been visited by the doctor. I waited with my breath held tight in my chest. Her smile became blissful, her gaze down upon my father was teary. Oh dear gods, no.
“I am so glad both of you are here, my darling.” Pleasance clutched my father’s hands. “I can tell you in one breath! I am finally pregnant!” Her hands clutched over her belly.
“What joyous news, my darling!”
Such a giant of a woman, I can only assume what sort of monster she’ll give birth to. I watched in fear as the two celebrated, but once her eyes fell upon me, she waited on a razor’s edge for my reaction.
“What do you think, Alice?” Pleasance asked.
I broke into a smile. “I’m in shock! This is such wonderful news, Pleasance.” At least I could fake my way through my disgust.
Pleasance tilted her head to the side. “I’m glad you think so. I also have a surprise for you.”
My gut sank further. “Oh?” My voice quivered.
“Your father and I wanted to keep it a surprise, but now that we have a son on the way, I think now is the proper time to give you your good news as well.” She held my father’s hand and I watched him, feeling even sicker.
“We’ve found you a nice young man in the North Pole to marry. He comes from a wealthy family.”
“You’re-” I felt like I could pass out. “You’re sending me away to the North Pole?”
“Nicholas is a good boy,” Pleasance sneered. “You’ll be very happy.”
I was sent away with no hesitation. With a baby on the way, I didn’t matter anymore. Pleasance sent me off with little fanfare. Aside from giving me her own special carriage for the journey, there was nothing about my sendoff that let me know I was even a thought.
The North Pole was so far away, I would be traveling for a month if I was lucky. I just sat there, stunned and weeping as I saw the castle fade from view. Once it was gone and daylight began to fade, the carriage turned and headed for the Tulgey Woods. My stomach churned, there was no path through the Tulgey Woods that would take me anywhere. As darkness became the norm, the carriage stopped. The door opened and the driver looked inside.
“Is everything alright?” I asked.
He removed his hood and cloak, revealing himself to be Jukel. “Just sit still, princess,” he chuckled.
I sat stiff in my seat. “What are you doing here?”
“It won’t matter for long.” He pulled out a knife.
I stared in absolute horror! So this was her plan all along! She would have me killed, and then there would be nothing to get in her way. My father would be devastated, and she would take absolute control of the kingdom. She would turn herself into the unquestionable monarch, and with an heir in the womb, she would wield supreme.
Jukel charged at me, I evaded, but he got me onto the floor of the carriage. He stabbed, hitting my arm. He stabbed again and I kicked him in the gut. I managed to get to the open door, struggling as he grabbed at my feet. The blade went into my thigh, then my back. I decided then that fighting was not going to work, and I played dead. I tensed and groaned, falling limp with a gasp.
Jukel seemed pleased. He tossed me into the back of the carriage and drove off. I was in agony, bleeding all over everything. I must have passed out, which only helped my cause. Jukel tossed me into a ditch beyond Tulgey Wood, leaving me there to be left to whatever carrion bird would have me.
I came to consciousness sometime later, hearing the voices of men arguing. I was in the back of a cart with a few other people. No, not people. I was in the back of a cart full of corpses. I shot up with a frightened gasp, alarming the two men in the driver’s seat. I screamed, they screamed, I screamed again, falling off the cart and into the mud.
The two men stopped and ran back, finding me bloody and muddy on the ground. I gazed up at them, terrified I would meet my end now.
“My god, Dum, she’s alive,” one whispered. He wore a green scarf around his face.
“You’re right, Dee. But what do we do?” Dum wore a blue scarf around his face.
Dee and Dum knelt down to look at me. They were both dressed completely in black, the hems of their coats and their thick soled boots were caked in thick earth and mud. From the looks of things, they were grave robbers.
“We’ve never had one come back to life before,” Dum murmured. He took his glove off his hand, revealing dark nails and stained fingertips.
“Maybe she wasn’t dead before.” Dee tilted his head to the side.
Dum reached out, touching my neck. “She’s got a pulse.”
“No shit!” Dee sneered.
“Where am I?” My voice warbled.
The two looked at one another. All I could see of their faces were their blue eyes and it made me feel queasy and uneasy, as they reminded me of Pleasance. “Should we tell her?” Dum asked.
“What if this is a bad sign?” Dee whispered back.
“A bad sign?” I scoffed. I searched my body, but of course Jukel must have removed everything from me. I was lucky I still had clothes on. “What sort of bad sign.”
“Look, we take things like this very seriously.” Dum scolded me. “The dead don’t just perk back up like daisies, you know.”
“We have a code to follow,” Dee said smugly.
“Fuck your code! Someone tried to kill me.” I wanted to stand but the stab wound on my leg made it horribly impossible. I started weeping there in the mud.
“Oh no,” Dee murmured.
Dum waved his hands frantically at me. “Don’t cry! He hates that!”
“What am I going to do-hoo-hoo?” I sobbed, sounding absolutely ridiculous.
Dee was tearing up, his eyes were watery and he was starting to sniffle.
“Stop crying!” Dum came up to me. “Don’t cry, Corpse Lady!”
I smacked him. “I’m not a corpse!” I roared at him. “I’m Princess Alice!”
Dum was sitting in the mud with me now and Dee had tears streaming into his scarf. He pulled it away, revealing a scruffy yet handsome face. “You’re what?” He blurted through tears.
“I’m your fucking princess!” I screamed.
Dee and Dum looked at one another again. Dum removed his scarf, revealing a face that was identical to Dee’s. “She said she’s a princess,” Dum whispered.
“A fucking princess,” Dee sniffled.
“Stop talking and help me!” I continued to sob and blubber horribly.
The two grave robbers helped me up, putting me in the front seat of their wagon. I sat between them as we made the silent trek to their home. They placed the wagon with corpses into a barn then took me inside their home.
“We should get the professor,” Dee said.
Dum nodded and he began to undress right there in the kitchen. “He’s gotta get the produce anyways.”
“What are you doing?” I snapped.
“What do you mean?” As Dum undressed, I saw that the stain from his fingertips went all the way up his arms, making them pitched black while the underbelly was soft white. The black went down his back and circled around his front, creating jagged shapes along his ribs. There was a slit down his chest that was the palest part of his body. His face was pale as well, his jaw covered in dark scruff.
“Why are you taking off your clothes here?” I scoffed, looking away.
“So I don’t get anything else in the house dirty.” He walked past me naked and fetched clothes off a hook.
“She’s a princess,” Dee huffed. “Or so she claims. She’s probably never seen herself naked before.”
I scowled at him, wondering if he had the same markings as his twin. “I’m in agony, I have stab wounds all over me and I’m covered in mud, can I at least have a wash cloth?”
Dum dressed in clean clothes, looking less like a sketchy figure and more like a normal person. “If I’m fetching the professor, you need to help her,” he scolded Dee. “It doesn’t matter who she is. Treat a lady like a lady.”
Dee scoffed and rolled his eyes. As Dum left, he got up and pulled something from a cabinet. “You’re going to have to take off those clothes, princess.”
I scowled at him.
“The dress is filthy and I’ll give you some of my clothes, alright? But you need to take it off so I can see where you’re hurt, is that so hard to understand?” He took bandages and balm from inside the kit. As he did, I removed my dress. It was ripped and falling off as it was. Once it dropped to the ground, Dee waved me over. He inspected me, checking each of the stab wounds. He cleaned them, which hurt like hell, then he put medicine on them, which hurt even worse. I was bent over the table sobbing as he put the bandages on. I heard him sniffle and weep as he did.
Dee left the room, but returned with a shirt in hand. “Put this on. We’ll figure out what else to do with you once the professor gets here.”
I slipped the shirt on. Luckily Dee and Dum were considerably taller than me, so the shirt was long enough to cover everything. “Who is that?”
“A smart guy, our best customer.” Dee turned back around and looked down at me. He and Dum looked exactly the same, but I noticed Dee had longer hair than Dum, and he had a scar on the left side of his mouth.
“Customer…” I frowned. “Were you going to sell my corpse to him?” I snapped.
“You were dead!” Dee barked. “What did it matter? What is it with you royals treating your dead better than your own people?”
I flinched. “The dead are scared.”
Dee started laughing at me. “The dead are dead! They are worthless, empty bottles. But they can serve a purpose. The professor uses them to advance something that actually matters.”
“Like what? What could possibly matter so much you would desecrate bodies?”
“Life.”
Dee and I both turned to look at the open door. A tall slender man stood there. He had long pale blond hair and skin that glittered like gold stars. I was taken by his loveliness, so much so I barely realized he was touching me.
“We need to take care of these wounds. Dee, Dum, where can I lay her down?” The professor picked me up, carrying me to a bed where he laid me down. He applied some sort of medicine to the stab wounds which made my body go numb. He stitched up the wounds and applied medicine and bandages to them again.
He looked me over, touching my face, then smoothed his hand over the bandage on my shoulder where Jukel stabbed me. “She really is the princess,” he murmured.
“You’re joking!” Dum gasped.
“How can you tell?” Dee seemed pissed that it was the truth.
“I have seen her many times,” the professor said. His slim face and delicate features made me swoon. I’d never seen such a beautiful man before. He then smiled as if reading my thoughts. “You’ve really found something this time, boys.”
“What do you mean?” Dum asked. “Like, should we hold her for a reward?”
“Oh yeah, ransoming a princess sounds real smart,” Dee huffed.
“Nothing like that.” The professor stood up. “From the looks of things, someone wanted her dead.”
“The queen!” I blurted. “She’s pregnant and she wanted me out of the way.”
The professor smirked and waved his hand at me. “You see? Having her alive and well aware of the plot would be catastrophic to her, wouldn’t it?”
“Sure,” Dee said uneasily. “But what does that have to do with us at all?”
The professor smirked. “The current reign in Miror has halted progress, has hindered the advancement of the people, and as of late, has treated it like their own candy dish. Wouldn’t you like to create a new world?”
“Wait.” I grabbed the professor’s arm, pulling his attention back to me. “If you know of a way we can knock her off her high horse, I’m in.”
The professor smirked proudly. “Really?”
I nodded. “Whatever you have in mind, I’m in. I hate her. I hate her fucking unborn baby. She tried to kill me, I want to succeed in destroying her!”
The professor bent down, taking my hand and kissing my palm. “My name is Somnus,” he said gently. “And you, my dear princess, will soon become a goddess.”
I smiled at him, all the pain in my body meant nothing. Having this idea in my head, this hope of exacting revenge, nothing else mattered.
“Wait, wait, wait!” Dee snapped. “Are you suggesting we overthrow the monarchy? Like...like a coup?” He was getting sweaty and nervous.
“We have royal blood in our grasp,” Somnus replied coolly. “We’ve been given a gift of power already. There are people who remain loyal to her mother, which means they will be loyal to her, especially when they find out she was murdered and rose from the dead to protect them.”
Dum crossed his arms. “Something tells me this isn’t a new idea for you, Professor.”
Somnus chuckled. “I’ll explain it in greater detail later. For now, I’m going to need the two of you to look after her. She’s very precious. I’ll take the produce back home, and I’ll return tomorrow with a better idea of what we need to do.”
“You’re just leaving me here?” I asked.
Somnus smiled at me. “The best hands in the world belong to these two. They’ll also be your most important hands in the coming future.” He left without another word and every breath taken was awkward.
“So-” Dum tried to start but he faded off.
I looked between them both. “Are you brothers?”
A smile crossed Dee’s face. “My gods,” he chuckled. “What is happening?”
I looked down at my hands. “I don’t know.”
Dee sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. He then ripped off his gloves, revealing the same dark nails and stained fingertips as his brother, but where Dum was pale white, Dee was soft red. He slammed his bare palms down onto the table. “The professor has really done it this time.”
Dum came up beside me. “Are you hungry?”
I was surprised, there was an air of sweetness around him that eased my mind. “Maybe a little. I can’t really tell.”
Dum’s smile brightened. “Then you should eat!”
Dee frowned at him then looked at me. “Suppose you’d like a drink?”
“Thank you,” I murmured. “Not for the drink, although yes, that would be nice. But thank you for taking care of me. Saving me.”
Dee’s expression softened and he sighed. “Don’t thank me yet. You may be going from the pot to the pan.” He stood up and started undressing like Dum did. His markings were the same, he even had the same, strange closed slit down his chest and belly like Dum. Only Dum was white, and Dee was red.
“I’d rather be here in the pan than the pot.” I fidgeted with my fingers.
Dee caught me staring and he smirked. “Like what you see, princess?”
I looked away bashfully. “You’re the one undressing before me. What do you expect from me?”
“I suppose that’s true.” He took clothes off a hook and dressed again, wearing clothes similar to Dum’s. “And yes, Dum and I are brothers if the matching faces didn’t give it away.”
I smiled shyly, having now seen two naked men in one day, as well as surviving a murder attempt, I felt kind of nice. It was a strange sort of nice.
Dee poured me a drink while Dum cooked at the stove.
That evening I was given Dum’s bed to sleep in. Dee’s bed was right beside it and the two had crowded upon it to sleep. I laid there wide awake, aware of the pain in my body again. A few tears slipped down my cheek as I thought about my father. Did he think I was dead? Or did he think I was married to that man in the North Pole? Was he okay? Did Pleasance plan to kill him too?
A hand touched mine and I looked across to see Dum smiling at me. “You’ll make him cry.”
“Isn’t he asleep?” I sniffled.
“No!” Dee blubbered.
Dum chuckled, keeping his hand upon mine. “He’s sensitive.”
I rolled onto my side, holding Dum’s hand as it felt like the only concrete thing in the world. “I’m sorry. I’m scared.”
Dee laughed. “You agreed to a coup!”
“Both of you hush. I trust Somnus, he’ll know what to do.” Dum squeezed my hand. “We can sleep in peace knowing he’ll guide us.”
Comments
A hilarious starter to a fairytale
