Heart
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Girls Like (2)
🕑 Added 2019-11-14 18:25:11 +0000 UTCWe had our first disagreement before the slumber party.
She was taken aback. “Are you serious? You’re not going to make time for me?”
“I won’t have time!!! I’m running things all night! And I *am* making time for you, on Tuesday when we have our date.” I was trying not to be defensive. (Ha.)
“So were not gonna fool around at the slumber party...?”
“Well no, unless you want to fuck in front of everyone so I can still be accessible for whatever issues pop up.” I knew that wasn’t something Max would be interested in.
The thing is I don’t see it as a hardship, I’m in service to this gorgeous girl gang twice a year and it’s the best 16 hours on the whole damned calendar. I’m okay with putting my own frivolity aside to create this space where everyone else can be hedonistic. Yeah I’ve participated in hitachi duels on the floor in the parlour, and I’ve gotten a few people off late at night, but for me to go hide for an hour or more to actually fuck and connect is out of the question. When a problem arises, or someone has a concern, or there’s an issue with the security guard, or a taxidermied peacock comes crashing down off of the wall, it’s my name that gets called. It’s me that solves that problem. I can’t relax and turn off that responsibility. And I’m happy to be that person two nights a year so we can have this dream!
She looked sceptical. “I’m gonna talk to O about this,” she said, kissing my face. “I’m sure we can figure something out.” I tried not to be annoyed, she was missing the point. This wasn’t a problem that needed to be solved, it was a boundary she needed to accept.
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“Oh you can TOTALLY fuck at the party!” Ms.O shrieked before taking a sip of her cocktail. We were sitting at the crowded bar with Bee before catching a screening of Practical Magic with a Drunk Feminist Film Club (oh yes). The supremely attractive bartender had just accidentally spilled a glass of water on me and my honest-to-god response was “oh honey don’t worry I usually do it to myself.” I sighed and tried to explain my position better, to help O see it my way, to no avail. “It’s a gay sex party Heart, you should have fun too!”
Was this a case of me being too rigid?
I went over the evening in my mind; party prep, opening circle, kinky skill share, midnight ceremony and then my maestro game. That’s me booked solid from 5pm until 3am. Those are things I present and run. I asked other folks to step in and facilitate some of those activities to make my workload lighter but everyone said no. The hot bartender brought us a round of shots to apologize for his clumsiness. He looked truly heartbroken when I told him I don’t drink. “Really? Not even a shot?” I was so tired of explaining myself I smiled and took the shot. He was visibly relieved. Funny, huh? How much easier it feels to just accommodate people.
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By the night of the party it was my body that pushed me to acquiesce. Max looked so hot, and the party had this charged energy, the whole night was just dripping with sex. Half-way through opening circle I realized this girl gang was ready to go, I mused out loud about running the orgy maestro game before midnight instead of after, as scheduled. The crowd whooped and hollered. Plot twist! I suddenly had time.
As the night sped on and a whirlwind of lingerie-clad babes fucking pushed my buttons I was feeling frisky and playful. By 11:15pm there was a full blown girl orgy on the parlour floor. It was wild and beautiful, the frantic energy of girls who wanted to fuck. Hitachi’s buzzed, slaps and moans filled the room. Lizzo and King Princess and The Spice Girls and Beyonce played loudly over the speakers. Every once in a while I caught Max watching me from across the room as I flitted and floated from guest to guest, problem solving and assisting where I could. Her gaze felt warm.
She was standing with Scout and Scout’s new partner. Scout, being a carpenter, was eager to get to know Max. She connected right away, asking her about her role as a foreman, talking shop and letting herself “be known” as a fellow trades-babe. Watching Scout flirt shamelessly made my cheeks turn pink. I’d been telling Max about her, knowing they’d click, knowing she’d catch her eye. I wasn’t wrong.
Scout’s a wild babe with wild hair, her mouth and heart always so full of words, we’re cut from a similar ebullient glittering cloth. Max says I’m her type which means I rightfully assumed Scout was in that same category by default. It tickled me watching tipsy Max admit she had no idea what Scout was talking about, and then seeing Scout lean in and explain in passionate detail. I could see Max was too distracted watching her face to hear her words, she smiled and nodded and Scout got closer.
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The midnight ceremony is always one of my favourite parts of the night. I like having a moment of reverence with each guest, and the ritual I concocted for this party was my favourite one yet.
Each participant was given a small piece of paper and wrote down something they’d like to release or let go of. Using the abalone shell Ember bought for our sex cult, and some sage and cedar, I started a small fire. Each guest took a turn joining me at the fire and burning their paper, we would watch the words turn to ashes and then I would put my fingers in the ash and brush it across their forehead to seal the intention. It was an intimate little ceremony, holding space for everyone as they let go.
I saw Max disappear part way through, this job was my last responsibility for the night and I was eager to go and find her and let her know I was free...
The ceremony wrapped up, I tidied all of the supplies, made sure the fire had died, checked in with O that this was a good time for me to disappear (she reassured me and gave me her enthusiastic blessing) and then I zipped off to track down Max. (You know what’s coming next don’t you?)
I walked into the kitchen, saw Max and Scout mid-make-out, turned immediately around and walked back out of the kitchen stunned. (Like that awkward Simpson’s gif of grandpa walking into the burlesque house when Bart is the doorman and then walking directly back out in one smooth motion, which I tried to insert here but Patreon doesn’t support gif in the body of text posts, god do I miss tumblr.)
As per our conversation last week about not feeling comfortable seeing me kiss other folks I’d been on my best behaviour all night, conscious of my partner and not wanting to rock the boat. I just didn’t expect her to... what? Give me exactly what if asked for I guess... I had to give myself a poly pep-talk in the hallway and remind myself that I had LITERALLY ASKED FOR THIS. I’d told her how hot I thought it would be, I told her she’d like Scout, I’d relished watching them vibe. And now I was hiding out, why? Because I didn’t expect it I guess, because I’d figured she’d be more careful, and it stung a little that I was just on my way to drag her upstairs to admit defeat but she was distracted. I have such a complicated relationship with being cucked. I want it but I don’t want it. I’m wet but I’m pouty. Every time.
I took a deep breath and walked back into the kitchen, Scout’s partner was teasing them, asking them to kiss again because she’d missed it. Max looked at me, then looked at Scout who was beaming, they kissed again and Scout’s partner squeezed my arm and whispered in my ear “Aren’t they hot?” I nodded as Max pulled away and made sheepish eye contact with me. “They’re ridiculously hot,” I grinned, and grabbed Max by the hand. “I need you for a second,” I said, leading her out of the kitchen and down the hall.
Max stopped me on the stairs, her face serious for a second. “Hey, was that okay? Are you upset?” she searched my eyes, I could feel my heart swell. I shook my head and touched her face, kissing her cheeks one at a time. “I’m not upset at all. I was just surprised,” I assured her. She pulled me closer, “Okay because this poly stuff is new and as soon as it happened I was like shit was I supposed to ask first? Did I do it wrong?” I shook my head and smiled, continuing up the stairs dragging her with me into one of the empty bedrooms. I closed the door behind us and wrapped my arms around her, suddenly wanting to fuck her senseless. “I like you,” I said, kissing her. “And I like Scout. And you did nothing wrong.”
And then we fucked. At the slumber party. While we could hear people screaming and cumming and howling below us. And the house didn’t burn down, and nothing went wrong and I had fun, too.
Comments
Heart
It’s strange right, wanting it but then being overwhelmed in the moment! And coaching ourselves through it. We dream big, these are the hazards I suppose. 😘
Karmen Fierce
This is very apt for me. I constantly have to remind myself that I actually used my words and asked for the things that are now happening. I laughed pretty hard at that sentence, because it's SO ME. Thank you for sharing, dearest Heart. It's nice to know I'm not alone. :)
