Haley Thistle
patreon
The Veils: Childhood 2 (rough draft)
🕑 Added 2021-06-10 20:00:03 +0000 UTCAtticus helped me ease back onto the ground. I looked up into the sky as I took deep breaths. I was near sobbing when Atticus laid beside me, taking my hand into his and holding it to his chest. “I’ll stay for a while, okay? Just a few days to play the brain again.”
I shuddered and he gave my hand an extra tight squeeze, just like he used to. “What do you mean that my name is Daisy?”
“Because you are,” he whispered. “I forget why that was what they called you. Something to do with French. It’s been a long time, but that’s what you were called instead of Margaret. Because it sounded too grown up. You really don’t remember?”
I kept my eyes focused on the sky above me. “No.”
“Can I show you something?” Atticus said gently. “I brought something with me that I’ve kept ever since I left this place. I wanted to show you in case your memory still wasn’t working.”
I stood up with him, going back through the grass and to his car where we pulled out an old cigar box. There was something familiar about it, even with all the duct tape holding it together. The gold and red color scheme reminded me of something. We sat on the porch together and, inside the box, there were childhood trinkets. There was the spy book he took from the library. The permanent marker he carried around with him just like the notebooks. Then there were two bright green, lizard shaped clips that had once been mine. Just like the ones in the little girl’s hair.
Atticus placed the box in my hands. “I think I left my notebooks here, though. Or they got thrown out when I moved.”
“There’s some in the attic.” I rubbed the two little clips between my fingers.
“You wore those everywhere, it didn’t matter where we were going or what we were doing,” he chuckled.
The back of my eyes felt hot as tears approached. “I remember but-”
Atticus put his hand on my back. “I think I know what’s going on and why your memory is so...off.”
I looked at him. “Like what?”
“I don’t want you to freak out again.” His hand felt so warm and nice on my back. “I think it’s because you’re a Veil too.”
Tears rolled down my cheeks. “That can’t be-”
Atticus put his arm around me, letting me rest my head upon his shoulder. “We don’t have to talk about it now. Why don’t you give me a tour and show me what you and Aunt Fifi have done with the place.”
Atticus stayed with me for a few days. In that time, he helped me finish sanding and staining the floors in Aunt Fifi’s bedroom. We also got the walls cleaned and painted. After that, we went to a few thrift stores in the area to find a new bed frame for that room. We never found one so Atticus ordered one online.
One evening, I woke up from a bad dream and saw the hall light was on. It was storming outside and the rain made my guts churn. When I stepped out, I saw the attic ladder was down.
“It’s me,” Atticus called from above.
I followed him up and found him sitting under the window with his notebooks in his lap. He looked so serious as he read them over. He closed them as I approached.
“Couldn’t sleep?” He asked.
“Could you?” I sat down on the other side of the table.
“No.” He sighed heavily, taking off his glasses and rubbing the bridge of his nose. “I’m surprised this was all the same. I thought for sure it would be full of boxes and stuff.”
“Aunt Fifi didn’t like that. She thought the ceiling would collapse before we could repair it,” I chuckled softly.
Atticus waved a notebook. “Did you read these?”
I shook my head. “No. Not really.”
“I wish you had. I wrote them for you. Well, except this one.” He laid down the over used one where he did all his spy techniques. “There’s some stuff in this one I am still embarrassed by,” he chuckled.
I smiled. “Like what?”
His fingers went to the carving of the names on the table. “How much I liked you.”
“That’s embarrassing?” I laughed.
Atticus snickered and bowed his head. “It’s the love sick ramblings of a thirteen year old boy. It’s mortifying.”
Is that why some pages are taped up?”
“Yes.” he then eyed me. “I thought you said you never read anything?”
I shook my head. “Just a little.”
You nodded, looking serious again. “And you just assumed there was some other girl named Daisy I was preoccupied with?”
I shook my head and breathed, glancing towards the other side of the attic where I had stacked the boxes of Aunt Fifi’s things. “I thought it was bad that I forgot someone else. I can’t believe I forgot myself.”
“Me neither.” Atticus went quiet.
Outside, the rain poured and it made my skin crawl. I would give anything to fill the silence and quiet the rain. “What makes you think that I’m a Veil?”
“I’ve always thought it,” Atticus murmured. “You and I were so similar as kids. Had similar stresses and worries. Neither one of us could remember anything before our accidents and-”
My chest felt tight and I felt like I was worrying a huge hole into the side of my cheek. “What accidents?”
“I drowned in a tub,” he said. “And you were in that boating accident.”
I shook my head. “I wasn’t there-” I whispered.
“You were. Aunt Fifi picked you up from the hospital.” Atticus reached out, holding his hand open to me.
“No. I wasn’t-” Tears filled my eyes. The sound of rain made me choke up. I cupped my hands around my ears and Atticus was beside me. He put his arms around me and I buried my face into his chest.
“It’s okay.” His voice was low and even. “You don’t have to think about it now. But I want to help you. I want to take you back to Verge with me. You can get your answers there, find help. Find your marbles.”
I sniffled out a pathetic laugh as I squeezed my arms tight around him. “I’ve never left before.”
“It’s okay. I’ll stay with you.”
“I’m scared.” I sounded like a little girl when I said this.
“I was scared, too, when I found out,” he told me. “But it turned out to be such a great relief too. It’ll be okay. Stay with me as long as you want, and you can come back home whenever you like.”
I nodded and laid my head back upon his chest again. “Okay.”
I packed up a bag in the morning and gathered all my notes and calendars to take with me. Atticus and I left that afternoon once the rain had stopped.
“I don’t have a house as big as Aunt Fifi’s, but I do have a spare apartment at my place. I’ve been using it as an office while I got this case ready. So I can stay in it and you can take my bedroom.”
“I don’t mind a mess,” I told him. “I’m not picky about where I’ll stay.”
“I am. The least I can do for you is make you feel at home. I know this is a lot to take in, but I want you to feel safe. I’m doing this because I want to help you. You deserve to know who you are, Margaret.”
“Daisy,” I corrected, “I think I want to be called Daisy.”
“You sure?” He sounded concerned.
I looked out the window, watching as the sea of grass turned into rocks. “You were right, Margaret does sound too grown up.”
Atticus took my hand and squeezed it. “Okay. Good to have you back, Daisy.”
It felt nice to be called by that name again. I wonder why I had forgotten it. We drove all night, arriving at Atticus’ place late. We had stopped and gotten fast food, which we would chow down while he cleaned me off a place to sleep.
“I can take the couch,” he said. “You can have my bed.”
“No, it’s okay,” I said between bites of a chicken sandwich. “I can sleep on the couch. You don’t need to go out of your way.”
“No. I told you already. I want you to be comfortable. I’ll get a bed for the guest room later. But for now, I will sleep on the couch and you take the bed.”
“We’re adults, we can share the bed,” I scoffed. “Unless it’s a twin or something.”
Atticus cheeks turned red and he looked away. “No, it’s a queen,” he admitted quietly. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
“I don’t want to be alone,” I finally confessed. “Being alone makes me want to forget. Ever since Aunt Fifi died, I don’t like being left alone with my thoughts.”
Atticus exhaled slowly. “Okay uhm...I’ll go and change the sheets. If you want to shower before bed, it’s right through there.”
“Thank you. Do you want me to help?” I asked.
“No, it’s fine. I’m used to it.” He went off into the bedroom. Once I finished my food, I went to his bathroom. It was just a shower stall although there was evidence that a tub had once been there. Although he’d placed a big trunk where it used to be. I washed my face then changed and went to the bedroom. Atticus was sitting on the new sheets while he was on his phone.
“I was talking to a friend of mine,” he said. “A doctor for you. One who works with Verge.” He smiled shyly. “Go ahead and get in bed. I’m going to get a shower.”
I nodded in silence. He started to leave the room, but I reached out to him. “What’ll happen to me if I am a Veil?” My voice quivered. “Will I have to hide?”
“No, of course not.” Atticus put his arms around me again. “You’ll go home, live your life. You’ll have me too. So don’t worry.”
I smiled at him and placed a kiss on his cheek. “I’ll stop crying eventually, I swear.”
His cheeks were rosy and his smile was bright. “Get some rest, Daisy. And cry all you like.”
I sat down on the bed while he left, turning up the comforter to crawl underneath when I saw he had some pictures hanging on the wall. There were some of his high school days, a few college shots, graduation photos. Then there was the little girl I had been seeing. She was sitting in Aunt Fifi’s lap with the same lizard clips in her hair. It was me. How had I been seeing myself this whole time? Oh shit, I do need this doctor.
I went back to bed, laying there trying to think, trying to remember. My memory had always been wonky. I could never tell day in, day out what I would retain. There’s a reason for it, I always felt that there was, but I really never wanted to face it.
Atticus came back into the room, hair damp, and glasses fogged over. He took them off as he sat at the foot of the bed, placing them on the dresser drawer which he opened up.
I sat up to talk to him. “What can I expect from-”
Atticus jerked and yelped. He then clutched his chest. “I thought you were asleep! You scared me!” He started giggling.
“I’m sorry. I couldn’t sleep.” I turned to the pictures hanging on the wall. “I cant quite stop thinking.”
“It’s okay, Daisy.” He patted my foot through the blankets. He took a retainer from his dresser drawer and affixed it into his mouth.
“You got braces?” I asked.
“Right after I got adopted,” he chuckled. “My front teeth were great, the rest, well, not so much.” He got into bed beside me and turned off the lights. “I was exceptionally good looking during high school,” he said sarcastically.
I laid my head back down on the pillow. “What do you mean?”
“Giant glasses, giant braces, not to mention my weird happen of people watching, combined with an awful gangly phase.” He rested in his spot for a moment before rolling over towards me. “Sorry, you were asking me something?”
“When I go to the doctor tomorrow, what will happen to me?” I asked quietly. “I mean, will there be surgery or anything?”
“No! Not at all,” he chuckled. Hi shand slipped through the darkness and found mine so easily. I then noticed a glowing ring around his eyes. It was faint, but I could see it through the darkness. It shimmered pale blue to pink as his eyes moved. “Mostly it’ll just be an x-ray exam tomorrow. The doctor will check to see if you are a Veil, and if so, after that, we’ll get you set up to talk to a psychologist who will better help you understand.”
“Is that what you did?” I asked.
Atticus nodded. “Oh yes, the first year after I got adopted was doozy. When I found out it was a relief, but then there were all these others things to sort through.” He scooted a little closer. “One thing I found out is that when a Veil meets a human child, it often doesn’t remember. Something with the way the brain is still maturing and forming. The union is a traumatic one almost, especially given the circumstances, So a lot of kids could be a Veil and just never know.”
My throat felt so dry. Did I have that same glow around my eyes that Atticus did? I was too afraid to ask him. “Like us?”
His hand squeezed tighter around mine. “Yeah, like us. You have nothing to worry about Daisy. Nothing will change except for knowing who you are.”
I smiled through the darkness. “Will you stay with me while I get the x-ray?”
Atticus chuckled. “As close as I’m allowed. Now get some rest, okay? It’s a big day tomorrow.”
“Good night.” I thought I’d never get to sleep, but it came so suddenly that by morning I woke in surprise.
Atticus made me breakfast, which was nice. Then we went off to the Verge headquarters where he worked. He got me signed in as a guest then took me to the doctor’s office within the building. I had to put on one of those embarrassing paper robes then had blood samples taken and all my information jotted down by a nurse.
Dr. Loharani came in midway through, holding a folder in her hands. “Good afternoon Ms. Fife. How are you doing today?”
“I’m nervous,” I answered.
“That’s okay. But aside from that, are you comfortable?” She asked.
I nodded. “So far.”
Dr. Loharani took out one of the eye viewing tools, no clue what’s its called, and sat down in front of me. She gently guided my head. “Okay now, Ms. Fife, open your eyes wide for me.”
I did as she tilted my chin up and used the weird tool to look into my eyes. There’s a moment of silence, a held breath. She then moves her hand away and nods. “She has the shimmer, that’s the first sign.”
“I saw it glow last night,” Atticus added. “But it was faint.”
Dr. Loharani nodded as she picked up the folder from before. “You have memory problems, correct Ms. Fife?”
“Yes,” I answered quietly. “Ever since I was little.”
“I won’t be able to tell until the x-ray, but there is a possibility of damage to the Veil or to the human brain,” she replied calmly. “But, it could also be a response to the trauma you suffered. Atticus told me it was a boat-”
I started feeling queasy and Atticus stepped in. “Maybe we should get the x-ray first before we start digging, doctor.”
Dr. Loharani nodded in understanding. “Alright, Ms. Fife, just follow me.”
We went through another corridor and into a small room with a big machine. Dr. Lohanrani went through a small spiel about it then had me lay down on a conveyor belt which would feed me into the tubular machine. Atticus stood beside me, holding my hand while my head popped inside.
“Are you okay in there?” Dr. Loharani’s voice came through a speaker. “Remember, don’t move, just answer.”
“Yes, I’m fine.” I squeezed onto Atticus’ hand.
“Okay then, I’m going to turn it on. You’ll hear some strange noises, but don’t move. It won’t take that long,” she coaxed.
I laid there and waited, wondering what they would find. A Veil seemed certain, perhaps I had missing chunks of brain too. I tried to focus on the warmth of Atticus’ hand, which brought me back to something from childhood. It was storming and we were both hiding in the attic. Atticus and I were huddled under a blanket and I was gripping his hand so tight.
“It’ll be okay, Daisy. Even if the storm blows us away, I’ll always find you.” He said over the torrent of rain and wind. “I promise.”
The x-ray showed I was a Veil. And luckily, no physical damage was shown to either the Veil or the brain. I was scheduled to meet with a Verge psychologist later in the week. Until then I was told I could attend some seminars and classes at the Verge headquarters to learn more about the Veils.
“I’ll be working, but you can message me at any time,” Atticus assured me. It was my first day alone in his apartment. I was going to take one of the seminars but it was the next day. “And for any reason too.” He’s given me a small job to do while I was there, but only because he knew it’d help my nerves. I was grateful for it. If I kept busy I wouldn’t fret so much.
“I’ll be fine,” I said. “Go on to work. What you’re doing is important.”
Atticus smiled, taking a hesitant step towards me, lifting his hand as if to touch, but he recoiled away and nodded. “Help yourself to anything. There’s a bodega down the street too.”
“Go to work,” I chuckled. “I’ve got to clean up that room and get the tape set up.”
He chuckled. “Right, right. Make sure to open a-”
“Window. I know how to do my job!” I laughed.
Atticus came closer again. “I can work from home if-”
“Go!” I shoved his chest and laughed. “I’ll be fine, and once I get to work this day won’t even be noticed.”
Atticus placed his hand over mine on his chest. “I’ll see you later then. Maybe we can go out for dinner.”
My pulse quickened and I smiled. “I might be covered in paint.”
“I might like it.” He looked like he wanted to do something else, but he pulled back. “I’ll see you later then.”
“Bye.” I waved as he left, then hurried off to the spare room. We’d already moved out the big furniture, but there was still clutter I needed to get out of the way. There was also storage in the closet I had to move out. Once it was out of the way I put tape around all the edges and trim. For some reason, this tedious little part was my favorite. I loved to see the crisp lines and the way the tape adhered so perfectly to the wall. The only thing better was yanking it off.
Atticus and I had picked out paint as a way for me to cool off yesterday. As strange as it was, going through colors at the paint section was a stress relief for me. We picked out a warm, sunny sort of green. One that we agreed reminded us of the sea of grass back home.
I worked all day, priming, painting, and the second coat. I even took time to deep clean his hardwood floors. I fell asleep on the sofa, waking up to Atticus gently shaking my shoulder.
“I figured you’d be tired,” he chuckled quietly. “So I picked something up on the way home.”
I rubbed my eyes and took in a deep breath as I woke. “You didn’t have to.” I stood up wobbly from the sofa. “Come on, I’ll show you the room.”
He stepped inside and a smile crossed his face. “This is so much better than beige,” he chuckled. “You must have busted your ass all day.”
“It’s what I like to do. Besides, it kept me from overthinking everything.” I sighed.
Atticus came to me, placing his hand upon my face. His touch was so warm and it made my heart pitter patter in a wild way. I smiled, looking up into his eyes. “It’s weird though,” I said softly. “I remembered something while I was in the x-ray.”
Atticus’ hand moved, sweeping aside my hair. “Really?”
“There was a bad storm, so you and I hid in the attic.” I smiled nervously. “You made me a promise.” I stood on tiptoes, shaking slightly as I kissed his lips. He held his breath, his hands became still.
“I remember,” he swallowed. “That was...a long time ago. You really remembered it?” His cheeks were flushed, his eyes dark.
I nodded. “It happens rarely.” Atticus dipped down, kissing me again. This time with intent, no nerves, no worries. I felt warm all over, even down to my toes.
My psychologist was a small man named Dr. Whimple. He had very dark hair and bug eyed glasses that reminded me of Atticus when he was little. We talked gently at first, discussing how I felt about being a Veil. I talked about losing my Aunt, life at the big house. Just enough for us to get comfortable and for him to know me a bit more.
“Becoming a Veil during childhood can be a traumatic experience,” he said. “The young human brain is still growing, still maturing, and even the strongest Veil can be harmed or react strongly. Since you were four at the time, and given the circumstances, I can understand why you have these lapses and holes in your memory, even recent ones.” Dr. Whimple told me. “I want you to get comfortable with these past memories. You don’t have to like them, but I want you to be able to accept it. I think once that happens you can start seeing improvement in your memory.”
“Everytime something relating to that day gets brought up I get violently nauseous,” I explained to him. “You may need a bucket or two.”
“I can prepare for that, Ms. Fife,” he chuckled. “But, before we go any further. I’d like to ask you a few things. In my time with the Veils, I’ve noticed some seemingly strange but normal responses to stressors. Grief can be a reactor, and since your aunt recently passed, I’d like to go along this checklist.”
“Okay,” I nodded.
“Have you been having any auditory hallucinations?” He asked. “Voices? Music? Eevn things that may be out of place?”
I shook my head. “No. I don’t think so.”
“Have you experienced any sleepwalking?”
“No, I haven’t. I’m a pretty heavy sleeper though,” I chuckled.
“I’ll just say no,” Dr. Whimple replied. “Okay, this one is rare but it happens. Have you had any visual hallucinations?”
I pressed my lips tight together and nodded.
“You have? Can you describe them to me? Even if they are cerebral you can-”
I shook my head. “I kept seeing a little girl,” I told him. “I talked to her. Interacted with her. But I think it was me.” I twisted my fingers together. “It was me,” I answered. “I kept seeing myself as a little girl.”
Dr. Whimple sat quietly then he lowered down his notepad. “Considering your memory lapses, I wouldn’t find this strange at all, Ms. Fife. After the death of your closest relative, you were desperately trying to bring up strong memories, things you could look back on for comfort, for your grief. Your brain and your Veil created this illusion, this version of you, perhaps as a guide or even a stimuli to help these memories come out.”
I swallowed. “So it’s not a bad sign?”
“No, Ms. Fife,” he said with a smile. “For Veils it’s quite normal for these things to happen. The Veil inside works to protect and provide for you. It was trying to help heal. Because you and the Veil are one in the same. Even if you don’t realize that now.”
I smiled teary eyed. Dr. Whimple handed me some tissues and I blew my nose.
“There’s still so much we are trying to figure about Veils and their connection to the human brain. It's one of things we’re fighting for with this new lawsuit. So that the Veils can be safe, be respected. You’re a fascinating case, Ms. Fife, but you are not the first. There are many more in this world, some who know it and others who don’t. I can put you in contact with a group therapy session if you’d like. Once we start getting to the source of this trauma, I think it would be a good place for you to go.”
“Okay,” I sniffled. “I think I would like that. Thank you, Dr. Whimple.”
“You’ll get through this, Ms. Fife. I’ll see to that.” He wrote something down on his pad. “You already have a good support system with Mr. Bellerose.”
“He was a good childhood friend, so it’s nice to have him here now.” I dabbed my eyes and took a deep breath. “So, what next?”
“We’ll schedule for the next session,” he replied. “And I’ll contact the group therapy and let them know you’ll be attending. Then, I’ll get you a card.”
I went back to Atticus’ apartment, sitting down in the cool and the quiet. There was still a faint smell of fresh paint, which helped to soothe my nerves. Although, I felt a swapping sense of relief. I went into the bathroom, leaving the lights off. I looked into the mirror and saw the glow around my eyes. I touched my face then put my arms around myself.
“Daisy, are you back?” Atticus called out.
I stepped from the bathroom. “What are you doing here?”
“I was wondering how your appointment went?” He asked. He stood still by the door. “Are you okay?”
I smiled and nodded my head gently. “I’m okay. I will be. I just have to get through what happened back then.” I felt cold and clammy all over. “But Dr. Whimple said the things I’ve been experiencing are all quite...normal,” I chuckled with relief at that word. “For a Veil at least.”
Atticus took me into his arms, holding me tight. “I’m glad.”
I sighed deeply, exhaling slowly as I sunk into his warm body. “You didn’t need to run all the way home to check on me.”
He kissed my forehead. “I made a promise,” he murmured into my ear.
During the weekends we went back to the big house. Dr. Whimple suggested it as it was a source of comfort for me. Atticus and I would go into the sea of grass and he would take time to remind me of things I forgot. But soon, I’d remember.
