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Chapter 1705 - Slicker Than an Eel Bathing in Olive Oil with Buttered Soap and a Wax Body Wash
🕑 Added 2025-10-27 01:00:06 +0000 UTCJust… what is going on here?
The ant in front of me is unlike anything I’ve seen before. Fancy-looking clothing, gold jewelry, glasses. It’s not over the top, but it’s enough to create an image of affluence and sophistication that… unless I’m mistaken… an ant simply does not need.
“What’s your deal?” I ask this strange little creature.
“My deal? I have so many of those. We can talk about them one at a time if you want, or, if you prefer, I can select a few premium offerings from my portfolio. I have a few things that spring to mind immediately. Have you considered a tasteful robe for public settings? The diplomatic corps are reporting great success from the latest line.”
She really is small, possibly only tier four, but she talks… not quickly, not like Vibrant at all, but… smoothly. Effortless patter that flows like drizzled honey onto my antennae, and for a moment, I wonder if I might actually want to put a ridiculous carpet on my back.
I flick my attention toward Enid and see she is watching me very closely, leaning on her walking stick as she observes my reaction. She said this was her student? Clearly the Colony has borne another Champion, because no normal ant would ever do anything like this.
“I don’t want one of your rugs, I want you to tell me who you are and what you do.”
Lying flat on the ground, I’m as low as I can get, and I still tower over Enid and this little ant. Hopefully she doesn’t say anything silly, one thwack will probably crush her to the floor.
“A carpet? Please. This weave is spun by the finest artisans in the Colony using only silk from the gloam-worm fields of the fourth stratum. The ka’armodo are going crazy over the quality, I assure you.”
I prod her with an antenna.
“Did I ask you to sell me a mat or to introduce yourself?”
She doesn’t miss a beat, sweeping the glasses from her eyes with a smooth gesture and executing an extremely complicated six legged curtsy.
“You must forgive me, I am simply passionate about the things my siblings create. My name is Merchant, and I have been studying the art of commerce under Mistress Ruther while you’ve been sleeping.”
Well… I suppose that explains a lot. She looks the part of a merchant, and she certainly seems to have learned a thing or two about selling stuff.
“What tier are you?” I ask.
Maybe it’s a bit rude to ask like that….
“Five,” Merchant responds promptly, brushing a speck of imaginary dust from her garments.
Five? But she’s still so small? I was thinking it would be a bit rash to place such important negotiations in the mandibles of an ant who was barely out of the antcademy, but tier five is… respectable. Merchant must have been accelerated by the Colony, since she clearly isn’t built for combat.
Not regular combat, at any rate.
“And is six months enough for you to have mastered the skills required to handle such high-level negotiations? You know what I want you to do, right?”
“Have I mastered these Skills? Of course not, that will be the work of a lifetime. Am I qualified? Well, Enid Ruther thinks I am.”
That’s… quite persuasive. I have a lot of trust in Enid’s opinion, and if she approves, it’s hard for me not to. Enid has been the go-to person for this sort of thing, and we probably shouldn’t have relied on her as long as we did.
Actually… is it really a coincidence that this ant was born right at this moment? No matter how I look at it, surely it’s too much of a coincidence that Merchant pops out of an egg right about the time Enid becomes too old to do any work for the Colony? Obviously the brathian are doing some work on our behalf, but they don’t negotiate directly for us. It’s imperative that we have someone to handle situations such as these, and now… here she is.
Could it be the invisible hand of Gandalf? Somehow… I doubt it. That bearded jerk doesn’t seem to pay all that much attention to the minutiae of the Dungeon, let alone my family.
“Alright then, I suppose you’ll have to do. I’m interested to see how it goes. You’ll be in charge of negotiating a ransom fee for the captured delvers with Green Mountain. I’m sure they want their people back, but I want a good price for them. It needs to hurt when they fork over their money. While you’re at it, see if there’s someone who can negotiate on behalf of the Church of the Path. We aren’t prepared to ransom the priests back just yet, but we will probably have to eventually.”
In a strangely human display, the little ant rubs her front legs together.
“Well now, suddenly we’re talking my language.”
With several smooth motions, she pulls something out of her cloak, snaps a claw and puts it in her mouth.
“When playing Tunnel Ball, there are certain levels of play. There’s the hatchlings mucking about in the dirt, and then there’s the professionals smashing each other to bits.”
She takes a contented puff on what I now see is a cigar, then sweeps it out of her mouth to tap the ash from the end.
“How hard do you want me to play?” she says with a twinkle in her multi-faceted eyes.
Why in the name of heck is this ant smoking right now?
“Make them squeal.”
Merchant clacks her mandibles together joyfully.
“Oh, it will be my pleasure.”
[Enid, just what have you created here?]
The old woman smiles broadly.
[I’m not sure exactly what you mean.]
Comments
MUXIBA azarado
I really feel like Antony and Merchant will work fantastically together...
Lonez Zhavec
I see your vision good sir!
John goode
Idk why but I imagine him like the evil boss in space jam with his cigar.
Ruwa
Oh god I can already hear the screams from green mountain as their treasury drains
andwhyisit
1. Until the campaign in the fifth is over the Colony can't afford to do anything to instigate a war in the fourth, because all their resources are locked up in the fifth. Essentially the Krath must be dealt with first, then the Path. 2. What sort of ant wears undies? 3. Leather undies sound super uncomfortable. 4. Corpses are terrible wall decorations, plus they smell. Michaelangelant would throw a fit.
Krish Gupta
Ah Merchant, the only champion who was not raised with the all mighty thwack. Only time will tell how this will make her...
Charles price
Merchant is gonna be such a wild addition to the colony. We already knew from hints that she was gonna be a huge influence, but the ending of this chapter really shows that she is a weapon all on her own. Vibrant is a warrior, brilliant a scientist, solant a general, and now merchant as the tycoon. This plot line is gonna be WILD
Runaway_Cactuar
Champions don't get intimidated by other champions. I remember Brilliant and Vibrant constantly ignoring Anthony. And Solant straight up tried to poison him just to win a game lol.
Silent Consent
Very cute but I want their corpses decorating the walls. I want the eldest wearing priest skin undies if there is anything left after they liquify him for exp nectar.
carson
Honestly what impresses me most is Merchant doesn't seem intimidated talking to Anthony for the first time. Just calmly stepped into negotiating with an ant the size of a Kaiju.
Psychonaut_CEA
She probably got a specific evolution just for that
Ibuks5
That has to be the best explanation I've seen yet. I didn't think about Vibrant
alt31415
"She takes a contented puff on what I now see is a cigar, then sweeps it out of her mouth to tap the ash from the end." - ... HOW even? Ants don't breathe through their mouths. Is she... swallowing the smoke into her stomach?
Wensber
Thanks for the chapter!
Babuui
I assume massive cigars XD they talked about tobacco farms earlier too
blucube 14
Thanks for the chapter! I love it!
Bradley Roope
Are champions manifestations of the desire of the entire species? Seeing that the Colony is the only concentration of this species it's the manifestation of the desire of the colony. When they needed to flee they got Vibrant, when they were diving into new knowledge they got Brillant, preparing the invasion of the 5th lead to Solant, and now as their need to trade with the other sapients is growing they get Merchant.
Nachotoad
Merchant is a REALLY neat idea and something I don’t think anybody on Pangera has seen before. They are used to people with social Skills but since, as far as we know, there just haven’t been monster societies that engage in diplomacy and trade. So no one has seen what a monster who has focused both Mutations and Skills on negotiations and trade can do.
Tommy Gallery
Lol, mind as well say wax body spray bc we all know what's he's talking about
SleepingNight
Lol
Nachotoad
Gotta love that Anthony immediately appreciates what he’s dealing with when he meets Merchant.
Anthony Romanov
Ahh take a look at this fine Delvers. Don't you just want to pain top coin for them? Why am I asking this of you! Oh course you want to pay triple of the amount. Now that waves becoming regular. You want some protection. But if you are not interested, that's understandable too. We need all the help in the fifth we can get. This fine fellows sure would like to fight vs endless Krath waves!
Aeseof
Created? Enid? No, Merchant was born this way. Enid just gave her a little polish is all. Also, very curious about what she's smoking myself.
Sean Bloodgood
Make them pay for both people and their gear separately!
Scott Faulkner
politics is what kills most people anywhere in any book or universe. Capitalism is the most base form of politics you can find and Merchant is trying to be a tier 6 Monster at it.
FluffyPrincess
Slicker than an oil slick
Ranger Dave
Love how you've evolved the character of MerchAnt, chapter had me rolling with laughter with Anthony trying to work out just what he was facing
Sand
No idea what you're talking about
