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Crazy Alternate Future Part 01-08

🕑 Added 2015-07-06 11:39:41 +0000 UTC

Comments

Vavacung

Lust will find a way to prevent it. *Giggle*

Robert Prime

This is just a thought i had. Alternate Dawn says that the effects of the potion is temporarily. So what happens if the potion Dawn just drank wears off while Ace is inside. I don't want to even think about how much hurt that be. ooohhh ouch lol

Nocara

Yes, I know :) but in this scene it could be also a banana because the big banana between her legs ;D Sorry it was a bad joke XP

Vavacung

Actually. It's Swallows Return. But it's might look like banana when draw it in manga style... ^^" <a href="http://vavacung.deviantart.com/art/Character-Card-Aerial-Ace-492152871" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">http://vavacung.deviantart.com/art/Character-Card-Aerial-Ace-492152871</a>

Nocara

My English is not better so I cant provide much But I find the page funny. Has her CM always resembled like a banana? XD

Calpain

Dialogue looks pretty good in this one. I'd add a 's' to both coltcuddler and fillyfooler to make them coltcuddlers and fillyfoolers. It just sounds a bit weird leaving them singular.

Raile21

I apologized for bringing this up but I noticed some adjustments are also needed on the picture in the last panel. 1) Test tube The cork on top of the test tube looks like it is transparent as you can see the glass line through the cork itself. Note: a cork is the thing that is blocking the test tube, preventing the potion inside spilling out. Additionally, you need to draw the test tube glass line for the reader side as the opening need to be a complete circle. 2) Alternate Dawn The angle of Dawn right eye or the left hand side of reader POV doesn't feel right, it feels like the eyes are criss-crossed or in other words like Derpy eyes. Alternate Dawn looks very feminine in this picture compared to the last picture, though you need to adjust Dawn chin a bit since the angle looks too sharp. Note: I mean you don't need to do over Dawn again, as this can be resolved by saying the potion can change facial feature a bit as well over a short period of time. But this does mean you need to change Ace facial feature to be closer to a stallion in the future as well.

Raile21

I hate to say it, but Ace cutie mark looks like a banana. ... Or did you do that deliberately? Very minor adjustments to the dialog are needed. Remove "about" from the last speech bubble in the last panel and change the "." into "," after Dawn says "fillyfooler". Finally don't forget to add a "." everytime the sentence ends.