Gumihou
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Tondemo Skill - 585 - Skill
🕑 Added 2023-11-22 00:46:54 +0000 UTCGumihou: Hmmm, Gumi took liberties with many things~ it’s a bit difficult to grab the High Elf’s attitude at first, but, well, there’s an accepted lore about their attitude, so…
“Oi, human. How did you get here?” the High Elf snapped with his arrow aimed at me.
“You're asking me…” I slid a glance over to Grandpa Gon.
“Are you saying you came riding on that dragon?! Preposterous!”
“Well…”
The High Elf was staring at me with stern eyes that were far from friendly. What should I do now?
[1a] “Hey, Fer, what should I do? That person is being really hostile…” I said out loud. For some reason, looking at the High Elf’s flowing locks and handsome face was making me really, really angry.
““Should I blast it away?”” Dora-chan sounded just a tad too eager.
[1] “... no,” I was tempted though. Sooo tempted…
“”Can Sui do it~”” Sui said as she vibrated excitedly in my arms.
“Ahaha, Sui-tan… no, let’s not do that,” I squeezed Sui, comforting myself with her cool presence. Ahhh, healing thoughts. Let’s think healing thoughts. As for the High Elf, even though he’s obviously a handsome bastard, let’s not prejudice against him…
“Ahem, hello, my name is Mukouda. I came from the City of Carelina-”
“Shut up!”
[1] “... …” Should I just have him killed?
“There is no way a Fenrir or a high-ranking dragon would ever willingly lower themselves to follow a despicable human. To think you would even kidnap a baby dragon! Obviously, you must have used some vile and cowardly tactic to trick them!!”
“... …”
“”Huh? What child? I’m a proper adult!!””
“”??? Sui? Sui is here~~??””
[2]
I looked at the Legendary Monsters under my employ and thought back to how they had threatened/begged to serve me and fought the urge to knead my forehead. Instead, I kneaded Sui-tan instead, who had several tentacles out, probably to shoot acid at the obnoxiously good-looking face.
While I was tempted to just let Sui do whatever she wanted, I must be the grown-up here and not give in to my emotions.
“Ahem, I am pleased to inform you that no tricks were used. All of my familiars entered into service willingly-”
“Lies! How is it possible for a Fenrir or a Dragon to willingly serve a weak and despicable human?”
“That’s…”
“Enough with your nonsense! If you release the Fenrir and the Dragon, I shall allow you to leave, otherwise…” the arrowhead raised to the point that… I could see the gleaming point. Haha…
“Is he threatening me? He’s threatening me, right?” I said, feeling a little nervous about a pointy thing potentially striking me in the head.
“Do not worry, the barriers are up. The arrows would not reach Master,” said Grandpa Gon reassuringly.
“Umu, just ignore it,” said Fer.
[3] “That’s not a problem, but I really don’t want to have a humanoid creature’s death in my hands.” The High Elf looked like someone important. It would be a pain if a whole bunch of High Elves were to suddenly appear and start coming after my party. I closed the argument with something that my familiars could all relate to. “It’s not like we can eat it, right?”
“Umu…”
“It’s not strong enough for a good fight either…”
Excellent, as expected, this was the best way to communicate with my familiars. “Right? So please explain to him how he had misunderstood the situation.”
Fer and Grandpa Gon exchanged a look.
“Don’t want to.”
“Umu, he looks like a troublesome one…”
These two...
“Well, I can’t talk to him since he would just tell me to shut up and stop lying. So, unless you want to have an annoying tail after you all day…” I begin.
“We could just kill it.”
“Indeed, that would be the best.”
“... and what happens when his friends come after you?” I asked with an arched eyebrow. “You want the whole forest after you? Do you want a fight or a hunt? Also, let me tell you now, if you start a fight with High Elves and declare war against them, regular Elves would make trouble for us too. Considering their position in the human world, cities could ban you from entering. Once we’re banned from cities, we won’t be able to make money; without money, I can’t buy anything from [Net Super]; without [Net Super], you’re stuck with whatever you hunt in the wild because the local people here won’t even sell salt to you-”
“Ugh, fine, fine!”
“I shall obey Master’s orders,” said Grandpa Gon in a firm stoic way that screams of reluctance. Of great reluctance in fact.
“Oi, you there,” Fer yelled. “We’re this weakling’s familiars.”
“That’s right, we have formed a proper contract. Though sadly, mine only lasts 300 years…”
“WHAT?!”
“There, we have explained it,” said Fer.
“That’s right, let us leave now.”
Fer had already snatched me up by the back of the shirt and tossed me on board. The party was just about to quickly leave when-
“Wait!”
It was hilarious to see Fer and Grandpa Gon’s expressions at that moment. Well, I could see Grandpa Gon’s expression at least.
The High Elf was suddenly in front of us again.
“How could powerful beings like Fenrir and Dragons lower themselves to be the slaves of a human!?”
“This…”
“Well…”
I coughed into my fist. I guess neither of them was willing to loudly declare that it was for the sake of food?
“As expected. You must have employed a vile, cowardly tactic!”
Tch, why am I being blamed again?
“I guess Master is so weak that the High Elf doesn’t believe us,” said Grandpa Gon.
“Humph, he is so weak that even if he had used a vile, cowardly tactic, it would not have worked on us,” sneered Fer.
“Hey!” I mean. What Fer said was true, but he could have worded it more nicely!
[2]
“Th-then… why?!!”
“Ah, we’re back to this. Ahem,” I truly had no choice, really. I had to. “They became my familiars because of… food.”
“...food?”
It annoyed me at a personal level just how the High Elf could still look so incredibly handsome even when pulling an expression of great incomprehension as I gently explained to this High (and mightily snooty) Elf just how Fer, Grandpa Gon, Sui and Dora-chan ended up as my familiars.
“...and that was it. They became my familiars because of food.”
“I cannot believe this… just because of food…”
“I can’t quite believe it either,” I added a little sympathetically. The good-looking High Elf looked highly traumatised. So, let's cut him a little slack.
“No, this is… you must allow me to eat your food as well. I shall use my tongue to judge whether your claim is true. You must prove to me that your food is good enough to fascinate Fenrirs and dragons!”
“Oi, what are you saying?” Fer barked from the side.
“That’s right, what gives you the right to eat Master’s food?”
“”Oi, oi, this dude is trying to bum off Master’s food!!””
“”Aruji~~ Let Sui pew pew this goldy person~””
Ah, even Sui did not like you…
Personally, I see no reason why I should feed someone who was determined to see me as a villain, but if I don’t do it, the next thing he would accuse me of is-
“I must know whether you have drugged these noble creatures.”
…yeah, that.
Out loud, I said, “Sure, if having a meal with us is enough to convince you, we can do that. Everyone, are you hungry?”
“Hmm, I could eat.”
“Umu, I’m getting hungry.
““Right?””
“”Sui wants to eat too~””
“Then it’s decided! Let’s have an early lunch here. And, um…”
“Jorgen [4],”
“Jorgen-san, are you alright with meat?”
“What about it?” he said, looking at me as though I had just asked something silly and basic.
Ah, I guess elves in this world would eat anything? There goes the trope that High Elves are strict vegetarians or even vegans.
“Hahaha, that’s fine. That’s all very fine.”
“Oi, what are you making?” asked Fer.
“Something I’m sure everyone would like,” I said as I pulled some marinated meat from my [Item Box] as well as my trusty six-burner stove. Time to fry up a storm.
Please read this at kitchennovel dot com ~
Sizzle~~
The Gluttonous Quartet stared at the meat as it bobbed in the hot oil. The battered meat rapidly turned a nice golden brown.
More importantly, “Goodness Jorgen-san, are you drooling?”
Jorgen quickly wiped his mouth with his sleeve.
“W-what are you talking about? Who’s drooling?!”
Instead of answering, I removed the fried meat from the hot oil and set it aside.
“H-hey, is it done? Sluurrp.”
“Not yet, I need to fry these one more time to make them extra crispy,” I said with a smile.
“Kuuhhh…”
“Usually, I would make both salt-base and soy sauce-base Karaage, but I only have soy sauce-based chic- I mean, Cockatrice meat today. So, I do apologise.”
It was quite amazing to see all six burners on, filled with fried Cockatrice. After the second frying, I plated them up on deep dishes for my familiars. Fufun, do you now understand the suffering of watching other people eat on an empty stomach?
Taking pity on him, I handed a heaping plate Karaage with a smile, “Please have some too, Jorgen-san.”
“A-ahh…” The High Elf accepted the plate. “H-how do I…”
“Oh, just use this fork and…” I stabbed one of the Karaage with the fork. Piping hot meat juice immediately seeped out and I heard an audible gulp.
As though mesmerised, Jorgen brought the piece of Karaage to his mouth and took a bite.
Crrunch-!
I could literally see his expression melting with bliss. I’m glad you enjoy it, Jorgen-san.
“...th-this is so delicious! Just what is it?! I have never eaten anything so delicious!!”
“Haha, I’m glad to hear it.”
“Hoho, you understand now?”
“Umu, as this man’s familiar, we could eat like this three times a day, every day.”
“”That’s right! Not just meat, but all kinds of sweet things too!””
“”Aruji’s food is super yummy~~””
Look at them eat, haha.
“Oi, seconds!”
“Here as well, Master.”
“”Here too!””
“”Sui wants more too~~””
“Yes, yes, you all want seconds, right? What about you, Jorgen-san?”
“I shall have seconds as well,” said Jorgen with his plate held out.
While I was filling up his plate, I heard him mutter ‘So, those who follow this human get to eat like this?’
A chill ran down my spine.
When I looked back, I saw that his obnoxiously handsome face appeared to be shining brightly…
No, no, no, no way!
Absolutely not-
You know what?
Maybe I just heard wrong.
Yes, that must be it.
“Right, I hereby extend an invitation to your party to the village.”
“Eh?” the what now?
“Once we are done with our meal, please come to the village.”
“No, wait.”
“I shall tell you right now. Don’t bother trying to escape. My clan know this island well. We will know where you are right away.”
[5] “… …” I did my best not to look at Grandpa Gon. Had this High Elf completely forgotten I came here via GG Airways?
[Gumihou: Gumi bullied the High Elf, hehe]
[1] Make Mukouda less trembly and more ‘this is awkward…’. Also, added an element of ‘handsome man should all die!’ like the bitter single guy he is
[1a] Change telepathy to verbal dialogues. It’s funnier if they talk about the elf as if he’s not there, lol
[2] Replaced some cliche busy work interactions with something funny
[3] Switch out ‘aaahhh!!!’ attitude with ‘I don’t want trouble…’
[4] Jorgen is pronounced ‘yorgen’ ヨルゲン ‘yo-ru-ge-n’
[5] Instead of an ‘aaahhh panic!’ ending, end it with something that made sense.
