Ring Toss - 9

Neal Johnstone

Interesting, Pat definitely isn't engaging it, and not seeing it in his wives. This gives me a bit to think about as I write this upcoming chapter. Thanks!

James Hârn

Still weird that the characters aren't engaging with the premise of the story. In Hot Tub Love Machine it hasn't become blatant enough yet, but here, everyone's pretending that mind control/reality alteration didn't happen when it clearly did and it's kind of grating.

Neal Johnstone

Damp is right, brainfart typo that I didn't hear the nuance of when I used my text-to-speech. Thanks for the heads up, changed it. Yeah, Deanne and Rosie have had the most screen time so they've had the most chance to fray. Thanks for mentioning Charlotte, showing should be more fun than telling. She kinda reminds me of a housecat, comes in for the pets and then goes away the moment she's satisfied. Happy to come back in the middle of whatever it is, kick everything off the table, just to get hers and bounce again.

Gotta say I almost like the interplay between their preferences outside the bedroom more than in, but we haven't seen much of the latter yet. Hope we get to see a little more of Charlotte, so far we've been told she's a little needy but really only Deanne and Rosie have shown signs of fraying (arguably Michelle could be in that group but that just seems more like her strong personality clashing with Rosie than her being upset). It's not wrong so much as a little awkward in my mind's eye, but in the first paragraph "my hair was still damped" seems just a touch off. I imagine "still damped" as kind of the next step, like smelling of rain a few hours after going inside, whereas "still damp" you would still feel the wetness. Difference being that when you got out of the shower your hair would be damp, not damped, so it couldn't still be damped since damped would come after damp. Damped is also the past tense verb so that is technically correct if you meant it that way, but it still just reads as a little off to me. Don't know if I actually got my point across or not, I suck at writing my thoughts down.